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The lights dimmed, and the dome above her shifted into night.
It was her first time in more than a year since she’d set foot in the planetarium. Funny how it feels completely alien to her now, yet nothing about the place had actually changed.
She tilted her head back.
A stray memory of a blue-haired girl lying down next to her under a night sky crept into her head.
She closed her eyes shut. Took deep breaths. Planted her being into the seat and the ground.
Those times were no more.
“We will now begin the starfield projection. The dome will display the night sky as seen from Earth at peak visibility. Please allow your eyes a moment to adjust.”
She lifted her eyes to the dome as stars unfurled above her.
Stars appeared slowly, scattered like shy embers, most so faint they were little more than guesses. She let her eyes rest on the blur of them, not focusing, just breathing, letting the quiet wash over her.
It was only thanks to the light from the brighter stars do some others come into view.
She exhaled, a breath she hadn’t realised she was holding.
She really does like the stars after all.
***
“You were out for quite a while today.”
Saki-chan looked quite concerned. Or was she actually irritated? She felt her stomach turning into a knot.
“A-are you mad, Saki-chan?” the girl took off her cap and lowered it to her chest.
“No, not quite.” the blue-haired girl replied. “It’s just, I bought these croissants thinking someone would eat them with me earlier.”
She immediately dropped her bag and dashed to the dining table. “Sorry, Saki-chan! I didn’t mean to!”
Sakiko giggled. “Come now, I was just kidding.”
“R-really?”
“Why would I be upset? I didn’t even tell you about this.” Sakiko said matter-of-factly, while picking up a croissant and taking a bite out of it.
She merely stared at the girl opposite her.
Sakiko handed her another croissant. “Please help yourself.”
After a moment of spacing out, she took it in her hands and happily munched into it.
***
She strummed her guitar with a practiced finesse that looked good to any onlooker, but the sound couldn't fool those closest to the music.
Umiri and Nyamu simply looked at each other. They knew what was up.
It’d been a few months since they lost their leader. Obviously they had been hurting. They absolutely still couldn't really talk about it well enough. Mujica itself was on an indefinite hiatus.
But it was one thing to suddenly try acting like everything was fine although it was very obviously not.
Umiri’s lower lip trembled. “We’re worried about you.”
“Mana told me about how you dropped your guitar and froze in front of the executives.” Nyamu blurted out.
Umiri's head snapped towards the taller girl. “But Sumida-san said we shouldn't say it..!”
She didn't know why but she could only idly strum the strings on her guitar.
“So what, Umiko?” Nyamu glared. “What I’m trying to say is don't force yourself, Uiko.”
She wasn't forcing herself though.
She couldn't let herself be anymore of a burden to anyone.
What was she good for, really?
Pretty faces were replaceable.
Voices could be trained.
Guitars could be handed to anyone willing to learn.
If she could no longer do any of those things, then what purpose did someone like her even serve?
“W-we…” Umiri’s voice wavered, as if the words themselves resisted leaving her throat.
“We look out for each other,” she forced out at last. “We’re a band.”
Her first instinct was to scoff, a tiny, bitter impulse.
She caught it immediately and crushed it, horrified at herself for even thinking something so presumptuous.
A band?
Someone like her belonged in something like that?
Even the lyrics felt unbearable now.
Every moment she thought of reading her own lines, her stomach twisted, as though the words themselves rejected her.
But the guilt that followed was worse, a sharp, quiet ache, whispering that turning from them meant casting aside all the guidance Saki-chan had given her… as if she were walking away from the path Sakiko helped her build.
The path that she never thought she ever deserved as something less than human.
***
“Uika? What are you doing?” Sakiko queried as she lowered her eyelids.
The other girl had her arms half-lifted, only somewhat ready to shield herself from… something.
“Y-you didn't see it, Saki-chan?” she mumbled. “T-the bug on that chair…”
“The bug.” Sakiko repeated.
The two girls were sitting in a beach hut, a bit further away from the sea. That is, if she had actually sat down.
