Archive of Our Own ^beta

The fall of ‘84 changed things for Susan Hargrove.

She had always been a compliant woman, going along as she was told had become second nature to her. Her teachers would praise her for it; her parents would show off her obedience to their friends and family. Charles, Max’s father, had fallen for her ability to roll with his unpredictability – up until she couldn’t roll with it anymore, not when Max was paying for her compliance. In short, Susan wasn’t one to fight, not unless given a reason to.

Things changed that fall though. Susan learned of her husband’s horrible ways and she was horrified.

Billy had arrived home that night with a bruise lining his jaw, dazed and the Chief of Police in tow – all without Max. Needless to say, Neil had not been happy. He’d exchanged a few words with the Chief, all of which boiled down to; “I’ll make sure this never happens again,” and the Chief’s; “it better not.” All the while, Billy had stood off to the side, his head bowed and fists rolled tightly at his side.

It was what happened when the door finally shut; the sound of the Chief’s rumbling vehicle was nothing more than a faint whisper in the distance, that really knocked Susan off kilter. The moment Neil was sure there were no prying ears, he turned on Billy. And punched his son in the stomach without a blink.

Susan had gasped, caught off guard, while Billy just inhaled sharply.

Neil had turned to Susan briefly and gestured for her to leave them be, like he’d done dozens of times before. She had always gone in those times, obedient and unquestioning, but most of all, unaware and blissful in that right. In that moment though, she stayed put, her feet planted to the floor more out of shock than anything else.

“Susan,” Neil chided, “Me and Billy are going to have a quick talk. Why don’t you get dinner sorted in the meantime?”

He’d said it like it was a question, as though she had any choice there. She watched the scene in front of her for a moment. Neil’s arm resting on Billy's shoulder, more a warning of what was to come than a comfort; Billy’s head ducked down in resignation; the fiery hot anger in Neil’s eyes; the quiet, barely there tremor to Billy’s body. Susan had felt sick. She’d left.

She hadn’t headed to the kitchen to set up dinner – it had been far too late for it anyway – instead she’d made a beeline for the bathroom. She’d retched that night, unable to comprehend what she’d just walked out of. And then the sounds started.

It was muffled between the hallway and the bathroom door and Susan’s own hands over her ears, but she heard it all the same. Neil had been hurting his son. And God knew for how long.

Susan had made a decision that night. She had to get out, and she couldn’t go alone. Max wasn’t safe in a home with a man so readily willing to hurt his own son, be it out of anger or as punishment. Susan had left her husband once in the past when it became clear her child was no longer safe around him. She had no reservations about doing it again.

The next day at breakfast, Max had finally got back home. Neil was not happy about her disappearing act and wanted an explanation. Max had an extremely shoddy one that Susan didn’t believe for a minute but Neil bought up in a second.

The man had smiled at Max once she got done telling them about how she’d just wanted to get something to eat, that Billy had hoarded all the food, when her skateboard broke on her way back and she’d stopped at a friend’s – Dustin Henderson’s – house because it was so dark by then. The man shook his head with a smile – Susan held herself back from grimacing. “Oh, that makes far more sense, Maxine. Your brother was telling me about some creepy house in the woods, that you were there with a teenage boy of all things! I knew I’d have to hear it from you.”

Max had smiled back and Susan knew for sure then that her daughter had just lied straight through her teeth. Susan kept her mouth shut.

Susan had questioned her daughter on it later, out of Neil’s earshot, but she remained tight-lipped. Susan worried that perhaps she had in fact been out in the woods with some teenage boy. Without any further information, and Neil’s keen insistence that Billy was not to be disturbed for now, Susan had to keep that particular worry on hold.

Her larger priority was finding a house that would fit them. It took a while of searching and peering around moldy, termite-infested places that only barely met the mark to be rented out until she found a three bedroom trailer in the outskirts of town. It was small and not exactly ideal, but it was livable and the price was good. Susan figured she’d have to scrounge out a little of her savings stash for it, but that was alright. If it meant getting out of that house and away from that man, she was willing to sacrifice her entire savings if she had to.

A few weeks after that fateful night, Susan found Neil and Billy having a “discussion”, as Neil so beautifully downplays it. Susan hadn’t really seen Billy the past few weeks, both of them out and about at contrasting times, never crossing paths for anything other than dinner. Even dinner was less likely to see all four faces these days.

