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Lightning Tail hurried through the low grass, one midnight black paw skipping over another as he sped after his companion, tail low and brow furrowed with concern.
“Thunder, wait!” He called out, speeding up so he could follow at his friend’s side as he stalked through the grass like a stray spark.
His cries seemed to fall on deaf ears however, as the tall shape that was Thunder pushed through the brush into a small clearing, the one they’d passed on their way to visit Clear Sky’s group. It was here he managed to catch up with him properly, pushing himself into the ginger tom’s path, firmly planting his feet so he was forced to come to a stop.
“What?” Thunder grunted irritably, refusing to meet his gaze.
“What’s gotten into you? Ever since we left Clear Sky’s camp, you’ve been storming around like the world owes you a favour!” He shot back, lashing his whip thin tail fiercely.
“It’s nothing! Really. I just want to get home.” He answered shortly, not meeting his gaze.
“Thunder. Come on. I know you much better than that.” He said, not moving an inch.
Thunder paused for a moment, his gaze fixed on the branches shifting in the breeze above them. His paws wiggled nervously in the leafy underbrush, his tail lashing furiously behind him. Eventually, he just sighed, dropping his head, his shoulders slumping defeatedly.
“It…It isn’t fair.” he said, his voice low and faint, barely audible above the sounds of the forest shifting around them.
“What do you mean?”
“I-I know it’s terrible, and I feel so guilty saying it, but it isn’t fair!Clear Sky shouldn’t get to just move on and have this whole new family, far away from all his mistakes! Far…Far away from me.”he whimpered, his voice breaking over the last few words.
Lightning Tail felt his chest ache at that, almost feeling like his heart might break.
He’d watched all of Thunder’s family problems unfold from the sidelines as the two of them had grown up together, but until now, it had never truly occurred to him what an effect it had all had on the young tom. It wasn’t that he didn’t care, or that he’d never cared. He’d been young, focused on his own internal struggles, and had only recently begun realising that other cats had their own thoughts and feelings. But now, staring it all in the face, did he feel a familiar discomfort building behind his eyes.
“He left us! All of us! My mother and my littermates died alone, in the mud, when he should have been there! They deserved someone there! And I survived, by some stroke of luck, only to grow up to realise just how little we all meant to him! Maybe my siblings were better off. They never lived to be disappointed by him. But now, Star Flower’s kits get to survive and grow up, surrounded by all the love my littermates and I never got. It isn’t fair!” Thunder cried, stomping one paw and pacing back and forth feverishly.
Lightning Tail stayed put, watching him stalk through the glass, like a blazing flame.
“Their mother gets to watch them grow up! She gets a long, happy life with a loving mate by her side, even after I was willing to give her all of that! I would’ve loved her forever if that’s what she wanted, but I thought it wasn’t, until now. It would have been fine if she just wasn’t a cat in need of love! But this just means that she did want that, but I…I just wasn’t good enough. Again.”
In that moment, Lightning Tail couldn’t drag his eyes away from his friend before. In that moment, almost frozen in time, he didn’t see Thunder as he knew him now. It was like the world shifted for a moment and he could see the kit he grew up with, a little broud shouldered thing with wide, questioning eyes that clearly longed for connection. At the time, he had never realised how truly lonely he’d looked back then. He could see it now, staring back at him with teary eyes, that tiny part of him still begging for some cat, any cat, just to choose him for once.
“Oh, Thunder.” He sighed, practically throwing himself forward, so that he cpuld curl his wiry body around his friend. He knew he couldn’t fix the things that were broken in him, but he didn’t care. If all he could do was hold those shattered pieces together for a moment, then he’d do it happily.
Thunder broke the moment he touched him, his usually large, intimidating shape falling apart into hiccuping sobs in his shoulder. Lightning Tail cooed softly into his ear, trailing the tip of his tail along his side reassuringly.
“I know. I know. It isn’t right. You’re right, it’s not fair. None of you deserved this.” He murmured softly, gaze half lidded, fixed on the softly waving grass behind them.
He’d spent most of his kithood frustruated by the adults around them, watching most of them refuse to give Thunder the chance he knew he deserved. He’d been by his side every time he chased after Clear Sky and tried to make a life alongside him, only to be rejected each and every time. He’d truly grown to hate the nee clan leader, as he’d watched him claw apart his best friend’s heart time and time again.
“Why? Why won’t…Why don’t they want me?” Thunder whimpered, burying his face in his neck.
“It’s not your fault. They don’t deserve you, Thunder. None of them do. You’re a brave cat, a dedicated cat, and you did nothing but give them a thousand chances. Any decent cat would have turned around if someone like you gave them that many opportunities. It says more about them than you.” He assured him, nuzzling closer and kneading at the ground with his paws.
Thunder nodded, the small, timid respond almost child like. Only now did he seem to slump forward, exhausted by it all. Lightning Tail didn’t mind. It was good to see this side of him again, this softer side that had faded over the years. This side of him that had once crawled into his nest beside him, shivering and lonely after another long day listening to his father argue with almost anyone he came into contact with.
“Look, let’s get home. We can relax for the rest of the night and we don’t have to think about anyone or anything at all. I think you could use it.” He advised, pulling back for a moment and offering him a little smile.
Thunder giggled softly, wiping at his face with one paw, shaking out his whiskers. He tried his best to regain some of his usual cheerful bravado as he followed Lightning Tail back in the direction they’d been heading originally, falling into step beside his familiar companion.