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"I don't know, hyung," Mingyu said, swirling his beer on his glass.
Wonwoo rolled his eyes good naturedly before he took a sip from his drink.
"Then don't come around acting like a lovesick puppy because everyone is in a relationship except you," he said, his tone a little more stern than usual.
Mingyu bit the inside of his cheek, knowing where Wonwoo was coming from. He was all the things he said, but mostly because he felt lonely. Most people he knew were already on a relationship and had no room for him. And, the older he got, the less interest he had in one night stands.
"Tell me about him again," he asked, taking a swing from his beer. The cold alcohol felt good on his throat and he was able to ignore the grievous sigh Wonwoo directed at him.
"He works with Chan," he said again, and Mingyu appreciated him for it. "Name's Soonyoung, he is my age and he seems like the kind of weirdo you'd be into."
Mingyu decided to not acknowledge the jab, instead he flagged the ahjumma at the small joint they were having a drink to bring them another round. He needed it if he was going to agree to the whole ordeal.
"And he was married," he said, hung up in the fact since Chan had dropped it during a video call the night before, as he tried to convince him to allow them to set him up.
"He's a widower," Wonwoo pointed out, as a waiter opened the beer bottles for them and left their table. "It's not like he has a failed marriage or something like that."
Mingyu sighed. At his age, there weren't many chances to find people without a previous story. Everyone was either divorced, or had just gone through a terrible breakup, or already had children and weren't interested in adding a new person to their family dynamics. A widower did sound like the better of his options.
"At least," Wonwoo kept insisting, and Mingyu realized Chan must had been telling him things, and that was why he was pushing on a subject he'd otherwise would avoid, "you could go on a date, and see where it lands you. It's not like it's written on stone."
Mingyu chewed on the inside of his cheek. After all, he knew Chan and Wonwoo were only worried for him. Him and Wonwoo had been friends forever, and Mingyu was static when he finally asked Chan on a date. He understood the feeling of wanting the best for your friend, and he imagined he wasn't the picture of single and happy lately.
"Fine," he said, and Wonwoo smiled at him with a thumbs up. Mingyu rolled his eyes. "But you're paying for the drinks tonight."
Wonwoo booed as Mingyu sipped from his beer again, pretending he couldn't hear him.
It was hard to admit, giving that Mingyu was, at the end of the day, himself. But he was nervous. It wasn't like him, to be nervous before a first date; he was, most of the time, the confident type.
But, somehow, this felt big. There was some sort of finality to this date, like he was gambling. All or nothing.
Maybe after this he would give up entirely. If Wonwoo and Chan were so sure that this Soonyoung guy and him were a good match, and it turned out they weren't, then maybe it was time to give up.
He adjusted the collar of his fancy shirt as he waited outside the restaurant. He was proud on the place he had picked, it was the perfect middle ground, not too fancy, not too shabby. He had checked on his reservation as soon as he came in, so he just had to wait for his date.
His palms were sweaty so he discreetly wiped them on his trousers. He wished he had something to keep his hands busy, but when he suggested flowers Chan had looked at him with that distasteful purse of his lips and called him desperate. It was a little hurtful, if he was being honest. So what if he was desperate! Sue him for wanting real, deep connection!
He was grumbling to himself about not listening to Chan ever again when someone cleared their throat behind him.
Mingyu whipped around so fast it almost hurt his neck. In front of him stood a man. And Mingyu had seen pictures of Soonyoung, of course, it was probably the first thing he did, stalk him. But pictures didn't make him any justice.
He blinked at him, tongue tied. And somehow it was like the other man read his thoughts, because his smile only widened, mischievous.
"Mingyu-ssi?" He asked, even when it was obvious he knew the answer. His eyes were sparkling under the streetlamps.
Mingyu was able to snap out of it and finally open his mouth to string sounds together that resembled words. Overall, to pretend he had his shit together.
"Just Mingyu," he said, really wishing to have something to do with his hands now. "Let's speak informally, please."
"Then I'm Soonyoung," he said, and his eyes narrowed with delight. "Or hyung, I suppose."
Mingyu felt the heat climbing up to his cheeks from his chest, and Soonyoung chuckled under his breath. He wanted to avoid the humiliation, so he pointed vaguely inside the restaurant and followed Soonyoung when he led the way.
The conversation was flowing smoothly between them, going through the usual first date topics. It went from job (Mingyu got praised for his architecture firm, and Soonyoung looked bashful when Mingyu said he did know the girl group he had choreographed last awards season), to hobbies (both were married to their jobs, so not many surprised there), and where they met the friends that had set them up (Mingyu knew Wonwoo from college, Soonyoung knew Chan from the industry, and now they were a package deal, apparently).
The anxiety had worn off of Mingyu's shoulders, he felt more relaxed and at ease. Soonyoung was fun, in a quirky way, strange even. No wonder Wonwoo thought he'd like him, since he knew he had a knack for the unconventional type. The conversation was good, the food even better and the bottle of wine they had shared had him slightly buzzed.