Neil was berating Billy about something or another while the boy had his shoulders hitched and his eyes averted. Susan had wondered how she’d never seen the signs before; how she had ever managed to remain oblivious to it all. She hated herself for not seeing it; and in that moment, she hated herself for not being able to do anything about it. Nothing significant anyway.

“Dear,” she called placatingly and the man looked over to her. She plastered on a sweet smile, one which had earned the favour of many before him. “It’s almost dinner time and the food’s not done yet. Do you think I could get Billy’s help with it? That would speed things up quite a bit…”

Neil narrowed his eyes momentarily, darting them once at Billy before relenting. He sighed deep and made a vague gesture to go on before shuffling off into the living room. Billy watched him go.

Susan watched Billy watch Neil go and nodded to herself. “Alright,” she said, catching Billy’s attention. “How about it? I say we make spaghetti, what do you think?”

Billy shrugged. Susan smiled at him briefly before turning on her heel towards the kitchen. She assigned him with washing the tomatoes and the onions while she got the pasta cooking. As it was set up she ventured a glance toward the sink and found Billy white-knuckling either end of it. Upon further inspection, she found his breathing to be off and far too fast for her liking. Susan’s eyes darted once to the living room where Neil was with his back to them and TV blaring with the news. She shifted closer to Billy.

Susan wasn’t a physical affection type of person. She showed her affection through her words and her actions. She and Max hugged, and she’d kissed Max’s forehead; her cheeks plenty. But Max was her child. Billy was not, so it was different. Nonetheless, she wrapped one hand around one of Billy’s wrists. She stared ahead at the wall and took a deep breath, her eyes fluttering closed. She let the breath out slow. She repeated the motion.

She’d felt Billy swivelling his head at her, felt it in the way his hold body seemed to move with it. But she hadn’t acknowledged him. She simply kept breathing and eventually, she felt his breath come in line with hers. She kept it up a few more breaths, until she was sure he was good to go. When she thought he was, she opened her eyes and found that he was still staring at her. She smiled at him, squeezing his wrist once before moving on.

***

Christmas rolled around and Susan was unreasonably busy trying to prepare her gifts. She thought she had a pretty good haul, things she knew they’d genuinely like. She even managed to get things for some of her mom-friends. A themed mug for Karen, a thrifted scarf for Claudia – Susan had worried what the lady would think of it, since it was clearly on the cheaper scale, but Claudia absolutely adored it. For Joyce Byers, Susan had gotten her a few books she thought the lady would enjoy reading. Joyce had beamed at her when she’d received them.

The four of them, Neil, Susan, Max and Billy, had all gathered in their living room on Christmas morning to open their gifts. Billy looked like he’d rather be anywhere else on Earth. Susan couldn’t say she didn’t understand that, shifting uncomfortably on the couch next to Neil.

Max was the first to open her gift, the one from Neil. He’d gotten her a Barbie doll. It was high quality for sure, for second-hand dolls, but very clearly not to Max’s tastes. The girl looked constipated as she tried plastering on an appreciative smile at Neil for it. Billy looked moments away from bursting into laughter, and again, Susan could relate. Neil seemed to buy into Max’s show.

Then she moved onto another box of her things; Susan’s gift. It was a new pair of sneakers; it had a white base colour, and black and red highlights. It was second-hand but still in good condition. It also went well with her skateboard, and Susan had been told that it was a particularly common shoe choice for skateboarders. Max looked about ready to vibrate out of her skin the moment she peeled it out of its box. “Oh, my god, mom! This is the best! I’ve been wanting these since forever! Thank you, thank you! How did you even know to get these?”

She lunged at Susan, wrapping her arms tightly around her waist. All she could do was laugh and pat her daughter’s head. “Let’s call it a mother’s intuition, hm?” Max pulled away, grinning three times than normal. Susan smiled back.

Max went back to sitting on the floor with her gifts and Susan met Neil’s eyes momentarily. The man looked oddly confused. As though he couldn’t understand why Max would be excited about a pair of shoes. Or rather, why a girl would be interested in “boy shoes.” Susan pretended not to notice.

Max moved onto her last box, Billy’s gift.

Billy and Max have been forced to buy each other gifts since their first Christmas together, but neither have ever taken it seriously. They’d bought each other things they’d known the other wouldn’t like – Billy once got Max a cheap cook book while that same year Max got Billy a plastic tiara. It had been hostile the first year, as they both hated to be forced into doing anything and were rebelling in their own way, but by the second year it became more of a tradition. That being said, the first thing Max pulled out of Billy’s box was a pair of sparkly clip-on earrings.

