Chapter Text
Angela’s POV
“Is there not one affordable studio apartment that is not a dump?” I threw the phone on the couch and let out a groan that mostly resembled a yell.
Chanse placed one cup of hot coffee in front of me, and the other he held in his hands as he sat down at the white sofa, next to my discarded iphone.
“No luck yet?”
“It’s been one month, Chanse. Four weeks.” I empathized in despair.
“Girl, you’re welcome to stay as long as you like.”
“And I thank you so much for this Chanse. But I’m at your place half the time and half the time at my parents, while Spork is full time there, my things are all over the place, and neither you nor I and Spork can get settled.”
“And Willow got the apartment. I still can’t believe you let that happened.”
I buried my head in the sofa cushion and groaned. A moment hadn’t passed that I wouldn’t think of my idiotic decisions considering this relationship or the end of it. Was it foolish of me to live the apartment Willow had rented without including me in the contract? Not in my opinion. What was outright stupid was me giving up my apartment to live with her after not even knowing her that well. And every minute without finding a new place, I felt the stupidity and embarrassment even more intensely.
“Talking about the ex, again?” the newly arrived voice of Erin Dougal was heard to break me out of my cycle of shame.
“Nope. Not anymore.” I tried but Chanse wouldn’t drop the subject. For the six months I dated her, my best friend was being polite and only mildly pointing Willow’s flaws to me, but since the breakups he’s been cursing and insulting her as much as he could. All was in good form, he was trying to make me feel better, but this situation living in my head constantly only made me more distraught. Chanse, and a lot of my other close friends had figured out Willow a lot sooner than I had, and I was too stupid to listen to them when they were talking to me.
“Yes, we are. That monster of a woman, that snobbish bitch that looked down on everyone, didn’t deserve to get the apartment, nor did she deserve all the kindness you showed her after everything.”
“Okay, okay, I get it, I’m stupid and I shouldn’t let her walk all over me, but I did. And now I’m homeless, pathetic and alone.”
“Hey!” both of my friends protested.
“You’re not alone.”
“And you’re not homeless.” Erin and Chanse respectively didn’t miss a bit to reassure me.
“You can stay with me as long as you need bitch, and if I didn’t have a roommate, I’d make you mine. You know that. And you’re not alone. You’ve got a great supportive system of friends who love you because you’re not pathetic.”
“I’d love you even if you were pathetic, just FYI.” Erin kissed her head really quickly.
“Thank you guys. Can we please change the subject though, I’ve cried enough at the office as it is.” Only half a joke from my part, the last two months have been so challenging for me, that there had been times I didn’t have time to reach my car, and I had confided in the privacy of the crying bathroom to do exactly that.
“Yes, let’s do this. So guess who’s back from touring the states?” Erin, my most faithful depressed cheerleader, cheered up her tone.
“No way! Damien is here?” Chanse exclaimed, finally focusing on a new person that would provide with less drama…than he knew of.
“Yeah, he was at the kitchen with Shayne and Courtney, he’ll be on the studio today, and apparently they’ll add him on for a couple of videos the rest of the week.”
“Were we expecting him?” I could feel the blood running from my face. It was a hard time already and dealing with Damien after everything seemed to double the level of difficulty in that day.
“He was supposed to be here next week but apparently something happened to him and he had to return to LA sooner.”
“Oh, I hope everything is okay” Chanse commented
“Yeah” I managed to mumble, half hearing the conversation and half running in my head everything that had happened four months ago.
“Ang,” Chanse brought me back to the conversation “it’s gonna be okay, girl. We’re gonna get you an apartment and Willow will be just another ex soon”
My face might have betrayed my worry but not what I was worried about. I nodded regardless and tried to shake this feeling for now. But this Damien issue will have to be resolved soon, after all he wasn’t entirely wrong.
~~
So maybe I wasn’t the most unhinged version of myself in the videos of that day, but I doubted anyone would notice how down and stressed I felt. When it was time for lunch, Amanda made sure to let me know that I’m doing well, ‘You’re a star, honey, and your professionalism shows it’, she had specifically said before letting me know that she’s here for anything I need. And of course, I knew. she had opened her house to me when I first lost the apartment and Willow, she and H had hosted me for dinner and her sweetheart of a husband had discreetly disappeared into his room while me and Amanda were binging dateline and whining about exes. And of course she had figured out it was a difficult day for me.
The universe had given me a break and I didn’t have any videos with Damien, but lunch was a whole other deal. Everyone took their breaks at different times, but the cast members more often than not were synchronised. So while I blindly followed Amanda, she lead me straight to the person I was avoiding.