"Now, I know you must be dying to ask," Soonyoung said, the easy smile still hanging from his lips. "The elephant in the room."
That startled Mingyu. He had almost entirely forgotten about the topic Soonyoung was referring to, but not entirely. It was like a small pebble in his shoe, he was able to ignore it for the most part, but it was still present. He was a curious man, after all.
"Oh," he said, feeling clumsy again, like he was unfit in his own body, the awkwardness returning. "If you want to…"
Mingyu had his doubts about talking about former partners during the first dates, but this time it felt too up in the air. It wasn't like Soonyoung had broken up with someone recently, so he had to thread lightly, carefully.
"Chan and Wonwoo probably told you already I was married," he said, and the smile in his lips didn't waver. Mingyu took note in that. "I meet Jihoon back in high school, and we were together ever since."
Mingyu felt desperate to fill in the silence that followed. He didn't want to be insensitive but also come out as uninterested, since it was clearly an important topic in Soonyoung's life and he wanted to share it.
"So how long since…?" He left the phrase hanging between them, not sure how to approach the end of it. And that also meant Soonyoung could take it as he wanted, and say as much as he wanted.
"It's been five years," he replied, and there was something in the edge of his smile that Mingyu felt deeply. "This is actually the first date I've been to in forever."
Soonyoung chuckled nervously before he tried to rearrange the cutlery in front of him, as if to keep his hands busy and his eyes on something that wasn't Mingyu. He could understand vulnerability, so instead of letting him be, he reached and enveloped Soonyoung's hand in his.
That made him look up immediately, surprised. His eyes were a really dark color but something in them still sparked and that drew Mingyu right in. He wanted more, so much more, he wanted to learn about the person sitting in front of him, the good and the ugly, and to hold his hand through it all.
"There's an ice cream place nearby," he said. "Do you want to go?"
Soonyoung smiled so wide his eyes narrowed, pushed by his cheeks. It was adorable. Mingyu was smitten already.
They held hands as they walked, Soonyoung was swinging their arms between them. They ordered different flavors of ice cream and tried the other's as they kept walking around the neighborhood, talking about everything and nothing at once.
As it turned out, they weren't too far from Soonyoung's building, so they walked there, enjoying the spring weather and the breeze that kept playing with their hair.
Mingyu kissed him by the door to his building, cupping his face between his hands like it was one of the most precious things he had ever held. Then they said good night and Soonyoung waved his hand through the glass before stepping into the elevator.
Mingyu almost skipped his steps as he walked to the subway, and tried to school his face to neutral as he stared at his reflection in the train window. It was useless, because every time he thought of Soonyoung's phone number safely in his contacts he broke into a goofy grin. At least it was late enough that the car was almost empty.
He ignored Wonwoo's smug texts when he got home, after a shower and lying in bed. He swiped the notifications with his name and instead his finger hovered above Soonyoung's name.
It had been so long since he had dated he wasn't sure what was the protocol anymore. A text as soon as he got home sounded like too much, but at the same time he didn't want to wait until the morning just to try to look cool. He was too used to wear his heart on his sleeve.
Mingyu clicked his name and was about to write something when his phone chimed instead, and a bubble popped on the text chain. His heart started racing when he realized Soonyoung wanted to know if he had made it home safely.
In the safety of his own home, Mingyu allowed himself to giggle as he curled to his side, holding his phone with both hands before he replied. He considered texting Wonwoo or Chan and asking when would it be appropriate to ask for a second date, but he discarded the idea fairly fast. That would admitting to their faces that they were right and he wasn't in the business of stroking any of their egos. God knew they didn't need it.
But, as it turned out, he didn't need to worry too much. Because he wasn't the only one who felt whatever it was that has been born between him and Soonyoung that night. At least he knew they were on the same page when he replied to his text asking when he was free again.
It was around their fifth or sixth date that Mingyu deemed it appropriate to have Soonyoung over at his place. They had tried multiple places to eat, now it was time to pitch his own homemade meal against them.
It was a strange feeling, to roam around a grocery store with Soonyoung. They hadn't met that long ago and yet Mingyu felt like they were completely in sync as they each had a hand on the cart to push it while filling it. It felt oddly domestic, and Mingyu was nostalgic of something he never truly had, of sharing a home and a life with someone else.
Soonyoung, he discovered quickly, wasn't the type to really cook, more like the kind of person who sat at a fair distance and tried to give orders. Mingyu did raise an eyebrow at him but the self aware laugh that came from Soonyoung was enough to melt his insides.
They had dinner sitting side by side on the breakfast bar. It was cozy and homey, their elbows occasionally touching as Soonyoung recounted an anecdote from work and Mingyu giggled at his over the top acting methods. Soonyoung used his chopsticks to gesticulate and Mingyu didn't even mind having to occasionally avoid being stabbed.
