Archive of Our Own

“The most important thing is finding someone to sleep with namjoon hyung,” Jimin said as he looked between Namjoon and the rest of the members. “He snores and whoever sleeps in that room has to be a heavy sleeper.”

“I can room with hyung. I sleep really soundly,” Jungkook offered, giving Namjoon a small smile. He didn’t want Namjoon to feel like he would be an inconvenience to his chosen roommate.

“Well that was settled more easily than I expected,” Hoseok chimed. “How do we decide the rest?

“We could just choose randomly. Names in a hat,” Taehyung suggested.

“No, we should think more about personalities and dynamics. Sleep is too important, we should make this decision carefully,” Hoseok advised as his eyes flitted from the older and younger members. Hobi knew the hyungs enjoyed their quiet while the maknaes seemed to thrive on being as loud as possible.

“There will need to be a room of two and a room of three, right?” Jin confirmed. “Yoongi and I prefer the quiet and you three don’t. That’s simple enough. yoongi-yah is that okay?”

Yoongi looked up. He had been thoughtfully observing the conversation from the corner of the living room. He didn’t want to force anyone to room with him but he truthfully couldn’t stand the thought of being in a noisy room. Relief flooded him as he saw a gentle smile on Seokjin’s face.

“Yeah, that’s good with me if it’s okay with everyone else.”

***

“Which bed do you want?” Jin asked. They were finally moving into their individual rooms after what seemed like a never ending process of packing and hauling boxes.

“It doesn’t really matter to me. I usually come home later than you so maybe the bed closer to the door?” Yoongi responded.

“Sounds good to me.”

Yoongi lifted a box onto his bed and began to remove a stack of shirts and jeans. He was happy they had moved, really. They now had more space and more ideal sleeping arrangements. Still, a part of Yoongi felt longing for their old dorm. That was where he had first met the members, where they first became BTS. He remembered feeling so nervous to meet each new member. Afraid he would say the wrong thing. Afraid they wouldn’t like him or understand him. Yoongi knew he wasn’t exactly a team player: he liked to be alone, prefered to listen rather than talk, and small talk was the absolute worst thing he could think of. Truthfully, when he first auditioned for BigHit he didn’t even want to be part of a group, especially an idol group. Yet here he was, several years later, one of seven with all of the world’s eyes on him.

“I’ll take the left side of the closet if that’s okay,” Jin said, interrupting Yoongi’s thoughts.

“Whatever.”

***

Yoongi remembered when he first met Kim Seokjin. Yoongi was in the kitchen of their old dorm heating up ramen when the front door opened. In walked a tall, broad-shouldered guy with a startled look on his face. The new trainee introduced himself to Yoongi with a questioning glare on his face that Yoongi guessed was meant to be intimidating. It wasn’t quite successful when Seokjin, as he learned was his name, immediately turned his attention to the stove and chided him for eating processed food.

“Are you honestly eating ramen for dinner?”

“Yes,” Yoongi answered plainly.

“Food always tastes better when you make it yourself. I’ll make you homemade ramen soon,” Seokjin said with a smile.

Yoongi eyed him suspiciously. Why would this new trainee care what he was eating? And why would he offer to make him food?

“What if I’m fine eating it just like this?”

“Then you’ll never know the true meaning of eating happily, Yoongi-ssi,” Jin answered with a cross of his arms.

“Whatever.”

***

Yoongi had spent an exhausting night in the studio working on a new song and he wanted to crawl into bed and sleep for three days, though realistically he knew he could sleep for exactly three hours before he had to wake up for dance practice. He quietly walked into the dorm, deposited his shoes by the door and threw his keys onto the counter. Luckily, everyone seemed asleep or at least quietly working in their rooms. Yoongi padded over to his own room and noticed a faint light shining under the door. Please, please tell me Jin fell asleep with the tv on and he’s not actually awake. I just want to sleep.

Yoongi carefully opened the door and peeked around the doorframe to see Jin sitting up against his shelves, eyes glued to a drama playing on their shared tv.

“yoongi-yah you stayed out so late tonight,” Jin remarked thoughtfully. His voice was quiet and grovelly from not having spoken out loud for several hours.

“I couldn’t quite get the beat just right. I’ll work on it more tomorrow. Why are you up?”

“I couldn’t sleep. Every time I close my eyes my brain runs through the dance steps again. My mind won’t relax,” Jin revealed softly, fatigue written on his face.

“Your mind and body can worry about that in the morning, hyung, let’s go to sleep.”

Jin quickly turned off the drama and sunk down in his bed while Yoongi changed into a pair of pajama pants and a clean t-shirt. Yoongi checked his phone one last time for the night to ensure he hadn’t missed any important requests from his producer hyungs and turned over to relish in his precious three hours of sleep.

As Yoongi tried to quiet his own mind of beats, lyrics, and reminders for tomorrow’s schedule, he heard Seokjin tossing in his bed. Normally, they were both quiet sleepers but tonight Jin’s worry was evident in his inability to settle into sleep. Yoongi tried to just ignore the sound, but he found himself unable to fall asleep against the sounds of Jin’s anxious breathing and rotating from his side to his back to his stomach.

“Jin hyung,” he whispered

“Yeah,” Jin answered, his voice sounding just as anxious as his tossing and turning.

“This may sound like the absolute dumbest thing I could say to you right now, but it is something my mom used to say to me when I couldn’t sleep and I always found it to work. Think happy thoughts. It sounds simple, right? Force yourself to think of something other than the choreography. Whatever makes you happy, focus on that thing, and your mind will let you rest,” Yoongi offered tiredly, his voice barely carrying over a whisper.

Jin didn’t say anything in return for several minutes. Yoongi suspected the trick had actually worked until he was pulled out of his own attempt at sleep as Jin asked, “yoongi-yah, what makes you happy?”

“Why does that matter, hyung? My happy thoughts are not going to get you to sleep any faster,” Yoongi sighed. Jin once again fell silent, though Yoongi could hear his hyung’s elevated breathing.

Quietly, Yoongi offered, “I think about Daegu. I think about being a kid and not having any worries at all except playing or eating. I think about times when I didn’t worry what my parents would think or how much money I was able to put in their bank account. I think about my mom cooking dinner and it tasting like absolute heaven.” Yoongi could hear the smile in his own voice and he felt slightly embarrassed for sharing so much.

“Do present things not make you happy?”

Yoongi thought about that for a moment. It was true all his happy thoughts were from a time period before he chose being an idol. “It’s a different kind of happiness, maybe. It’s not a happiness that comes from having no worries at all. Instead I’m happy that I’m busy. I think about all of those trainees that never debuted or the musicians just making music in their basements. Even if my life isn’t simple now at least being busy means I get to do what I love.”

