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The first time Mafuyu noticed it was when she got sick. While laying on Kanade’s bed, Mafuyu saw an older woman standing behind Kanade. She was looking at the two teenagers with worry in her eyes but never said anything. When Kanade held the sick girl’s hand, promising she would never leave her, the woman came near them and hugged them softly. That's when Mafuyu noticed something weirder. The woman not only looked like an older, more nourished Kanade but the warmth she felt was similar to the one she felt around Kanade. When Mafuyu came by Kanade’s house to thank her for taking care of her and to drink some tea she didn’t see the woman. Well technically she did but it was only on family photos. That's when she remembered something very important. That woman was dead. Kanade lost her mother when she was around five years old. Mafuyu wrote it off as a hallucination from the fever alongside her desire for a mother figure to take care of her and never mentioned it. How could she?
Scenario a on Mafuyu’s head
Mafuyu:I saw your mother
Kanade *cries*
The thought of Kanade crying pained Mafuyu deeply
Scenario b
M: I saw your mother
K: Was your illness so bad??? Was it a near death experience??? Forget the tea we should go get you to a hospital now
The worry in Kanade’s face and voice pained Mafuyu deeply
Scenario c
M: I saw your mother
K:That's rude!!! I told you about my mother not for you to make fun of it
While not realistic in the slightest the anger in Kanades voice pained Mafuyu deeply
The next time she saw the woman was throughout her stay at the Yoisaki household. That’s also when she remembered that she could see and, to an extent, interact with ghosts. She noted that the woman was bound to Kanades' new room. She couldn’t, for a reason unknown to Mafuyu, leave the room which was weird since traditionally ghosts were bound to the place of their death. And according to Kanade she died in the hospital. Maybe her desire to protect her daughter had something to do with it, Mafuyu mused. She also noted that the woman would stay close to Kanade whenever she worked. She had a concerned look on her face as her daughter essentially withers away in front of the pc screen, endlessly composing songs. Lastly, whenever Kanade was feeling more down than usual, whenever the feeling of helplessness and the sea of self loathing would be too deep for her to traverse, her mother would hug her softly. She would comb Kanade’s hair slowly and Kanade would relax a bit. Mafuyu at first was confused by the woman’s actions. How could she not? In her perspective the woman hugged Kanade at apparently random times with no reason. That’s when she noticed something about Kanade. While Kanade was good at hiding her pains and frustrations verbally, she showed small signs of them. The most obvious one was the way she used her computer’s peripherals. Kanade was usually calm and methodical in her moves of the mouse or her type in the keyboard. But when she was feeling worse they seemed frustrated. So Mafuyu decided that whenever she saw the woman hug her daughter, Mafuyu would give them some time and then ask Kanade about her mental state and suggest a small break. Mafuyu still wouldn't mention those events to Kanade, feigning ignorance whenever Kanade would ask how she knew when Kanade was feeling down. She also made an effort to not focus on the older woman. She didn’t want to breach the privacy of the, as unconventional as it may be, family time. Besides, the knowledge that someone was, in their own way, there for Kanade made Mafuyu relax a bit.
But as her stay at the Yoisaki household continued and the depth of her bond with the composer only deepened there were some unforeseen side effects. Kanade’s mother would also now do the same things that she did to her daughter but to Mafuyu as well. She would notice when Mafuyu was starting to spiral and she would softly hold the lyricist's hand before giving her a reassuring smile and pointing to Kanade whenever the lyricist felt ready to speak. That made one thing clear to Mafuyu. The mother knew that she could see her. She was just pretending not to notice. But she also couldn’t understand why the mother would do that. She was not her child so, in her mind, she was undeserving of the warmth she received. Maybe the mother did that because she knew that Kanade and Mafuyu were close was the only reasonable answer Mafuyu came up with. But she was still confused. She knew that Kanade was working her life away for Mafuyu’s sake so wouldn’t it be natural for the mother to hate her? Wouldn’t it be more normal for the mother to despise the source of Kanade’s anxieties? Her own mother hated Kanade for making Mafuyu stray from the path that was there for her to take. So why didn’t the mother do that to her? But the mother seemed to realise that train of thought and shook her head. That response angered Mafuyu.
So when Kanade went to visit her father, Mafuyu visited the room alone with the intention to speak with the mother. The ghost was waiting for her, a small smile on her face.
“Greetings” Said Mafuyu as she bowed her head a bit, it was their first official meeting after all, “My name is Asahina Mafuyu, although you most likely already know that. Thank you for welcoming me into your home”
“Yoisaki …..” the name was muffled for reasons unknown to Mafuyu “And it’s not my house anymore you know. Kanade welcomed you here.”
There was silence. While Kanade’s mother was soft spoken and polite, a complete antithesis to Mafuyu’s own mother's coldness and harshness, she was still anxious to voice her thoughts and feelings to an adult.
“Would it be correct for me to assume that the reason you want to talk is your latest train of thought?” the mother said as she stood up from the bed. Mafuyu nodded, lowering her head.
“I guess that kindness in place of hate is something that runs in the family.” Mafuyu said, looking at the ground. The mother tilted her head as urging the teenager to explain what she meant.
