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“What do you mean your hair isn’t even dry yet, K? Seriously? It’s winter—are you even properly caring for it? You have...a lot of hair.”
She supposed that’s what she got for mentioning something. Kanade wasn’t even surprised to hear Ena’s frustrated tone retort, but she still didn’t particularly want to hear it. “It’s...almost dry. It’s fine.”
“Oh my god.”
“Enanaaan, down girl, down girl. I get it, you’re snippy because you’re frustrated over your block, but come on. Though she does have a point, K. Even aside from the fact you’re gonna catch a cold sitting around with all that damp hair, you don’t really strike me as someone who...even knows how to avoid damaging your hair.”
“I kn…” Kanade pursed her lips, frowning at her computer screen. “M...maybe I don’t, no. I don’t really know about that kind of stuff…” Her mother had given her a few scattered tips here and there when she was alive, but that was so spread out and long ago...her dad definitely didn’t know anything about how to teach his daughter how to take care of her appearance. Even if he hadn’t been such a busy person, she’s pretty sure that was beyond his scope of knowledge.
Ena’s voice broke the momentary silence, snapping Kanade out of her wandering thoughts.
“Ugh...sorry, sorry. Look I’m not trying to be rude, I swear. I just think you should learn at least the basics of things like that, you know? I realize you’re not out to impress the masses or anything, but at least take care of yourself.”
Mizuki chuckled on her end of the chat. “Heh, yeah, and you have such pretty hair, K. If you don’t want to bother with cutting it, then some upkeep once in a while wouldn’t hurt. Oh I know! I’ll send you a little cheat sheet on the basics about it, that’d be super easy for me to whip up!”
Blushing faintly, Kanade leaned back in her chair and sighed, her fingers idly fidgeting with a few strands of the hair in question. Did it really matter all that much? She didn’t really know, honestly. “If you want to.”
“Great! I’ll get right on that actually, since I’m in limbo until Enanan’s got an illustration to pass to me.”
“Oi.”
Kanade felt herself smile a little bit at the usual banter. “I’m going to get back to work, so I’ll be muted for now.”
“Got it!” The unison response was also something she was used to. While she did mute, she found herself a bit distracted by her bedroom door. Only a room over was their fourth member. Yuki—Mafuyu. The two of them were the half of the group actually living together at the moment. It wasn’t unusual—in fact, it was an arrangement that had existed before, when Mafuyu had been in trouble dealing with her anxiety and her feelings, and needed an escape route from her family’s home. From her mother. She took up residence in a separate room of Kanade’s father’s home and stayed there until eventually things had thankfully patched up at least enough for Mafuyu to feel comfortable with going back.
She had eventually ended up back here. Not from any other bad developments—er, aside from their own personal ones of course. Though at times strained, Mafuyu was still in touch with her mother and father and saw them often—they even visited here from time to time, though Kanade couldn’t deny there was a particular kind of discomfort she felt when around Mafuyu’s mother. Even with things better between mother and daughter, Kanade wasn’t oblivious to neglect noticing that there was still...a little discontent between her and that woman.
She did suppose she wasn’t the best influence on Mafuyu. She really didn’t blame the girl’s mother for still not quite liking her. Especially after how their first talk had gone back then. It certainly cemented an impression of Kanade on Mafuyu’s mother that the older woman was definitely not letting go of anytime soon.
Not that Kanade would take anything she said back, of course.
Mafuyu lived here now because it was her own wish to. She was still in between places in life. They’d graduated already, but until Mafuyu could really understand what she wanted from herself and out of life, she wasn’t ready to think about college. Not yet. Reluctantly, her mother understood, as long as she would consider it once she knew (‘as long as she didn’t end up like Kanade,’ is no doubt what was meant). She didn’t kick Mafuyu out or anything—rather, Mafuyu wanted independence from there. She didn’t quite clearly explain her reasons, though Kanade suspected maybe it would help her eventually know what she wanted without the unintentional or irrational anxiety of the presence of her parents around her. They weren’t perfect saints, no matter how hard they tried. No one was. Even if they didn’t mean to, their daughter hesitating to move forward with her future in a timely manner was going to cause them to ask questions and prod in places she wasn’t ready to brace herself against right now.