Max made a face, scowling half-heartedly at Billy. Billy grinned back at her. Neil didn’t seem to appreciate the joke. “Billy, what have I told you—”

“There’s more,” Billy said with a nod to the box. Max looked down at it incredulously before her eyes landed on something and she instantly brightened. Picking it up, she revealed a few large stickers of artists Susan vaguely recognised. One she did know among the stack was Kate Bush – Max’s favourite artist at the moment. The girl in question seemed to be a big fan of all the artists on the stickers as she flipped through the stack with an increasingly widening grin.

“They’re, uh, for your skateboard. Figured they’d be cool, I guess.” Billy looked widely uncomfortable when Max’s blinding grin landed on him. Susan couldn’t help but smile at the scene.

She lifted her camera without either noticing jsut yet and snapped a shot. Billy looked up, disgruntled and Max didn’t seem to notice. Waving the polaroid around to let it set, she smiled innocently at Billy.

Apparently the box wasn’t empty as Max stuck her hand in one last time to pull out a little skateboard keychain. Max looked very pleased.

Neil turned to Susan then, holding a neatly wrapped box in hand — wrapped so neat and prim that Susan had to wonder who Neil had paid to get it done. Susan smiled and took it from him. She peeled back the wrapping and lifted the lid to reveal— oven mitts. Brown and Plaid and, somehow, the thinnest she’d ever seen. She smiled at Neil. “Thank you, dear. These will be very useful.” She might just never use the oven again, if she could help it.

She picked up her own gift for Neil and passed it over. Eyeing the wrapping of the box, scrutinizing it as if he had any idea how to wrap a gift in the first place, he opened it to reveal a pair of socks. They were vaguely Chsitmas-themed with the colours but otherwise inconspicuous and unalarming. Neil seemed pleased enough by it.

He looked at the kids, as if awaiting to be handed more gifts. Max looked back a little sheepish, but Billy picked up a box from his left. He passed it over, though he didn’t look nearly as enthusiastic about this one. Neil didn’t seem pleased either but he took the box from his son. It was a scarf; an ugly shade of green and a far-too-vibrant red contrasting as stripes running along the scarf, the frayed edges not exactly helping the appearance. Somehow, Neil seemed entirely oblivious to its hideousness – or maybe he really did like the thing. Billy seemed to have been banking on that.

“Thank you, son,” the man said in a grumble. He picked up a box from the floor and handed it to Billy.

Billy looked like he wasn't expecting anything good if experience were to teach him anything. Instide, he found a purple and orange tie. It was plaid, a theme with the man's gifts apparently, and vibrant and very much a tie. Billy didn’t seem impressed. “Thanks, dad,” he said with a smile that Susan only had to guess was fake – it looked as real as it could get. Neil nodded approvingly.

Max was jittery, holding a box in her own hands and when Billy put aside the tie – likely to never see the light of day again – she pushed her own gift into his hands. Grinning as though she couldn't stop it, Max motioned for Billy to open it already. Billy looked down at the box as though it had personally offended him.

Opening it revealed a book. Heretics of Dune, which Susan vaguely knew to be part of a series. Billy seemed to know all about the book and looked dumbfoundedly at it. “This— this came out this year. How did you–?”

“You like it, right?” Max seemed a little anxious then, apparently not getting the reaction she’d hoped for.

Billy blinked at her, then at the book, then back at her. “I– yes, you idiot, I fucking like it!” He held the book closer to himself for emphasis. “I’ve been wanting to get it since it came out and just– Holy shit.” Then with a sharp glance up at his dad, he added, "thanks."

Now Max was grinning proudly, apparently very pleased with herself. Billy still seemed a little shell-shocked. Susan had to wonder if this was the first thoughtful gift he’s gotten in a while. She decided that they just couldn't have that. She leaned down and fetched a slimmer, larger box.

When Billy noticed her holding it out to him, he seemed caught off guard. He stared at her, confused, until she nudged the box into his hands. He took his time trying to peel open the thing, and good thing for it too.

Upon spotting what was underneath, he paused to simply stare at it. It was the green vinyl variant of Metalica’s most recent release; Ride the Lightning. He looked up at Susan in wonder. “How’d you even know about this?”

Susan shrugged. “Call it mother’s intuition?”

That seemed to dumbfound the kid more, and he just kept staring between his new book and the vinyl. Susan felt her heart swell a little. Then very quietly, as though sharing a secret, Billy said, “I didn’t get you anything though.”

