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The sound of shoes squeaking filled the gym. It was the match point between the two teams, Aoba Johsai & Karasuno.
It was a free ball, over to Aoba Johsai. Oikawa set it up, Hajime spiked it over. The powerful ball smashed into Shoyo’s face. But, it was up, it was playable, that's all that mattered.
“HINATA! GET UP!” Tobio commanded.
Shoyo used his hands to propel him up, he got into the four step approach, and jumped. It was amazing, an amazing jump, and an amazing set..
The ball hit the line, on the other team, Aoba Johsai. The whistle blew, they won.
Cheering came from Karasuno, shoes squeaking as their team members came running over.
They clapped, and cheered. Eventually, they thanked Aoba Johsai for the match. They were all lined up, on both sides of the court, and they bowed.
“THANK YOU FOR THE MATCH!”
The teams then left, one in tears, and the other in smiles. Shoyo talked with people on the other team while Tobio sat down. They were like complete opposites. A few times, Shoyo would glance back and blush while he looked at Tobio.
The team headed out for ramen after they fully left the match. They got into their bus and drove towards the ramen shop, which was 30 minutes away.
Shoyo and Tobio sat next to each other, Shoyo was so worn out he fell asleep on Tobio’s shoulder. Tobio looked down, and saw him, and he blushed, and looked away.
Ryu saw and snapped a picture, it caught a moment of just simple happiness. It captured their love for one another, even if they couldn't admit it to each other.
When he took the picture he forgot to turn off his shutter, and then Tobio saw Ryu; and Shoyo woke up. Tobio gave a stern face to Ryu, even if he was blushing he still looked a bit intimidating. But Shoyo on the other hand, was confused and rubbing his eyes.
“Delete that you dipshit”
“Kageyama.. Just be quiet..”
Tobio listened to what Shoyo had to say, because Shoyo was beyond tired. Shoyo’s legs have been shaking nonstop ever since he had gotten onto the bus.
When they got to the ramen place, they all filed out, and walked into the place. The owners seemed to recognize them since of how many times the team has come. They got a table and sat down, thanking the people who prepared their food.
While eating, Shoyo stopped eating and clutched his chest, saying he lost his appetite. He walked into the bathroom, you could hear him coughing. Tobio was obviously worried, concerned, and confused.
Tobio walked up to the bathroom, and knocked, checking in on Shoyo. In the bathroom, Shoyo was clutching his chest, in pain. He covered his mouth to try and cover his cough.
“Just fine!”
Tobio was skeptical, so he opened the singular stall, and saw Shoyo. Shoyo was standing against the wall, clutching his chest with one hand and the other covering his mouth. Tobio looked confused, and walked forward.
“Hinata? You okay?..”
“Mhm..”
Shoyo could only get out a small mumble before he coughed. He sounded sick and unwell.. Tobio stepped closer to Shoyo, and lifted his chin, and put the back of his hand on his forehead. His head was hot, and felt like scorching heat on a summer day.
“Hinata.. You're burning up.. You need to rest..”
Shoyo shook his head in disapproval, basically saying “no, I don't need to rest.” Tobio put his arm onto his shoulder, and opened the door and walked into the table area they were in.
“Coach Ukai! Hinata is burning up..”
Ukai stood up, and helped Shoyo off of Tobio’s shoulder. He took him outside, and asked him some questions about being okay and other things. Shoyo nodded, to some and shook his head for some. Shoyo went home early, Ukai drove him. Some people asked Tobio about Shoyo.
The same day, Tobio texted him.
“Hey Hinata, just wanted to check in, are you doing any better?”
“Just fine”
Tobio frowned at his dry response. Shoyo usually always typed very energetically, since he is just full of it. It's not like him to just text really dry. The only other time they texted like this is when they had their falling out.
The truth is, Shoyo was in the Emergency room, in a hospital bed. His mom was concerned since he hadn't stopped coughing, and had just coughed up blood.. The doctor ran some tests, most came out negative, but there was one, one that was positive. The doctor read the results.
“It's not that common in teens, but it seems Shoyo has a condition called Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease. It's non curable, but there's inhalers that can slow its process down. It may result in Shoyo not playing volleyball anymore.”
Shoyo looked up at the doctor, in disbelief, his eyes filled with tears. He looked down, tears streaming down his face. The tears dripped down onto the white blankets on the hospital bed.
While he was crying, his mom signed some papers, to put him on the waitlist for the inhalers.. It was really long.. It was a whole year waitlist, it was in high demand since many people have to get them, especially since the name brand is expensive…
Shoyo went home later that night with some painkillers to help with chest pain. Shoyo didn't get any rest that night, he stared at his ceiling, thinking about what he would say.. The team depended on him, volleyball was his sport, his comfort, his life, and where he met the people he trusts the most in his life.
