Chapter Text
Chapter One
A misty wind blew through the small crack of Mike's bedroom window, leaving stinging kisses on Will's cheeks. He sat with his knees to his chest and arms wrapped around his ankles, nervously shifting his weight forward on Mike's bed. There was a lot of heavy silences between Will and Mike since the Byers moved into the Wheeler household. Will wasn't sure how or when it started, but he felt they were back where they were the day Mike came to visit them in Lenora. It could just be because he was always inside his own head about it all. Maybe it was Will making it seem that way. Looking into things too hard, analyzing every gesture, every glance.
Will hasn't felt hungry or has had much energy lately. He's been mainly sticking to the basement, drawing or rereading The Hobbit over and over. Finding anything to distract himself from his feelings. His appetite has been completely diminished and he can feel it on days they run out on their bikes. All because of the weight inside of him that's been crushing him for years, the weight of lying to Mike, to even himself for having such feelings for his best friend.
He never felt he could really sit and talk with Mike since they moved in. He felt there wasn't much to say, he said it all in that van. Granted, it was relayed to Mike that it was El who said those things, that those things he said didn't come from Will himself. Even though it was entirely Will and Will alone who felt that way about Mike.
"You've been quiet," Mike sighs, fidgeting with some pages of a comic book in his hand. He was seated on a wooden chair next to his desk of scattered things.
"So have you." Will shot back with a wry smile, trying to make it seem he wasn't too uncomfortable.
Mike looks up from his comic and studies Will's face a for a moment or two, as if searching for deeper meanings in the way Will's eyebrows furrowed or how unsteady his breath was from the wind that pushed through every so often. He sighs finally, obviously not finding what he was looking for and turns his attention back to his comic. Their interactions were mostly like this. A few words and a million unspoken ones.
Will hardly hung out in Mike's room alone with him anymore, despite living there for a few months now, he felt Mike just hung out with him as an obligation. Things weren't quite the same since Lenora. Will hoped the tense interactions weren't because Mike knew Will's true feelings. He hoped, on Mike's end, it was just from being apart from each other for a year. Things were relatively normal when the usual gang hung out. The interactions between them may have been brief at the Wheeler's, but he could always count on things feeling normal when Dustin, Lucas and El were around at least. He'd much rather have Mike to himself on occasion, but if things went on this way for much longer, he'd feel he may fall apart.
A knock interrupted the silence, causing Will and Mike to exchange quick glances. "Mike! Will! Dinner!" It was Nancy's voice, her tone a bit hurried.
"Coming!" Mike shouted back, his voice carrying through the room a bit louder than usual. He looks to Will, who was already standing up from the bed. Mike's eyes still looking him over, as if waiting for Will to say his usual, I'm not hungry.
"You coming down this time? You know, for dinner?" Mike asks carefully.
Will takes a step forward, he felt a draft hit an exposed bit of skin near his hip bone from his sweater riding up. He notices Mike's eyes quickly dart to that area, a somewhat pained expression that crosses his face made Will quickly pull his sweater back down to cover up.
"M-Maybe."
Mike looks at him, giving that same careful expression, looking for something more than a few spoken words. "I think you should, Will." His voice was gentle, like it usually was when Mike spoke to Will. "Please?"
Will hesitated, hardly ever being able to say no to Mike. "Okay."
Mike smiles, almost as if relieved by Will's agreement. "Your mom should be here too for dinner tonight. I think it'd be cool for her to see you eating good."
Will nods, allowing Mike to lead the way. The two of them made it to the hallway, bustling noise could be heard from down the stairs of chatter and clinging silverware. The smell of some sort of chicken dinner wafted the entirety of the house and it made Will slightly nauseated. It wasn't because Mrs. Wheeler's cooking was bad or anything, in fact she was a wonderful cook. It was mainly due to Will not eating for long periods of time, unsure if it was because of his constant anxiety picking at his brain. He always felt like he was on a roller coaster around Mike. Especially when Mike showed signs of any interest in Will.
Being on a constant roller coaster made doing anything sound unappetizing.
Mr. Wheeler sat at the end of the dining room table, his eyes scanning the full table, mostly wandering to Jonathan and Nancy who sat a bit too close for his taste. He scoffed at them, shaking his head and muttering something barely audible. On the left side sat Joyce, her eyes fixated on her plate and asking Mrs. Wheeler if she needed a hand to help serve food, who happily turned her down.