It was nice. It, above anything, felt good. Mingyu wondered how did he managed to find something like this, especially when he was on the brink of giving up.
Soonyoung offered to do the dishes and they event got as far as piling everything on the sink and finding a set of brand new gloves, but he never got to put them on. Mingyu's hands were faster, and more convincing than a pair of cold latex gloves, so Soonyoung allowed him to pull him to his bedroom.
When Mingyu woke up the next morning, sunlight coming through the curtains, he knew it was serious. He felt Soonyoung's soft skin under his fingertips and the sound of his slow breathing as he slept, and he memorized the shape of the shadows and slopes on his face until he woke up.
It was romantic. It was even better than anything Mingyu had ever imagined.
"I'm serious about you," Mingyu said, in between kisses, whispering into his lips. It felt big; monumental even.
Soonyoung chuckled as he wrapped his arms around Mingyu's neck.
"Next time, let's go back to mine," he said, and there was the slightest pang of sadness in his voice. But Mingyu was too euphoric to notice it, too hung up still in the words next time.
Of course, that was when things went a little weird.
Mingyu arrived with flowers and some wine because, above everything, he was a gentleman. He didn't feel nervous or awkward, it still felt correct. That he was were he was supposed to be.
He heard steps shuffling behind the door after he knocked. Then Soonyoung's whole face lit up with happiness when he saw him standing in the hallway.
Soonyoung grabbed the flowers from his hands and buried his face on them, inhaling their smell. Mingyu smiled.
"You're here early," he said, a smile still in his voice when he reached for his shoulder and placed a small kiss on the corner of his lips.
"I couldn't wait," Mingyu replied, honest, as he took off his shoes and put on the guest slippers.
Soonyoung smiled as he walked to what Mingyu assumed was the kitchen, rambling about searching for a vase to put the flowers in. Mingyu followed him, slower, getting used to the space. The air felt the tiniest bit heavy after crossing the threshold, and for some reason the hairs in his nape stood on end.
He could hear Soonyoung in the kitchen, plates scrapping against each other. He knew he probably should be there, but something pulled him. He took the time walking the small hallway that led to the apartment, his eyes glued to the pictures on the wall.
A few were obviously family pictures, Soonyoung with his parents and his sister, a small brown dog in his arms. Mingyu had heard plenty about them already. Then pictures with a man he didn't recognize, his shoulder length black hair contrasting with Soonyoung's short blond spikes.
A few were taking by a beach, and Mingyu's mind supplied that Jihoon, Soonyoung's late husband, was from Busan. He knew that from one time they stayed up late, sitting on the floor of Mingyu's living room, talking about their everythings and their nothings.
His eyes were naturally drawn to a bigger picture frame, right where the wall ended and the space expanded into the living room. It was a wedding picture. They were both dressed in nice suits, Jihoon's hair was shorter and Soonyoung's longer, hands held between them, heads slightly leaning towards the other.
There was a pang of sadness going through Mingyu's heart. He felt the sudden urge to find Soonyoung and envelop him in a hug. He couldn't fathom the feeling of missing someone every day like that.
Soonyoung called him from the kitchen so he let his feet guide him there. The flowers were sitting on the counter on a glass vase, and the kitchen smelled good.
"That looks amazing," he said, leaning into Soonyoung's space to take a peek at the pot on the stove.
"Thanks," he replied, pouring it's contents on a plate and handing it to Mingyu. "I had a little help."
Mingyu took the plates to the table and Soonyoung followed him carrying the vase to place it as a centerpiece. It made Mingyu smile like a fool, so he tried his best to school his face to a neutral.
The food was good and the conversation even better. It seemed like they never ran out of things to talk about, and whenever the conversation did reach a lull, it wasn't uncomfortable. Mingyu felt like he knew Soonyoung for so long, he was almost mad Wonwoo didn't introduce them earlier.
"Actually," Soonyoung said, putting down his chopsticks next to his empty plate. "There was something I wanted to talk to you about."
Worry started to wash over Mingyu's bones. He furrowed his eyebrows, concerned. Usually, bad conversations started exactly like that.
"Sure," he said, taking a sip from his glass of water, trying to feign normalcy. "What about?"
"It's nothing bad," Soonyoung promised, eyes going wide when he noticed the tense line of Mingyu's shoulders. "Just something important we should talk about if we are taking this seriously. Like you said."
He had said that, and he meant it, so he nodded his head. Still, the food sat a little heavy in the pit of his stomach.
"This will sound crazy," Soonyoung said, more to himself than to Mingyu before he shook his head. "It's better if I just show you."
Mingyu folded his hand on his lap, trying to keep an open mind even if curiosity was eating him. Soonyoung, who was usually bubbly and silly, looked pretty serious, so it had to be something important.
