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It had been a month since the gang had settled in Horseshoe Overlook. It was a good place to lay low, get their wits about them. Arthur rode his horse down the main street of Valentine, which was in comparison, far from being an objectively ‘good’ place. He’d seen worse, of course, but it lacked any kind of rough charm that occasionally came with quaint towns of its calibre. Besides, Arthur wasn’t the most popular man in Valentine after the bar fight incident. Turns out, beating the shit out of various townspeople and being subsequently thrown out a saloon window doesn’t make you particularly agreeable with the locals.
Arthur had just left a bounty into the sheriff’s office. A nasty piece of work, she’d been – killing fellas up and down the country. She’d put on quiet the show on the ride over, tried every trick in the book. Flattery, feigned insanity followed shortly by a slew of insults. It wasn’t any concern of his now that he’d gotten his reward, anyway. She’d be swinging soon enough.
The sun beat down on Arthur as he led his horse, Daphne, alongside the railroad back towards camp. He wiped his brow, tilting his head down to allow the brim of his hat to shield his eyes from the cutting sunlight. On particularly hot days such as these, Arthur wanted nothing more than to find a shady tree to sit under, where he could sketch in his journal in respite from the unforgiving heat – but there was work that needed to be done.
He’d spent the past week or so scouting the area, travelling to Strawberry, Rhodes and Valentine in an attempt to get any leads – train robberies, stagecoaches, homesteads. But when his efforts didn’t seem to yield anything of use, he’d turned to the bounties in Valentine to generate a little money– he was sure they’d need every cent they could get for when Dutch was finally ready with his grand plan. Besides, he hated turning up to camp without anything to show, especially with the wasted time he’d spent.
He began to lead Daphne down the slope into Horseshoe Overlook, when he spotted Charles coming towards him on Taima. His heart lurched.
‘Mr. Smith!’, Arthur called out, Charles seemingly just leaving with his bow slung over one shoulder. ‘You’re going hunting, I take it?’.
Internally, Arthur chastised himself. He didn’t know what it was about Charles, but he always ended up making a damn fool of himself. ‘Going hunting’. Of course he is. Stupid thing to say. Jesus, he needed to pull himself together.
‘Arthur’, Charles sighed, ‘Where have you been? Dutch nearly sent Javier out looking for you’.
Arthur simply shrugged, turning his horse around and riding alongside Charles away from camp. ‘I got a little money from a bounty put up in Valentine’.
Charles hummed. ‘You joining me, then?’.
‘Don’t see why not’.
‘Alright, let’s go. I don’t wanna lose any daylight’.
Perhaps Arthur had seemed too eager, agreeing so quickly. He hated how entirely out of control he felt when he was around him. He found himself doing things on impulse, speaking without thinking, and he wasn’t used to it. What really terrified him, though, was how much he liked being around him. Charles hadn’t even been in the gang all that long yet he yearned to spend every second he could in the presence of such quiet strength, a brief reprieve from the roaring chaos that was his life.
The pair rode out towards the Heartlands, neither of them feeling the need to fill the silence with chatter. Really, since the day they’d met, Arthur had been utterly charmed by Charles. He was one of the best men they had, but he wasn’t mean nor rough – and that was something that Arthur found himself quietly appreciative of. Charles was no sweet talker, yet Arthur had always felt uneasy at how quickly he’d come to trust him. It was just something about him, he supposed.
Well into the Heartlands, Arthur spoke, ‘What should I be looking out for?’.
‘Deer’, Charles replied easily.
‘Pearson has been complaining again, I take it?’, Arthur sighed, ‘Hopefully some big game will shut him up’. Charles only hummed in agreement.
After a moment’s silence, Arthur spoke, ‘How h-‘, He cleared his throat a little forcefully, ‘How have you been settling in? To the gang I mean? Since we set up the new camp n’ all’. He felt the heat rise in his cheeks the minute he opened his mouth.
‘Quite well, I think’, Charles replied easily, ‘The new camp is certainly warmer than the last’. Arthur smiled at that.