"Nonsense, you are a guest here Joyce!" Mrs. Wheeler smiled wide, handing Holly a plate full of chicken, green beans and mashed potatoes. She giggle, gripping her fork tightly, ready to dig in without a second hesitation.
"Will! Hi, baby!" Joyce got up from her seat, nearly tripping over a chair to get to Will for a hug.
Will was reluctant to hug her, in fear that she'd worry he's gotten too thin since she's last seen him.
He has.
She pulled him in closely, then pulled him away immediately, looking him up and down in almost a scornful way. "You're skin and bones! Have you been eating good? Are you okay-"
"Yes, yes," Will protested, "I'm fine, mom, really."
At the corner of Will's eye he could see Mike standing there staring at them blankly before sitting down next to Holly.
"Okay, I'm sorry. I just wo-"
"Worry, I know. It's okay really. I am very much well fed here mom." Will tried to reassure her. His voice cracked a bit as spoke. "How's Hopper? How's El?"
Joyce spun around, making her way back to her seat to sit, Will following suit next to her. "They are well, been working on El's homework." By homework she meant honing her skills to prepare for whatever and whenever Vecna or some other disaster may strike again. "She's getting smarter by the day, Will."
Will smiled, gulping at the thought of El working tirelessly just to protect everyone here in Hawkins. He was proud of her of course, he also worried about her. He wished he could be of more use to her than he was. Instead he's stuck in this never ending loop of wandering that at any next moment Vecna will decide to make himself known to Will, to worrying about the safety of his friends, to hoping he can suppress his crippling love for Mike Wheeler and to the world.
He pushed around the food on his plate, making it as inconspicuous as possible that he just wasn't able to stomach food that night. The table was loud with chatter, Holly asking for Nancy to pass the bowl of mashed potatoes, to Jonathan and Nancy bickering harmlessly to each other. Mike was unusually quiet, every so often Will would catch Mike looking up at him and then to Will's plate, as if monitoring what was left on it.
Dinner went by quickly, however, maybe not quick enough for Will's sake. He offered to help clean up, in hopes no one noticed how picky he was with his meal. As he stood over the kitchen sink, rinsing off some plates he felt the energy shift in the room as someone walked up beside him.
Silence.
The heavy kind of silence that was all too familiar.
"Hey," Mike said in almost a whisper after what felt like minutes.
"Hey."
"W-wanna hang out? Read some comics, or play cards or something?"
Will piled up the rinsed plates in the sink evenly, his hands slipping a bit from the dish soap and water.
"Unless, I don't know... Never mind, you seem tired. I can leave-"
"Sure." Will interrupted. "I'd like that."
"Cool."
"Cool. So uh... I will meet you in the basement then." Mike bounced himself off the counter he was leaning on and walked off into the next room.
Will felt like he was holding his breath, taking in air a bit too fast. Mike was reaching out to him this time instead of the other way around. Maybe it was all in Will's head that Mike seemed distant. Maybe it was Will who was creating that distance. For good reason, however, considering he felt he could burst at any moment with how much he craved Mike. He was scared of losing him as a friend, but maybe he was the one making it weird. Though that thought still clung to his mind, He's only asking to hang out because he feels obligated to.
Joyce hugged Will and Jonathan at the front door, threatening them to come stop by soon or it'll be a year's grounding if they don't. Jonathan and Will laughed at her comment, saying their goodbyes and promises to visit this weekend.
Jonathan nudged Will after Joyce left, as if asking if he was alright.
Will gave him his most convincing smile.
"You do seem a bit pale, you alright?"
Will rolled his eyes. "I've always been pale."
Jonathan shrugged, reiterating, "Paler than usual."
"I'm fine." Will didn't mean to sound irritated, he was just tired of the question being asked constantly. He's tired of everyone treating him like a frail little bird. "I'm going to the basement."
Jonathan nodded, not saying anything more and they split ways.
Will didn't like being so frail, he didn't like feeling like he was going to break all the time. Though, it was his own fault this time for why he felt that way. He just couldn't find the energy to do anything remotely beneficial for his body. Which included eating, exercising, and engaging in social activities. He sighed. His shoulders slumped as he made his way to the basement where Mike was waiting for him. In all honesty, he wasn't really in the mood for reading or playing games. He just wanted to sit and maybe doodle something to pass the time until it was time to sleep. He wanted to tell Mike that it was alright, he didn't have to entertain the idea of keeping Will company every day. But seeing Mike sit on the sofa down there, flipping through Will's sketch journal under the dim light of the lamp made him change his mind.