Neil seemed ready to scold him then and there but Susan only chuckled. “That’s okay, sweetie. I think if you let me listen to it with you—” she cleared her throat awkwardly— “that’d be enough.”

At this, Billy’s mouth fell open, gaping like a fish. Even Max was eyeing her skeptically. “You like Metalica?” Max asked and Susan blushed.

“Well, not Metalica exactly... more the genra as whole?" At the incredulous look her daughter shot her, she felt the need to add, "I was a teenager once yoo, you know.” A teenager who was horribly repressed and desperately in need of an outlet. As it had turned out, metal music had done it for her. Metalica hadn’t been her generation of music, no, but she’s definitely caught herself bobbing along to Billy’s music – whenever he blasts it around the house. She met Billy’s eyes. “I have a signed shirt from Blue Cheer? Have you—”

Susan had to stifle a chuckle at the wide-eyed excitement on Billy’s face. She did allow herself a small smile though. “Well, I’ll have to show you sometime,” she decided and Billy, who looked like he might spring up from his spot at any moment but was held in place by a stern glare from Neil, nodded sharply.

Last came Max’s gift for Susan, and she couldn’t help the smile that split her lips. It was a little booklet on Crime & Murder shows that were airing these days — Max knew how much Susan loved shows within that genre. The one on the front was one called Murder, She Wrote which looked to be starring actress Angela Lansbury, who starred in one of her all time favourite horror book-to-movie adaptations; The Picture of Dorian Gray. She grinned at Max, who looked very proud of herself.

***

The inevitable day had come in the form of any other. Susan had just returned from work late – the local clinic having been particularly busy that day – to find Neil grumbling on the couch, Max sitting tersely at the kitchen island and Billy nowhere to be seen. To say her guard was up would have been an understatement.

She went to Max first, needing to make sure her daughter was safe before she could even breathe again. “Max, sweetheart, hi,” she was at the girl’s side in a moment, much to Max’s apparent confusion. “Everything alright?” Susan tried to keep her voice calm and unassuming, as if she were asking about the weather, and not her daughter’s physical and emotional wellbeing after a probable interaction with her stepfather. What had her life come to, Susan couldn’t help but wonder.

Max raised an eyebrow in confusion, and shrugged. “Yeah? I just got home – Billy picked me up – and I was hungry.” She gestured at her plate of grilled cheese. Susan glanced at the plate before sighing.

“That’s good. Have you had dinner yet?” It was later than they normally would wait for dinner so Susan felt justified in asking.

Max shrugged again. “I had it at the Wheelers’. I think Neil and Billy had it together? Not sure.” And wasn’t that a frightening thought?

Susan nodded, her eyes now drifting to the hallway, down which was where Billy was likely hiding out. He often did that after an altercation with Neil, Susan had come to notice recently. She wondered if he really had eaten dinner or not, and felt the need to make sure. Smiling shortly at Max, -- a quick kiss on the cheek -- she suffled over to the fridge..

Inside, there was a pot – an entire pot! – stuffed inside carelessly. Susan huffed at whoever had thought that was a smart decision. She carefully pried the pot from within making sure the tupperware leaning precariously against it didn’t fall. Opening the lid revealed her day-old red-sauce pasta, only somewhat drained of its contents. By her measure, there was only one portion taken from it. Susan would wager a good chunk of her savings that none of that portion had gone to Billy.

She set the pot back on the stove with its lid on. After flicking it on and letting it sit, she turned to Max. “Why don’t you head in for the night, dear?” It was nine thirty on a school night so Max could only groan. Before she could get up, Susan approached her. Lowering her voice, she said, “keep your door open for me? I’ll be there in just a moment, okay?”

Max stared up at her, confusion evident on her face. Susan smiled placatingly. “Why?” Max whispered back.

Susan shook her head, shot a glance behind Max’s shoulder at Neil, then met her daughter’s eyes once more. “I’ll explain in a moment, alright? Just do it for me?”

Max continued staring at her incredulously. In a gesture Susan ached to think about, Max’s eyes shot back at Neil once before nodding, determination lining her features. A swirl of unbidden pride and horrid shame burned in Susan’s chest. Her daughter. Max deserved so much better than this.

Max was off in a minute or so, her plate neatly washed and stored away in the cupboard. Once gone, Susan turned back to the pot. Deciding that whatever it was at right now was going to have to be warmed up enough, she fetched out a tupperware from so far back in the cabinet that Neil wouldn't notice its absence – not that he spent any relevant amount of time in the kitchen to notice, but one could never be too careful. She poured a good portion of the pasta into the tupperware and sealed it shut. From within the fridge, she plucked out one of Max’s juice packets – grape flavoured as that was the only flavour she’d seen Billy drink.

