Work Text:
...As a Great Demon, do you also feel inferior and undeserving, sometimes?...
Zhao Yuan Zhou closes his eyes, fingers moving lazily over the rim of his flask as he ponders over Wen Xiao’s earlier words.
He had deflected from answering, turning the conversation to her instead.
But the words continue to swirl in his mind, the way the koi in the pond below his feet drift in the same monotonous circle.
Never-ending, unchanging.
Just like his miserable fate.
…You like to act so much, I think your true form is an opera stage, not a monkey…
The White Ape Demon scoffs silently, lips curving into a bitter smile.
It wasn’t an act-the melodrama, the teasing, the insouciance that curved his lips into easy grins.
It was a shield, a barricade. A veil held tightly over the abyssal darkness of his exhausted soul.
And if the Great Demon ever had the courage to lift that veil, he would find not just inferiority there but fear.
Immeasurable, inescapable.
But Zhao Yuan Zhou cannot express his fear to the Goddess next to him; cannot break when she has just found the other half of the Baize Token.
Because to be afraid would mean that he had failed. Failed Wen Xiao, failed Zhao Wan’er, failed the Wilderness.
And Zhao Yuan Zhou cannot afford to fail. Not today, not tomorrow. Not before Zhuo Yichen finally fulfils his oath and grants him absolution-Death.
The Demon breathes deeply, the faint rustling of Wen Xiao’s brush over her notebook soothing his restless mind. The Moon is full tonight, showering her radiance upon the dark halls of the Demon Hunting Bureau.
Anxiety churns sluggishly in his stomach, the mere thought of returning to Kunlun frightening but exhilarating.
…In my present state, I am incapable of managing the Baize Token with you. I do not know how to separate it from my body, returning the power to you. Perhaps the Mountain Gods will have answers for us…
Zhao Yuan Zhou inhales deeply, allowing his consciousness to brush against the faint power of the Baize Order that lingered after the events of the day.
Dread bubbles indolently in his heart as the thought surfaces from the ocean of his fears.
…for so many years, it has remained within him. When it is removed-
The half-formed thought shatters as he hears Wen Xiao stifle a yawn behind her sleeve.
Zhao Yuan Zhou grins lazily, turning towards her flushed face,
“The Moon really is beautiful tonight, but I guess Shennü daren needs her beauty sleep now.”
Wen Xiao looks up from her notebook, smacking his arm lightly.
“Not everyone is a sleepless ghost like you.”
Zhao Yuan Zhou clutches his heart playfully, putting on a hurt expression,
“Ah, Shennü daren must really decide what she thinks. First you call me an opera stage, then a monkey and now I’m a sleepless ghost.”
“Ah…the disgrace.”
Wen Xiao rolls her eyes, rising to her feet elegantly, brush tucked back in her hair.
“You can admire the Moon by yourself, Zhao Yuan Zhou. I need to sleep.”
“Mm. Sleep well. We’ll leave early tomorrow morning.”
Zhao Yuan Zhou tilts his head at her retreating figure letting a genuine smile appear on his face.
He turns away as her silvery gown whispers on the stone, eyes back upon the shining moon.
“Da Yao,”
Zhao Yuan Zhou turns, surprised to see Wen Xiao waiting at the threshold of the room.
“Xiao Zhuo’s pear soup…tastes better when it's warm.”
Zhao Yuan Zhou blinks, eyes falling upon the wooden basket Zhuo Yichen had left on the stone platform.
He smirks at her, remembering the way Zhuo Yichen had refused to give him the soup, claiming he was going to feed it to the dogs.
Zhao Yuan Zhou looks at his flask of bitter jade, taking a last sip as he rises to his feet, hand reaching for the basket.
Perhaps it was time for something sweeter.
The Great Demon finds himself roaming noiselessly through the halls of the Bureau once again, one hand clenched over a wooden basket, the other swinging a flask of magical concoction.
Nights seem to be longer in the mortal world. The Wilderness used to awaken at night-as lively as it was during the day. Demons did not need to sleep and they spent their nights roving the vast lands, mapping the delicate constellations without thought.
But here in the mortal world, nights were endless. Humans slept-some peacefully, other less so.
Some frozen in the memories of the past, others floating in the hope of future.
Zhao Yuan Zhou roams the halls every night-silent, aimless, alone.
