Chapter Text
Toshinori hated hospitals.
He hated the white walls that enclosed the ICU, trapping him inside with no windows to distract from his burning thoughts. He hated the surgical smell, lingering in the space and insulting his nose. He hated the constant beeping from the multitude of machines that attacked his ears, with an eerie rhythm. He hated the chair he was currently sitting on, with its tough texture irritating his back and providing a lack of comfort.
He hated he was here to begin with because he failed to protect his boy.
Toshinori was hunched over in his seat, which contributed to the pulsing pain coming from the permanent wound on his left side. He knew he shouldn’t sit like that, but he didn’t care. He wasn’t even in the room. His sunken eyes were shut, and his shaking hands were clenched into fists against his lap as his mind transported him back there.
Back to the chaos of what was meant to be a calm morning. Back to the blood staining across the ground. Back to the fear and pain staring back at him, locked in place with nowhere to go. Forced to stare at his failure.
The heart monitor briefly stuttered, bringing Toshinori out of his spiralling thoughts and into a new one. It started up again just as quick, but it was a second too long. He breathed out a shaky sigh as his heart flustered in fear. It was enough for him to open his eyes, squinting at the bright lights bouncing against the white walls, and forced to look upon the unconscious form of his student. His successor. His boy that he failed.
Midoriya looked so frail and small, lying in the hospital bed, completely buried in tubes and cables that Toshinori lost count. The oxygen mask covered his face, but his breathing still came out as shallow. Even unconscious, he was struggling to breathe. His skin was so pale, which made his freckles stand out more.
He resembled what Toshinori was after his first fight with All for One, and he hated that.
He reached out his hand towards Midoriya but hesitated as he stared at it. There was nothing on it. The blood was cleaned up long ago, but he could still feel the dry liquid clinging onto it. He could still feel Midoriya desperately clutching his arms in pain. He pushed through the thoughts and laid his hand on top of the boy’s messy hair. He gently ruffled it, but there was no reaction. No wrinkled closed eyes and wide smile that usually accompanied the action.
If Toshinori was a morbid man, and if it wasn’t for the heart monitor ringing in his ears, he would have thought Midoriya was already dead.
It wasn’t like Midoriya was not accustomed to trips to the hospital or the medical unit at UA. Ever since Toshinori bestowed him the Quirk of One for All, it seemed like there was a bed personally assigned for him, just in case. He was in this exact scenario a couple of months ago after the Training Camp incident.
But Midoriya didn’t flatlined then.
Toshinori tensed up, removing his hand and leaning back against the chair. He dug the palm of his hands into his eyes, pushing it deeply against the sockets to stop the stinging. It didn’t stop the wave of emotions to channel through him, causing him to shudder and grit his teeth in shame, dangling over the edge of a massive breakdown.
He promised to protect him. He gave his word, not just to his mother, but to himself. It was the one thing he could do after retirement. The one thing where he could serve some worth, despite his lack of strength. And yet, he couldn’t even do that.
What a pathetic old man, you are.
“Pathetic…” The word slipped through in a whisper, his voice cracking in all places. It wasn’t meant to be said out loud or heard, but he didn’t care. It was the truth after all.
Toshinori hated hospitals, but he would happily trade places with Midoriya in a heartbeat. It was what he deserved.