With the pasta, sealed away in the little box, and a fork to eat it with, in one hand and the juice box in the other, Susan stepped out of the kitchen. “I’m going to check in on Max, then head to sleep. Will you be coming in soon, dear?”

Neil’s eye drifted back to Susan, derisive and slow. He raised an eyebrow at the items she was holding.

“For Max,” she explained. “She says she’s still hungry but it’s late. So, I thought I’d take it in for her.”

The man nodded, apparently nullified by this piece of information. Or maybe he was drunk and couldn’t give less of a care. Susan found it hard to tell the two apart some days. “Good, you do that. Wouldn’t want Maxine goin’ sleep hungry. I’ll stay here for a while. Don’t wait up.”

“Alright,” Susan said, sounding every bit the dutiful, longing wife Neil wanted so badly. She turned toward the hall and left the man there.

She walked past Max’s room, briefly spotting the girl shoving things aside on her bed so she could squeeze in. At the last door on the right, Billy’s door, she stopped and knocked once. It took a minute, a minute in which Susan wondered if he would open his door at all, but eventually the door creaked open. Before anything else could be done, Susan pressed a finger to her lips and nodded sideways toward the rest of the house – they both knew who she was pointing to. Billy seemed to have geared up to say something because he snapped his mouth shut when he registered Susan and her gesture.

Susan, for her part, took a moment to breathe through her nose, because Billy didn’t look good. One eye was swollen and slightly shut – red and yellowing around the edges. His button lip was split and there were smaller – though not exactly small – bruises lining the edges of his jaw. Susan could see the tense line in his shoulders too, as though it hurt to simply stand.

She’d seen it get worse, after that night in the fall when she’d worried he wouldn’t open his eyes again, but this was still bad. She let out the breath through her nose and met Billy’s eyes, gesturing helplessly at the items in her hands.

Billy noticed them and seemed confused until Susan mouthed the words, ‘for you,’ before it clicked and he wordlessly allowed her inside. He didn’t shut the door entirely, just enough to block out most sounds from within but not enough for the door shutting to alert anyone. Susan sighed in relief at the understanding.

Placing the food down on his bedside table, she turned back to Billy. He was still standing at the door, watching Susan’s movements carefully, as though afraid she’d lunge at him – or the other way around? She wasn’t sure. Either way, she didn’t like the look.

“I thought you might not have had dinner yet, so…” she trailed off, gesturing weakly at the tupperware and juice box now sitting peacefully next to his bed. She kept her voice low, not wanting Neil to even suspect she might be here – it wouldn’t end well, for any one of them but especially for Billy, if the guy found out they were actively trying to fool him.

Billy followed Susan’s gesture to the food and seemed transfixed by them. His hands balled into fists at his side and his mouth formed a thin line. Susan wondered if this was too much; if she’d finally gone and overstepped her boundaries. She wasn’t his mother, he wasn’t her child. She shouldn’t act like it. She was going to voice her worries, assure him that that wasn’t her intention, that she was trying to replace no one. That all she wanted was to help.

Then he spoke and her heart ached anew. “Why do you care?” His voice was low, mimicking her level from a moment ago, voice gruff and strained. As though it hurt to speak. He looked up, meeting her eyes head on. “You didn’t give a shit for the last three fucking years.” And Susan wanted to say something to that, but it was almost like a dam; now that it was open, it was hard closing it back up again. “And now– now you act like you give a flying fuck what happens to me? Every other time Neil slapped me around, you couldn’t bat a fucking eyelash, but now? Now, it’s oh, so fucking horrible that he does? Now you– you do shit like this—” he flailed a hand at his bed – at the food and juice— “and at Christmas, and before and– and—” here he gestured a little more widely at the stack of clinically approved first-aid she’d bought him when she’d found out what he’d been using to treat his wounds— “Like– like it changes goddamn anything! You knew then and couldn’t give half a shit, what fucking changed?”

Oh, Susan thought she might be sick all over again. She wanted to assure him that she did care, that she always has. That she hadn’t known, not before, that she wouldn’t have turned a blind eye if she’s just known. She hated that she could mean those words with every fibre of her being but had no way of proving them. She took in a deep breath, through the mouth this time, and let it out heavy. “I think– I think I messed this up. I’m sorry.”

