Work Text:
River.
Hand.
Forest.
Green.
Green?
"...chan?"
River,
Hand,
Forest,
Green,
Green...
Green?
"Kacchan?"
River,
Hand,
Forest,
Green,
Green–
"Are you okay?"
"Kacchan!"
Green.
...is the color I saw after I open my eyes.
"Kacchan?"
He smiled.
"Are you okay?" the little kid asked while reaching his hand to me.
"Izuku–"
"Sorry, Kacchan. I woke you up since the class will start any minute now," he offered an awkward smile.
I slowly grab my head. Every bone in my body aches, every move– even the slightness, my body burns. Every corner of my body's screaming painfully.
"This is the first time, huh? we're you up all night? why? did something happened–"
When my body had the courage to sit up straight, I stared at him. "Izuku." I called.
Eyes burning just by looking at him.
I hate this.
"Sorry. It's just– you being awake late at night feels really wrong,"
Freckles.
How many freckles does he have again? I swear I know how many he have, but now that I'm looking at his face– his freckles gained a lot of companions.
I close my eyes.
I need more rest. My eyes are getting heavy and my lungs feels like burning, it hurts when I breathe. Everything hurts. Being alive hurts, why?
Why?
"Kacchan? Everything good? Are you okey?"
"Are you okay?" the little kid asked while reaching his hand to me.
River.
Hand.
Forest.
Green.
I open my eyes, staring at my designated desk. My clean table, so small yet big– why is it big now? My vision can't comprehend everything aside from my desk. It filled my vision, why?
"Kacchan?"
A hand.
Reaching for me.
"Izuku."
I sighed before looking up. Worry is now visible on his face. He have so many freckles– how many again? I swear I know how many it is.
"I'm worried,"
"Why?" I asked.
No answer.
He just stared at me. Eyes piercing, searching. He's seaching and studying my eyes, my face– me. Looking for something, anything. As if staring at me will eventually give him answer.
"Kacchan." he frowned before resting his hand on my desk– my huge desk. I looked down without giving him the answer he's searching for.
What a hand, huh? scars everywhere.
Scars,
A symbol.
A reminder.
A promise.
I slowly lift my hand. Finally, I saw mine. It has scars too, my hand have scars too– like him.
My hand feels warm and painful.
It's aching.
Slowly and gently, I place my hand on top of his. Electricity run through me immediately after our hands touches.
Hurt.
It hurts.
I breathe in, hoping it will help me ease the pain I'm feeling.
"Ah? y-you're burning, Kacchan!" panic voice from Izuku as he put his other hand on top of mine, he turned my hand. Now, both of his hands are holding mine.
It's warm.
His hands are warm.
Izuku is...warm.
"Warm." I said before closing my eyes to feel his warm more. As if it will help me feel more. As if his warm can immediately pass to me. As if...
As if his warm can spread through my aching body.
"Yes, you are warm! you have fever! L-Let's go, I will bring you to the clinic, Kacchan–"
"Izuku."
He stopped. He look down at me, still worrying.
His eyes– emerald eyes. The way his hair sways because of the wind as he look down to see me. I want that, whatever he have on his eyes, an expression? I don't know but I want it. I want him to look at me like that, like he cares–
But why does it hurt when he's looking at me? Why does my lungs hurts even more now that he's looking at me with that expression? It's like he's talking every air in this classroom, it's like I don't have the right to breathe near him and it hurts me.
It hurts to catch my breath.
"Kacchan." He called.
Kacchan?
I like that.
I like how he says my name.
It's perfect.
It's perfect, how my name rolls on his tongue.
It's like, meant to be there– he meant to call my name.
"Izuku." I whispered.
and his name is meant to–
"Let's go, Kacchan." I saw him kneel down on my side, hoping to see my face. "I will go with you. I'm worried, Kacchan. Let's go."
"Izuku."
I felt his warm hands left mine. His warm arms around me to help me lift myself from my seat.
I heard it, his voice talking with someone– probably from the class, Kirishima? Denki? I don't know.
I just,
I'm just hearing his voice, I don't know what he's saying but his voice...it's like a sound– music, comforting my aching body.
Izuku.
How can I feel pain and warm at the same time? being close to him makes me sick to my stomach, it's painful. His presence makes me want to throw up everything I ate earlier.
But,
But I want him to be the one who help and comfort me as I throw up, why is that?
Why do I search for comfort from the person who is currently bringing me pain? Why? Why am I feeling this?
Why feel this way towards Izuku?
Izuku.
"I'm here."
I feel it, he's here. He's...
"Here. Sit, stay there for a moment. I will call someone to look at your condition, okey?"
I slowly adjust myself to the comfort of the clinic's bed– I didn't feel any comfort at all.
I settled.
"Kacchan, say something."
I look up to him– is he leaving?
"I'm not. I just want to know that you understand what I'm saying."
I reach out my hand to grasp his, hoping for connection– any connection,
...and he did.
He catched my hand, gently and burning. It's like his hand was waiting for mine– like it's meant to be there to catch my hand.
I need it.
"What do you need, Kacchan?"
What do I need?
Warm.
The warm I felt earlier, the warm of his hands around mine, his warm arms touching my body and giving me burns.
I want it.
I need it.
"...and it hurts." I whispered.
"Kacchan."
I can feel it, my body's burning.
but I need more. I don't care if it hurts me more, if it burns me even more than what I'm feeling right now.
I need his warm to add fuel to my burning and aching body.
I need him close.
"What's hurting– are you in pain– okey, I will call someone, w-wait here!"
...and just like that, he let go of me.
The warm of him leaving my body. He left–
"I can't..." I said as I grab my chest. It hurts, I feel like the air in my lungs is leaving. I can't breathe properly.
Why is that?
I can feel how the room is getting colder as time passes, I can see my surrounding's getting wider and darker.
The room is getting big so why am I running out of air? Why is it getting colder in here? Why am I burning in a room that's getting colder seconds by seconds, minutes by minutes? Why?
It hurts.
It's painful.
Why?
"Kacchan!"
River.
Hand.
Forest.
Green.
"Are you okey?" He reached out his hand to me.
Izuku.
Izuku reached out his hand to me.
for me,
He reached his hand for me to grab...
I need to feel his warm, I need him to burn me using his warm. I don't care how painful it will be, I want him to leave a burning mark on me. I don't care if it will leave a scar.
As long as it's from Izuku, It's okey.
So, I grabbed it.