Then, of course, it was when his pretty normal night took a strange turn.
"Jagi," he said, raising his voice. Mingyu was confused, because that was a nickname neither of them had used, and then he realized it was not directed at him.
There was someone else in the room with them. He felt goosebumps in his arms and the temperature dropped a few degrees, enough to be noticeable. Enough to be concerning.
He turned around to find someone standing in the middle of the room. Someone that he was absolutely sure wasn't there a few seconds before. Someone he recognized from the pictures, although a little bit different given the fact that he was slightly blurry around the edges. It reminded of Mingyu of his college days, when he'd pull all nighters until focusing his eyes proved to be a hard task.
Of course, his first instinct was to rub his eyes, but the figure kept standing in front of them. He was wearing a black t-shirt, paired with loose black shorts, and had his hands on his pockets. When he walked towards them, his naked feet made no sound against the floorboards.
"What?" He managed to squeak out. He kept blinking at the impossible man in front of him, trying to make sense of how he was there when he was supposed… supposed to be—
"That's Jihoon," Soonyoung said, and he smiled when Mingyu looked back at him. Reassuringly. Mingyu did not feel reassured at all. "My husband."
"Your dead husband," he said, foregoing every ounce of decorum left in him. Soonyoung winced.
"I mean," he said, looking at Jihoon like he was asking for help to have this conversation. "Yeah, sure, but, as you can see, he's here."
"We don't know how, or why," Jihoon finally said, and his voice sounded incredibly… normal. Mingyu wondered if that was the better or worse option, not sure if he had felt less freaked out if he spoke in a guttural tone or something similar.
"I think," he said, his voice cracking. He cleared his throat, wiping his sweaty hands on his jeans as he stood up. Soonyoung stood too. "I think I should leave."
"Wait," Soonyoung called, his hand closing around the sleeve of Mingyu's jacket as he tried half haphazardly to put it on. "Stay."
"Soonyoung hyung," he said, his eyes going to Jihoon still standing there, looking at them like he was bored. "This is… way too much."
"I know this is really strange," he said, and something in his eyes made Mingyu pause. "But I like you, and I think we can make this work. So, stay?"
Mingyu was only human, and Soonyoung had big pleading eyes, and also he couldn't just ignore the connection they had for as long as they had been dating.
He let him drag him to the couch, the pillows soft under him. Jihoon didn't look too interested in what they were up to, but he still followed and sat on a chair, crossing one leg over the other and resting his chin on his palm. Observing with sharp eyes.
"Are you—" Mingyu said, his grip around Soonyoung's fingers tightening because he felt nervous. "Are you alright with this?"
Jihoon seemed to give his question some consideration, chewing the inside of his cheek as he thought his answer.
"I want Soonyoung to be happy," he ended up saying, and then a lazy grin broke, making him look like a misbehaved cat. "Besides, I don't mind watching."
It was bizarre, to say the least. Mingyu let Soonyoung cup his face in his hand and kiss him. It was fast paced, desperate, and as he felt him moving to climb on his lap, Mingyu realized he was putting on a show.
"Wait," he said, grabbing him by the wrists to keep him at arms length. Soonyoung paused immediately, and Mingyu's eyes couldn't help but to wander to his lips, shiny with spit. "I'm going to leave now."
This time, Soonyoung didn't stop him. Both him and Jihoon remained silent as he grabbed his things and the door to their apartment clicked closed behind him. The food he had turned uncomfortable in his stomach and he couldn't wait to get home.
He wasn't sure of what he had just seen and heard and live through. It felt like a bad dream, like he'd get in bed all cozy and realize the next morning that this has never happened. That he hadn't almost got roped into a threesome with a guy and the ghost of his husband.
By the time he made it home, he had fifteen texts from Soonyoung and at least five missed calls. He didn't reply to any of them, instead, he plugged his phone and set it to do not disturb mode before face planting on his bed and turning in for the night.
"So you haven't replied to him, like, at all," Chan said, pointedly summarizing all that Mingyu had spilled on their kitchen island.
He shook his head, his shoulders sagging. The guilt was eating him alive, but he couldn't bring himself to do anything about it. It was all just… too strange, for him. He was a reasonable dude, he didn't do… the supernatural, he supposed he should call it. Mingyu was a man of numbers, of blueprints, of verifiable truths. And whatever this situation was, it wasn't any of that.
"Well, that's just plain rude," Wonwoo said, the harsh kitchen lights only accentuating the look of disgust on his face.
Mingyu didn't reply and they exchanged a look. The kind of look that almost irked Mingyu, that made them seem like they could communicate telepathically. He despised it as much as he was jealous of it.
"Has he murdered someone?" Chan asked, leaning forward across the kitchen isle. He was gripping his glass of wine, and he wasn't one for gossip, but he clearly wanted answers now. Mingyu couldn't blame him, it wasn't like he'd given them much information to begin with. "Did he deliberately hurt you? Can it really be something that weird that you decided to ghost him after singing his praises all the time?"