At this, Billy looked almost stricken, as though this were the last thing he’d expected to hear. She hated herself a little more for it.

Susan sank down onto a stool set beside his bed. Intertwining her fingers, she found it easier to watch them instead of the boy she’d so badly let down. “I do care. I always have. I can’t not care, sweetie. You’re a kid,” she looked up at him, hoping she could convince him of this through her eyes alone. “You’re not my kid, no, so I kept my distance. I thought that was what I had to do as a step-mom. And— please, please, sweetie, you have to believe me when I say I did not know. I had no idea what he did. I swear to you that I didn’t.”

Billy looked like he wanted to argue. Susan shook her head, more out of frustration than anything else. Frustrated at herself for having been so dense, at Neil for being such a horrible person, at the world at large that kept placing children in situations they can't escape.

“I know, I know. How could I have not, right? It was so plainly obvious. I live with him, I married him. I should have seen it far sooner. I know that.” She licked her lips, feeling oddly worn out. She met the boy’s eyes after a deep breath. “I grew up with men like him. Or more Neil-adjacent men,” she clarified at the boy’s raised eyebrows, “They were violent, but not overtly so. They shouted and grabbed and shoved and slapped. They were volatile; unpredictable. My father was one such man. I have brothers. He would never have raised a hand at us the way Neil does. He would grab my brothers by the cuffs of their shirts and scream in their faces until they were crying their eyes out. But he would never have hurt them.”

She took a breath, just to compose her thoughts. “One time, my father had slapped my eldest brother across the face. Enough to leave a mark. And my father? The man had panicked. He’d run around the house looking for medicine,” she couldn’t help but laugh at the memory. “He wasn’t overly sentimental. He was gruff and loud and took up a lot of space. His coworkers cowered when he walked into a room. He was a scary man. But that same man had been frantically running around our house that day, scared to no end. Not of the consequences, not fear of what would happen to him; of what people would think. But of what he’d done to his son.” Here she met the boy’s eyes once more, hoping to convey the horror she felt whenever Billy was put into such a situation.

“I thought Neil was like my father. Like my brothers. I thought he would drop everything the moment he knew he’d really hurt you. I had no idea he wouldn’t stop.” And the truth behind her words seemed to edge into Billy’s consciousness.

Billy was watching her warily, still standing over her, his firsts now hanging idle at his side. He looked tense now, but for different reasons hopefully.

Susan took in another deep breath, to keep herself together; to keep them both from cracking open on the bedroom floor. “I promise you, with every fiber of my being, if I’d seen it– if I'd seen Neil for what he was, I would’ve never turned a blind eye. I left my husband once before when I was afraid he’d hurt my child, I am more than willing to do it again.”

And maybe that was the wrong thing to say, because the boy’s face closed off, his features drawing tights, shoulder hitching high. Susan berated herself for the slip up.

“Can you sit down for me, sweetie?” She asked, nodding once to the bed beside her. Billy looked confused now, more than anything else. Somehow the confusion translated to him listening to her and taking a seat. She turned in the stool, allowing Billy to see her fully.

This was an important conversation, one she’s been thinking about for months now, since last fall. She practiced how she was going to word this, how and what she was going to say. Treat him like an adult, the Chief had told her. Make sure he understands the gravity of what she was saying; don’t sugarcoat. He was to be legal in a few months, treat him like it.

Mentally psyching herself up, she breathed in deep once more.

“What I’m about to tell you is going to be a lot, but I need you to listen to me, okay?”

Billy just stared at her, mouth opening and closing as though he had something to say. In the end, he just nodded.

“I’ve spoken with the Chief. Jim Hopper. He’s a good guy,” she felt the need to add the last part based on previously negative encounters. “I’ve been speaking with him. And I haven’t said anything in specificity, of course! But I have asked about how… legal charges would fair. Against Neil.”

When Billy’s eyes blew wide, his shoulders riding high, Susan knew she had little time to get her point across. He’s gonna be an adult soon, said the voice of Chief Hopper in her head, treat him like it.

“You could press charges, Billy—”

“No,” he said and he was standing again. His fists were curled, his teeth grinding as he took shallow, quick breaths. “No fucking way, Susan. Don’t fucking—”

*—I'll testify.”

That caught Billy’s attention enough for him to swivel his head down at her.