So here she was. Kanade leaned against the door frame—the door was open. Mafuyu was still awake, but she was staring at her laptop, fingers occasionally tapping the keys as she brainstormed the right words for her lyrics.
Mafuyu’s mother did subtly try to avoid this living situation. She even went as far as to ask about Kanade’s father. It was true that he wasn’t home just yet. They were always telling Kanade that he would be able to eventually, but his recovery was a delicate process. He was getting better. It was just slow. It was better they take it slow than to risk him relapsing, or getting even worse. Her dad was a bridge they could cross when they got there though. She was honestly pretty confident that he wouldn’t actually mind having Mafuyu here. If anything he might be relieved to know his daughter managed to still be around other people despite what happened to him. Especially if her grandmother ever explained all the ways Kanade declined after his hospitalization. She...honestly wasn’t even sure how she was going to face him properly, the day he did finally get to come home, clear-minded and how he was before.
It was a problem for another day. She couldn’t think about it right now.
Gently, she raises a hand and knocks at the wood, soft taps meant to get Mafuyu’s attention while she knew that everyone was probably muted for a little while anyway. Fingers on the keyboard twitch and stop before Mafuyu’s head turns calmly, expressionless yet questioning purple eyes looking over at her.
“I was thinking about heating some tea. Did you want any?”
For a moment, she looked away, thinking about it. It took maybe two seconds for her to look back at Kanade and nod. She pushed away from the desk, standing from her chair.
“Oh you don’t need to—”
“It’s okay. I’d like to stand up for a little bit.”
“I see...okay.”
Overall...there were things that improved in Mafuyu’s behavior, and things that still had a long way to go. She still attended therapy twice a week—more, if she felt like she needed an emergency session, but she hardly did. She was just more likely to end up unintentionally telling the rest of the group rather than waiting to call up a professional and wait to see them. It did seem like more often, Mafuyu tried and even succeeded to find things that sparked reactions in her. She told Kanade about them from time to time, even if it wasn’t particularly her business to know. It was unprompted. They’d have a conversation and Mafuyu would bring up whatever happened, and explain the feelings she got from it in her usual, strange way.
There were common things that happened all the time that pulled those reactions out of Mafuyu. Things she would quietly try to go after more often, and dig further into in some attempt to understand herself better. The way certain flavors of tea she drank with Kanade soothed her, the different feelings Kanade’s compositions provoked in her chest, the strange lightness she felt when teaching Kanade how to properly peel an apple...the most mundane, daily activities were often the most important in Mafuyu’s unpredictable journey.
Kanade was glad she was still a part of that, at least. She needed to be. She’s yet to save her.
Once Kanade had the water set, they both sat down on either side of the little table.
“Are you okay?”
Mafuyu glanced over at Kanade, tilting her head slightly. “I’m fine. Why?”
“You were pretty quiet. But...I guess you’re pretty focused on your lyrics, aren’t you?”
“...I don’t know. No...I don’t think I was, actually.”
Kanade blinked, a little bit surprised to hear that. “What? Focused?”
“Yes. I was just distracted. I’m sorry.”
“Oh no, it’s fine. Do you...want to talk about it?”
“...I don’t know. Yet.”
Yet? Hm. She looked at Mafuyu, but felt more surprised at the odd way the girl was looking at her. She looked right at Kanade, her face its usual blank slate aside from the slightest, barest hint of something there. She looked like she wanted to ask a question.
“What is it? You’re...looking at me a little strangely.” Not that it was the first time. Sometimes she did that, especially if there was something on her mind. Honestly, it made Kanade nervous. She wasn’t sure what for. Every time it happened, it felt a little too much like the stare was physically digging at her somehow. But more so, the more Mafuyu insisted on staring, the more anxious it made Kanade. Her fingers would start feeling restless, and her face would start feeling irritatingly warm. She had no reason to get so worked up and embarrassed over it. That’s why it was irritating, she supposed.
Slowly, Mafuyu finally seemed to look down at the table as her arm slowly rose into sight and rested on top if it. It reached out towards Kanade, her hand face-down against the surface. Another second or two, she seemed to decide something as that hand flipped over slowly, open and inviting.
...Ah. “Mafuyu?”