Wonwoo made a face. "Yeah, it was getting annoying."
Chan elbowed him on the ribs and Mingyu appreciated the gesture.
"What I mean," he said, shooting a glare at Wonwoo, to which he only replied closing his mouth, "is that you seemed to like him. You said so, you thought that was it. So now we're confused about the sudden change."
He chewed the inside of his cheek, trying to think. He couldn't tell them the truth, that was completely off the table. Guys, turns out the guy you set me up with is living with the ghost of his dead husband. Crazy, right?!
"You wouldn't get it," he deflected instead. "You two always matched each other's freaks, weirdos."
Chan's eyebrows knitted together and he puffed his cheeks before he blew the air in a raspberry. He brought the glass to his lips and pointed at Wonwoo.
"He's your best friend, you fix him," he said, like Mingyu wasn't there hearing. Then he grabbed the bottle he and Wonwoo were sharing and his phone from the counter top and left in the direction of their bedroom.
Mingyu and Wonwoo stared at each other, almost confused, like bunnies caught in headlights, until they heard the bedroom door close behind Chan.
Wonwoo grabbed a beer from the fridge and knocked the neck against Mingyu's, even if he didn't move from where he was moping, draped on the kitchen isle.
"You say I won't get it, fine," he said, and for a second he reminded Mingyu of Wonwoo when they were in college, always in oversized hoodies, listening to him complain. "Then try to explain it to me."
Mingyu sighed for what felt like the hundredth time. He spun the beer on his hand, not looking at Wonwoo. He was scared he wouldn't be able to avoid being sincere if he was looking at him.
"It's just too much," he said, and like on cue, his phone buzzed in his pocket. He dug it out and left it on the counter top, face up, lit up. Soonyoung wasn't bombarding him with texts anymore, but he didn't fail to send at least one every day. "I don't know if I'm ready. I don't know if I can, you know… do this, with him. If it doesn't work out, then… Then what?"
Wonwoo blinked at him as he processed Mingyu's words before his eyebrows knitted in a very similar way than Chan's minutes before.
"That's it?" He asked. Mingyu shrugged, confused. "You are always saying that you yearn for love and then feel this real connection with a guy, and then you suddenly think it's too much?"
He felt his cheeks heating up, like he was a kid being scolded. He turned defensive, his own face scrunching in retaliation.
"See?" He spat back. "I told you you wouldn't get it. Not all of us can meet the love of our lives at fucking seventeen years old and live happily ever after."
Wonwoo's features softened while Mingyu sulked into his drink. He took a swing of the beer and regretted it immediately, it turned sour on his tongue and felt like a rock sinking on his stomach.
He walked around the kitchen isle to sit on the stool beside Mingyu and his hand went to squeeze his shoulder briefly.
"Chan and I don't have a perfect relationship," he said, gently, like he was scared he'd spook Mingyu out. "We have ups and downs, it's just—" Wonwoo moved his hands as he tried to come up with the right words. "We love each other so we take the time to make it work, you know?"
Mingyu wanted to be petty. He wanted to say that no, that he didn't know, that he had never been in a good relationship, in one that didn't crash and burn around him. But Wonwoo was trying to be helpful, not trying to brag, so he let it slide. But he could still be a brat, so he didn't reply. In that exact moment, his phone buzzed, the screen lit up. The name showing made his stomach churn, in both a good and a bad way.
"You really like him, don't you? It's written all over your face," Wonwoo said, pointing at him. Mingyu wanted to groan, he knew Wonwoo read him easily after so many years of friendship. "If you like him, isn't it worth the try? And if it doesn't work out, well, at least you wouldn't have to wonder."
Mingyu nursed his beer, holding it close to his cheek to see if the cold glass would help. It didn't.
At last, the subject was dropped, Wonwoo allowing him time to sit with his words. Chan emerged back from the bedroom to sit on the couch with them as Wonwoo obliterated him on Mario Kart.
Later that night, Mingyu walked back home. He was grateful for the cold breeze on his cheeks, waking him up, making him feel a little more sober. He kept going over and over Wonwoo's words. If he didn't take the chance, if he didn't allow himself to discover what the hell was happening between him, Soonyoung and the ghost in his house, he'd wonder forever.
He didn't like living with what ifs. He didn't like the uncertainty. He wanted truths, balanced certainties, facts. So he wasn't all that surprised when his feet took him to Soonyoung's building.
His finger pressed the call button downstairs with a little more force than necessary. The speaker crackled before a voice came out.
Something inside Mingyu's chest constricted when he heard Soonyoung's voice, even through the static of the intercom.
"It's me," he said, simply.