"You're getting really good. I mean you were good before, but these should be in an art museum or something," Mike insisted as Will made his way over.
"It's all I really do these days." Will sat himself down, giving enough distance between him and Mike on the couch.
"Why didn't you eat?" The question was off topic, Mike didn't even look up from the pages of the sketch book when he asked.
"I-" Will wasn't sure how to respond feeling a bit caught off guard. "I just wasn't too hungry."
Mike paused, his body twisting to face Will and he scooted closer to him on the couch. "You always say that."
"Yeah."
Mike scooted even closer, enough for their shoulders to brush now. "Are you okay?" He nudged Will with his shoulder.
There's that question again, though somehow when Mike asks it it doesn't bother him as much. "Yeah..."
Mike turned to face him, his brow creasing, putting a hand on Will's shoulder. "Listen, I know we haven't been as close as we used to be lately, but that doesn't mean we aren't best friends. Whatever is bothering you, you can talk to me, you know?"
Will pushed past his nerves and decided to bravely glance up at Mike, who was searching Will's face for any sign, any answer he could. "I don't know, Mike. I don't really feel like talking about it right now."
Mike frowned. His brows were raised with concern. His hand still on Will's shoulder, almost squeezing it. The touch felt like it left something to be desired for Will, he almost melted into it.
"I understand. It's okay. I can be patient." Mike released his gentle grip on Will's shoulder and reverted his attention back to Will's drawings.
He wanted to tell Mike, but a bigger part of him wanted to keep it hidden deep inside where not even Will can find it again. To forget everything. To hope that everything he told Mike in that van will remain as El's words not his in Mike's mind.
The night drew on, Jonathan was obviously sleeping with Nancy that night since he never did come down. The upstairs grew quiet and it was just him and Mike awake now. They decided to read separately, yet together. It was quiet, but in a comfortable kind of way. Every so often Mike will gasp at whatever he was reading and go on small tangents about the hero being stupid or missing an opportunity to win the girl. Will basked in those moments, enjoying the sound of Mike's voice, listening intently and agreeing every so often.
Eventually Will felt the pang of sleep hitting him. He caught himself dozing off a few times as the comic in his hand slipped into his lap. A soft chuckle could be heard from the opposite side of the couch.
"You can go to bed, you know?" Mike teased. "Unless I am bothering you-"
"No, no its okay, you aren't bothering me."
"You sure?"
"Yeah. I'm sure." Will could hardly keep his eyes open as he lazily shifted his body deeper into the couch.
Eventually he did let sleep take over, it was the first night him and Mike stayed up this late together in what seemed like years. He felt comfortable, which was rare since he moved into the Wheeler household. He felt safe in Mike's presence. Safe enough to fall asleep so easily.
The next morning he woke up in the mattress, covered in blankets. He didn't remember going to bed. He wasn't sure if he even left the couch last night. He groggily sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and looked over to the couch. He saw a lump covered in blankets, slowly rising and falling as if someone was sleeping there. He assumed it was Jonathan until the lump turned around, exposing black curly hair. Mike's eyes fluttered open.
"Hey," Mike croaked, his voice raspy from sleep yet still gentle.
"Hey."
"I accidentally fell asleep down here. I'm sorry." His raspy voice made Will's chest tighten. He loved the sound of it.
"D-Don't be." Will looked around him at the blankets and the bed. "How-"
"You're very light. Probably from you not eating much for weeks." Mike sat up, shaking the hair on the back of his head. "You must have been exhausted, you didn't even wake up when I lift-" Mike paused. His face looked a bit sheepish, almost embarrassed.
Will swallowed, he carried me to bed?
"Sorry, if that was weird of me-"
"No, no. Uh. Thank you." Will said a little too fast.
Mike smiled, nodding, but soon a frown replaced the smile. "Hey, I noticed something yesterday when we were in my room. And again last night when I, you know, carried you to bed. I know you said you didn't wanna talk, which I totally understand." Mike was sort of stumbling over his words.
"What do you mean?"
Mike looked away from Will then, his eyes focusing on anything but Will.
Will gripped the blanket that was still wrapped around his legs.