He showed up to practice the next day. Some teammates asked him what happened the day before, but he didn't give them a clear answer. He tried to push through when practicing, but he couldn't, his chest felt like it was going to smash him together.
Shoyo breathed heavily, Tobio looked at him while using a towel to wipe off his sweat; he was also drinking out of his water bottle. Shoyo was clenching his teeth, hard. Shoyo was in a deep sweat, even when he was relaxing. He was in pain, and you could tell. He was pale and you could see dark eye bags under his eyes, it was obvious he didn't sleep.
Tobio approached Shoyo and he started to stand up from sitting down. He walked over, trying to see what's up. And especially to see what he would say? Would he be honest? Would he lie? Or would he just be silent?..
“Hinata, are you okay?..”
“Kind of?”
Tobio looked worried. He offered a hand to Shoyo, to help him get back on “his feet;” but in reality he just wanted to hold his hand. Shoyo took his hand, holding it. Tobio’s hand was warm, but a little sweaty. Tobio looked away, blushing but not showing it.
“Kageyama, what would you do if I couldn’t play volleyball anymore?”
“What kind of question is that?”
Tobio thought deeply, what would he do? Shoyo was the person he needed the most on the court. They were always by each other's side, even when they had their falling out.. Tobio squeezed Shoyo’s hand a little harder.
“But you wouldn't, so it doesn't matter.”
Shoyo glanced down, knowing, that wasn't true. He would have to leave, leave behind his team. His lip quivered, his teeth chattered. There were tears on his face, they rolled down his cheeks, and dropped onto the court’s wooden floor. The droplets kept falling, one after the other.
Tobio noticed and lifted Shoyo’s chin up. Tears were streaming down his face, snot coming out of his nose. He was like a child when they had dropped their ice cream. His lips formed a frown.
Tobio’s eyes widened. He was in shock, he had never seen Shoyo cry this hard, unless they lost a game. He moved his head towards Shoyo’s ear, and talked in a whisper.
“Why, Hinata?.. Why would you leave?..”
Tobio’s voice was quiet, but still impactful. His head was swarming with thoughts. Many thoughts, like maybe, he stopped liking volleyball?.. But, one stuck out the most to Tobio. The one that made his head spin with emotions.
“Is this about the ramen shop?..”
Shoyo looked away, at the others practicing. They were all so happy, but he was stuck between losing the thing he loved most in life. The tears from his eyes wouldn't stop, they felt flowing. He wiped his nose and sniffled.
“I have something called Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease..”
Shoyo took a deep breath, his shaky breath, knowing it probably couldn't help him breathe anyways. He looked up at Tobio, his eyes, confused, still. Shoyo had tears streaming down his cheeks.
“Kageyama, it means that I have a disease in my lungs, that is inflamed. It's damaging and I cannot breathe properly, it hurts Kageyama. If I get hurt.. Bad things can happen..”
Tobio had processed the information, tears falling down his cheeks, Tobio’s eyes wide. Shoyo had put his arm around his neck to hug him from the side. They both cried, they knew Shoyo wouldn't be able to play anymore.
The following day, Tobio stayed in bed. Not wanting to get up, not wanting the day to continue. Not wanting to lose Shoyo; his love, when he plays volleyball. Tobio’s pillow was wet- wet from his tears. He curled up with his blanket, his hand gripping the blanket, hard.
Shoyo was awake, brushing his teeth. He acted like nothing was wrong. Shoyo didn’t care about the future. He cared about the present, he didn’t care if he was going to die in a year. All that mattered is his time with the team, and how he spends it with them.
Tobio eventually got up and he called Shoyo. There's one thing he didn’t know though.. Shoyo could die from COPD.. Shoyo’s phone rang, and he picked it up.
“Hey kageyama-kun!!”
“Hinata, are you okay?..”
Shoyo was silent. Shoyo knew he wasn't okay.. But, he put on a bright face for Tobio, he didn’t want him to know he was internally struggling with life. Every breath he took, he felt like he might have his throat close up and kill him.
“I'm fine, for the moment! Can we get ice cream??”
“What- sure, whatever you want..”
“I'll be over in 5!!”
Shoyo smiled, happy. He threw on a white shirt along with a pair of grey jeans. He grabbed his shoes, and laid them onto the floor. He slid his feet in, and tied it. He stood up, just a little too fast. He got lightheaded. He held his head and sat back down, taking a breather before attempting to get up again.