“ I was mean to your daughter. I called her useless and selfish. And when I asked her why she would go in the lengths she went to help me, you know what she answered? That she was just being selfish. I have been nothing but intruding in your household like a freeloader for the past three months and your daughter welcomed me with open arms. I don’t get her and I most likely never will. But you….. you confuse me more than her.” There was a hint of anger in her voice. “I have done nothing but give pain to your daughter. I am the main reason that she’s in front of that accursed computer for most of the time. I am the main reason for her anxieties and concerns. I have heard her talk about me, you know? I have heard of how worried she is about not making the perfect song for me, of how worried she is about me living with her, of how she blames herself for my situation. ‘If only I could write that song sooner’ or ‘If only I could convince your mother’. Also since we are on the subject, how about the fact that she endangered herself by meeting with my mother alone. I have caused nothing but pain for her. She doesn’t want to go outside because she fears the time wasted that could be used on composing. And feels guilty when she enjoys an outing, So why? Why are you nice to me? Why don’t you hate me?”
She didn't look up once as she spoke. She didn’t feel worthy of looking at her eyes. Kanade’s mother's smile never faltered as she approached the girl.
“You know what my daughter’s biggest problem is? I’ll give you two hints. It’s not her kindness and it’s something you hate about her as well”
Yoisaki looked at her expectedly for an answer so Mafuyu did as was expected of her
“Self loathing and guilt”
“And what are you doing right now?”
“It's diff-”
“It really isn’t. Mafuyu, let me ask you a simple question. But I want you to think before you answer. Let's say that hypothetically you never met Kanade. And for this hypothetical let's also ignore Mizuki and Ena. What would have happened to my daughter in that hypothetical world? As you think, let me remind you. We were separated at a very young age, which forced her to grow up way earlier than her peers and then her father was hospitalized when she was fourteen and she still blames herself for his situation. So what would happen to a girl that has nothing in life and blames herself for the death of the two people closest to her. A girl who was completely self isolated from the world.”
Mafuyu was silent. She knew the answer but she couldn’t accept it. She couldn’t understand it to be more precise. How could she? She has never thought of herself as something more than a burden and Kanade….. Well Kanade was weird. Using her own words Kanade was the one who helped people and not the other way around. In Mafuyu’s eyes she was an altruist to a fault. She felt a warmth around the composer. She felt a warmth when she heard the songs of the composer. But she also felt a pain when she saw the girl wasting her life away for someone. She felt pain when the composer forgets to take care of her basic needs. Mafuyu hated the answer to the mother’s question. And like she could read her mind the ghost answered
“ She would be here with me, way earlier than she should if I may add. Let me tell you something Mafuyu. As much as she has saved you, you saved her just as much. In risk of revealing something that Kanade may not want to make known, you gave Kanade a purpose. You gave her a reason to continue. Yes the others did as well but you were the main reason. She cares for you, not because she feels obligated to, not because of a saviour complex, but because you are you. So do tell me. Why should I hate the girl that allowed my daughter to live?”
Mafuyu didn’t have an answer. Mafuyu didn’t feel worthy of such praise. She still couldn’t look up at the woman. That’s when the woman did something that shook her to her core. She hugged her. While obviously there was no weight into the hug due to her ethereal form the warmth was there nonetheless. That’s when the tears she was holding back left. She cried to a mothers arms, something she hadn't done for years. And that made her more angry for her own situation. Why? Why was it so much warmer in the hands of another woman than it was in her own mothers? Why couldn't her own mother give her such praise?
Why was there more love than in her own household? And the most important question. A question to god more than anyone else. Why was a woman like this taken from this world so much earlier than she was supposed to? She tried to hug her back but she couldn’t and that pained her deeply.
“You have been through so much while being so young. Everyone in your group has. So please remember one thing. There isn’t one right definition for family. And you don’t have to have one family. Kanade…. even I will never be able to replace your biological family. That much is true. But we can welcome you into our home. We can help you make it your own home if that’s what you want. And we will always be there for you.”
Mafuyu kept on crying. She was expected to be hated, to be punished for making the daughter of this woman sad. But that wasn’t what she really wanted. Deep down she knew that herself. She just wanted someone to love her unconditionally. And it was bittersweet that she could find this love outside of her home. That she could find this love from the composer’s mother and not from her own.
“Mafuyu, can you look at me?” A single request that was harder than it should be. But Mafuyu tried nonetheless “I am sorry I can’t do more to help you. There are limitations to what I can do in this form. But let me tell you this. From the short time that I’ve known you, you have changed so much. I genuinely believe that the you from a year ago wouldn’t even recognise you now. And that is not a bad thing. Despite all the hardships you’ve been through you are alive. And that is more than anyone could ask of you. I am not gonna say that the road ahead is an easy one but all I am gonna say is that I am proud of you. And as long as you keep on living that will remain true. Also I am not the only one who shares this sentiment” She said as she let go of Mafuyu slowly. Before she could react to the loss of warmth it was replaced by a similar warmth with an added weight.
“Mafuyu what happened?” The composer asked worriedly.
“Kanade?” the lyricist looked back at her slowly.
No other words were exchanged at that moment. There was only comfortable silence and a warm feeling