‘Yeah well-‘, Charles shushed him. Arthur watched as Charles drew his bow, ‘Over there’, Charles whispered. Arthur scanned the tree line and spotted the deer that Charles had locked on to. He watched as he drew the arrow back and held it there, waiting. He’d always thought there was something so elegant about Charles when he was in his element like this, all smooth precision and effortlessness from years of practice. His chest ached. Charles was beautiful. The thought made him feel a bit ill.
Charles released the arrow, and it made for a clean kill. Arthur sighed.
The day progressed and Arthur managed to catch a deer of his own, as well as two pheasants and a rabbit between them. It had been a very successful day and with the amount of game they’d caught, the camp was sure to be kept happy for some time. By now, the sun had long since set, already having spilled its colours across the sky only to drag them back below the horizon. Charles turned to Arthur, ‘It’s late. Maybe it’s best if we set up camp here for the night and see if we can catch anything more on the way back tomorrow’. Really, they could have made it back to camp in an hour or so, but it had been a long day and Arthur didn’t mind the excuse to have more time alone with one of his favourite people. ‘Sure, if you think so’, he grunted in reply.
Arthur, delegated to collect firewood, was happy to have a task to focus on. The day had been both physically and emotionally taxing. Sure, the hunting was hard work, but so was keeping his sanity in the undiluted presence of the magnificent Charles Smith. He’s beautiful. Arthur recited in his mind, the thought echoing through his very being. He’s beautiful. Never before had he felt this way in his life. He’d had a lady every now and then, but he never felt for them so strongly as he did for Charles. He often found himself torn between wanting to avoid the man at all costs and spend every waking second with him. It was torture.
Arthur had known since the start that something was different about Charles. Not wrong, but just different. It was this creeping feeling at the back of his skull. The way his chest felt tight when he managed to make Charles laugh, or the way his stomach would drop when the evening sun hit Charles’ features just right. He’d denied it for as long as he could but it seemed that on his regular, run of the mill, monotonous day, he had to face the fact that when it came down to it, he was completely and hopelessly in love. And it terrified him.
He made his way back through the copse of trees near their temporary camp, firewood in hand, and set it by their tents. Charles was just finishing laying out his bedroll. Arthur tore his gaze a way and began to work on getting a fire going, more than a little shaken by his revelation.
Once they’d both settled, Arthur turned to Charles, ‘Reckon we could cook that rabbit and have it between us? Camp won’t miss it, they have their two deer’. Charles silently fetched the rabbit and began to skin it by the fire. It was real quiet, only the crackle of fire and the sound of insects could be heard. Arthur cleared his throat. ‘Real peaceful out here. It’s nice to get away from camp sometimes’.
Charles hummed in agreement, ‘I’ll admit, the noise took some getting used to’. The firelight danced across Charles' face, giving him an almost other worldly quality.
‘I’m sure. Going from being on your own to living with that lot must have been one hell of a change’.
‘It was. But it was a welcome one. I needed a change’.
Arthur smiled at that, ‘Well, I’m glad to hear it’.
He loved just talking to him like this, even if what they were saying was nothing of major importance, just being near him was enough.
Soon after finishing their meal, the pair turned in for the night, but Arthur lay wake awake, frustratingly restless. He was exhausted. He wanted to sleep. But his mind simply wouldn’t let him. All he could think about was the man laying a metre or two away from him, just out of sight. He allowed himself a moment to dwell on it, to stop and actually process how he felt, if only a little. He adored Charles. He was enamoured with him and everything he did. Good god, he was a lost cause.
The next morning was a slow, easy one. Usually, Arthur would be the type who’d want to get right into tackling the day, but not this time. He awoke to the soft light of the morning sun as it began its ascent and the smell of coffee. ‘Morning’, he mumbled as he emerged from behind the canvas of his tend.
‘Hey’, Charles smiled at him, and the sight of that smile alone made Arthur’s stomach knot. ‘Hi- uhh hey’, he stammered back in reply. Damn fool. He sat down in front of the little fire that Charles had stoked up for them and silently scolded himself. Charles said something. ‘What?’, Arthur lifted his head, once again feeling colour creep to his cheeks.
‘I asked you how you slept last night’, Charles replied easy as ever.
‘Fine. Good. You?’.
‘I slept well. It isn’t usually too noisy at night back at camp but the few that stay up late to talk keep me up sometimes’.
