Chapter Text
The afternoon sunlight filtered softly through the slatted blinds, casting long shadows across the kitchen of the old house. The same house Eddie had "grown up" in, the same one he’d left behind nearly a year ago when he’d gone to Texas. Now, it was Buck’s home, the walls holding echoes of both their lives in quiet memory.
Eddie sat at the kitchen table, alone, hands folded loosely before him. His gaze was distant, unfocused, as though he was looking out beyond the walls into some far-off place only he could see. The silence pressed down like a heavy blanket, full of memories and regrets and unspoken truths.
He’d been here for hours, though it felt like minutes. Time lost meaning when the mind got stuck in a loop of “what ifs.”
What if I hadn’t joined the military?
What if I hadn’t married Shannon?
What if Christopher had never been born?
The questions bounced in his mind, relentless, relentless like a storm he could not calm.
He remembered the moment he got the call from Buck. The call that changed everything.
“Eddie… Bobby’s gone.”
Those words echoed in his head still, sharp and sudden.
But even before that call, before he’d packed his bags and caught the flight back to LA, the same questions had haunted him. Doubts, fears, all tangled with memories of decisions made and roads not taken.
What if I’d let my parents take Christopher after Shannon left?
Or worse, after she died?
What if I never fought for my son?
What if I had stayed in Texas, letting my family’s expectations dictate my life forever?
What if I’d never become a firefighter?
He’d wrestled with those thoughts in the quiet of hotel rooms, on planes flying over clouds he felt detached from, in the dark nights when the city was silent and his own heart too loud.
What if I had been honest with myself when I was a teenager?
What if I hadn’t spent so long trying to be someone I wasn’t?
What if I’d told Buck how I felt when he first started seeing Tommy?
Hell, what if I’d told him before that?
Eddie’s breath caught. These were the questions he couldn’t outrun anymore. They haunted him because he knew, deep down, that life was too short for silence, too fleeting for lies—even the ones we tell ourselves.
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The front door creaked softly, footsteps padding down the hall, and the gentle clatter of grocery bags on the counter. Buck had returned from the store, but the weight in the air hadn’t lifted.
Buck paused when he saw Eddie, seated at the kitchen table just as he’d left him, lost in thought, his profile etched in the golden afternoon light.
“Hey,” Buck said softly, unsure. “You okay?”
Eddie blinked slowly, as if surfacing from a deep place. He nodded, but it wasn’t convincing.
Buck moved closer, setting the bags down, voice gentle but concerned. “Is this about going back to El Paso?”
Eddie’s eyes flicked up, steadying on Buck’s face. “No,” he said quietly. “It’s actually quite the opposite.”
Buck furrowed his brow, his whole body tuning in to what Eddie might say next.
Eddie took a breath, gathering the tangled threads of his thoughts into words. “I’ve been thinking about all the things I haven’t done, the paths I didn’t take. The ‘what ifs’ that have been with me for a long time. Longer than I ever admitted.”
His voice cracked slightly but he pressed on, the floodgates opening.
“What if I hadn’t joined the military? What if I hadn’t married Shannon? What if Christopher was never born?”
Buck said nothing, waiting.
“What if I’d let my parents take Christopher after Shannon left him? Or worse, after she died? What if I didn’t fight hard enough?”
Eddie’s fingers curled, tightening on the table’s edge.
“What if I never came to LA? Never became a firefighter? What if I just gave in to the expectations—religious, familial—that shaped every choice I made?”
His eyes met Buck’s, vulnerability shining clear for the first time in months.
“What if I had been honest with myself when I was a teenager? About who I really am?”
Eddie swallowed hard. “What if I told you how I felt when you started seeing Tommy? Or better yet… what if I told you before that? What if I never moved back to Texas, and never left you behind?”
Buck’s throat tightened, the room suddenly charged with years of silence.
Eddie’s voice dropped, soft and raw. “These thoughts—they didn’t just start now. They were there before I got on that plane. Before the call from you telling me Bobby was gone. But after that call, it all became too clear.”
A pause.
“Bobby probably had a million things he never got to say—to Athena, the kids, everyone at the 118. And I realized something.”
His hands opened, palms up, as if offering everything he’d kept hidden.
“I don’t want to be the guy who dies without saying what really matters.”
He looked at Buck, steady and unflinching.
“I love you, Buck. I think I’ve loved you for a long time.”
Buck’s chest tightened, emotions swirling inside him — relief, fear, hope, and a thousand unspoken words crashing all at once.
For a long moment, he hesitated, then breathed out, cautious but hopeful, “I love you too, Eddie. You’re my best friend.”
Eddie’s eyes searched Buck’s face, a gentle but firm shake of his head stopping Buck before he could say more.
“No,” Eddie said quietly but with undeniable certainty. “I’m not talking about best friends. I’m talking about in love with you.”
He stood, walking the short distance to Buck, reaching out and cupping Buck’s face in his hands.
Then Eddie kissed him — slow, sure, tender — a kiss that spoke volumes about all the feelings Eddie had kept bottled up inside for too long.
Buck’s breath hitched, his own hands finding Eddie’s waist, pulling him closer. When they parted, Buck’s voice was soft but certain.
“In that case…” he said, a shy smile tugging at his lips, “…I love you too.”
And just like that, Buck closed the space between them, kissing Eddie back — deep and real — sealing a promise neither had dared speak aloud before.