"You have gotten thin. It was kind of scary to see and to feel it, you know? Almost like you're-" Mike stopped himself again, scratching the back of his neck. "Like you are disappearing, I guess. I don't know. I guess it just reminded me of when I thought I lost you all those years ago, and when you were living in Lenora."
Will took in a shaky breath. "You won't lose me. I'm not withering away. I just," Will chose his words carefully, "have a lot on my mind is all. Eating is the least of my worries. I'm sure I will get my appetite back. I just have to, you know, work on my thoughts."
Mike didn't seem satisfied by this answer, because he got up and walked over to the bed and sat beside Will, a little too close. He placed a gentle hand on Will's forehead, studying Will's face in deep concentration.
He's too close.
"You feel like you have a fever."
Yeah, because you are too close.
"I feel f-fine." Will placed his hand on Mike's arm, removing his hand from his forehead. He could feel his cheeks grow hot.
"Hm." Mike groaned still staring deeply at Will, then his face flashed with sudden realization. He quickly stood up from the bed as if something urgent came up that he forgot about. He seemed a bit frantic for a second in the way he moved. "O-okay."
Will clung to the blankets tighter, as if they were the only thing keeping him from floating away or falling. He looked away from Mike, maybe he saw right through Will's mind. Saw everything he's been so desperate to hide. Will felt his stomach drop at the thought.
"S-Sorry. Um. I am kinda hungry, so- Breakfast. I'm going to go have some breakfast, Kay?"
Will nodded.
"Come up whenever you feel okay to." Mike urged, heading for the stairs. "Promise me."
"I'll come up soon, I promise." Will answered, trying to keep his mind from thinking the worst.
As Mike walked up the stairs he stopped and turned back around, "Don't forget, we are going to see Max today." He turned his heal once again and disappeared from view.
Seeing Max was one of the only times he felt he could be himself, his true self, in front of one of his friends. Every so often he'd see Max alone. He'd sit for hours with her at the hospital on days when it felt like too much. When his heart felt swollen and his mind was running miles. He'd lay everything out to her. He'd tell her every single thing, about loving Mike, about how he felt useless, how he wished things were different. He knew she'd feel the same about feeling useless, considering she was stuck in a hospital bed in a coma. He always made sure to let her know, that she wasn't useless, that she was very much needed now more than anything. He felt she was the one to judge him the least about his feelings for Mike, that she'd beat Mike up if he ever hurt Will. He'd laugh at the fantasy sometimes. She was just like Mike in ways, the way they talked or how they couldn't hide their disdain on their faces towards people they thought were dumb or annoying. He missed Max, but he was grateful that he can just... Talk to her. Even if she couldn't really respond.
A part of him hoped she could hear everything said to her, a part of him hoped she'd spring awake and ask for more details about everything going on with Will and his feelings, telling him he's dumb for liking such an oblivious boy such as Mike. "There's better men out there! What are you doing loving Mike Wheeler?" He'd think she'd say, but she would also listen and give him advice and she'd help distract him in the funniest ways.
The sun shined through the small basement window, indicating it was nearing noon and Will needed to get up and get ready before their trek to the hospital. He wanted it to be time to go so badly. He just wanted to talk to her. To find time away from Dustin, Lucas and Mike to tell her how he was feeling that day. He sighed, taking in the smell of the furnace as it kicked on. The dust particles dancing around the air and the sun making them more pronounced, gave him a sudden flash back of the Upside Down. He shook his head, trying to fling that thought away.
"You ready?" Mike asked as they stood with their bikes in the Wheeler driveway. The steady wind swirling between them, pushing their hair every which way.
"Yeah." Will pressed off the pavement, pushing himself forward and began peddling, mike following shortly behind.
They met up with Dustin down the road, holding onto the strap of his bag with one hand and gripping his bike handle with the other. "Where have you dipshits been? Do you even keep your walkies with you anymore?"
Mike and Will look to each other as they peddled, laughing, "I feel asleep in the basement last night, forgot to take my walkie with me."
Dustin shakes his head, trying to catch up with them as he fell shortly behind.
"Well, while you two were cuddling in the basement, I was talking with Lucas and Erica last night. We have a theory on why things have been awfully quiet lately and why Max hasn't woken up yet." Dustin breathed heavily as he was able to ride along side the other two.
Mike looked to Will, then back to Dustin. "What's this theory?"