‘I’m too used to it for it to bother me’, Arthur shrugged, feeling conversation come more easily now, ‘It’s kind of a comfort in a way. Background noise, I don’t know’.
‘I know what you mean’, Charles smiled again.
‘Gang wasn’t always so big, though’, He continued, ‘For a while it was just me, Dutch and Hosea. John and Tilly too, actually. But then others joined, and we had ourselves a real gang goin’.’
‘It’s a nice thought’, Charles said quietly.
‘What is?’, Arthur tried to rub the sleep from his eyes.
‘Being surrounded by people all your life. Having a family, even if they’re not blood’.
Arthur hummed. ‘You’re right, I suppose. Ain’t never thought of it that way before’. Arthur had always noticed how introspective Charles was, how deeply he thought about things. He wished that he were like that, and not dumb as rocks.
‘We should get going soon’, Charles cut Arthur’s musings short, moving to stand. Arthur nodded in silent agreement, though he’d have done anything to have just a moment longer in the presence of that quiet strength, just a moment with the one person he truly felt at peace around. But Charles was right. They couldn’t lose precious daylight.
The managed to catch another rabbit that morning and decided that what they had was enough to bring back to camp. They rode along in comfortable silence, reaching Horseshoe Overlook in no time. They offloaded their game to a very grateful Pearson, and that was that. It was over. Arthur hated it. Hated how much he ached to be with Charles – and what soured it was he knew that Charles could never feel the same. He’d felt like this before, once or twice, for the odd man that came into his life, but never like this. With previous times he could ignore it. Push it down and bury it deep, but with the ferocity of his feelings towards Charles that simply wasn’t possible. If Charles had been a lady, Arthur would have been courting him already- or rather, her. But Charles was a man, and that would never be. So, Arthur had to suffer in silence. He supposed having the love of his life be a man was God’s punishment for all he’s down, the lives he’s taken and ruined. This was his penance. He'd known it all along, really, he’d just never faced it like this before. Admitted it to himself.
Arthur hurriedly made his way to his horse. He needed to get away. Clear his head. Something.
Charles called out to him, ‘Arthur? Where are you going? We just got back’.
‘Jus’ going for a ride’, Arthur barked in reply.
‘Have you seen Dutch yet? He’ll be glad to see you-‘
‘No, you just- You can just tell him I’m fine’.
‘Sure’, Charles walked alongside him as Arthur began to lead his horse out of camp. He frowned at him.
Arthur couldn’t take the look on his face, ‘Do you wanna come with me?’, He blurted out. ‘Just- riding, you know’. God damn fool. He needed to get away from Charles. He needed to think. He needed-
‘Alright’, Charles sighed, a little resigned. He knew something was wrong but didn’t know quite enough to push, that Arthur was aware. Charles walked back to where the horses were hitched and got up onto Taima’s back, stopping at Arthur’s side. ‘Well? Where are we going?’.
With that, Arthur took off on Daphne. He knew that Charles would follow. He rode down the steep slope, splashing across the Dakota River and through the woods towards Strawberry. Charles kept up, never too far behind.
No. He couldn’t keep doing this. The landscape moved in a blur around him. He needed to talk, he needed to tell him. The sun was too bright, the air too loud as it rushed past his ears. But what if that ruined everything? The others tormented Bill, but he was never kicked out of camp for it, maybe that meant- Arthur pulled back sharply on the reigns.
‘Arthur?’, Charles spoke, ‘Why have we stopped?’.
Arthur blinked at him for a moment, ‘I- I dunno, I just…’
‘What’s going on?’
Arthur didn’t reply.
Charles sighed and got off his horse, looking up at Arthur , ‘Walk with me’.
Arthur did so with no hesitation, he was never one to refuse Charles. They hitched their horses to the nearest tree and started off walking in the woods.
‘Tell me’, Charles began, ‘What’s been going on with you?’,
‘I guess I just… Something has been troubling me. That much you know. You ain’t stupid’.
‘I’m not, no. Arthur, there’s no shame in fear. We’ve been under a lot of pressure with the Pinkertons on our trail and-‘
‘It’s not that that I’m afraid of’. Arthur averted his gaze, letting his hat drop low over his eyes.