“I’ll testify. I’ve seen him– I’ve seen him hurt you. I’ve seen him threaten you and I’ve heard it—” Billy grimaced, turning away— “and the Chief says that a witness testimony from someone so close to the parties involved, or more specifically the incidents involved, would greatly boost your chances of winning. If worse comes to worst, I’ll have Max offer a written testimony. And I’ve spoken to our neighbours. They don’t know anything, before you ask, I’ve only ever alluded to things. All of which were related to me. So the neighbours are willing to testify if they have to; they’ve apparently heard some things as well. And the Chief of Police would also be on your side. I’ve spoken with my previous divorce attorney, and he says he’ll be able to send someone for us if we’re to ever go through with anything.”

She inhaled sharply, having sped through the spiel, afraid Billy would grow impatient and run off, or shout something loud enough for his father to hear. Now as she watched Billy, she couldn’t help reaching out.

He was watching, eyes blown wide and breathing shallow. His hands gripped the edge of his bed, likely to stop it from shaking as she noticed his jaw doing the same. Above anything else; above anger or denial or relief or any other emotion she might have expected from him, she found fear. For all that she was worth, Susan couldn’t tell you what of.

“What?” His voice was small and displaced coming from his body.

“That’s all only if you want to,” she told him because this was the important bit. “You don’t have to press charges, or to tell anyone. It would bring that man to justice – perhaps not teach a lesson, because I doubt getting arrested would ignite any self-reflection from him, but it would let him face consequences for the damage he’s done.” She had reached a hand over to him, placing it over his right wrist. She squeezed it once, evening out her breathing so that he could follow along. “But if that’s not something you want to do, that’s completely alright.”

Billy shook his head. “I– I don’t get it… What are you talking about? How could I– he’s my—” here he cut off, inhaling sharply. Susan wondered vaguely if this was something he’d ever considered, or if it were a far out fantasy he’d never thought he’d get the chance to live out. Or perhaps he really hadn’t ever thought about it, hadn’t ever wanted it.

“Like I said, if you want to stop living in this– this hellhole of a house, just say the word.” Apparently something about what she’d said was amusing because she spotted the ghost of a smile on his face. Fleeting as it was, she couldn’t help but feel proud for dredging it out at all.

The kid inhaled deep and slow before speaking, his eyes fixed straight ahead, his whole body tense and exuding a normally hidden anxiety. “And let’s say I do want to go through with this– this whatever the fuck. Everything just falls into place after that? I somehow get somewhere to live, and you and Max will do that too. Or you’ll stick around Neil?”

At that, Susan had to laugh. “Oh, no, sweetie. The moment you say the word, I’m filing for divorce. Trying to defend a man with two ex-wives who left him, rather than him having left them, on top of all the testimonies from your end? No lawyer in a hundred mile radius would be interested in his case. The likelihood of him winning this? Well below average, I’ll have you know.

“As for where you’ll be staying. That one, I’ll admit, is the harder part. Best case scenario, I suppose, is that the police end up finding your mother and you’re moved to live with her.”

This, predictably, did not sit well with Billy. Somehow, he grew more tense and his shoulders hiked up a bit higher, closer to his ears. “And the worst?”

Susan squeezed his wrist once. “Worst case scenario; you’re moved to live in a group home. Or perhaps moved around a little. The specifics are hard to tell, according to the Chief.” She hadn’t told the Chief specifics about Billy. She’d only ever asked about how a domestic violence case would go, and had never mentioned Billy in the case. She’d had to do a lot of sidestepping and half-truthing to avoid those specifics.

“I’ve looked into it and there aren’t many places within Hawkins you could be sent to, not for your age group anyway. There is a place on the outskirts of Indiapillos that frequently takes in older kids. The reputation of the place isn’t bad exactly, but it wouldn’t matter too much, I hope. You’ll only stay for a few months before you’re legal.”

Billy stared off into nothingness for a moment, his eyes drifting, darting as he processed everything. “Oh,” he said once he’d collected his thoughts. “You did a lot of research, huh?”

Susan felt her cheeks heat up a little. She averted her eyes, fanning her face with one hand. “Well, I mean, I didn’t want to come to you empty-handed. I wouldn't want to get your hopes up for something I wasn’t even sure about.”

Billy didn’t speak for a while and when Susan looked up at him, he was eyeing her strangely. When he caught her looking, he darted his eyes back at the door. “And when I hit eighteen, what happens?”

“You can come live with me and Max,” she offered simply, shrugging. This was the easy part, really. Once he became legal, he had so much more freedom to make his choices, on where to live, with whom, what sorts of jobs he could get. When Susan had been a kid, she’d never realised the limits to her freedom; how much she realistically couldn’t do. It had never even crossed her mind. Now, looking back, she thought herself lucky for it.