Yoongi suddenly felt self-conscious. The members called him a grandpa these days; he knew he talks too much, but it’s not usually about something this personal. He wondered if he had made Jin feel uncomfortable.

“I’m happy you’re happy in Bangtan. I know you never dreamt of being an idol or being part of a group. You could resent us easily, but you don’t. I feel grateful for that,” Jin said honestly.

“Jin hyung aren’t we supposed to be focusing on your happy thought? Think about food,” Yoongi begged. He didn’t want to talk about this, especially this early in the morning.

“Yoongi, do you really think food is the thing that makes me the most happy?” He could hear the annoyance in Jin’s voice.

“No offense, hyung, but it’s literally 80% of what you talk about.”

Jin sighed with dissatisfaction. “Happiness is playing with my dog. Going for walks. Hanging out with my friends. Singing. Getting the dance down perfectly. Eating, yeah, but with the members because I love to see everyone eating well. Feeling good in the clothes I wear. The peace and quiet that comes with working out. Feeling the dawn approaching, like now, weirdly makes me happy. Maybe it’s like you said, knowing that we are busy enough to be up until dawn gives me happiness. I don’t know, I can’t just pick one happy thought. I think I find happiness in all these small things.”

Yoongi suddenly felt that this conversation could only happen in the dark. He’d feel too embarrassed to hear Jin talk so frankly about this in the sunlight. “Seokjin hyung, close your eyes. Take a deep breath. Find your favorite, comfiest position in your bed. Think about a cool day where you are wearing a jacket and you’re walking your dog. Every song on your playlist is perfect and you hum along as your mind clears and you think about nothing but the wind against your face,” Yoongi whispered. As he finished reciting the mantra to Jin, he found himself finally slipping into sleep.

“Goodnight yoongi-yah. Thank you.”

***

Yoongi woke up the next morning feeling like he had only gotten 3 minutes of sleep. He could feel the bags forming under his eyes and the ache in his shoulders, his body pleading for more rest. He knew Jin couldn’t be fairing much better and as he glanced over to his roommate’s bed, he found that Jin was still fast asleep, his phone in his hand, most likely indicating he turned off his alarm and promptly went back to sleep.

Normally, Jin was the first one awake. He got up, showered, ate breakfast before every other member even thought about getting up. Yoongi wondered if he was sick. Maybe the stress of learning the choreography for the new comeback and his lack of sleep weakened Jin’s immune system. Honestly that was the last thing the group needed right now. Yoongi decided to shower, dress, and return in the hopes that Jin would wake up on his own.

When he returned from the bathroom fully dressed with combed hair and freshly brushed teeth he saw once again a sleeping Seokjin, phone still in his hand. Yoongi was happy to see Jin’s breathing was slow and even rather than the erratic, shallow breaths he witnessed the night before, but he knew that Jin must be woken up if they were to get started with practice.

Yoongi gave him one forceful shake as he firmly said, “Jin hyung time to wake up.” Jin rolled onto his side and let out an annoyed groan, but he didn’t open his eyes. Yoongi resulted to more vigorous shaking and obnoxious taunting: “JIN HYUNG WE HAVE TO GO TO PRACTICE,” he chanted while shaking Jin’s torso.

“Yoongi, what are you doing. I’m in my happy place leave me alone,” Jin groaned still without opening his eyes.

“Did you dream about happy things?” Yoongi asked with surprise in his voice.

“Yeah, I dreamt about the wind,” Jin said with a smile. He finally opened his eyes and looked at Yoongi who was staring at him with a curious expression. “Thank you for helping me sleep. It obviously worked since I completely slept through my alarm.”

“Uh, no problem. Just get ready, we’re already running late,” Yoongi said. He quickly returned to his side of the room and began to hunt down socks and shoes. He felt oddly proud of himself for helping his hyung get to sleep. He liked the idea of being the reason Jin felt calm and rested and happy.

***

Jin smiled all throughout dance practice, even when he got things wrong. When they took a break and he stood in front of the fan, the breeze hitting his face, he stole a glance at Yoongi who was, to his surprise, looking back.

***

A few nights later Yoongi dragged himself back to their dorm once more after finishing a late night in the studio. Luckily, he was turning in a bit earlier than usual, meaning he would get 5 hours of sleep rather than the usual 2 or 3. As he opened the door to his room, he saw Seokjin propped up in bed on his computer. Jin looked towards the doorway, smiled at Yoongi, and promptly shut his laptop and sat it on his bedside table.

“Were you doing something weird on that I shouldn’t have walked in on?” Yoongi asked, immediately suspicious of why Jin acted so quickly to shut the computer.

“Gross, no. I know you like complete darkness when you sleep and you must be exhausted. Makes sense for me to also turn in since we have to record in the morning.”

Yoongi stopped on his way to walking to the closet and turned around to stare at Jin. Even though Yoongi was used to sleeping on planes, in waiting rooms, in cars where there was both light and noise, he slept most restfully when neither of those things were present. When he lived with all of the members in one tiny room or with other trainees before debut he would always have to ask the others to turn off their electronics and get quiet. He often felt guilty being the one to interrupt everyone else’s nighttime routine for his own comfort and he worried that the others resented him for being so particular. But truthfully if Yoongi didn’t get sleep he was even more irritable than usual in addition to being essentially worthless in rehearsals. Yoongi wished he never had to sleep. He would be so much more productive with his work and he would not have to inconvenience anyone with his demanding sleeping schedule.

“Did I say something wrong?” Jin asked when Yoongi stared at the floor while lost in his thoughts.

“Uh, no. Sorry. I’m just tired. I zoned out,” Yoongi replied. He didn’t know exactly how to say I’m more used to people being annoyed by my habits than accommodating them. “Thanks. I am going to shower quickly and then come to bed so if you want to do whatever it was you were doing for a little longer, feel free.”

“Yoongi I was not watching porn!” Jin yelled at Yoongi’s back as he made his way to the bathroom.

***

The following morning all of the members traveled down to the BigHit offices to film a series of videos for their fans. To get them excited for the upcoming comeback they were to play various games in the practice room. The members sat on the floor in a circle as the producers revealed the first game of the morning: tension escalator.

The producers lined them up in front of the lockers: Namjoon was first followed by Jin, Yoongi, Tae, Jungkook, Jimin, and finally Hoseok. The objective of the game was to raise the tension of the action from the person before you in anyway you see fit. If you don’t raise the tension or do not act fast enough, you lose and receive a punishment decided by the producers.

When the game was announced Yoongi immediately felt nervous. It was always nerve-wracking filming for the fans, especially when whatever they were doing involved fanservice. He knew fans wanted to see them interact like this, and he should want to please them, but he couldn’t help but feel incredibly awkward. He cherished, cherished his personal space; why would he want one of the members all over him for the sake of a game?