“...just for a little bit. You don’t have to, though.”
“Oh...no, it’s...it’s okay. I don’t mind.” She sincerely didn’t. She just...sometimes didn’t know what Mafuyu was getting at. Or maybe she did know, but she was worried she wasn’t right. The last thing she wanted to do was assume something that was wrong in a situation like that. That sounded like a nightmare, really. She just...hoped her anxiety wasn’t too obvious. She couldn’t exactly turn it off or relax on command once it started. It’s...really only gotten worse over time. Maybe she should...well, no. There were bigger priorities than that in her life. Her music, her compositions...Mafuyu’s well being...those came first.
A nervous hand slides into Mafuyu’s open one, curling around it as Mafuyu’s fingers closed around hers as well.
“….”
“W...what?”
“It’s clammy.”
This is just embarrassing. Kanade can’t help but chuckle though. Yes...they probably were. “Sorry.”
Mafuyu just shakes her head. “It’s okay.”
She could hear the water now. It wasn’t ready yet, but it was halfway there maybe. It was also the only sound now that neither of them were saying anything. This wasn’t unusual either. This also just happened sometimes. Mafuyu liked asking for this—she found a lot of comfort in it. Kanade didn’t mind doing that for her at all. If anything, she was relieved to be reminded that Mafuyu could see her as someone who could give her some kind of comfort.
Mafuyu’s thumb gently brushes over Kanade’s hand in an absentminded gesture, and Kanade’s gaze travels back to their hands curiously, Mafuyu herself merely looking off to the side towards the teapot and its quiet rumble. Mafuyu’s hands were soft and slender...only slightly bigger than her own. They were the kind of hands that reminded Kanade of what some people saw as ‘hands made for a piano.’ It made sense, all things considered. That kind of skill did still require actual learning though. Still, from this angle, she could see the reason for the comparison. But this hand held a lot of skills. Many of them only picked up out of mistaken necessity. Yet...despite all that, it was still soft to the touch. Unscathed. Didn’t things like archery leave callouses or even marks sometimes? Not that she knew much about that. She was a little bit curious about seeing Mafuyu at archery one day...she wasn’t sure why, but it felt like it would be quite the sight.
“Is everything okay, Mafuyu?”
“Mhm.”
Honestly, it felt a little odd to be doing this unprompted. Mafuyu did take a lot of comfort out of simple things like this, but it was usually just when she was feeling bad in some way. When she was sick, or troubled by something—it helped. But...if she just wanted to, maybe it wasn’t really Kanade’s place to keep pressing about why. It wasn’t like she was uncomfortable with it.
The telling whistle of the boiling water nearby prompted Kanade to slowly start standing, hand automatically pulling back as part of it. She had to stop halfway as Mafuyu’s hand just seemed to grip tighter for a moment, almost refusing to let Kanade take her own hand back.
“Ah...Ma...fuyu?” She looked over at the other girl, confused. Mafuyu didn’t respond. She only looked at her hand for a few seconds. Without a word, she loosened her hold and finally let go, her own hand retreating back to her lap. Surprised as Kanade was, she felt like asking why that happened wasn’t going to get her a real answer. Instead, she reluctantly stood up and prepared their teas instead.
“...should I pick up conditioner tomorrow?”
“Huh?”
“For your hair. You don’t know what works best, right? I’ll pick something out and bring it home.”
“O-oh...I see. Um...sure. Thank you.”
That was that. It was as short of a talk as many of their other talks were, which was fine. As long as Mafuyu wanted to talk at all. The rest of the late night was uneventful, as they had their tea and spent the rest of the night working on the current song. Kanade wasn’t sure when she had drifted off at her desk, but she was pretty sure it was at least some point after the sun had started coming up. Mafuyu was gone when she woke back up, likely having gone out to run an errand or something. Mizuki’s over-decorated document about proper hair care was open in a separate window in the corner of her monitor.
There was also a sticky note there. Hm.
‘I had to drop something off with my parents, I’ll be right back. I left the conditioner in the bathroom.’
Oh. Well...she did suppose that was better timing than expected. Honestly, as much as she’d prefer to focus until she could finish her composition, she felt like she needed a shower anyway.