“Just like that?” He sounded far more apprehensive than Susan thought was strictly necessary.

“Just like that,” she agreed.

“Huh,” he said in answer. “And if I don’t? Press charges, I mean.”

Susan smiled, squeezing his wrist once more. “Then you’ll have to wait.”

Billy huffed a laugh far more just a heavy breath and less an expression of joy. “‘Til I’m legal, yeah? Nothing's gonna happen if I turn eighteen in this house. I don’t have the money to move, can’t get the kinda jobs that would get me outta here any faster. In short, I’d be stuck living here even then. For fuck knows how long.”

It hurt to hear just how little he expected from the coming years – how that was his normal, looking to the future and seeing nothing but a dull wasteland that barely constituted a home. Susan licked her lips, because this was important. “We wait until you turn eighteen,” she said, “and when you do, you come with us.”

The boy’s eyes widened once more, as though they hadn’t just talked about the same prospect a moment prior. “What?”

Susan shrugged. “It’s the same as before, except this time without pressing charges. When you turn eighteen, I’ll file for a divorce and we’ll move out. As simple as that.”

“Where?”

At this, Susan couldn’t help but to smile. “There’s this small trailer, three bedrooms, out on Forest Hills. It’s cozy, livable, and the price is manageable with my current salary. All things considered, it’s a good place. If you want, we could see if the place is to your liking sometime? I haven’t paid the up-front costs just yet, but I plan to whenever we intend to move.”

“Three bedrooms? Wouldn’t you need a guest room?” It was abundantly clear even to Susan that this was not exactly a legitimate worry the kid would have.

She huffed, shaking her head in fond exasperation. “I doubt that’s a high priority, sweetie.” She uses his wrist, for emphasis on the point and to offer comfort. She took a breath and sobered herself. “I know I haven’t been the greatest step-mom. Really, I haven’t been much of anything to you since we met, and I plan to change that. I hope I’m not overstepping anything – I’m not trying to replace your mother, I never would. I doubt ever could, either.”

At this, Billy snorted. “Well, you’re already doing ten times more than she ever did.”

Susan frowned, not liking that tone of voice. “What do you mean?”

Shrugging one shoulder in a tense jerk, Billy huffed. “You’re leaving my dad, and you—” he glanced at her, meeting her eyes momentarily before darting them back at the door— “and you want me to come with you. My mom didn’t.”

Susan wanted to say that there could’ve been many unforeseeable circumstances involved. It could’ve been a money-related decision – she could’ve thought that she didn’t have enough money to raise a child on her own – or perhaps it had been a matter of thinking Neil wouldn’t hurt Billy anymore; a decision made from thinking that Neil’s ire was due to her and her alone. She didn’t voice these thoughts.

She couldn’t imagine leaving Max behind in a house she knew to be dangerous, no matter the circumstances. That clearly had not been the case for Billy’s mother. Susan had no way of knowing what the lady had been thinking, and thus couldn’t judge her for her decisions.

But she couldn’t ever understand the other lady, either. Leaving behind a child in an unsafe situation would never be an okay thing Susan would ever catch herself doing.

“Alright,” she said because the conversation was diverting to a path she was not exactly keen on venturing down. “I’ll let you think about it, okay?”

He looked up at her as she stood, her hand falling to her side.

“Let me know what you decide on, alright? Sooner rather than later, sure, but take your time. Don’t rush things. If you have any questions, feel free to come to me, okay?”

He nodded, sinking his teeth into his bottom lip in a gesture Susan had seen Max do lately. Susan gestured at the food and drink, which both would’ve cooled down to room temperature by now. “Eat up, alright?”

And with that, she wished him a good night and exited the room. She didn’t shut the room door, instead glancing once at Billy who seemed to understand immediately and nodded, then at her own room door straight opposite his. She peeked into Max’s room to find the girl sitting up in bed, staring through the crack in her door at Susan. Max’s door was diagonally opposite Billy’s and thus she had likely seen Susan enter and leave the room with the food and drink in hand. Max nodded once and Susan shut her day with a small wave. After a quick stop at the washroom for a shower and to brush her teeth, she went to her own door and opened it, darting a look behind to see Billy standing at his waiting to close in time with hers. They did and Neil would never know she’d ever been in Billy’s room.

She got in bed with the feeling that things had changed that night, and for the better.