There was a shocked silence on the other line, only interrupted by crackly static. Mingyu suddenly felt scared. Scared that it was too late, scared that Soonyoung was over it, scared that his last text that he was too much of a coward to read was telling him to go fuck himself. That's how he knew Wonwoo was right. He was never scared. And nonetheless, faced with silence, he was.
"Can we talk?" He asked, his voice coming out shy and uncertain.
"Oh!" Soonyoung said on the other line, surprise still bleeding into his voice. "Yes, of course. Come up."
The buzzer was loud as Mingyu pushed the door open. The elevator took forever and yet, when he was standing in front of Soonyoung's door, he was blanking. He had no idea of what he was supposed to say, or even exactly why was he there.
Before he could panic some more, the door swung open. Soonyoung looked as surprised as him, and they stood there for a few seconds.
Without saying anything, Soonyoung pushed the door open, allowing Mingyu space to get inside. He took off his shoes and got them lined up beside some worn out sneakers.
It felt awkward. It still, somehow, felt like a step in the right direction. Soonyoung stood there, examining Mingyu with both hands buried in his pockets. He was wearing just sweatpants and a worn out t-shirt and yet Mingyu thought he looked beautiful, with his hair tousled and what he presumed was a kimchi stain on his shirt.
So what if Soonyoung was literally being haunted by his late husband? No relationship was perfect. They could make it work. Mingyu would make it work, if Soonyoung still wanted him. If Jihoon was alright with it as well, he supposed.
Mingyu followed him to the couch and they sat down in silence. He looked around and Soonyoung clicked his tongue with humor.
"He's not around right now," he said, leaning back on the pillows and bringing his legs up. "No need to freak out."
"I wasn't freaking out," Mingyu mumbled, but he guessed it was a fair jab, given the last time he was there.
Soonyoung gave him a very pointed look that said he didn't agree at all, but didn't keep with the teasing, which Mingyu was grateful for. He was usually a good sport about it, but he was there on a mission, maybe later —hopefully later— there's be time to dilly dally.
"You came here to talk," Soonyoung said, bringing his knees to his chest, like he could feel Mingyu's sense of urgency. "Let's talk."
Mingyu struggled to find the words, now that he was given the chance to say them. His brain felt scrambled and he regretted his impulsiveness, coming here after having drinks, not waiting until the clarity of day and being sober enough.
"Listen," Soonyoung said, leaning forward the tiniest bit, like he was insecure about coming closer to Mingyu. It broke his heart a little, since Soonyoung was usually a confident person. "I know it is very strange, we actually don't even know how or why it happened, it just— I just woke up one day and he was there."
Mingyu decided he couldn't cope with Soonyoung's sad face, the way his eyebrows were scrunched up, his nose wrinkled. It was clear Soonyoung wanted to keep talking, maybe he needed it, it probably wasn't a topic he could mention often. So he gave him the space, but allowed himself to reach over the cushions and find his hand. Soonyoung looked up, surprised, and let Mingyu envelope his hand in his and squeezed.
"I obviously don't go on many dates," he continued, his voice more confident now that he was anchored. "And I love Jihoon, I have for most of my life. It was actually his idea, after Wonwoo kept insisting he knew someone who's be good for me. He said," he squeezed Mingyu's hand harder, "that you would be good for me, and Jihoon, well, he wants the best for me, always."
A small silence installed between them. Mingyu could only hear his own breathing and the blood pumping in his ears, rushed and crazy.
"I think you are good for me," Soonyoung said, voice a little quavery but eyes so full of hope that it made Mingyu's heart ache. "I want— I wish we could make this work."
The words were almost something physical, bouncing against the walls of Mingyu's skull. It felt foggy, and not many things were certain at the moment, except that Mingyu thought that it could. If they tried, it could work.
Since words were incredibly difficult for Mingyu's boggled brain, he decided actions were better. At least as a desperate resort, since Soonyoung was sitting in front of him with the biggest doe eyes, full of hope, but it was wavering with every second Mingyu took to reply.
He reached forward, across the cushions that felt like they went on for miles, and cupped Soonyoung's face with both hands. He only caught a glimpse of his surprised eyes before he planted a kiss on his lips. Soonyoung went still between his arms for a second, just for a millisecond before his arms went to wrap around Mingyu's neck.
It was a soft thing, almost fluttery. Soonyoung's lips were chapped, as if he had kept biting on them, but his tongue was soft and warm. His fingers tangled on Mingyu's hair, and he exhaled into his mouth, with so much relief it was heart wrenching.
He pulled away, even if reluctantly. As nice as kissing Soonyoung was, they needed to talk. Mingyu had to say actual words. It was not enough.
"I want to make it work," he said, and Soonyoung blinked, almost like he was surprised, even if Mingyu didn't let go of him, their breaths mingling. "I was scared, I am scared but I think we can be good. And I want to know Jihoon too, I mean you are so great he has to be great as well. God, I hope he doesn't hate me, do you think he hates me? Am I rambling?"
