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“Your father has already brought in the Christmas tree,” Euphemia says, all proud. “We picked a very pretty one again this year, you will love it.”
“I'm sure I will, mum,” James says, balancing the phone between his ear and his shoulder while typing on his laptop, trying to update the latest patient's file while also listening to his mother talking about their Christmas preparations.
“You'll arrive on Christmas eve?”
“Just like I do every year, mum,” James confirms, updating the list of medication he prescribed today.
“Don't forget to drive safely. There will be a lot of people on the road and we already had some snow here.”
James hums in acknowledgement. He has already checked the weather report. “I promise I will, mum.”
The door to his office opens a tiny bit, just enough for Mary to stick her head through the opening. “Can you see one more today? The ears hurt this little one,” she asks, just when his mother says something too, but James doesn't catch it.
Instead he answers Mary's question. “Of course I will.”
“Really?” His mother's excitement rings loudly in his ear. “Oh, that's wonderful, Jamie!”
James blinks in confusion. “What – ?”
“Finally,” his mother goes on without letting him get a word in, her voice brimming with excitement. “Your father and I are always so worried about you, all alone in the big city, and we're getting older too. We don't want you to be lonely, you know that.”
“I'm not –“ James tries – and fails – again.
“You're turning thirty next year,” his mother continues, completely unstoppable. “Time stops for no one. So I'm so glad you finally found someone you want to bring over for Christmas. That's so exciting!”
“It's – “
“Oh, don't tell me who it is!” Euphemia quickly interrupts. “Let it be a Christmas surprise. And what a nice surprise it's going to be. My Jamie, finally bringing someone home. Fleamont! Fleamont, your son is bringing a special someone for Christmas!”
“I can't – “
“I can't wait to see you too! Only two more days. Oh, I still have so much to prepare! See you soon, my boy!”
The line goes dead. His mother has hung up on him, leaving James to stare at his computer screen until Mary opens the door again and brings a mother and her little boy into the surgery.
He has no idea what just happened.
**
“I'm in trouble.” James sighs and drops into the seat next to Lily at the bar.
“Aren't you always?” Lily asks with a grin and takes a sip of her cocktail, a bright pink cosmopolitan. “But what kind of trouble did you get yourself into this time? Will I be entertained?”
“I think so.” James slumps against the bar. “I might have accidentally told my mum that I will bring someone over for the holidays.”
“Accidentally?” Lily looks at him, an eyebrow raised. “How can you possibly do that accidentally?”
“I don't know!” James tosses his hands into the air. “We were on the phone and Mary came in and I answered her question and suddenly my mum was all excited.”
Lily, of course, laughs at his dilemma. “Then tell her it was a misunderstanding.”
“I can't break my mum's heart on Christmas!”
Lily hums and takes another sip of her cocktail. “Guess you will break it no matter what when you show up all alone after getting her very excited.”
James groans and drops his head onto the smooth wood of the bar. He would ask Lily for help, to come along, bribing her with his parent's cooking, but they tried the dating thing almost ten years ago and his mother knows that. Because he has brought Lily along for a Christmas holiday before.
They had broken up only months after, deciding to stay friends instead. James currently regrets that decision a little when Lily laughs at him again. “Don't be so dramatic, James. If you don't want to tell your poor mother, you'll just have to find someone who can come along and play pretend.”
“I was just thinking of asking you,” James mumbles into the wood.
“And we both know that wouldn't work. Your parents would never believe it,” Lily says and pulls her phone out of her handbag. “But remember the guy I hired last year? The one I brought to my mum's house?”
“The mother-in-law frightener?” James asks, lifting his head off the bar. He remembers Lily being so annoyed by her mother constantly bringing up marriage and children, she had hired someone one of her friends had recommended to her. A make-believe boyfriend to frighten off her mum so she'd be very glad Lily didn't end up married to that one. “Not exactly the vibe I'm going for, Lily.”
“Baggers can't be choosers,” Lily says and types on her phone. “Chances are he's not available anymore anyway. It's so close to Christmas after all.”
James groans again and drops his head back onto the bar. “So my choices are between making my mum cry by coming alone and making my mum cry by bringing a strange biker dude.”
“Hey, he was great!” Lily defends her strange for-hire boyfriend, smacking James' shoulder. “He did exactly what I wanted him to do and was a perfect gentleman otherwise. Five star review from me, really. I've been on dates with blokes that behaved a lot worse, even if I ordered the flirting with my sister and being weird about women and their freedom this time.”
“Sounds charming,” James says, looking up at Lily from the bar.
“Absolutely. Still, my mum was far more concerned about the motor bike and his pretty face. But it still worked in my favour.” Lily looks up from her phone and grins. “And the bike ride was pretty fun too. I'd recommend it, if you get the chance.”
James tries to ignore the mental image of being pressed up to someone's back on a motor bike. He shouldn't fantasize about that. Or be tempted by the idea at all.
So James distracts himself from it with a much more satisfying idea.
“Will your sister die of shame if she ever finds out a hooker flirted with her? One that you hired for that purpose specifically?” James asks, wondering if that would be a great Christmas present for Lily. He'll just send Petunia a special Christmas card with the information in it.
“He's not a hooker!” Lily protests, taking another sip of her cocktail.
“He's up for escort services,” James says with a shrug. “Sounds like a hooker to me.”
“Be nice, James,” Lily says, but gets distracted when her phone screen lights up with an incoming message. Her face lights up along with it. “Since he's willing to hear your offer. I'll send you his number.”
James' phone buzzes with a message from Lily, but he's not ready to look at it yet. He'll need some liquid courage first. Sitting up on his bar stool, James looks for the bartender.
He'll need something strong to get him through this. A simple piña colada won't cut it.