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For as long as Ada can remember, she’s always had the habit of waking up before sunrise even if she really had no reason too.
The time before the sun rises is peaceful for Ada. She feels calmer, more secure and less exposed. She has time to gather her emotions and prepare herself for the day. However, this morning is different to her usual solitary mornings.
She’s woken up in Leon’s bed, something so familiar yet terrifying after a passionate night with him. He was fast asleep with his limbs practically attached to her as his head rested in the crook of her neck, providing her with lots of warmth and comfort.
In these early hours, Ada’s always thought of him as even more beautiful than usual. He looks younger, more relaxed. She’s fully aware about his struggles with sleep. Leon occasionally opens up to her about his nightmares of racoon city and those individuals he believes he failed to save. However, he barely gets them when she’s around. That’s why Ada’s made it a habit to leave early in the morning and not after the intimacy because she likes knowing he’s comfortable. (And she’s secretly pleased it’s because of her)
But despite the comfort of these nights tangled in sheets, it’s always futile. It’s never enough.
Leon’s always wanted more, yearned for that security of knowing she will always be there when he wakes up. Ada knows, because he always subtly implies wanting so much more than a causal hook up and randomly meeting in shit holes when they are fighting for their lives. Small comments about breakfast, about routines, her keeping clothes at his apartment. Ada’s always brushed it off with a comment or laugh. However, sometimes she lets herself think a little to long about the fantasy.
She thinks about another universe where they’re normal people with jobs and pets, a stable family without the constant threat of death and separation. Maybe she’d make leon breakfast every morning, take the dog on a walk when he couldn’t, ensure that Leon was not working too hard. He’d buy her flowers, memorise her favourite scents and flavours. They’d sleep every night in the comfort of knowing that no matter what happens, they had tomorrow together. That would be enough
Ada’s never considered the possibility of children, however she thinks that Leon would make a good father. Perhaps in this alternative reality she would be secure enough to have a family with him.
But currently, in this fucked up world they unfortunately suffer in, Ada’s reluctantly accepted that her wildest dreams won’t become reality for a long time. Maybe sometime in the future they’ll retire and finally live in peace, but that’s only if they manage to live that long. And she’s always scared that something will happen to him when she’s not around.
Now, resting next to Leon, this would be the part of the meeting where she quietly exits through his front door. It’s routine, practised so many times she’s convinced herself it’s natural. And Leon’s devastatingly gotten used to it. She knows this, and he’s never questioned her routine even if he desires more.
However, Ada doesn’t want to leave this morning.
And that’s scary.
Leaving is stable. It’s natural. Ada’s never completely rested anywhere comfortably. She likes running because It protects her from getting used to things, to him. It prevents getting too attached, tragically loosing something that means too much to her. However, the comfort of the sheets and Leon’s warmth is far too strong to resist.
And so, Ada finally accepts that maybe one morning won’t hurt her and makes herself comfortable in his arms, stroking his hair while she surrenders to the battle of sleep.
Time passes unnoticed, and she’s woken up to the presence of Leon staring at her through the morning light. He looks surprised, a little alarmed and hopeful. He obviously did not expect to see this sight of Ada in his bed.
“You look like you’ve just seen a ghost.” Is the only thing Ada has the courage to say. This is new, she feels strangely vulnerable in this position and for once she can’t predict how Leon will react.
“You actually stayed for once.” *He sounds breathless, but Ada can see the signs of a grin spreading across his face. He’s settling back down into bed, but she can tell there’s still some uncertainty.
“Don’t get used to it. I was curious about what you’re like in the mornings.” Ada doesn’t tell him the real reason that she stayed (that she doesn’t want too leave because she’s worried there’s not much time and something tragic might happen to him) but she feels as if she doesn’t need too. Because as much as Ada hates to admit it, Leon is really good at reading her sometimes.
Leon smiles at this, a genuine soft smile, before he’s finally resting back down next to her and pulling her close, nuzzling into the crook of her neck like it was his safe shelter.
“Thank you.”
“For?” Ada questions.
“Staying. It means a lot to me. And I know it’s not easy for you.”
She tries to think of a comeback for that, one that isn’t too exposing however words get stuck in her throat because Leon sounds so genuine, so happy that she doesn’t want to ruin the moment with the fact that she doesn’t actually know how long she can stay. Staying means opening up, and that risks her getting hurt. And he’s right, it really isn’t easy. Ada hates being vulnerable, hates when situations are unpredictable.
She presses a soft kiss to the crown of his head that has him melting into her arms.
He’s quiet for a moment before mumbling out, “Was last night okay?”
“It was fine, why are you asking? Not like it’s our first time.”
“I was worried I was a bit too rough.”
Ada smiles at his thoughtfulness. He wasn’t rough at all, compared to other men she’d been with, and yet he was still so considerate about how she felt.
“Don’t worry about it handsome. I enjoyed it.”
He’s content with that before mumbling out a gentle “you look beautiful” that she pretends she’s never heard.
“Well since you’re so curious about how my mornings are, I usually start with showering.” Leon starts, and Ada can tell where this is going.
“Oh yeah? You only have one shower. Looks like I’ll have to miss out on that experience.”
Leon laughs before wrapping his arm around her, “You could join me. I swear I won’t boil you alive.” He’s partially joking, before gently adding on “Only if you’re comfortable.”
“Such a gentlemen. Alright, I’ll join you. Just give me a moment.”
“Yes ma’am.”