Yoongi didn’t exactly have a choice and before he had time to truly process how nervous he felt, the game had started. Namjoon began by sternly looking Jin in the eye and firmly placing his hand beside Jin’s head. Jin looked momentarily startled, but immediately evaluated Namjoon’s movements and set his eyes determinedly on Yoongi’s face. Yoongi gulped and briefly considered breaking eye contact, but he figured it was a good idea to actually watch what Jin did so that he could raise the tension for Taehyung. As embarrassing as the game was he knew their producers and figured the punishment would be ten times worse.

Jin maintained eye contact with over a foot of distance between them and before Yoongi’s mind had time to register what was happening, Jin’s face was an inch away from his own and his hand was on the back of Yoongi’s neck. Yoongi couldn’t bring himself to look away. He wasn’t sure Jin had ever looked at him with quite that much intensity. The pressure of Jin’s hand warmed his entire body and he could smell Jin’s cologne, a familiar pine scent.

“yoongi-yah it’s your turn,” Jin whispered, his face still close. He brushed the side of his thumb back and forth on the back of Yoongi’s neck for just a moment before he pulled back to allow Yoongi to turn around to Taehyung. Yoongi blinked and shook his head as if he was in a cartoon and that simple act would rid his mind of Jin’s piercing stare. He chanced a quick glance back at Jin before turning around; Jin looked back amusedly, his mouth turned up in a smirk.

***

In the end, Jimin lost the tension escalator when he giggled in Hoseok’s face rather than topping the frankly inappropriate grinding jungkook sent his way. Jimin had to drink a disgusting concoction of garlic, sriracha, cheese, and vinegar, which made Yoongi grateful he was able to touch his forehead to Taehyung’s without laughing.

As they rode back to their dorm, Yoongi couldn’t quite forget the warmth of Jin’s hand on his neck and the intensity of his stare. Sure, he looked at his hyung all the time but not quite like this. It felt like Jin’s eyes were baiting him, willing him to break the tension with something, anything. He was more used to Jin’s blissful eyes as he ate dinner or his exhausted look into space as he fell over after dance practices. No, Yoongi didn’t think he had ever seen Jin look at anyone or anything quite like that. Frankly, he didn’t think Jin had it in him.

And what the hell was that scent? It was annoyingly familiar but Yoongi couldn’t figure out where he had smelled it before. He was with Jin every day--surely he had smelled his cologne before the tension escalator--but Yoongi didn’t recall him smelling like pine recently. He stared out the window of the car, pulled on his headphones, and willed his mind to forget the feeling of Jin’s hands on his skin.

***

Three nights later Yoongi found himself staring at the ceiling as the weight of his 5am alarm threatened to crush him. If he was unable to quiet his mind soon he would only get 1-2 hours of sleep. Yoongi wasn’t quite sure how he would survive an entire day of dance practice on that little sleep. He might actually die.

He wasn’t sure if it was the exhaustion or his desperation to fall asleep, but Yoongi thought maybe finally figuring out how he knew that scent might help him sleep more quickly.

“Hey Jin hyung? Are you awake?”

“Mmm, kind of. What’s wrong?” Jin mumbled.

“I just wanted to ask you something. It’s kind of random. The other day when we did the tension escalator--”

“Yeah?” Jin interrupted softly.

“Were you wearing cologne of some kind? You smelled like pine,” Yoongi said hesitantly. He wasn’t sure if Jin would be weirded out by his question.

“Are you serious? Are you playing around?” Jin asked, his tone incredulous.

That caused Yoongi pause. Why wouldn’t he be serious? Maybe his question did make Jin feel weird.

“Never mind I’m just going to go to sleep,” Yoongi declared. He rolled over and shoved his face into his pillow.

“No, yoongi-yah, I’ll tell you. I just assumed you would remember.” Remember what?, Yoongi thought. “You gave me that cologne when we were trainees. I was complaining about not having any and without hesitation you just handed yours to me and said you were planning on buying a new one anyway. I have others now, but I wear it every now and again. I thought it used to be one of your favorites. How in the world could you forget the scent?”

So that’s why it seemed familiar. Yoongi imagined he couldn’t quite place it because on Jin’s skin, it smelled slightly different. It was pine mixed with Jin’s body wash mixed with the natural scent of his skin. Yoongi blushed thinking about the mist falling over Jin’s bare neck.

“Oh,” he breathed out slowly, his voice sounding raspy even to himself.

“Do you want it back? I’m honestly surprised it still smells at all after all these years. These things have expiration dates, but I can return it to you if you want,” Jin offered pragmatically.

Yoongi thought for a moment. He liked that smell. He couldn’t stop thinking about that smell since the game, but he didn’t want it on himself. He wanted to be able to smell it on Seokjin. He preferred the way it smelled on him, that unique mix of pine, body wash, and skin. Yoongi briefly wondered if in the future there would be a way to bottle something that specific. He’d like to go to a lab and ask for pine+Seokjin, please. He’d spray it on his pillow at night so he felt comforted and warm. He’d probably fall asleep much more easily.

“No, keep it, Jin hyung. My mind must have remembered it somewhere, so it kept preoccupying me.” He paused. “It smelled good on you. Better than it ever did on me.”

There was a ten second silence. Ten seconds too long. Ten seconds where Yoongi was sure he was going to explode from how hot his face felt. He hadn’t said anything crazy. He hadn’t confessed. He hadn’t said anything weird, yet he felt immensely embarrassed. He didn’t even like talking that much; he should just shut up.

“Oh...okay. I’m happy you like it. I mean I’m not surprised you like it...you’re the one who bought it in the first place. It would be weird if you didn’t like it, actually,” Jin said quickly as if he had registered that ten second silence and was trying to make up for potential awkwardness, which inevitably escalated the awkwardness further.

“Go to sleep, Jin hyung.”

“Good night, Yoongi.”

***

Was Jin fucking with him? Yoongi thought Jin had to be fucking with him. Every. Single. Day. He was wearing that goddamn cologne. Yoongi may not be Jungkook-level sensitive to smells, but he had a nose and was extremely aware of the constant presence of that pine+Seokjin combination. It was intoxicating, suffocating. He’d always liked the smell of pine: that’s why he had bought the cologne for himself in the first place, but the thought of that scent lingering on Jin’s skin...it was like every time he smelled it he could picture the soft skin on Jin’s neck. And of course Jin hyung liked to shower in the morning which meant the last bit of cologne left on his body perfumed their bedroom and Yoongi found himself being lulled to sleep as he thought about trees and skies and skin and Seokjin.

He actually thought about stealing back the cologne and throwing it away so he could be relieved of this madness, but in the end decided that would be unnecessarily cruel. His plan b was to buy new bath products so he himself smelled so good he wouldn’t even pay attention to Jin’s pine smell.