A sudden pain came to his chest. Shoyo clutched his chest, in pain. He used one hand to help him off his bed. He used the other to clutch his chest. He walked towards his kitchen, and opened the medicine cabinet. He pulled out “Pain killers” and took 3.
After a few minutes, he started to feel better. He grabbed his bag and opened the door. He walked to Tobio’s house, and Tobio was waiting. He was on his phone, scrolling on some kind of social media platform.
“Sorry kageyama.. I'm so sorry for being late..”
“Let's just go get ice cream..”
They started their walk down to the market. They were side by side. Their hands swaying by one another’s; gently touching each other's hands. Tobio felt a sudden grasp on his hand. It was Shoyo’s hand, holding his. Tobio looked away, hiding his blush from Shoyo.
Shoyo smiled, he was happy. He knew that Tobio was blushing. He felt like just living in the moment, not giving a fuck what the future could hold. No matter what happens, they would be together, nothing could separate them; till death do they part. Till death, for now they can’t leave each other.
“Hey Hinata, what did it feel like for you, when you first liked someone?”
“I don’t know exactly, I’ve only liked one person before.”
Tobio was confused, how could Shoyo only ever like one person? It was a weird topic to bring up, but Tobio wanted to know if it's different for everyone.
“So what? You must’ve felt something for that one person, so what was it?”
“Oh uh, I guess so. It feels like when I spike the ball, on a set point, and get the point.”
Tobio tilted his head, and he smiled. He smiled genuinely, not trying to mimic Koshi’s smile, just his own. His own unique smile. Tobio looked at Shoyo, and looked into his eyes. He totally forgot about Shoyo’s illness, and how he might have to quit volleyball.
They walked down to the market in silence. Not awkwardly but just in their own thoughts. Their hands still intertwined.
They walked into the market and looked down at the ice creams lying down in the freezer.
“Which one do you want, Hinata?”
“The chocolate one”
Tobio picked up 2 chocolate ice creams. He walked up to the cashier.
“600 yen”
Tobio reached into his pocket and pulled out the change. He grabbed the ice creams from the counter and sat outside with Shoyo.
“Hinata, who was your crush?”
Shoyo looked away, holding the ice cream in his hand. He looked towards the road. The far away look in his eyes made Tobio wonder, what could he possibly be thinking?
“Just some boy, that I play volleyball with”
Tobio looked down. He looked back up, he didn't say it was a girl, he said it was a boy.
“Which player is it?”
“Number 9, on Karasuno.”
Tobio looked up at Shoyo. It felt like Shoyo’s eyes were sparkling. It felt like everything around them had disappeared, like it was forever gone. Shoyo was inches away from Tobio’s face. Shoyo tilted his face while leaning into Tobio’s face. Tobio held Shoyo’s face and kissed him. His ice cream dropped to the floor, it didn't matter. All that he cared about was that Shoyo was here, with him.
After a few seconds, they broke away from each other. They looked away, since it was the first time they had ever kissed. It felt like a dream you never want to wake up from. He was blushing like crazy, and so was Shoyo.
“Do you want to hang at my house?.. Maybe practice volleyball?”
“Sounds nice Hinata..”
The world around them slowly faded in, the sounds coming back. The sounds of birds chirping and wind chimes blowing from the sudden breeze were coming back.
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The wind from Shoyo’s window blew over Tobio’s face. His curtains were flowing as the wind came circling in. Tobio’s mind wandered back to the moment they kissed. It was something he could never imagine, something so genuine that it felt surreal. He covered his mouth as he blushed about it.
Shoyo walked back in with 2 glasses of water.
“Hinata, can we talk, please?..”
“Yea, sure Kageyama.”
Shoyo put the glasses of water onto the floor of his room. And then lied down next to Tobio. He laid his head down, and then took a deep breath.
“Kageyama, what did you want to talk about?”
“Hinata, do you actually like me? Like, as a crush?...”
Shoyo flipped over to his side, facing Tobio. And he then smiled. It wasn't a fake plastered one, it was real, like he wanted to smile. Even if it hurt him to breathe, he would do it for Tobio.
“Why would I lie to you Kageyama?..”
“You like me more than a friend?...”
When Tobio was asking, Shoyo put his hand onto Tobio's face. He then glided his hand to make Tobio face him. Tobio rolled over to Shoyo. He was grinning and he leaned into Tobio. Shoyo kissed him again… Tobio came closer to Shoyo’s face to kiss him.
After a few minutes, they laid in bed, silent. Just being there and contemplating what's next…
“Kageyama… Can you be?.. My boyfriend?..”
Tobio thought, his mind was racing with “yes.” But then he remembered what he was taught by. This was wrong… Everyone thought it was, people of the same sex cannot like eachother… His eyes drifted to the ceiling as he rolled back onto his back.