“Huhh…” Sakiko hummed as she effortlessly approached the chair. “I don’t see any…”
“Y-you didn’t see it then… let’s go sit over there instead.” she said, holding her shaved ice in both hands.
Sakiko suddenly raised her voice, “There it is!”
“AAAHH!!!” she jumped, only to next hear her companion’s laughter.
She blanked out for a moment before realising it was a prank. She whined, “That was so mean, Saki-chan!
“My apologies… I couldn’t help it.” Sakiko replied, wiping away a tear in her eye.
The blue-haired girl suddenly sank into the chair, her posture softening as she let out a long breath. Her chest rose and fell in slow, deliberate motions, as though each inhale needed a moment to steady itself before moving on.
She hesitated before following her, finally sitting across the small table.
“It’s hot, isn’t it?” she asked lightly.
“Mm.” Sakiko’s reply was gentle, but her breathing carried a faint weight she couldn’t ignore.
Or rather refused to.
She noticed it. Of course she did. But the warmth of the day, the bright sky, the soft sweetness of shaved ice between them. She wanted all of it to stretch on just a little longer.
“Here, Saki-chan,” she said, pushing her cup toward her, “Have mine. I’ll go get a new one.”
“It’s alright, Uika. I only need a moment to catch my breath…”
But she was already on her feet, already dashing toward the stall with a determined little sprint, as if outrunning the part of her heart that whispered something was wrong.
***
“Misumi-san?” a voice called out. “Misumi-san?”
Her vision started to get clearer.
“I-it’s ok, Misumi-san. You don't have to be here yet, okay?”
All she could do was hang her gaze towards the floor, her black cap obscuring any view towards her eyes.
“Please take care of yourself first, take your time until you're ready,” said the kind agency staff member.
It felt like something was begging to come out of her, just absolutely ooze its way out.
But it simply hurt too much.
She thought that all her experiences with her bandmates, with her friends, with Saki-chan, after all these years had finally helped her become something. Something whole. Something not empty.
She was arrogant in the first place to think that of herself.
It had always been because of Saki-chan that she was who she was.
She was arrogant to think she would be anything without her.
It simply hurt too much.
Everything reminded her of her. Every corner she looked, something would remind her of the blue-haired girl. Her home, her guitar, her coffee, her very birth, everything really was connected to her.
She defied every fiber of her being to drag herself out of the room. She couldn't feel herself, but she was already causing massive trouble for everyone.
The drive home was so numb she hardly recalled if it was even the same day or not.
***
“Saki-chan… I, um… brought you coffee..!”
She stepped forward and placed it on the edge of Sakiko’s desk, trying to angle the cup in a way that made it look more impressive.
Sakiko blinked at it.
“Oh..? T-thank you, Uika… though I don’t remember asking for it…” Sakiko echoed, her expression unreadable.
Her shoulders shot up. “Ah..! I’m sorry! I should’ve asked, I didn’t mean to. I’ll go get something else…”
“No, no.” Sakiko leaned back in her chair, brows lifting just slightly in confusion. “Why are you apologising?”
“B-because I messed up…”
“You didn’t mess up.” Sakiko’s tone softened, though her phrasing stayed matter-of-fact.
She blinked, unsure what to do with her hands.
Sakiko added, almost with a hint of cheekiness, “I’ve never told you this, but I actually prefer tea.”
A tiny pause.
“Eh?” Her face started distorting into a panicked mess. “Then I really did mess up!”
Sakiko smiled, “No, Uika, you didn’t mess up.”
“…You don’t have to treat me like I’m sacred or something, you know?”
Her breath caught for a moment, the tension in her shoulders loosening without her noticing. She nodded quickly, her eyes dropping, a small warmth blooming in her chest.
“Oh… okay.”
Sakiko slid the mug a little closer to herself, as though to prove a point.
“I’ll drink it,” she said simply.
And she, quietly relieved, sat down beside her.
***
She absolutely had no right to let her tears fall. Not right now.
Before her stretched a sea of backs, all dark and pressed together like a single, silent wall.
The weight of their grief hung in the small space between each shoulder blade.