He didn’t quite anticipate for Jin to also like his new scents.

After his order of bath bombs, shower gels, and lotions came in the mail, he lined everything up in the bathroom and spent an entire hour bathing in the sweet smells of strawberry and honey. Nothing like pine, he congratulated himself. When he returned to his bedroom it took Jin all of 30 seconds to comment on the change in Yoongi’s shower routine.

“Yoongi what is that? Strawberries?”

“Is it too strong? I just got the shower gel in today. If it irritates your nose I can return it,” Yoongi rambled, immediately worried that his plan would affect Jin’s singing or his ability to concentrate.

“No, you smell amazing,” Jin practically sang as he made his way across the room and actually smelled Yoongi’s hair. He held onto Yoongi’s shoulders and rested his head on top of Yoongi’s while he deeply inhaled the scent of strawberries and honey.

Yoongi went rigid. His plan was 100% backfiring. Strawberries and honey were supposed to keep Seokjin out of his thoughts not catapult him literally onto Yoongi’s body. Jin must have registered Yoongi’s discomfort because he rubbed his shoulders once and then let go, taking three steps back into his own side of the room.

“Sorry. You smell really sweet. Like dessert.”

“Well, don’t lick me.” Yoongi blinked once. Twice. Why in the world did he just say that? Yoongi witnessed Jin’s expression change between three different emotions very rapidly: surprise, embarrassment, and finally, curiosity.

“No promises,” Jin responded, his lips pulled up in an unmistakable smirk.

“...alright…” What the actual FUCK.

Jin threw on his signature smile, grabbed his jacket, and reminded Yoongi they had to be at the studio in twenty minutes for a recording session before walking out of their room.

What the actual FUCK.

***

The recording session that afternoon could have gone better. No matter how much Yoongi tried, he couldn’t quite force himself to focus on the verses he was meant to be recording.

“Yoongi hyung I’ve spent over half a decade in recording studios with you and I don’t think I have ever seen you this distracted. Are you alright?” Hoseok asked. If anyone knew how to read Yoongi’s moods, it was Hobi. Yoongi briefly considered telling Hoseok the truth--that actual Kim Seokjin flirted with him and he feels embarrassed and slightly confused--but then he would have to rehash everything that had happened since the tension escalator, and he wasn’t sure he had the strength to do that today.

“I just had trouble sleeping last night. I’m going to take a five minute break and then I should be fine,” Yoongi replied. He stepped out of the studio and walked down the hall to the nearest bathroom. Yoongi looked himself in the mirror. Truthfully, he didn’t look that tired. He had been sleeping more soundly since their room and his mind were filled with pine. What he did see written across his face was worry. Knowing the ever-observant Jung Hoseok, Hobi saw the worry on his face as well.

Yoongi turned on the sink and splashed cold water on his face, willing himself to snap out of it. Hoseok was right: Yoongi’s never distracted in the studio. In fact, when he is working on music, he is usually distracted from life stuff. He forgets to eat. He won’t drink enough water. He’ll go three days without talking to anyone. Now here he is, Min Yoongi, unable to rap a verse he’s practiced a million times because someone smelled good. Okay, so it wasn’t just someone. It was Jin. He’s known Jin for years. He knew both Trainee Jin--almost aggressive in wanting to prove himself and win a spot on a debuting team--and Idol Jin--confident, shy, hardworking, whiny--and neither of those versions of his roommate were flirtatious towards him. And what version of Min Yoongi thought about his fellow members’ skin and the intensity of his gaze?

He bravely told a radio interviewer once that he had never had a girlfriend, but truthfully he wasn’t sure if he had ever even had a crush on someone before. Those few people that he liked being around growing up were just friends--people he wanted to play basketball or listen to music with…

Okay, Yoongi decided this was not the time to panic. None of this mattered. He would forget about Jin and focus on his music and everything would go back to normal. He would actually steal and throw away the cologne bottle this time if he had to.

***

Yoongi considered his plan multifaceted. First, he would create distance. Sure he still had to share a room with Jin but he didn’t have to sit next to him in the car or go out to dinner with him. The less time they spent together the more likely Jin would accidentally start flirting with him again. Second, he would focus on all the annoying things about his roommate: he’s narcissistic, he constantly whines, he never offers to pay for anything, he is objectively bangtan’s worst dancer, he takes too long in the bathroom, he objectively looks like an alpaca 80% of the time. Who cares that he has broad shoulders and nice skin and smells good. Kim Seokjin was obnoxious. Finally, he buried himself in his work.

Yoongi found unexpected inspiration in his predicament. Instead of his feelings distracting him from his music, they inspired new lyrics and beats. He wrote about skin and warmth and confusion. Usually Yoongi wrote about his career, his dreams, his family--the things he knew best. Now he found that when he put his pen to paper his lyrics reflected intoxication, change, and fear.

After a week of operation stop-whatever-this-was, Yoongi realized yet another plan had backfired. Since his music had sudden Seokjin inspiration, he found himself having to think about his roommate more than ever. He had to recall that feeling of warmth on the back of his neck, channel the confusion of intense gazes and flirtatious smirks. No matter how many times he reminded himself that Jin was a self-absorbed alpaca, Yoongi’s mind always traveled back to the things that caused heat to rise in his cheeks. And that whole spending less time with Jin thing also backfired. He saw Jin so infrequently that when he did go back to their room or met up with the members for practice or filming, he felt intense nerves at the mere thought of seeing his roommate. He wondered what Jin would be wearing that day or if he would smell like pine. Yoongi began to question whether he had ever once had a good plan in his entire lifetime.

Unsurprisingly, Jin quickly figured out that Yoongi was avoiding him. While Yoongi assumed Jin wasn’t dumb, he didn’t quite expect his hyung to randomly show up at his studio at one in the morning demanding to know why he was dodging his dinner plans and sleeping in the studio rather than in their bedroom.

Yoongi had his noise-canceling headphones on and was listening to the track he was currently working on when he suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder. Yoongi yelped, threw his headphones off, and instinctively put his hands up in front of his face to protect himself from the intruder.

“Ah, sorry!” Jin cried, afraid that Yoongi was going to hit him on instinct.

“Jin hyung jesus christ you just scared the fuck out of me,” he exclaimed.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I didn’t think that through. I called your name, but you didn’t hear me. I didn’t know how else to get your attention,” Jin apologized.

“Shit, it’s okay. I’ll just wait a million years for my heart rate to decrease,” Yoongi said, dramatically flinging his hand over his heart, clamping his eyes shut, and gasping for air.

After allowing Yoongi to revel in his theatrics for a minute Jin asked, “Uh, so what are you doing?”

