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It was dark, save for the everpresent LA skyline, the flames in the fire pit and the sparkle in Ian and Anthony’s eyes. And it was quiet, save for the soft humming of the eternal motorway, the crackling of the fire and Anthony’s high-pitched laughter.
“This is the perfect time to confront them,” Angela whispered to Chanse. They were the last people to stay, save Ian of course, at Anthony’s house. His garden had a beautiful view of the hills. They’d discussed making a series of Smosh musicals to perform live. Chanse and Angela would be the creative co-directors.
After the meeting, it was time for alcohol and weed. Not the best combination maybe, but one the founders of Smosh seemed to be repeat offenders of. It made Angela feel very confident, even though everything was a bit blurry, and she could swear there were faeries in the fire.
“Look at them! I mean, look!” Chanse gestured to Ian and Anthony, practically in each other’s lap, sharing memes on their identical phones. They looked at each other on and off. And whenever there would be eye-contact, one of them would look away abashedly, giggling like a school girl.
“I know!” Angela agreed. “That’s what I’m saying! How long has this been going on?!”
“For as long as Anthony’s been back,” Chanse answered, one perfect eyebrow raised.
“Are you that close to any of your friends? To your boyfriends even?” Angela squatted, leaning her arms on her knees, and squinted through the fire, over to the other side. Ian was fixing a strand of Anthony’s hair behind his ear.
“I wish, Angela! I wish I could love like that, and be obsessed about like that! It’s precious, don’t get me wrong, but it’s not normal.”
“And that is valid,” Angela was quick to interject, “normal is overrated anyway. However, it does seem weird that they aren’t official with it.”
“Oh, a hundred percent!” Chanse also squinted and scrunched his nose, mouth half-open. “I just want to know why they are like that! And why they don’t just kiss and be done with it!”
“It would lift so much tension, oh my god. This is like, the longest edging session in recorded history,” Angela joked, to which Chanse started quiet-laughing.
“Chanse! Get it together,” Angela exclaimed, linking her arm in his, and starting to walk in circles. “We need to convince these idiots to see and admit to the truth!”
“Right!” Chanse walked in perfect sync with her. “We have to get them to realize they are in love, Angela. "In love!"
“Yes!” Angela screamed, snapping Ian and Anthony out of their meme-sharing trance.
“Hey, what are you guys doing?” Anthony asked, looking baked as fuck, his hair still wayward, his eyes half-shut. His sudden question alarmed Chanse and Angela and they let go of each other, tumbling in two opposite directions, both falling to the ground. Ian and Anthony burst out laughing. “Are you alright?”
Ian helped Chanse up, Angela crawled back to her feet on her own.
“Have you been smoking too much?” Anthony asked her in a fake-stern voice. His face looked pale in the light of the flames.
“Shut up- oh, that’s your line, sorry.”
“It’s me who says it in the videos, you know,” Ian corrected her.
“Oh! Really? I always thought it was Anthony.”
“When you recorded that, I knew it was perfect,” Anthony smiled at Ian, making his best friend swell with pride in the dark.
“I mean, I’m pretty awesome,” Ian joked.
“Yes, you are, Ian!” Chanse knew this was their ‘in’ on the subject. “You are so, so awesome, don’t you agree, Anthony?”
“Hell yeah! I don’t know what I’d do without him,” Anthony said nonchalantly.
“Yeah, you guys just… compliment each other, it’s beautiful! Like a beautiful marriage.” Angela shot a look at Chanse and he gave her an encouraging nod.
“I guess it is like a marriage, isn’t it,” Ian mused sagely. He’d always get like this when he was high, which was very annoying. Like he was this guru, asking and answering the questions of the universe. Anthony looked at him, stroking his greying goatee, like a fellow philosopher.
“We have a financial partnership, we vowed to stay together forever…”
Chanse and Angela looked at each other with wide eyes. Was it working? Chanse added, “you’d be happy to burn it all to the ground with each other…”
Ian and Anthony turned their heads. “Oh yeah! That too,” Ian laughed.
“I think it’s very romantic,” Angela said, putting her arm around Chanse. “You love each other so much.”
“Yeah, you’re like, in love with each other, boys,” Chanse agreed.
Ian and Anthony looked puzzled. “In love? What do you mean?” Anthony’s baked stare and Ian’s watery eyes stabbed Angela and Chanse like a thousand daggers.
“Damn, Anthony’s himbo deflection shield went up,” Chanse whispered in Angela’s ear.
“Oh shit, this is bad!” Angela whispered back.
“No, I mean, you can’t ask ‘what do you mean’? It's so obvious, right? It’s your everyday interactions, you’re so lovey dovey with each other, and it’s beautiful! I want to see it continue! I just hope you realize it, guys. You’re meant for each other.”
“I think you might be projecting a bit,” Ian joked. Everyone knows you’re in love with Anthony.”
“W-what?” Chanse felt himself blush. Ian laughed and shared a dopey look with Anthony.
“You’re always flirting with me, I think Ian might be right,” Anthony added with an off-putting McCauley Culkinesque eyebrow wiggle. “Are you sure you don’t want a kissy kiss?” He approached Chanse, wobbling a bit. The anticipation of having a heavy Anthony crash into him, very much did excite Chanse, but Angela came to the rescue.
“Don’t change the subject! We’re not talking about Chanse’s obvious crush on you, Anthony.”
“Wow, thanks, Angela.” Chanse pouted when Anthony teetered back around, into Ian’s safe embrace.
“We’re talking,” Angela burped in between talking. “About Ian and Anthony, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g!”
“Are you sure about that, Angela?” Ian shot back. “As sure as you were that 9-11 happened in 2011?” Anthony laughed his high-pitched Ian-laugh again, he could barely stand, leaning heavily on Ian, while Chanse held Angela back.
“You’re never letting that go, are you!” She yelled comically.
“I think it’s time we went home,” Chanse concluded. It wasn’t going to work. Ian and Anthony would never admit they loved each other. They’d had over twenty years to get to it and they never had. Their merged silhouette against the nightly skyline looked like an epic testament to an unbreakable bond. It almost made Chanse cry. That was probably the weed.
As they sat in their shared Uber, they both were shaking their heads and sighing. “What are we gonna do with our bosses, Ang?” Chanse lamented.
“I don’t know, bro. It’s like talking to a wall.”
“We could make another musical about it, but I think we made a clear point last time…”
“Yeah. I guess we’ll have to accept that this is just who they are.”
“I guess that’s beautiful too,” Chanse shrugged, annoyed.
“Yeah. That’s beautiful too.”