After a moments pause, ‘Then?’, Charles prompted.
‘I… have… I think- I have feelings. For someone’.
Charles smiled, ‘I never took you for being a romantic’.
‘I’m not’, Arthur grumbled.
‘Well, who is it? Someone at camp?’
‘Yeah’.
‘Mary-Beth?’
‘No. No we’re jus’ friends’. Arthur cleared his throat. ‘It’s not… It ain’t right. What I feel ain’t right at all’.
Charles gave him a puzzled look.
Arthur couldn’t bare it. He forced the word out before he could talk himself out of it, ‘You’.
‘What?’
‘It’s you. I have f- It’s you. Always has been’.
A moment of excruciating silence hung over them like a thick fog.
Arthur felt like he couldn’t breathe.
‘That’s not funny’.
‘Huh? Wh-‘,
‘You shouldn’t joke about things like that, I always thought you were mature enough to have the sense not to’.
Arthur nearly laughed, his heart hammering out of his chest, ‘I’m not joking. I swear on my life I’m not. I wouldn’t joke. I mean it, I really do’. At last, Arthur had the courage to meet his eye.
Charles, now sobering up to the reality of what Arthur was saying, looked shocked beyond shock. Normally, Charles had an excellent poker face, but it was clear that in this moment he was so caught off guard that he couldn’t hide it.
‘Charles?’, Arthur tried, beginning to feel a little desperate in the wake of his absolute silence.
‘Charles?’, He tried again when he got no reply. ‘I’m- I’m sorry, I really am. I understand if… You… Jesus, I hope this doesn’t make you wanna leave the gang. You’re one of the most valuable men we have, if I was the reason you went some place else I’d never forgive myself’. Still silence. ‘And- and I hope that we can still be friends. I know you don’t feel the same way about any of this, but-‘
‘Stop’, Charles drew a deep breath, ‘Just stop'.
Charles opened his mouth as though to speak, but paused. He took a moment, then said, 'I do reciprocate. I was under the impression that my feelings were one sided’.
Arthur stayed silent for a moment as the weight of Charles words settled on him. Before he could even begin to formulate a reply in words, Charles kissed him, brief and sweet, ending as quickly as it had begun. ‘I feel the same’, Charles reiterated.
Arthur, in all the whirl of emotion, laughed weakly, ‘It seems so’. Reality began to sink in, and suddenly Arthur felt so much lighter, the dense weight that had settled in his chest lifting and leaving him feeling like he could conquer the world. ‘Jesus, I don’t believe it’, he laughed again, giddy with the revelation.
‘Why don’t you believe it?’, Charles began to laugh too, tentatively cupping Arthur’s cheek.
‘Because I’m really- I’m nothing special, I’m nowhere near what you deserve. I-‘,
‘Oh, none of that now’, Charles tutted. ‘I wouldn’t be so enamoured with you if you were ‘nothing special’’.
Enamoured. The weight of the word settled in Arthur’s mind. Enamoured. He was enamoured with him. Surely this was too good to be true.
‘Did it really bother you so much? Having feelings for me, I mean?’, Charles asked quietly.
‘It-‘, Arthur sighed, ‘It wasn’t so much you. Just… I never thought you’d feel the same way, that’s what gave me trouble. But it wasn’t because it was you. Never that. You’re perfect, you always have been’.
Charles gave him a sad smile, ‘Well, I’m happy to have resolved that for you, then’.
‘How long have you…?’, Arthur spoke after a beat.
‘I’m not really sure. When we met it wasn’t immediate, it was something that crept up on me’.
‘I suppose I was the same, in a way’, He laughed a little. Feeling emboldened all of a sudden, he pressed a quick kiss to Charles’ brow. He cleared his throat. ‘We uh… best be goin’, I suppose’.
Charles shook his head, laughing, and kissed Arthur’s cheek, ‘Yeah, let’s go’.
The ride home was quiet. They didn’t need to speak. Arthur felt incredible. He was finally free of the burden that had been weighing on his mind since the moment that they met. Charles felt the same. It was all okay. It was going to be okay.
He was glad he’d taken the risk. He was a fool, but by God he was a lucky fool.
The luckiest there ever was.