“You came all the way down here at one in the morning to just ask me what I’m up to? I’m working, Jin hyung, you know that,” Yoongi responded with direct eye contact, hoping he sounded matter-of-fact and not terrified of where this conversation was likely to go.

“Well, you haven’t been coming home. I’ve barely seen you for the past couple of weeks. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” Jin’s eyebrows were drawn together, a clear look of worry written across his face. The thought that Jin was worried about him made Yoongi’s breath catch in his throat and he immediately felt guilty for ever having put that look on Jin’s face.

Yoongi was still sitting in his office chair while Jin stood over him, concerned and tired. He reached up and put his hand on Jin’s arm reassuringly.

“Hey, don’t worry. I’m fine, really. I had gotten careless in my work ethic and I needed to make it up to the producers, to you guys, to myself. I had to stop getting distracted, so I just sort of locked myself in here,” Yoongi confessed. He was as honest as he could be without telling Jin he was in fact the distraction.

Jin’s face softened only slightly. He moved his arm enough that Yoongi’s hand fell into his. He laced his fingers with Yoongi’s and squeezed. “yoongi-yah you can’t overwork yourself. I know you probably haven’t been eating well and you’ve looked so strung out during practice.” Jin covered their laced fingers with his right hand, completely enveloping Yoongi’s hand with warmth. “You can’t write or produce if your brain is tired and malnourished. I bet your lyrics sound like gibberish at this point.”

Yoongi’s face went red at the mention of his lyrics. He thought about the fact that the song he was working on right now actually contained the lines “if only you knew what your warmth meant for me. If you only I could tell you, if only you knew.” Jin squeezed his hand, obviously wanting to comfort his roommate.

“You’re right, hyung, I should be eating and sleeping more.” Yoongi squeezed back in an attempt to tell Jin just how much he appreciated him caring about his well-being. Yoongi thought Jin would just be mad he was avoiding him, not genuinely worried for his health. In an effort to forget the way Jin’s smirks and scents made him feel he managed to forget what it felt like to be taken care of by his hyung.

“Come on, you goof.” Jin pulled on Yoongi’s hand, forcing him to rise out of his chair. Jin enveloped Yoongi in a tight hug and Yoongi couldn’t resist the urge to stand on his toes and bury his face in Jin’s neck. He immediately felt calm and relaxed when he inhaled the familiar pine scent. He wanted to bottle this feeling of safety and comfort Jin gave him. The warmth of his hug, the scent of his skin, the touch of his arms wrapped around Yoongi’s waist. He didn’t want to let go. He almost felt like he could cry. All of the anxiety of trying to avoid Jin, avoid his own feelings, avoid whatever it was that was happening between them, all bubbled over.

Jin gave him a squeeze, giving him permission to pull away. Jin knew he didn’t like hugging, didn’t normally like physical closeness much at all. That overwhelming feeling of emotion bubbled over again as Yoongi registered just how well Jin knew him and was willing to accommodate his needs.Yoongi wasn’t sure he deserved a roommate--a friend--like Kim Seokjin.

Reluctantly, Yoongi pulled back from Jin’s hug. As he pulled his arms from around Jin’s neck, he rested his hand at the base of Jin’s hairline just for a moment, just long enough to look Jin in the eye and relay his thanks. Min Yoongi wasn’t good with words, he knew that about himself, and he hoped that the warmth of his hand on the back of Jin’s neck and a look--the two things that started it all for Yoongi himself--were enough to let Jin know how much he meant to him.

Yoongi finally dropped his hand just as Jin plead, “Come home with me.” Without hesitation he nodded, grabbed his jacket, and followed Seokjin out of the studio.

***

“Okay, operation don’t-let-yoongi-overwork-himself starts tonight,” Jin proclaimed a few days later as they took a break during dance practice.

“What does that even mean?” Yoongi shot back as he slumped himself against the mirror. His breathing was heavy and his entire body was covered in sweat.

“It means practice ends at six, we’ll get dinner, and then we’re going to go back to our room and watch a movie,’ Jin said with a quick nod of his head as if that was the final say in the matter.

Yoongi tilted his head back so that he could feel the cool mirror against his skin. “What if I don’t want to watch a movie with you?”

“You have no choice. I am older and stronger. I’ll carry you home, lock the door, and hold you down on the bed,” Jin deadpanned.

Approximately fifty things went through Yoongi’s mind at once, most prominently an image of Jin pinning him down on a bed, firmly holding his wrists in place above his head while he straddled Yoongi’s hips. He’s pretty sure his face turned a new shade of red for every second that passed while he tried to decide how to respond. If Yoongi wasn’t so awkward he could keep the banter going. He wanted to be able to flirt with Jin rather than shutting down and feeling so overwhelmed by everything Jin said (and did, for that matter).

“Hmm, that might be preferable, actually,” Yoongi squeaked out and actually jumped up off the mirror he was leaning against and ran across the room to check his phone. Half successful? Flirting achieved, could not stand to see the effect. He unlocked his phone and opened twitter while he waited for his heartrate to return to normal.

“Okay, let’s keep going,” Hoseok called all the members back together. When Yoongi turned back around to the group Jin was looking at him with what could only be described as an impressed look on his face. Yoongi would take it as a win.

***
Yoongi and Jin returned to their shared room with no need for carrying or locking or bed pinning. Although Yoongi did feel slightly guilty about not going to the studio in the evening, he ultimately knew Jin was right--he should take a break, especially after a grueling 13 hours of dance practice.

“I promise to watch the movie with you, but I would like to shower first.”

“Me, too, actually. I’ll see if the other bathroom is open and we can probably shower simultaneously.”

Yoongi returned to the bedroom after his quick shower, smelling once again of strawberries and honey. Jin was nowhere to be found so it appeared his shower took a bit longer than Yoongi’s. He plopped down on his bed and opened twitter to read the replies to the selfie he posted earlier in the day. A few minutes later Yoongi heard the door open and in walked Kim Seokjin wearing nothing but a towel around his waist. Yoongi actually stopped breathing. He had seen his roommate shirtless plenty of times but not usually dripping wet with skin flushed from a hot shower. They always took their clothes to the bathroom and got dressed in there. He was not at all prepared to see Jin’s broad shoulders and wet hair and toned stomach. More than anything Yoongi just felt self-conscious. He was wearing kumamon pajama pants and a tshirt he had owned since he was fifteen.

“Sorry, I went to see if the bathroom was clear and then I just got in without thinking about the fact I hadn’t grabbed any clothes.” Jin grabbed a pair of boxers and a tshirt with one hand while he kept his towel tight to his waist with the other. “I’ll be right back.” He shuffled back out of the room, providing Yoongi a few minutes to breathe.