His feet move without thought, each creaky stair, each uneven stone etched into memory unwillingly.
…When I hold your bells, Xiao Zhuo-ge, I know that you are near. And I am not afraid anymore…
Zhao Yuan Zhou pauses in his wandering, slipping into the shadows outside Zhuo Yichen’s chambers.
Head tilted curiously as Bai Jiu admires his Xiao Zhuo-ge.
The child really loves Zhuo Yichen, clinging to him all the time.
I am not good with children…
Zhao Yuan Zhou chuckles to himself as he remembers Zhuo Yichen’s flustered face as he admitted his perceived shortcoming.
That is what you think, Xiao Zhuo. But can’t you see the way Bai Jiu; even Ying Lei, trust and love you?
The Demon stills, breath held in as the two brothers emerge from the room, Zhuo Yichen convincing Bai Jiu to go to bed early.
“Good night, ge!”
Zhao Yuan Zhou smirks in the shadows as the little doctor wraps his arms around his beloved brother, making Zhuo Yichen’s ear redden in embarrassment, even as he thumps the younger boys’ back awkwardly.
Zhuo Yichen smiles as Bai Jiu releases him from the impulsive embrace, the bell in his hair ringing merrily as he skips to his own room.
Silence settles softly as the sound of the bell recedes, leaving a lingering emptiness in its wake.
“Are you going to stand there all night?”
Zhao Yuan Zhou startles, surprised when Zhuo Yichen turns towards his hiding place, eyes squinting to see him in the darkness.
How did he know I was here?
The demon swallows his shock, emerging from the shadows with a smile.
“Zhuo-daren, do you have eyes at the back of your head? How did you know I was here?”
Zhuo Yichen frowns at him, holding out his glowing Sword.
“Zhao Yuan Zhou, I’ll always find you. No matter how hard you try to hide.”
The great demon gulps, suddenly light-headed as Zhuo Yichen’s soft voice stirs something unexpected in his heart.
He cannot look away from him-from the eyes that hold the ocean in their depths.
Will you, Xiao Zhuo? Will you really find me?
“Zhuo-daren is…very clever.”
Zhao Yuan Zhou swallows the lump in his throat, forcing himself to grin as usual.
He stands frozen as Zhuo Yichen stares at him, hands crossed over his chest.
Don’t look at me like that, Xiao Zhuo. As if you can see through my soul.
Neither speaks after this, the silence between them prickling with unspoken feelings, even as their souls yearn for closeness.
The stillness breaks when an odd growl reaches the demon’s ears, startling him from his morose thoughts.
He blinks in confusion, watching Zhuo Yichen’s face turn tomato red.
The laugh leaves his lips before he can control it, amusement making his eyes twinkle despite the deep sorrow in his soul.
His eyes dance as they rove over Zhuo Yichen’s slender frame, mind putting the clues together.
Zhuo Yichen was hungry.
He purses his lips as the Commander hugs himself tighter, clearing his throat self-consciously.
Zhao Yuan Zhou steps closer without thought, extending the wooden basket in his hand.
“Looks like Zhuo-daren skipped dinner while he was busy eaves-dropping on Wen Xiao and myself.”
Zhuo Yichen turns to him, shooting him a death glare as he snatches the basket from his hands.
“Didn’t you hear me before? This isn’t for you!”
Zhao Yuan Zhou blinks, heart aching at the rejection, even as Zhuo Yichen storms away.
You really do hate me, don’t you?
I suppose, just because we fought side-by-side doesn’t mean I mean anything to you…other than being your greatest enemy.
It has been nearly a fortnight that the Demon has walked shoulder to shoulder with him, but it is not enough to make him forget the hatred of the past eight years.
“Do you need an invitation?”
Zhao Yuan Zhou blinks, eyes widening as Yichen pauses a few steps away from him, nodding towards the kitchen.
Was Xiao Zhuo asking him to come along?
Zhuo Yichen stares at the frozen demon for a few more seconds before turning on his heel, mortification catching up to him at last.
He had skipped dinner, too busy spying on the Great Demon and Wen Xiao.
How humiliating to have been caught by none other than the Monkey himself.
Stupid stomach.
Zhuo Yichen marches to the kitchen, smiling slightly as Zhao Yuan Zhou trails behind him, astounded at the invitation.
Pear soup is too precious to be fed to dogs.
