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DATE (Earth): 2195.12.24 17:02 UTCSKYWIRE VidKinekt™ [Automatic Closed Captioning: ON]
Shep&G: Hi everyone!
KAlenko: Shepard! Garrus!
ShaleiNBellicus4Eva: Ahhhhh! Hiiiiiiiii! I can’t believe we’re all here! Look at you all! You look so—
BioticBitch: Old.
ShaleiNBellicus4Eva: No, Jack. I was going to say AMAZING!
Shep&G: Shepard, move over, you’re hogging the camera
SexyWrexy: Heh, it’s not her fault your head’s so big
DrLiaraTsoni: Oh, it’s so wonderful to see all your faces in one place!
JokesOnYou: Some faces more than others…
Shep&G: Hey now, let’s play nice Joker. It’s Christmas Eve, after all
BioticBitch: Ugh, I hate this fucking holiday
Miranda: It’s not so bad
SamT: Miranda, your home is gorgeous. That tree! Those lights! The gold and silver, it reminds me of looking up at the sky
BioticBitch: Of course Ms. Perfect has perfect decorations. But hey, at least it doesn't look like elves threw up all over it. What happened over there, Shepard? Partied a little too hard with Santa’s helpers? Or did you let Garrus put up all that tacky crap?
Shep&G: I helped. She just really likes Christmas.
KAlenko: Hey, I think it's tasteful…ish
LittleBird: I could just sneak over there and rearrange a few things for you if you like, Shepard. I have a good eye for what shines. I can be quick! Almost like I was never there
Shep&G: Thanks, Kasumi, but we’re pretty happy with it as is
Taylored: Still sneaking your hands where they don’t belong, huh?
MercForHire: Am I late? Couldn’t figure out how the hell to work this thing.
Shep&G: Nah, we just started
Shep&G: Was afraid you wouldn’t make it one piece, Zaeed. How’d that job go?
MercForHire: Ehhh, everything went wrong and had to clean up the muck, if you know what I mean. Hey, that your rugrat, Jacob?
Taylored: He’s not really a rugrat anymore. Wanna wave hi to my friends, Shepard? No? He’s feeling a little shy.
MercForHire: Shepard? You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.
DrLiaraTsoni: Well I think it’s quite flattering
SexyWrexy: So no one’s asked—-what the hell are we celebrating?
DrLiaraTsoni: Oh! I can answer that. “Christmas” takes place around the time of Earth’s winter solstice in the Northern Hemisphere. It originated with the birth of–
Joker: Santa! HO HO HO!
SamT: No, Santa’s just the guy who brings presents. Christmas celebrates the birth of an important religious figure—
SexWrexy: So who’s this Santa guy?
Miranda: A very rotund man with a long white beard and red velvet suit who in all likelihood suffers from a raging case of diabetes. He comes to your home during the night and leaves packages under your tree. They say he has a team of magical flying reindeer, though if you ask me, they’re probably genetically enhanced.
ShaleiNBellicus4Eva: I have so many questions...
Shep&G: Yeah, Shepard had to explain it to me a few times. Still can’t make heads or tails of it. I mean, how does a guy that big get inside your house through a vent? Sounds like a serial case of break and enter, not to mention a breach in security. I can’t believe humans let their kids think this is normal.
KAlenko: But that’s all part of the magic, you see. Besides, most kids figure out Santa isn’t real by the time they’re ten.
MercForHire: If the bastard were real, we’d know straight away, wouldn’t we? The way I figure it, all you gotta do is rig your vents with some nice flamethrowers——ya know,the compact kind, right inside the opening there. And if the old bastard shows up—-WOOSH! Light a fire right under his arse
Taylored: Can we ix-nay on the anta-Say? My son might come back into the room
JokesOnYou: What do you mean Santa isn’t real??
Shep&G: You’re killing me, Joker
SexyWrexy: So what do you do on this holiday? Are there wrestling contests?
JokesOnYou: Oh man, can you imagine? I’d pay to see a pair of elves go at it...and without their—
BioticBitch: I don’t think we need to hear the rest you perv
DrLiaraTsoni: I just remembered something interesting! There’s a wonderful tradition where each guest brings a white elephant to the party. The elephants are then put into a pile in the middle of the room. Each participant must choose an elephant from the pile, or they may steal elephants from other guests who have already chosen an elephant. Particpants may steal an elephant up to three times—-
LittleBird: Steal? Oooooooh, this sounds like my kind of game
Miranda: That’s not how it works
Shep&G: Hey—
ShaleiNBellicus4Eva: Does the elephant have to be white?
Grrrrrrrunt: SORRY I’M LATE! DID ANYTHING AWESOME HAPPEN????
KAlenko: Wait, when you say elephants, you don’t mean real elephants, right?
Shep&G: Guys—
SexyWrexy: GRUNT, my boy! The party’s just gettin’ started!
SamT: Ooh! Time to break out the drinks
JokesOnYou: As long as we don’t have to hear you sing. Last time we had a party I think I went deaf in one ear
ShaleiNBellicus4Eva: Did someone say drinks? Wait, let me get my emergency induction port ready
Taylored: A what?
Shep&G: Helloooo—
Miranda: She means a straw
BioticBitch: She said induction port
SamT: Straaaaaw
Grrrrrrrunt: WHY IS THERE A TREE IN YOUR HOUSE?
SexyWrexy: Awwww not fair, I want--
Shep&G: OIIIIIII, EVERYONE! SHUT THE HELL UP!!!
MercForHire: Jesus...
DrLiaraTsoni: Yes! That’s the man I was thinking of
Shep&G: Everyone, please! Shepard wants to say something
Shep&G: Thank you, Garrus. Listen, the whole reason I asked everyone to join us tonight isn’t because of Santa or elephants or pretty decorations. I guess...I just wanted an excuse to see all of you again. Christmas means gathering with loved ones. It means spending time with each other and celebrating everything we share. You guys are my friends...you’re my family. Even if you're light years away, you’ll always mean a lot to me. So thank you for being here.
Shep&G: Oh honey, don’t cry. This is a happy occasion!
Grrrrrrrunt: Look what you did, you made Shepard cry!
Shep&G: *laughing* Oh Grunt.
DrLiaraTsoni: I think I speak for everyone here when I say we’re so grateful you’re here. And for organizing this chat! It really is wonderful to see everyone. Merry Christmas, Shepard.
KAlenko: Here, here!
Miranda: And here’s to many more
[MULTPLE VOICES]: Merry Christmas, Commander!