"I think," Dustin paused, as he tried to catch his breath when they turned the corner towards the hospital. "Max is stuck in Vecna's wonderland of a mind. We were thinking that El could pull her out somehow. We think Max is the key to really finding out how to kill Vecna or at least weaken him somehow."
Will would agree, if only he was able to relay to them that El's been training for that exact reason. He knew Max wasn't in any normal type of coma. He knew El had always been the key. At least part of it somehow. He just didn't want to give off false hope or to put too much weight on El's shoulders as is. Just thinking about Vecna and anything to do with the Upside Down was enough to make Will dizzy.
They pulled their bikes into the parking lot of the hospital, parking their bikes near the building entrance. Mike walked over to Will, bumping him with his elbow. "Don't worry. We don't have to talk theories right now. Let's just focus on being their for Max and Lucas, okay?"
Will felt a rush of relief wash over him, Mike somehow could tell it was bothering him. He always could read Will like a newspaper. So easily it was scary sometimes.
Max's room was gray, the only hint of warm light was from the window, bouncing the sun's rays off of a nearly empty vase of flowers. "Hey guys." Lucas stood up from the chair next to the bed, pausing the music player that sat on the bedside table.
Mike and Will took turns giving Lucas a hug, followed by Dustin who asked, "How is she?"
Lucas shrugged, giving a half smile that looked more said than hopeful. "The same. I've just been playing her favorite song on repeat whenever I am here. Hoping that maybe," he gulps, "maybe it'll help her."
Will places a hand on Lucas's shoulder, giving him a comforting smile. "I believe it is."
Lucas reciprocates the gesture, nodding as he chokes back a wince.
The four of them sit around Max, talking quietly as if they'd disturb anyone for being too loud. Will was relieved Dustin nor Lucas brought up anything to do with theories or the Upside Down or Vecna. They just reminisced about old D&D campaigns they had or any upcoming movies they were excited to see. Will tried to engage as much as possible, but much rather listen to the happy chatter of his friends, which he missed so much. Every so often they'd stop and sit in silence, looking over at Max and letting the song play out as they thought to themselves.
"I don't know about you guys, but I think I am going to check out the vending machines."
"I'm with you!" Dustin agreed to join Lucas and Mike silently joined them.
"You coming to?" Mike asked Will, who sat beside Max's bed.
"I think I will stay here. You guys go ahead," Will insisted.
"Want me to bring you back a soda or something? Maybe a Coke?" Mike was persistent.
Will nodded, "As long as its not that New Coke."
Mike exchanged a chuckle with Will, "Got it!"
Now it was just Will and Max. He looked over her quiet face, red locks covering his forehead, he gently brushed them aside, half expecting her to cringe, but there was no movement. Just that of her shallow slow breathing and the IV fluid emptying into her arm periodically. He took in her stillness, hoping whatever she may be thinking or dreaming wasn't painful, that she was at peace somehow.
"I'm hopeless, Max," Will began, already feeling his chest tighten. "I don't know how much longer I can hold this in. I love him."
Silence. He took Max's hand into his own. "I just wish that I can tell Mike. Tell him what I said in the van wasn't El, but it was how I felt. How much I love, need and want him. I'm so scared that if he knows how I feel," Will felt his eyes start to water. He blinked it away. "That he will hate me, or reject me all together. That-that we won't be friends anymore. That would hurt me more I think, if we stopped being friends."
Will took in a shaky breath, feeling his cheeks get a bit wet and he squeezed Max's hand, hoping she'd squeeze back for reassurance. There was a minute or two where Will just sat there, the words in the air fading as the sounds of the heart monitored beeps.
A cough came from the door way then, like someone clearing their throat. Will jumped, quickly wiping his eyes and cheeks and letting go of Max's hand. "I, I uh got the Coke for you." It was Mike, he came up behind Will, gently nudging him with the can.
If that heart monitor was on Will, it'd indicate an emergency with how fast it was beating against his chest. "Th-Thank you."
Did he hear? Oh God oh god-
"You think she can hear us whenever we talk to her?" Mike asked, scooting a chair close to Will and sitting down.
Will swallowed. "I'm not sure."
He could feel Mike's shoulder pressed against his own, it was warm and comforting. Maybe he didn't hear.
Mike looked to Will, they shared looks for what felt like an eternity and Mike smiles. "You ready to go?"
Will nodded.
Mike stood up, reaching a hand out to Will to help him up. He definitely didn't hear. I am safe. Our friendship is safe.