“It's wrong, Hinata. Boys can't like each other, it isn't right.”
Tobio sat up, he put his hands on the bed to lift him. Shoyo was still lying on his side, but his smile faded. His lip quivered.
“I need to go, Shoyo.”
“Wait! Kageyama!”
He quickly got up from laying down, and tried to catch Tobio before he left through the door. But it was too late, and he got away.
As Tobio closed his door, tears welded up into his eyes. He bit the inside of his cheek, trying to suppress it. But after he got out to the sidewalk, they started flowing without any control. He covered his mouth as he cried.
He walked all the way home, he stopped crying as soon as he got back into bed. He ignored his mom asking him if he was alright. He just went straight to his room. He didn't feel like doing anything, he felt bad, bad for Shoyo.
In Shoyo’s room, he turned off the lights early and went to bed. The sunset sill peaked through the curtains. As he closed his eyes and went to sleep. There was no wind flowing through Shoyo’s window, it was silent in his room. He cried into his pillow.
The next day, Shoyo texted Tobio. He left it on read. Tobio couldn’t bear to face him, not after what happened the day previous. He went the whole day, just thinking about him. Tobio thought, why, why did he say that it wasn’t “right.” Of course two guys can like each other, but it just isn't widely accepted… He's seen people get jumped or even beaten up for being queer.
At school the next day, they saw each other and they didn't say anything. Tobio and Shoyo just walked past each other in the hallway. Koshi was the first to notice. Koshi then asked the question to Tobio.
“Kageyama, what's going on? With you, and Hinata?”
“Nothing, just a… nevermind…”
Tobio walked away, he doesn’t do that to his friends, at least not anymore. Koshi watched him tensely walk away, it wasn’t “like him.”
In class, Tobio looked at the back of Shoyo’s head. He got reminded of the hair he had ruffled before. He felt horrible but he just couldn’t try talking to him. Shoyo looked back, and Tobio just directed his stare to the window. Truth is, Tobio had tears in his eyes, but he didn't let them show.
At lunch, Shoyo was roaming the halls but then, he saw someone… It was a guy from his middle school… Shoyo tried to turn the corner, so he wouldn't see him. But, he did and he yelled at him to stop moving. Then he approached Shoyo…
“Fucking fairy, you liked my friend.”
“Can you stop? It was from-”
Shoyo then got punched in the stomach. He fell over, and clenched his stomach. He rolled up like a ball. The other boy repeatedly kicked him, over and over again. Shoyo grunted, it hurt, and he couldn’t fight back. He wasn't as strong as this guy, he could never take him. If only, Tobio was here to “help him.” This wouldn't be happening. He wished, as he jumped, that Tobio would come. Tobio didn't ever come.
An hour later, he was left on the floor, blood dripping from his mouth. No one came by the gym so no one saw him. But then, Shoyo woke up from passing out. He breathed but it hurt, it hurt like hell. He coughed, there was even more blood than there ever has been. He tried to get up but he fell back down. He grabbed the right side of his side, it hurt, really bad and it hurt too much to bear. He got back up and limped over to the bike rack, where his bike was.
He rode his bike home, he was going in and out of consciousness. It felt fake to him, like a dream. It wasn’t though. He breathed heavily, peddling as much as he could, but he was still slow and in so much pain. His focus was blurry, he could barely recognize the streets. He finally got home after 30 minutes of peddling. He laid down on his bed, a pain shot up his back.
Shoyo’s sister came into his room, and she looked at him weirdly and asked if he wanted dinner. But he denied, and stayed curled up in a ball. He shook as she left, his hands trembled. He swallowed hard, he tried to mask the pain with stuff but it didn't work. His breathing was hard, he felt like he was done for.
He fell asleep at 3 in the morning, he didn't eat. He couldn’t eat, it was too much to bear at the moment. When he woke up, his throat was dry, and he could taste metallic in the back of his tongue. It hurt to breathe and it hurt more to take his inhaler. So, he just laid in his bed staring at the same ceiling he saw with Tobio.
At that moment, Shoyo realized that he overslept for school. It didn't matter, it's not like he could get out of bed. A tear rolled down his cheek, his teeth hit each other. After a few minutes, he threw up, it was dark red… He threw up blood, but it wasn't like how he did with COPD; it was worse.
During that time, he realized it was that bad. But, he couldn’t tell his mom it would be too much weight on her shoulders. He couldn't tell her yet.. She's already spent so much on just that inhaler, insurance didn't cover even a quarter. He picked up his phone and saw texts from teammates, they asked why he isn't at school. He didn't respond. Instead, he just cried.