Could this all just be a cruel dream, after all?
She could still imagine Saki-chan’s warm, noble smile just like she was still right there.
But the atmosphere was suffocating, oppressing, all she could see were people’s backs, rows of black jackets and stiff shoulders. A reminder of the unrelenting reality.
She forced the tears back.
Why was it her that still lived? Why couldn’t it have been her who was taken away?
What right did she have to cry here, or even feel such sorrow?
She was nothing, not even fully human, just a shadow pretending to stand among people.
She was just a pretender all along, she was just a no-good imitation.
A fake!
An imposter!
…
The wetness on her hands startled her. Her lungs squeezed shut, releasing a strangled, broken gasp she didn’t recognise as her own.
Her body shook hard enough to hurt.
A warm palm pressed lightly against her shoulder. She couldn’t even turn to face it.
The arrogance of her, receiving kindness she had no right, no worth, no ability to give back.
Judging by the size, it was probably Mutsumi’s.
She simply continued hanging her head low. Her breath stuttered, softer than a gasp, and she brushed at her face instinctively.
She had absolutely no right to let her tears fall.
***
They were sprawled on the picnic mat. Half her face pressed into her folded arms, Sakiko right next to her, starting to lose the battle against sleep.
It had been a while since the two of them had done this. Just laying down in the middle of the Shodoshima night sky, away from the city, gazing into real stars.
She had wanted to do this again for a very long time. In a way, it was her dream to stay like this forever besides Sakiko.
“I presume you know all the constellations?” the blue-haired girl asked gently.
She shook her head. “Not all of them, there’re probably some of the obscure ones I don’t know.”
“Which ones are the Summer Triangle?” Sakiko lazily lifted her hand upwards.
“I think…” she darted her eyes across the sky. “That’s definitely Vega… and that’s Altair…”
Sakiko shifted, cheek squishing against her sleeve. She interrupted her with another question, “Which one’s your favourite?”
She paused and turned towards Sakiko, her hand still half-outstretched from pointing at the stars. “I… I don’t have one.”
She was silent for a moment, long enough that Sakiko wondered if she’d fallen asleep.
“…It’s kind of weird when you think about it,” Uika murmured, eyes half-lidded.
Sakiko made a faint sound of acknowledgement.
“Most of the stars we see aren’t really shining for us,” Uika continued. “We’re just catching the radiation they throw out in every direction. Some of them aren’t even alive anymore… we’re just looking at leftover light that finally reached us.”
She paused, tracing the sky with her eyes.
She huffed a tiny, soft breath, not quite a laugh, not quite a sigh. “A lot of the bright ones we see are actually planets. They don’t produce light. They just catch whatever the sun throws at them and bounce it back.”
Her voice dropped softer, more drowsy. “They only look like they’re shining because something else hit them first.”
She felt her eyes close gently, embracing the moment.
Silence spread through like a calm tide, soft and steady, asking nothing of either of them.
“Even if the light comes from somewhere else, once you’ve seen a star… you remember it.” Sakiko’s tone was slow, almost lazy, as though the words were drifting out without effort.
“You remember the position, the shape, the way it sits in the sky. It becomes itself in your mind.” the blue-haired girl continued. “Just like everyone remembers which of those are Vega and Altair.”
She shifted her cheek against her arm, finding Sakiko’s eyes looking straight into hers.
“Don’t you think so too, Hatsune?”
For a moment, her heartbeat seemed to swell through her, echoing faintly with the distant stars above.
***
The ceiling darkened, and the stars rose.
They appeared gradually, as if pushed through by the gentle turning of some unseen hand.
“Welcome to tonight’s star projection. In just a moment, the artificial sky above you will reveal constellations as they appear on a clear night, far from the city’s lights.” spoke the announcement.
Once again she found herself in the familiar planetarium.
She tilted her head back.
The whole room seemed to sigh into silence, as if everything around them had finally grown tired too.
After what felt like a moment flashing over, Hatsune opened her eyes to the beautiful display projected.
She felt her tears swell up.
But she didn't hold them back this time.