Soonyoung snorted a laugh, ugly and wild and everything Mingyu wanted. He longed to be able to reach for it, grab it between his fingers, keep it safe in his pocket. Instead, he kissed his jaw as Soonyoung slid back on the couch, bringing Mingyu down with him.
"Yes, you are," he replied, his hands on Mingyu's shoulders. "It's cute," Mingyu rolled his eyes fondly, trying to shift his weight so he wouldn't be directly on top of Soonyoung. "And he doesn't hate you, but he was worried. He'll be happy to know we'll get to keep you around, even if he doesn't show it at first."
"That sounds good," Mingyu replied, leaning for a kiss. Details could be discussed later, they would have so much time later, but at the moment he needed Soonyoung's lips moving against his or he'd start feeling like he'd drown.
Things were going… fine. Great, even, if Mingyu allowed himself such thoughts. So much better than what he had originally expected in the sober light, even.
He was still nervous. He had been around Soonyoung's place plenty of times, trying to wrap his head around Jihoon's presence, getting to know him, to understand him a little.
Jihoon was, of course, hard to read. He went about at his own leisure, coming and going as he pleased, and not even Soonyoung was aware of his whims. He had compared him to a not entirely domesticated house cat, and Mingyu couldn't exactly disagree.
Still, it was fun. It added a new, unexpected layer to the whole thing, having someone so intertwined to Soonyoung. They knew each other in a way Mingyu couldn't even imagine, but at the same time, they always managed to keep him in the loop. They never made him feel like he didn't fit around them, or that he was third wheeling, which had been one of his initial concerns.
Jihoon was an interesting person, Mingyu learned in just a few weeks. He seemed cold and uninterested at first, but he quickly discovered he was the opposite. He was sweet and caring in a quiet way, he was often looking after Soonyoung. He could tell there were moments he felt frustrated with their situation, his hands reaching for things he couldn't touch. So, in an effort to be on his good side, Mingyu started reaching instead. He caught the grateful sparkle in his eyes soon after.
Very soon, his thoughtfulness started to translate to Mingyu as well. He was always warning him about food that was too hot, about how his phone was just about to come flying out of the back pocket of his jeans, or when he didn't notice any tripping hazard on the floor.
And, in turn, every time Mingyu learned something new about Jihoon, that same fondness he felt for Soonyoung started to bleed towards him too. Especially when he understood that Jihoon was made of sound, of music. He was often singing to himself, inventing melodies, creating something new that sat where there was previously nothing. Sometimes, he'd ask Soonyoung to write something on spare pieces of paper, and Mingyu never felt more proud than when Jihoon trusted him to do that job, whispering song lyrics almost to himself.
So, Mingyu, above anything, wanted to be good. Good for Soonyoung, but also for Jihoon. He wanted to give them what they needed, he wanted to add something important to their dynamic.
He felt jittery, anxious energy clinging to his skin. He didn't feel like he was an extra, or not really welcomed. But it was like the last important test, what would either make it or break it.
Mingyu wasn't really sure how the night had ended up there. One second, he was chatting with Soonyoung and Jihoon after enjoying some dinner, and the next, he was pushed against the backrest of the couch, Soonyoung straddling him. His tongue tasted like wine as he slid it inside Mingyu's mouth.
The kiss was sloppy and wet, and when Soonyoung bucked his hips, Mingyu threw his head back with a groan. His hands went from Soonyoung's waist to his ass, palms splayed over it as he tried to press him closer to him.
Soonyoung kissed his jaw and Mingyu glanced to the side, to where Jihoon was sitting on the couch. He was a little startled, wondering how he felt, if maybe he hated it, maybe he'd discover he couldn't stand the sight of it and would demand Mingyu to be out of the apartment. But, instead, he saw a comfortable calm in him. He had his chin on the palm of his hand and even if he seemed almost bored, Mingyu knew the truth. His eyes were sparkling with want, hunger and anticipation.
It was encouraging, to say the least. He felt the arousal rushing through his blood, being a subject of both Jihoon's heated stare and Soonyoung's greedy bites. His toes curled and he started feeling dizzy, almost disoriented. He heard Jihoon saying something but he couldn't quite make up the words, he heard them like from a distance, like he was underwater or inside a bottle. Fascinated, Mingyu decided he didn't mind giving up control and letting someone else take the reigns.
A sound that resembled too much of a whine escaped his throat when the warmth of Soonyoung's body pulled away. He felt cold suddenly, not being a subject of his attention. But he was quickly compensated by Jihoon's warm laugh and Soonyoung's hand inside his.
"C'mon," Soonyoung said, pulling him by the hand until Mingyu stood up.
He guided him to the hallway with a few closed doors. Mingyu knew one was the bathroom, so he could only assume one would be the bedroom, and the other one the studio were Jihoon used to work.