Monkeys, however…
Zhao Yuan Zhou remains unusually quiet as he settles on the stool at the small table in the vast kitchen of the Demon Hunting Bureau.
He’s never been here before, not needing food for sustenance.
He observes silently as Zhuo Yichen lights the candles, moving easily between stone countertops.
He’s comfortable here, as if he knows his way around.
The Demon’s eyes track the hunter curiously, following the way he lights the fire, setting the tea kettle upon the flame. His silver embroidered robes glitter in the candlelight, each movement swift and precise as he sets cups and plates upon a tray, bringing it to the table.
The water in the kettle begins to boil soon after, the faint hint of steam drawing his eyes from Zhuo Yichen transiently.
“Don’t sit there like a rock. Make the tea.”
Zhao Yuan Zhou scoffs, rolling his eyes as the younger nags him from his reverie.
“As you wish, Commander.”
The Great Demon of the Wilderness, the most powerful yao in centuries, finds himself rising to his feet gracefully, pouring fragrant jasmine tea into delicate porcelain cups.
Oh, the indignities one must suffer in love.
Zhao Yuan Zhou freezes, a drop of tea spilling onto the table as he catches himself mid-thought.
His eyes flit towards Zhou Yichen again as he puts the heavy kettle back on the flame.
Love?
Of course not.
Zhuo Yichen was his sworn enemy. A reluctant colleague. At most-a friend.
Surely Zhao Yuan Zhou wasn’t in love with him.
He’s startled out of his delusions as Zhuo Yichen waves a hand in front of his face, brows pinched in a familiar frown.
“Zhao Yuan Zhou, I didn’t know pouring tea required such skill.”
The Demon blinks, following the latter’s’ eyes to where he’s spilled more water on the table than he realized.
“Zhuo-daren, drinking tea is your hobby, not mine.”
Zhuo Yichen rolls his eyes, wiping away the spilt water without answering.
That old monkey is too smart for his own good.
Silence falls between them again as they settle upon the cold stools, steaming tea-cups blurring their faces.
Zhuo Yichen tries his best to ignore the aggrieved look on Zhao Yuan Zhou’s face as he lifts a spoonful of pear soup to his lips.
The sweet liquid is unusually difficult to swallow tonight, interrupted by the deep sighs of a certain Yao, who sips tea like holy water.
The spoon trembles in his grip as Zhao Yuan Zhou sighs deeply again, watery eyes fixed upon his bowl.
“Zhuo-daren really did make his pear soup for the dogs, I suppose.”
The human flushes, nearly choking upon the warm soup.
“Zhao Yuan Zhou, are you calling me a dog?”
He glares at the demon who’s averted his eyes, seemingly interested in the cured meats hanging from the ceiling.
“Did I say so?”
The murmur fades into the steamy kitchen, half teasing, half hurt.
Zhuo Yichen shuts his eyes, unable to bear the accusations any longer.
“You should keep your mouth shut while you’re eating.”
Zhao Yuan Zhou grins, eyes sparkling as Zhuo Yichen places a steaming bowl of pear soup before him.
“Zhuo-daren, just because I don’t need to eat doesn’t mean I haven’t eaten before. Rest assured, I will evaluate your pear soup impartially.”
The demon smirks, blowing the steam from his spoon even as Zhuo Yichen splutters in outrage.
“You- Who asked you to evaluate my cooking? You think I care whether you—”
He shakes his head breathing noisily as his face reddens in anger.
Stupid Monkey.
Zhao Yuan Zhou winks at him, sipping elegantly from the spoon; not expecting to like it anyway.
His eyes widen as the liquid hits his tongue, filling his mouth with sweetness and warmth.
He swallows slowly, savoring the gentle sweetness, the floral fragrance of goji berries and snow fungus soothing the earlier bitterness of his jade water.
“It’s good.”
The praise falls sincerely from his lips, heart speaking truths that the mind prefers to hide.
He watches as Zhuo Yichen stills for a minute, a faint satisfied flush upon his cheek, even as keeps his face turned down towards his own bowl.
The Demon smiles, heart lighter than it has been all day, the simple pleasure on Zhuo Yichen’s face more precious to him than he had realized.
The candles blaze steadily, the tranquility of the winter night broken only by the sound of spoons hitting bowls.
Zhao Yuan Zhou relishes the sweetness, taste buds remembering long-forgotten flavors as he drinks slowly, hoping to make it last a little longer.