Shoyo just couldn't hold on for so much longer, it was December 21, a day before Tobio’s birthday. He felt something in his stomach, something that told him he was done. Something that told him that he wouldn't be here that much longer.
Later that day, his sister forgot to ask if he wanted dinner. Shoyo shivered in his bed. It was getting harder to breathe. It felt like he forgot how to or it seems like he just can't anymore. He typed out a text to Tobio, “hey, can we talk?” but he quickly deleted it from his keyboard. Every breath he took was excruciating pain that filled his whole body.
Shoyo had never prayed before, but then that night he prayed. He prayed, “God, Buddha, Allah, anyone, if you hear me please. Help me, help me get out of here…” He prayed for 30 minutes, crying. He wasn’t even noticed by his mother that night. She had no idea what was going on with her poor baby.
The next day, on December 22. It was Tobio’s birthday. When Shoyo woke up from his sleep, he could barely breathe, it was too hard. His breaths came out as small and raspy. His mouth was filled with blood, and he threw up more. There was blood all over his bed. There was no one home. No one was there to comfort him.
His eyes were glistening, like never before. He saw someone in the corner of his room. It was Tobio. He smiled.
“I-I-I knew you’d.. Come..”
“Hinata, I love you so much…”
Hinata smiled, and he let out a laugh. He saw a piece of paper by his bed, along with a pen. He smiled. There was blood, dripping from his mouth. He reached over for the paper along with the pen. He tried, in his best handwriting, to leave a note for Tobio, his family and teammates. His hand shook. And his lip quivered. He knew it was his time, and it was too late to change it.
The last letter was to Tobio. It read, “Dear, Kageyama, it is my time to go. I have so much to say but I don't have enough time. All I can say is, I love you.”
Then, after he wrote that last line, he rolled back onto his back. He saw Tobio again, he was on the bed with him. And he was ruffling his hair, Shoyo looked out his window, it was a rainy day. It was his favorite, he loved the rain. He smiled.
“Hinata, I'm right here okay?.. It will all be fine… I'll see you later, okay?..”
“I love you Kageyama… I dont want to die.. Not yet..”
“Hinata, I'm so sorry.. It's just the way it was planned for you, I love you so much…”
Hinata smiled, and then a tear rolled down his cheek. Hinata then closed his eyes. And he let out a drawing breath. His heart stopped beating and his pulse stopped. The Tobio in his room was a hallucination but it made Shoyo’s death better even at the end.
After school, Tobio was assigned to deliver work to Shoyo’s house. Since he had missed school for 2 days straight. He rode his bike, and when he arrived he saw police cars… Shoyo’s mom was outside talking to an officer, she was sobbing.
Tobio walked up to his house, putting his bike down. “What could’ve possibly happened?” He thought. But, when he walked up to the house, his mom stopped her. Then the police officers stopped him from going inside the house.
“Kageyama… Hinata.. Is.. dead…”
Tobio’s eyes widened, he didn't believe it… He fell to his knees. It was his fault, he didn't text him. Why? Why did he do that? Why did he tell Shoyo that boys couldn’t like each other? It was all on Tobio. He thought it was all his fault. The floor was wet from the oncoming rain, but fell anyway.
Shoyo was Tobio’s lover.. His friend.. His bestfriend.. He couldn't bear the fact he was dead. He wasn’t supposed to die like this, especially on Tobio’s birthday… But now, he was gone, he wasn’t coming back. Tobio would never see his eyes sparkle or his cute smile or even his silly laugh. Shoyo is dead.
Tobio was in shock, his hands shook as he clenched them. If only he was there for Shoyo… He cried on the floor. On December 22nd, Tobio’s crush, lover, friend, teammate, and best friend died.
Tobio found out, just a few hours later that, Shoyo had 3 broken ribs and a puncture in his lung, which made him struggle to breathe.
The next week was the funeral. People texted Tobio they were sorry for him and their condolences. But, Tobio just laid in his bed. His pillow was wet from his tears. He didn’t attend the funeral. He felt too guilty to attend the funeral of his bestfriend..
He reread the letter Shoyo gave him. Over and over again, multiple times. Then Tobio pulled out a piece of paper. He decided to write a letter. He wrote to anyone, just anyone who is willing to read it.
“To anyone,
My best friend died. He was my crush too, it was my fault on why he died. Don't let your greed defy how you act to your friends. He died, alone, there was no one there for him. If only I was there for him, I wasn't there because of the greed of my sexuality. My note to everyone is, accept the person who you are, don't be afraid to show off your colors. To my dear Hinata, I hope you fly high.”