He was officially in way over his head. His gorgeous hyung practically asked him out on a movie date, had been flirting with him for weeks, and managed to just present himself half naked and dripping wet. The only way Yoongi’s mind seemed to know how to react was just by sounding the alarm. Blood rushed to his head, there was a ringing in his ears, he vaguely felt like he could faint. Is this what crushes always felt like? Uncontrollable anxiety? Why would anyone desire this feeling? He’d much rather just think Jin was a rhythmless nerd than want to actually want to explode whenever he was around.

Jin returned to their room thankfully fully clothed. “Okay. Sorry for the delay. Let’s get to watching.”

“You haven’t even told me what movie you want to watch.”

“It’s a comedy. Something to lighten your spirits,” Jin responded as he loaded the dvd into the playstation. Yoongi leaned back on his bed and closed his eyes while Jin got the movie ready. He was absolutely exhausted. The warm shower was probably a bad idea because now his muscles were relaxed and after 13 hours of dance practice he really just wanted to sleep. His eyes jerked open when he heard a distinct whirring sound from the playstation.

“What the hell was that,” Yoongi wondered out loud.

“Umm, I think the playstation might have finally died,” Jin whined, a pout on his face as yet another part of his movie night plan went awry.

“Well, didn’t you say you’ve had that thing since you were in middle school?”

“May she rest in peace.” Jin patted the top of the playstation lightly as he mourned his inability to play mario for the foreseeable future.

“Guess we should just go to sleep then,” Yoongi said, trying to hide the relief from his voice. He allowed his eyes to close once again as the thought of sleeping his exhaustion away enveloped him.

“Oh no you don’t,” Jin said as he hopped onto Yoongi’s bed and began shaking him by the shoulders. “You are. having. down time. and we are. watching. this. movie!”

Yoongi briefly recalled the earlier image of Jin pinning him to the bed as he looked up at his roommate’s half-dried hair and long eyelashes. He willed himself not to blush as he said, “Why can’t sleep be down time. You have to be just as exhausted as I am, hyung.”

“I am tired, but I want to relax before I sleep so that I don’t feel overworked. If all you do is work and sleep you’ll never feel like you actually get a break,” Jin said, concern washing over his face not unlike the other night at the studio.

Yoongi wanted nothing more than to wipe the worry from his face. “Okay, okay, I’m up. How are we going to watch the movie now, though?”

“We’ll just watch it on my laptop. I don’t have a way to plug it into the tv so we’ll just have to lay in the same bed and put the computer between us,” Jin said, already getting up to fetch the dvd from the playstation and grab his laptop from the shelf above his bed. “Come here,” he patted the space next to him.

“Why do we have to lay in your bed? What if I like my bed better, hyung?” Yoongi questioned, entertaining himself as always by provoking his roommate.

“Because I’m over here and so is the dvd and the laptop. Majority rules.”

Yoongi was too tired to think of a witty comeback and instead chose to grumble his way over to Jin’s bed with a blanket and pillow in hand. Jin grabbed a spare folded blanket from the foot of his bed, stacked his second pillow on top and balanced his laptop on top of the pile at their feet.

“Is a preferable viewing angle really worth the possibility that you will kick your laptop off the bed?” Yoongi asked as he adjusted his own pillow and blanket.

“Yes,” Jin said matter-of-factly. “Are you comfortable?”

Yoongi had his pillow propped against the headboard and his blanket wrapped tightly around his torso. Jin’s bed was big enough for them both to lay comfortably with a few inches in between them, and Yoongi felt grateful he had at least a small amount of space to breathe. “Yeah, I’m ready whenever you are.”

Jin reached forward and hit play on the laptop. As he leaned back toward the headboard, Jin leaned into Yoongi’s side just so that their shoulders were touching. So much for that extra space to breathe. Yoongi didn’t mind too much since the warmth of Jin’s body heat beside him along with his tightly tucked blanket filled him with an intense amount of comfort at the end of a very long day. He allowed his whole body to relax and his mind to empty while he watched the movie.

***
Yoongi woke up to the early morning sun shining in his face. He pried open his eyes and immediately felt the disorientation of not remembering the act of falling asleep. He registered several things very quickly: he was still in Jin’s bed, Jin’s arm was around him, he was tucked into Jin’s neck, Jin was still asleep, Jin’s laptop was on the floor.

The last thing Yoongi remembered was watching the movie and sure Jin had pressed his shoulder against him, but he definitely wasn’t cuddling with him before he fell asleep. Yoongi felt simultaneously horrified and unmistakably comforted--a feeling that only physical contact with Jin seemed to bring him. He had to get out of Jin’s hold as quietly as possible; maybe the cuddling happened while they were both asleep and Jin didn’t even know it happened. He could save himself the awkwardness of having to--

“Good morning,” Jin suddenly whispered while Yoongi contemplated how he could pry himself out of Jin’s arms. For the hundredth time Yoongi’s plan backfired as Jin actually tightened his hold around Yoongi’s waist and squeezed him in a hug. He tried his best not to sigh into his roommate’s touch.

“I guess we fell asleep,” Jin said, finally removing himself from Yoongi and stretching back onto his side of the bed. Yoongi promptly ignored the stretch of skin revealed on Jin’s stomach as he stretched his arms over his head.

“Your laptop is on the ground.” Yoongi sat up, grabbed the laptop to inspect it for any damage (all good), and returned it to the shelf behind Jin’s bed. In an attempt to reestablish their usual distance, he gathered his pillow and blanket and headed back towards his side of the room. He could breathe and think more easily when jin wasn’t so close.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to take up your space. You deserved a restful night’s sleep after dance practice,” Yoongi apologized.

“I slept fine. I slept great, actually. I forgot how nice it can feel to just have someone’s body heat next to you,” Jin confessed, looking at the floor and fiddling with the hem of his comforter.

“Yeah, I surprisingly feel really well rested even though we haven’t had that long of a dance practice in months,” Yoongi agreed. Not even his muscles hurt from being tangled in JIn’s arms and he woke up an entire 30 minutes before his alarm would have went off. Yoongi always liked his space, especially when he was sleeping, and he didn’t quite understand why Jin would be able to change that all of a sudden.

“I’m going to make us breakfast and then shower, so you can shower now if you want. It’ll be close to being ready when you get out.”

“Okay. Thank you, hyung,” Yoongi said sincerely. “I’ll buy you dinner tonight to pay you back. For breakfast and for stealing your bed.”

Jin didn’t miss a beat before saying, “It’s a date.” He walked out of their shared room before Yoongi had to verbalize a response.

A date. A date with Kim Seokjin. A date with his roommate, fellow member of BTS, Kim Seokjin. Yoongi buried his face in his hands and willed his heart to stop beating so damn fast.

***

“Is sushi okay for dinner tonight?” Yoongi asked Jin later that evening as they packed up their stuff after dance practice.

“Sushi sounds amazing,” Jin responded with hunger clearly written on his face. “Should we invite the others?”