How long has it been, since he has truly shared a meal with someone, enjoying mortal food the way he used to so many years ago?
Li Lun never liked human food, calling it unnecessary. But Zhao Yuan Zhou had always loved wandering through the stalls at festivals, tasting everything in sight.
It’s not about necessity, Li Lun. It’s about-
“Zhao Yuan Zhou,”
The Demon startles, awakened from wistful memories as Zhuo Yichen shoots him a piercing glare.
He smiles, tucking the past where it belongs.
“Yes, Zhuo-daren? What is it that you would like to ask?”
He wraps his fingers around his teacup, even as Zhuo Yichen fiddles with the soup spoon, suddenly hesitant.
“You said earlier that you wanted to visit Kunlun to remove the half of the Baize Token from your body-”
Zhao Yuan Zhou huffs, raising an eyebrow as he leans forward,
“Zhuo-daren, you really were eavesdropping on us!”
Zhuo Yichen reddens, lashes fluttering upon flushed cheeks, ashamed to have been caught.
Zhao Yuan Zhou’s breath hitches at the sight, heart fluttering as Yichen’s cheeks begin to resemble a blossoming lotus.
How beautiful.
His smile wavers as Zhuo Yichen continues, hiding his mortification behind a coarse cough,
“When you remove the Baize Token from your body, what will happen?”
“I…don’t…know.”
Uncertainty has never scared Zhao Yuan Zhou before, but tonight, a simple question makes him more anxious than he had ever thought he could be.
Zhuo Yichen stares at him, lips parted slightly as his own breathing wavers.
“Are you scared?”
The soft whisper hits him harder than expected, face paling without his knowledge.
He hasn’t thought about it yet. Hasn’t considered how the malicious energy in his neidan might react when the Baize power restraining it is removed from his body.
Because that is why it was here in the first place, wasn’t it? The last desperate attempt to rein in his malicious energy when he had lost control so many years ago.
Was he scared?
His eyes fill with tears as scattered memories surface-
The seashore where he’d fought with Li Lun, ultimately leading to his imprisonment.
The sudden flare of malicious energy catching him off guard.
The way he had blanked out, regaining consciousness to find Zhao Wan’er’s blood on his hands.
His sister, the Goddess he had sworn to protect; dead by his hand.
The visions disappear as abruptly as they had begun, as a sharp crack resounds in the kitchen, a pained hiss falling from his lips involuntarily.
The memories had risen unbidden to his mind, leaving him reeling.
The pain of his horrifying past leaving him despondent and fearful once again.
And in the ebb and sway of his emotions, he had gripped the cup too hard, the delicate porcelain breaking in his clenched fist.
“Oh.”
The exclamation speaks more of surprise than pain; as if his mental anguish far exceeds any physical one.
He sits there unaffected, blinking rapidly as his blood drips down his sleeve, splattering onto the table.
His fist remains clenched around the broken shards, as if the mere act of control can save him from unraveling altogether.
“Zhao Yuan Zhou!”
The Demon stills, the sound of own name making his heart thunder in his ears.
He has heard this voice call his name every day for the past half-month.
Sometimes annoyed, sometimes exasperated, sometimes filled with a hatred that he fully deserves.
But never…like this.
Shocked.
Concerned.
Worried.
About him.
The Demon’s heart thuds painfully in his chest, even as his body goes stock still.
Eyes widening in genuine surprise as the hunter who has sworn to kill him rushes to his side, kneeling before him in concern.
The breath that leaves his lungs is shallow, scared, agonizing.
Not because it hurts.
But because he has forgotten what gentleness feels like.
“Idiot.”
Zhao Yuan Zhou gulps dryly as Zhuo Yichen catches his wrist, warm fingers prying open his rigid fingers from where they remain crushed against sharp fragments.
His eyes tremble as the younger inhales sharply, lips quivering as he looks at the mess of broken porcelain and bloodied flesh the Demon had made of his hand.
The world itself seems to pause, as Zhuo Yichen looks up at him, eyes misted with tears.
“You’re hurt. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…”
Zhao Yuan Zhou gasps, shaking his head frantically, voice cracking upon his words,
“I’m fine. It’s not your fault.”
Zhuo Yichen stares at him, lips trembling from both anger and remorse,
“Do you think I am blind? Of course, you’re hurt. Don’t move!”
