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Krauser didn’t know how it happened, not with the clarity he used to have, at least. It was hard to keep track of the time. Every day felt the same. He had no energy to get up from the bed, as if it was all taken away from him suddenly. Eventually, he stopped asking how and why. It was just the warm bed and sometimes Leon would be there with him. Not just for sleep and cuddles, but he would also remind him to eat and even bring some food himself. The same happened with water and his pills. He had long given up on the meds. The only reason he bothered to take them was because Leon was more stubborn and he appeared to trust them.
Then, there were days he had to be forced to take a shower and he always had his company since he no longer bothered getting himself cleaned up. Thoughts didn’t sound like a real concept anymore. Not when they couldn’t last more than a few minutes. Krauser was aware enough to know this wasn’t normal and that his mind did work differently at some point. If he was completely honest, he struggled to even recognize his own reflection. It was hard to tell what was wrong with it. Perhaps it wasn’t the appearance itself as none of the tidying up Leon did for him made it feel like he was there. Maybe he just wasn’t supposed to be able to see himself anymore.
Laying on the bed after a cold shower felt nice, physically. He knew it would end at one point and just tried to enjoy that. Leon held him from behind. Despite being smaller, he bothered with trying to make him feel protected. This was just the way he was. Not something that he consciously remembered to be a thing, it was just a fact as much as the pleasant warmth from his body existed. Krauser made an effort to caress his hand, fingers slowly touching his skin. It was hard for him to stare at his boyfriend. He couldn’t tell what the reason was, he just accepted that as a fact.
“Does your arm hurt?” Leon whispered and he felt the hot air hit his neck, connecting him a bit to his surroundings. His arm… The sharp pain came to his mind along with the clear signs of nerve damage. He didn’t fully understand how it worked. Maybe he did then. All he knew was that it was over when he couldn’t feel and move his arm the way he should have.
“No.” At least he wasn’t in pain this time. Was he usually feeling that? He was taking some pills for this. Krauser closed his eyes, letting himself drift off to sleep. He knew that whenever he got to sleep, he would remember that day. He would remember the monsters, that girl, the pain, the fear. Still, he never talked about it. No words would come to his mind about that. All he did was say that he managed to rest well whenever Leon asked. He wished the doctors he insisted on taking him to would do the same.