“I think Hobi is taking the others out,” Yoongi said quietly without making eye contact. He didn’t want Jin to know how exactly Hobi knew to make sure they would be alone for dinner.

After breakfast, a meeting was canceled and therefore the members unexpectedly had a free hour before dance practice started. The maknaes went out shopping while Namjoon went to his studio, and Jin went on a walk to call his mom. Yoongi and Hoseok decided to distract themselves from the impending doom of dance practice by turning on a drama.

“Yoongi hyung,” Hoseok said during a quiet montage, “You have been in a better mood lately it seems. What’s got you so happy? A new song?”

Without his consent a blush started to move its way across Yoongi’s cheeks. His mind couldn’t help but think back to waking up in Jin’s arms. He thought he might still be able to smell pine on his skin even after having showered.

“Yeah, I’ve been working on a few new things. I was kind of overdoing it though, so Jin hyung has been trying to make sure I make time for myself,” Yoongi confessed. He wanted to be as honest with Hoseok as possible without having to divulge the details of their...whatever it was that was going on between them.

“Ahhhh, so a happy Yoongi hyung is a Yoongi hyung that has late night movie dates with Kim Seokjin,” Hoseok said as he looked over at Yoongi out of the corner of his eye. His tone was not mocking, simply curious.

How in the world did Hoseok know about that? Yoongi looked over at Hoseok to see an embarrassed smile on his face. “How did you know we watched a movie last night?”

“Jin hyung told me I could borrow his racing game, and I couldn’t sleep last night so I went to grab it from your room. When no one answered my knock I just assumed you were both asleep. I didn’t really expect to see you both cuddled up in one bed.”

“He suggested we watch a movie so I would relax instead of spending more time at the studio. Then the playstation broke and we couldn’t watch it on the tv so we went with the laptop which required us to be in the same bed and then we accidentally fell asleep before the movie was over,” Yoongi explained all in one breath. He felt relieved to be able to recount the evening’s events. It was as if they had been weighing down on him all morning, threatening to crush him flat.

“Yeah...I figured as much. I was just kidding about it being a date, Yoongi hyung.” Hoseok paused to look over his hyung’s face. He was always good at being able to read Yoongi just based on his facial expressions. “Unless it was a date...Was it a date?” Hoseok asked carefully.

Yoongi had a choice. He could tell Hoseok, arguably his closest, most trustworthy friend, and finally be able to let this all out. Or, he could lie and wait until he for sure knew what was going on with his own feelings and maybe Jin hyung’s feelings, too. Hoseok looked at him with kind eyes. Yoongi knew Hobi wasn’t making fun of him, wasn’t expecting a certain answer. Yoongi already felt lighter even at the prospect of being able to tell someone, anyone, how he had been feeling.

“This is kind of a long story,” he began. Yoongi spent twenty minutes explaining everything from the tension escalator to the cologne to the flirting to the moment in the studio to the movie date. Hoseok listened attentively, never interrupting and allowing Yoongi to take as many pauses as he needed to.

“And so we’re going to dinner tonight. Jin hyung called it a date. Like he said the word ‘date.’ But it’s hard to tell with him because he’s so flirtatious. He winks at strangers when he looks at them for longer than three seconds. He knows he’s good-looking and thinks he can get anyone he wants. I can’t tell if this is all just fun for him or not. Because it doesn’t feel like fun to me. It feels terrifying if I’m being honest, Hoseok. I feel like I’m going to explode 24 hours a day. I don’t think I’ve ever had a crush on anyone before and now I like someone that I have to be around all day, everyday. There’s no escape and it’s almost suffocating. But I think what I’m worried about most is that this is just a game to Jin.”

“From what you just told me I could maybe see that the original tension escalator incident and that first flirtatious comment were just to get a reaction of you. But after that...in the studio, movie night, now a dinner date...it doesn’t seem like just a game to Jin hyung. But, honestly, Yoongi hyung, if you want to know if he is serious, you should just ask. It would save you a lot of worry,” Hoseok said honestly. He paused for a moment before carefully adding, “It might be worth figuring out where your own feelings lie first, though. What do you want out of this?”

Yoongi looked down at his feet and thought about how to articulate everything that had been suffocating him for weeks.

“Jin hyung makes me feel warm. The way he looks at me, the way he touches me, all feels like warmth. I feel anxious to see him, to talk to him, and I am hyper aware of him no matter where we are or what we are doing. I’ve never really had a crush on anyone, Hobi, but that sounds like a crush.” Hoseok nodded. “He makes me feel less worried and taken care of. I want to keep feeling like that. I want to always have him around so that feeling never goes away. And I want to be able to make him feel good, too. I want him to want me as much as I want him.” Yoongi’s face heated up at the thought of what his ‘want’ could mean exactly.

“See how tonight goes, Yoongi hyung. You are very good at reading people. Go to dinner with him and see how it feels. If it feels right, tell him what you just told me. It’s Jin hyung we’re talking about here. He’ll be sweet no matter what.”

Yoongi took a deep breath. “Okay.”

***

“Yaaahhhhh!” Jin exclaimed, a look of pure ecstasy on his face as he ate his first piece of sushi. “yoongi-yah sushi for dinner was the best idea you have ever had.”

“I know how much you love it,” Yoongi said with a shy smile.

“Yeah? What else do I love?”

“Hmmm. Hot showers. Walks. Games. The members. Your family. Your self. Maybe a little too much; you have no shame.”

“True. Though, I would have been a little worried if you didn’t know my likes and dislikes after living with me for this long.”

“I feel like there are few things I don’t know about you at this point,” Yoongi said as he reached down to grab another piece of sushi from their shared platter.

“I don’t know. I think you’d be surprised.”

“Try me. Tell me something I don’t know,” Yoongi challenged.

“I like singing the songs you write the best,” JIn said looking down at the glass of water in front of him.

That got Yoongi’s attention. “Really? You don’t treat them differently from any other songs we record,” Yoongi said, genuinely curious as to what Jin could mean.

“I don’t know. I always feel like the lyrics mean more, that my voice means more, when I know the song came from your mind. I’m happy to have my voice singing your words,” Jin said shyly.

People compliment Yoongi’s music all the time--the fans, producer hyungs, radio DJs--but Yoongi was positive in that moment he had never received a greater compliment. He felt an actual ache in his stomach as he thought about Jin’s fluttering voice singing above his lyrics. He thought about Jin singing the song he had saved on his computer right now: I feel like I am suffocating. I want to feel your warmth until I can no longer breathe.

“I’m not good at taking compliments,” Yoongi said weakly. Here he had Kim Seokjin, freshly showered, sitting in front of him in a pink t-shirt and white baseball cap, giving him the best praise he’d ever heard. He was done for. “Thank you. Every late night I have ever spent in the studio is worth it to hear you say that.” Yoongi forced himself to maintain eye contact with Jin even though his mind was setting off every alarm to look away in embarrassment. He could do this.