---
“I’m home…” Purple eyes looked up from the floor and scanned the house, her hand pulling the door shut behind her. Mafuyu’s trip to her family’s home had been short, but she wasn’t sure if she had the energy today to sit and spend as much time there as they would prefer she spend.
“Welcome back.” At the edge of the nearby kitchen, Kanade poked her head into view, a towel still draped over the top of her head. She must have showered a few minutes ago, given her state. “Thank you, by the way. You know, for picking up the conditioner and all.”
“It’s no problem. I do agree with the others, that you should probably make it some kind of habit. Ena and Mizuki give the impression that it’s about image sometimes, but...if you damage your hair, it gets annoying. It’s easier to maintain it instead of leaving it alone and needing a haircut later to fix it.
“Eugh...you’re right, yeah.” Quietly, Mafuyu walked over before raising her hands towards Kanade’s head. Before she could ask what she wanted, Kanade felt Mafuyu’s hands on the other side of the towel itself, using it to help dry Kanade’s hair gently.
“...it smells nice.”
“H-huh? Oh...um, yeah, it does. I’m...not sure how much strawberries suit me, but the smell is really nice. Thanks again.”
“Mhm.” She had picked it out more for the purpose than the scent anyway. Pulling the towel away from Kanade’s head, Mafuyu bundled it up in an arm before guiding Kanade out of the kitchen with a hand on the shorter girl’s shoulder.
“Ah—Now what?”
“Your hair needs to be brushed, doesn’t it?”
“Well, y-yes. But I can do that just fine…”
Mafuyu put the towel aside as they wandered into Kanade’s room. “Mizuki suggested I should help you with it. I’m not sure why.”
For what possible reason did Mizuki think Kanade needed help with something that simple? Did they think that poorly of her ability to do anything with her hair? Still, Mafuyu seemed intent on actually doing it...Kanade just sighed in resignation, reluctantly settling herself on the edge of her bed and turning herself to the side as Mafuyu walked over to sit just behind her, hairbrush in hand. She couldn’t fathom why Mafuyu was humoring Mizuki, but most of the time, honestly, she didn’t have it in her to say no to these simple requests, even if it felt a little strange to subject herself to it.
Gently, the brush began its repetitive strokes through her hair, Mafuyu’s free hand grouping up some of the long hair and holding it out a bit before the brush followed. Mafuyu’s eyes stayed trained on the back of Kanade’s head, eyes quietly following the path of the brush. It really was a lot of hair. There were a lot of people who would find this impressive, probably. Whenever she hit a tangle she paused for a moment and carefully worked through it, diligently actually trying to avoid hurting the composer.
The moment was quiet, but it was a serene kind of silence rather than uncomfortable. Kanade couldn’t deny that it felt a little bit nice, having someone else do this for her. Especially so mindfully. Mafuyu...felt strangely at ease. She couldn’t put her finger on if it was because of the company or because of the activity, though. When it came to Kanade, that line muddied too often thanks to the preference she was developing for Kanade’s specific company. Somehow, she couldn’t really help it. Just like when she held the girl’s hand in her own—it felt like a recharge she needed for reasons she couldn’t explain.
Last night in the kitchen still lingered in her mind. Kanade’s hands were just a little bit smaller than her own...they felt like they fit nicely into hers. Naturally, even. Those hands worked tirelessly between computer, keyboard, and pencil, carrying the burdens and doubts of a girl who felt the need to run herself into the ground for everyone around her. It was sweet, and it also wasn’t. Sometimes Kanade’s hands felt dry or in need of care, and the reminders hit hard, that even Mafuyu herself was one of the reasons Kanade pushed herself all the time. For that one song that promised to save her. One that Mafuyu couldn’t even tell existed or not...but one that she did assure Kanade she would wait for.
Last night, she thought about how those hands worked so brutally hard, yet handled other people like herself with so much sincerity and gentleness that it felt...impossible. She treated herself so poorly, but she reached for other people with every ounce of care and compassion that she could pour through her delicate, anxious fingertips. Like she was scared any wrong movement would shatter whoever she touched like glass.
Purple eyes looked the other girl over absentmindedly. Kanade already viewed her situation with her father that way. Something her hands produced have already shattered one person—that’s how she saw it.
