Chapter Text
Nico: Honey I love you won't you please smile for me?
Will (starts sobbing): Oh gods Nico I love you too! Of course I will smile for you!
Nico: Will it's just a game...
Will: You didn't mean it? How could you lead me on like that? I thought we really had something!
Nico: Will, honey...
Piper:
Piper: You two need immediate relationship help.
Percy: My friend Luke betrayed me during a war.
Nico: Oh yeah? I was betrayed by my crush who promised to keep my sister alive.
Varian: Amateurs.
Percy & Nico: What?
Varian: I was betrayed by my sister, my older brother who was also my best friend, my celebrity crush, AN ENTIRE FUCKING KINGDOM, a fucking TERRORIST GROUP, then years later my BOYFRIEND and my fucking MOM.
Hugo: Five sevenths of those betrayals have been resolved.
Varian: Well duh. Two sevenths of them are bitches.
Annabeth: Hazel, how do you do relationships?
Hazel: Oh, is there someone you like?
Hazel: It's simple! You just have to be yourself!
Annabeth: Fuck no. I mean how can you bear it?
Nissa (from across room): HE SLEEPS WITH A TEDDY BEAR!
Leo: HE LOOKS LIKE JASON.
Jason: How so.
Leo: I barfed on him and had to bleach him and the black paint scraped off of his eyes.
Leo: Now he is blond with metal eyes.
Leo: Metal is close enough to blue.
Percy: Hey Frank you can shape-shift right?
Frank: Yeah... Why?
Percy: Can you shapeshift into me?
Frank (as Percy): Yes, why?
Percy (runs away): OKAY THANKS BYE!
Annabeth: Perseus fucking Jackson you are so fucking dead.
Nico (to Will): You are my sunshine, my only sunshine...
Will (interrupting): And I can glow when the skies are gray...
Varian: Hey can you help me hide a body?
Hazel: Why did you think I'd help?
Varian: Okay, geez, I'll ask someone else.
Hazel: WAIT! I never said I wouldn't do it!
Hugo & Will & Jason: We are the council of blond gay boyfriends.
Will: Technically I'm bi...
Jason: Shush! Do you want to get kicked from the council?
Hugo: Because our guidelines explicitly state...
Varian & Nico & Leo: As the council of the boyfriends of gay blonds, we think that the rules of the council of blond gay boyfriends should be less strict.
Leo: Jay!
Leo: I made you breakfast in bed!
Leo (to Percy): Okay, we have ten minutes tops to put out the fire.
Shel: Dating the daughter of an A-list celeb isn't easy.
Random Reporter: Hey! What did you eat for lunch today?
Shel: Oh, hi, Arienne! I had a pita wrap with falafel! Anyways, how have your kids been lately?
(Forty minutes of pleasant conversation later)
Shel: See? Not easy at all.
Frank: I'm bored.
Hazel: We literally just watched a movie, got lunch, battled an empousa, and went to the aquarium. HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU BE BORED.
Jason: All my friends have started calling me Jay-Jay.
Leo (holding back laughter): That must be so hard for you...
Jason: Don't you say it.
Jason: Don't you dare.
Leo (laughing): Jay-Jay.
Jason: We are no longer friends.
Leo: BuT JaY-jAy
Percy: Hey Fleecy do me a solid, show me the Supersize McShizzle.
Leo (over Iris Message): How did that actually work.
Percy: References are a powerful type of magic.
Varian: MAGIC? I do not work in MAGIC.
Varian: I mean technically it's alchemy but yeah no sweat.