“I should tell you more often how much your music means to me.” Jin paused as if contemplating whether he wanted to continue. “How much you mean to me.” He looked up at Yoongi through his lashes, silently asking for permission to say things like this to him. Yoongi couldn’t help but allow a small smile to fall onto his lips.

“I am the oldest hyung but you always pick up where I lack. I couldn’t take care of the members without you. I don’t think any of us would actually feel that our concerns were being heard if you didn’t have such a good relationship with the producer hyungs. yoongi-yah, I always feel the most comfortable in the recording booth when you’re the one at the mixing station. It’s obvious Bangtan wouldn’t be Bangtan without you, but I’m not sure I’d be the same Kim Seokjin without you. You give me strength and constancy and I’m very grateful for that.” Yoongi thought this didn't sound like something Jin came up with on the spot; he allowed himself to be hopeful that Jin had been thinking about this-his feelings for Yoongi-for a while now.

Yoongi felt his stomach clench at Jin’s words. He could do this. “I have a song I want you to hear,” Yoongi found himself saying. Okay, turns out he wasn’t quite ready to do this. Yoongi would do what he did best: allow his music to say what he couldn’t.

***

Yoongi led Jin into the studio by his wrist. His heart was pounding faster than on the day they debuted and he wondered with every step if he should change his mind. With shaking fingers he clicked on the file on his computer labeled “pine” and gently placed his headphones on Jin’s ears. Three days ago he had decided to record his own vocals for the track he wrote about the intoxication that is Kim Seokjin. He knows he isn’t a singer, but somehow his raspy, slightly off-key vocals matched perfectly with what this song meant to him.

Yoongi looked down at the floor the entire time the song played; he couldn’t bare to see Jin’s reaction. He knew the song was three minutes and twenty-four seconds exactly and he could guarantee that was the longest three minutes and twenty-four seconds could ever feel. The thought that Jin was hearing his voice right now choking out the lyrics that have tormented him for weeks gave him chills. He only hoped Jin knew, Jin realized, so he didn’t have to say it out loud.

There was a ringing so loud in his ears from his adrenaline that Yoongi didn’t notice when Jin slid the headphones off and rose from the desk chair to approach where Yoongi sat on the couch. He sat leaning forward with his elbows resting on his knees. Jin’s figure moved into Yoongi’s line of vision as he knelt down in front of Yoongi on the floor. Jin reached forward and rested his hands on Yoongi’s waist. He slid his hands up and down a few inches, a reassuring gesture that sent Yoongi’s eyes fluttering shut. Yoongi dared to let out a sigh, to let out the breath he had been holding as he waited the agonizing three minutes and twenty-four seconds.

“Thank you for showing me that,” Jin whispered, his hands now more stationary on Yoongi’s waist, just his thumbs rubbing gentle circles into his skin.

Yoongi dared to look up. He had no expectation of what Jin would look like, but he couldn’t have guessed his hyung would look scared. Jin’s eyes were wide, his jaw tight from clenched teeth.

“I didn’t know how else to tell you,” Yoongi said. He wasn’t sure if Jin looked so scared because Yoongi’s confession freaked him out or if this--whatever this was--also made him feel scared of the possibilities, of the change. “I felt so overwhelmed by you” Yoongi started to try to explain, “in a good way,” he added when Jin’s eyes got slightly more wide. “All I could think about was the way you smelled and the way you looked at me and the way you touched me. I didn’t know what to do, so I just locked myself in here. I did all I know how to do: I wrote a song,” Yoongi finished with his eyes back on the floor. Even though Jin was right in front of him, he couldn’t bring himself to meet his gaze.

Jin lifted Yoongi’s chin with his thumb and forefinger, forcing Yoongi to look him in the eye. “I didn’t mean to make you feel suffocated or uncomfortable. I never meant that,” Jin said with worry still etched on his face. He moved his hand from Yoongi’s chin to his cheek. He brushed his thumb over Yoongi’s cheekbone, silently apologizing.

“Jin hyung,” Yoongi said desperately, placing his own hand over Jin’s, “It was like being suffocated in the best way. I felt surrounded by your warmth and your scent and the overwhelming feeling that you would take care of me all the time. It was anxiety-inducing at its worst because I have never even had a crush on anyone before and here I was feeling like I was going to explode because of my hyung, my friend, my fellow member. I didn’t know what to do,” Yoongi finished. He didn’t feel like the words had come out right. He wasn’t good enough at expressing himself to be able to tell Jin exactly how he felt. The warmth of Jin’s hand on his cheek, his thumb still rubbing soothing circles on the highest part of his cheekbone, made him hope Jin understood.

“yoongi-yah,” Jin started and Yoongi swore his voice cracked. Jin slipped his hand out from under Yoongi’s and moved it to the back of Yoongi’s head. They were in the same position that started all of this. Jin close, eyes piercing, his hand on the back of Yoongi’s neck. “I am a year older than you, but ever since I met you I felt like I could count on you. You’re so smart and talented and caring even though you don’t show it,” Jin paused, looking down at the floor for one second before looking back into Yoongi’s eyes, renewed determination evident on his face. “I can’t really imagine being without you, not having you by my side, in my room, in my bed.” Jin’s cheeks turned red at the mention of their shared night together. “I want to sing your songs and make sure you come home at night. I want to make you breakfast and I want to hear you laugh at me when I’m losing at a video game.”

“You are shit at every single game I’ve ever seen you play.”

Jin laughed and Yoongi felt his chest physically ache. How could making another person laugh feel so good?

“I know,” he said with a smile. Yoongi registered the warmth on the back of his neck once more when he felt Jin’s pinky dip below the collar of his t-shirt. He involuntarily shivered at the contact and he audibly sighed into Jin’s touch.

Yoongi saw Jin look down at his mouth. He felt like he was in a drama. There was no way this was real life. There was no way he was in a dimly lit studio late at night with his crush’s hands on his neck and waist and a gaze fixed on his lips. Jin’s stare didn’t look piercing this time, not like the tension escalator. Instead, he looked shy, unsure of what to do next. Kim Seokjin shy. Yoongi had to remember to tease him about this later.

Before he could change his mind, Yoongi leaned forward, placing his hand on the side of Jin’s face. He mimicked the soothing motion on Jin’s cheek. Placing his other hand on Jin’s waist, he pulled him closer so that Jin was situated in between Yoongi’s legs.

“Can I kiss you?” Yoongi whispered and Jin answered by closing the distance between them. Yoongi registered three things all at once: Jin’s lips were soft, he tasted like sushi, and he smelled like pine.

***