“Is this okay so far?” Mafuyu breaks her own silence, curious about Kanade’s if she was being honest.
“Mhm. It’s...kind of nice, actually. That probably sounds strange…”
“Not really. But...you really do have nice hair. The conditioner helped too, I think.”
“Oh? I see...I guess I should do this once in a while, yeah.”
“I could help you brush your hair again when you do, if you want that.”
Kanade glanced to the side, a small blush finding its way to her face. “I wouldn’t mind.”
That was that then. Their silence resumed, Mafuyu continuing to let her thoughts wander as Kanade settled on thinking about her composition so far while she waited. Mafuyu’s eyes wandered to the back of Kanade’s head and neck as the brush moved through the hair again. Kanade...really did have nice features, despite her lifestyle. There were still plenty of hard-to-see faults. She didn’t eat well enough, and it definitely showed. Her sleep schedule did damage to the near constant circles under her eyes. There were….no doubt other faults hidden there, too. But she still looked surprisingly kept. Pretty, really, being honest about it. All of the others were their own fair share of pretty, but Kanade did stand out in a way that Mafuyu didn’t really understand.
Slowly, she put the brush down and reached over, not really thinking about it much as she did. Her fingers brush against strands of hair but continue to pass until her hand rests on Kanade’s shoulder. It seems to jolt the girl out of her thoughts, a subtle flinch under her hand before Kanade opened her eyes and glanced towards the side, confused.
“Mafuyu? Is something wrong?” Mafuyu doesn’t say anything in response. Instead, she watches with mild curiosity as she lifts her hand from Kanade’s shoulder and instead slides her fingers to the side of her neck and jaw. Her palm gently pushes itself against her skin, thumb ending up behind the girl’s ear. There’s another flinch she can feel, though for what reason, Kanade doesn’t make as immediately clear as she did the last one. She cannot, in fact, see the startled look on Kanade’s face, or the more present shades of red her blush had picked up pretty quickly.
“M-Mafu...yu?” Her voice cracked just a bit somewhere there. Why was...what was going on here? Mafuyu’s hand simply inched further forward, her overly-curious caress dragging her thumb out from behind Kanade’s ear and over it, almost managing to pull a surprised squeak out of the smaller girl if not for her catching it last minute.
This was. Bothering her a lot more than it should. No actually, wasn’t being bothered by this a normal reaction? Kanade couldn’t imagine a lot of people would take a caressing hand to the face and not get pretty flustered and confused about it. Right? She really didn’t have enough experience with everyday interactions to even say, which she was really regretting at the moment.
Her fists tightened around the edges of her jacket nervously. Despite all the panic in her bones now, all she could do was sit there and wonder what was going on. However, when Mafuyu lean forward a little bit, face looming over the girl’s shoulder, somehow her attempt at calling Kanade’s attention managed to snap her right out of it.
“Kanade?”
“Ah!” Her yelp is less than dignified as the sudden voice scares her right out of her frozen state, but what makes the situation considerably worse is when her sudden jolt knocks her right off balance. She was already perched precariously on the edge of her mattress, so she’s not quite prepared for the way she jumps at the sound of Mafuyu’s voice that close to her. Out of reflex, Mafuyu pulled her hand back and leaned back as the unfortunate girl tumbled right off the bed and hit the floor, a rather pathetic groan following the big mess.
Mafuyu blinked, staring in subtle surprise. Kanade turned her head a bit and covered her head with an arm, hiding her face a little bit as her groan dies out into mortified silence.
“...sorry. Are you okay? I...didn’t expect you to jump like that.”
“I’m...I-I’m fine,” Her voice comes out muffled and small, laced with poorly hidden embarrassment. More concerning than that is the fact that Kanade makes absolutely no movement or effort to indicate she was going to try and get up off the floor, either.
“...are you sure?”
“Yes—yes, just…um…” She trails off, clearly at a loss for how to defend herself here. There is no way to do that, really. Oh well. “Um...c-could you give me a few minutes? It’s f-fine, really…”
Mafuyu seemed to sigh a little bit at the suggestion, but she stood up regardless and put Kanade’s hairbrush back. “I’ll go...heat some tea.”
“...thanks.”