The Great Demon freezes, pulse throbbing wildly as the younger grasps his wrist firmly, the warmth of his palm seeping into his skin, even as he uses his other hand to pluck the shards away.
Zhao Yuan Zhou’s eyes blur with tears, breathing uneven as Zhuo Yichen pulls out each fragment with a gentleness that he had never expected from the cold Commander.
Is he dreaming?
A sharp inhale breaks the tense silence, Yichen’s head whipping up as he pulls out a particularly sharp fragment embedded deep in his palm.
“Hold on, I know it hurts. It’ll be over soon.”
Zhao Yuan Zhou huffs, a broken sound somewhere between sob and chuckle vibrating in the air between them as he gives a lopsided smile.
“Zhuo-daren, it’s not my hand I’m worried about. It’s your cup.”
“I ruined a perfectly good set, didn’t I?”
Zhuo Yichen freezes, fury overpowering his concern.
“Zhao Yuan Zhou, are you crazy?”
The Demon Hunter glares at the Demon, fingers tightening around his wrist unintentionally.
“Do you really think a cup is more important than you are?”
Zhao Yuan Zhou stills, heart racing even faster as Zhuo Yichen glares at him once more before continuing his ministrations with a frown.
“Am I important to you, Xiao Zhuo?
Zhuo Yichen freezes, eyes fixed upon the pieces of porcelain shards he has pulled out, as he realizes what he had uttered not moments before.
Was he?
Was Zhao Yuan Zhou important to him?
He has no time to deflect, to scold, to nag as Zhao Yuan Zhou suddenly swoops in, face inches from his own.
Zhuo Yichen’s breath stutters in his chest, pupils blown wide as the Demon captures him in his fierce gaze.
“Xiao Zhuo-daren, you asked if I was scared…”
Zhuo Yichen swallows nervously, frozen upon the floor.
“Are…are you?”
The Demon grins at him, eyes glinting scarlet in the faint candlelight.
“What if I say I am?
Zhao Yuan Zhou leans even closer, warm breath ghosting over Zhuo Yichen’s flushed face.
“Will Xiao Zhuo let me hold the bells in his hair like Bai Jiu?”
Zhuo Yichen freezes, heart pounding wildly as Zhao Yuan Zhou flicks the string of bells in his hair leaving them jingling softly.
“Tell me Xiao Zhuo, will you protect me?”
.
.
.
Zhuo Yichen remains frozen upon the floor, ignoring Zhao Yuan Zhou's words even though his heart pounds in his chest.
Would he? Would he protect Zhao Yuan Zhou?
Zhuo Yichen cannot believe such a day might ever come.
And yet, here he sits, knees aching upon the cold stone floor as he pulls out glass shards from the Demon's hand.
"There."
Zhuo Yichen breathes shakily, heart aching as he pulls out the last shard carefully, guilt colouring his tone as his eyes fall on the blood still dripping from Zhao Yuan Zhou's hand.
"I..I'll get some antiseptic-"
He inhales sharply, voice dying in his throat mid-sentence as a wave of red covers their joined hands, healing the Demon's wounds.
A strange bitterness erupts in his throat, leaving a bad taste in his mouth.
You do not need my concern, my protection.
He releases Zhao Yuan Zhou's hand who's still staring at him intently.
There is nothing I can do for you.
Zhuo Yichen clears his throat, clambering on wobbly knees.
He doesn't look at the Demon, quickly cleaning up the mess on the table, flitting away to rinse the bowls and cups they had used earlier.
The familiar rhythm of the water calms his thundering heart, breath steadying as he puts away the bowls and spoons in their places.
"Xiao Zhuo..."
Zhuo Yichen fingers fumble, breath hitching as a soft voice whispers closer than he had expected.
"You did not answer my-"
"It's late. We should rest."
Zhuo Yichen cuts across Zhao Yuan Zhou's words, knowing that he couldn't lie, but could answer truthfully either.
Because he doesn't know what he would do.
Zhao Yuan Zhou blinks, sighing quietly as Zhuo Yichen hurries out of the kitchen, face flushed in the faint moonlight.
The Demon stares at his hand-bloodied moments before, now clean.
Xiao Zhuo-daren,
Zhuo Yichen had not given him an answer. Perhaps he didn't need to.
.
.
.
Thank you.