The bed covers were soft under his skin and he recovered some of his discernment, so he could look around him. He wanted to know more, he wanted to absorb this part of Soonyoung and Jihoon and their life together. He knew no one else had visited that bedroom, and it felt like a place suspended in time. In a way, it was like a museum.
Mingyu could easily know which side of the bed belonged to who. Soonyoung's was a little messy, lived in. Jihoon's was clean and tidy, in a way that meant his things were untouched. There were a few books on his bedside table, too perfectly stacked, and he spotted where the pages were warped, dog eared to mark a page. It constricted Mingyu's heart, throat tight.
Things from that point forward were hazy. Soonyoung took control and Mingyu let him, he opened his heart to them. The only thing that made sense in that moment were Soonyoung's lips and Jihoon's eyes.
It was a strange sensation, and his skin prickled with anticipation in a way it never had before. Sure, he was no virgin, he had had sex before, he had multiple partners in the past, and he was no stranger to threesomes, even. But something about this particular moment was different, it felt monumental. It felt important.
Not many words were said between Mingyu and Soonyoung, that was for Jihoon. Mingyu enjoyed that bossy side of him, the one that feigned nonchalance while he directed the whole scene. He liked feeling somehow like a puppet that knew had agency but enjoyed being told what to do. After all, Jihoon knew Soonyoung the best, and at the same time, Mingyu knew that he was learning to read him as well.
Mingyu felt like it was a significant moment in his life because it was. He felt like he was being pried open, from the chest to the outer word, guts spilled for Jihoon and Soonyoung to see, to try to read them like tarot cards. But not only that, it was meaningful for them as well. Earth shattering, even, if the way Jihoon's voice wavered and Soonyoung's hands were shaking mean anything.
They had decided to trust, to open themselves to Mingyu, even if he had briefly disappointed them. They decided to believe in him, to allow him inside the sanctuary that was their room. They trusted him not to run away anymore. He had been granted forgiveness and mercy and he was grateful, so he made sure to let them know.
It was a surreal experience. Almost out of body. He definitely felt like he was floating above water, or in the air, staring down on the three of them.
Mingyu had felt heartbreak before, but never in such a way. Never so intense like when he stared at Jihoon, and saw the same thing he felt reflected back in his eyes. Longing. Yearning. He wanted, Mingyu saw how much he wanted, and couldn't have. He knew Jihoon wanted to reach with both hands and touch, hold between his fingers, taste with his own tongue, but he couldn't.
Mingyu wanted the same thing. So he held Soonyoung harder, as if he could hold him for the both of them, as if holding him translated to Jihoon how much he wanted to have him between his arms as well.
It was bittersweet. His chest ached, as if his heart was breaking and mending itself back at the same time. It was a new kind of pain he never had felt before, laced with threads of happiness and hope and love.
Mingyu figured that was love for everyone, probably. Opening up to someone and expose yourself to heartbreak. Give out your beating heart, putting it between someone else's hands, and hoping for the best. Hoping they'd take care of it.
Their situation was just a little unconventional. Yeah, he liked that word. It was different, but that didn't mean wrong. It didn't mean spoiled, and it didn't mean doomed. Just, different. He could think of it as a perk, even. The rules were theirs to write.
The bed was barely wide enough to fit everyone. Soonyoung, exhausted, was knocked out cold, his slow breathing filling the space. Mingyu suddenly felt awake, painfully aware of how cold his right side felt.
"I can hear you thinking all the way over here," Jihoon said, voice soft as a whisper, and Mingyu wondered if his hands could be as gentle as his voice was, and how they'd feel on his skin.
"Sorry," he replied, voice hushed not to wake Soonyoung up. "It's just a lot to take in."
Jihoon chewed on the inside of his cheek, his stare intense on Mingyu, but still he didn't look away.
"Yeah, I know," he said, with some of the hope twirling in his voice before a teasing smile tugged the corners of his lips. "Are you going to run away now?"
"Hyung," he pouted, stretching the vowels in a way he knew it made Jihoon laugh every time. "I apologized for that already!"
Jihoon snickered and Mingyu perked up immediately.
"I'm just messing with you," he said, and his fingers curled around nothing before he turned more serious. "Mingyu, I still think this is good. We are good."
Mingyu nodded, and he was about to reply when Soonyoung moved beside him.
"Go to sleep," he said, barely intelligible. "You can keep chatting in the morning."
"Yeah, sorry," Jihoon pressed his index against his lips, with a terribly fond smile on his face.
Suddenly, Mingyu's eyelids felt like they weighted a ton, and the mattress seemed to swallow his body. He tried to keep his eyes open but to no avail. So he succumbed to sleep, and the last thing he heard was Jihoon's voice in the distance, as if he was singing a song, and he felt Soonyoung's fingers drumming against his arm as he followed the rhythm. And it was good.