Damien was sitting next to Shayne and Courtney listening to the couple talk about something. I didn’t freeze, I didn’t slow down, but I wanted to turn around and walk away from this weird situation we’ve found ourselves in. He looked up and stopped what he was saying mid sentence.
“Hi.” He looked at me in the eyes. He had changed so much since I saw him four months ago. His hair was his natural black and longer and he had some facial hair, instead of the clean shaven dyed and straightened hair he had departed with. I almost believed that it wasn’t him who I had fought with back then but someone who looked at him. Whereas I looked the same, my hair was the same length my clothes were the same style but I wasn’t the same. That last relationship changed me, even Damien’s angry words had changed me.
“Damien, it’s so good to see you!” Amanda never paused to take notice of our awkward lingering silence.
She walked up to him , with her hands opened and he dragged back his chair before standing up to hug her. He chuckled at the force Amanda put in the hug, it’s one of the reasons she’s so good at giving hugs. And I moved to the other side of the table, using it as an obstacle to have a similar greeting to Damien as had Amanda.
“I missed you.” Damien told the taller woman as they let go and took their seats.
“I missed you too, bud. Tell me everything. How’ve you been? How was the promo tour?” Amanda didn’t miss a bit and Damien started describing his experience jumping from one convention to another for four whole months. But Amanda had now properly clocked me and she shoot me a weird but quick look, ‘what the hell’ her eyes were yelling at me.
I didn’t say much at the lunch table, I let the others speak mostly, only commenting enough to not make it too obvious how awkward and tense I felt. Thankfully, people kept coming to greet Damien, so there wasn’t a moment of silence. One of those people was Ian.
“Hey guys.” He greeted us and then addressed the previously white haired man “Damien, so what happened? Did you find another apartment?”
Damien sighed “I’ve started looking yesterday, I already saw five apartments, all are way too expensive or really unlivable.”
“Wait, what happened?” Amanda asked, and I was so thankful because I wouldn’t be the one to ask.
“Oh, you didn’t tell them?” Ian looked at Damien like he was trying to figure out if he had messed up.
“Nah, we were catching up still. But you’re good though.” he turned to Amanda then. “my landlord called he’s selling my apartment and I cannot stay there any longer. That’s why I came back sooner. I was supposed to spend this time visiting my mom, but I had to move out all my things and find a new place to live.
Shayne and Courtney have been kind enough to let me crash at their place.”
“No worries, buddy.” Courtney reassured him while Shayne nodded.
“I’ve asked around, had some friends search for places with rent control and whatnot, but it’s a strenuous process.”
Ian snorted “Angela gotta know this better than you. You’ve been looking for what three weeks now?”
“Four weeks and yeah it’s a disgusting horrible experience.”
“Oh.” Damien’s exclamation must have slipped his lips. “I didn’t know you were also apartment hunting.”
“Yeeees,” Courtney dragged the word while crossing her arm around my shoulder “Our little homeless Italian.” She giggled and then gasped. “Both of our little homeless Italians.”
I rolled my eyes at her, but caught Damien furrowing his eyebrows in confusion. He stayed silent though, probably for the better.
~~
“Hey,” Amanda caught me while I was exiting the bathroom.
“Jesus!” I jumped up. “You scared me.”
“So what the hell was that back there?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Suddenly the floor was fascinating me.
“Don’t play bullshit at me. What’s up with you and Damien? You’re a bad hugger. But you hug your friends, especially if you haven’t seen them for four months.”
“Nothing just a misunderstanding.” I mumbled. She stared me down until I raised my head to meet hers.
“Ang, spill.”
I sighed aggressively. This day has been the worst so far, hopefully we would leave soon.
“So, right before he left, at Courtney’s party, you remember their party?” I tried to stall. She gasped “Did he try something?”
“No!” I rushed “No. come on it’s Damien, he’s way to decent to be a creep.”
“So what happened?”
“We had a fight. We’ve never fought before, and it was a huge one.”
“It can’t be that bad. What did you fight about?”
“It was about Willow.” Somehow my voice came out even more muffled than before
“What?”
“It was about Willow, okay.” My words were quick, clear, and significantly louder than before. “He was the first person to straight up tell me how horrible she is and I said some nasty things to him and now he hates me.”
“There’s no way Damien Haas hates you.”
“I said some fucked up shit.” Amanda pursed her lips.
“How come you never said anything?”
“Honestly, I was in denial. Courtney, and you had already started to subtly nudge me to open my eyes, but it was like he put a big ass spotlight on all the things I had hidden from myself.”
“And now I see that this was the beginning. That’s when I realized you guys weren’t genuinely happy to see us, or that you would try to put her in her place. After a while I admitted to myself I quit laughing my way because she said it was too theatrical…and then everything else.
I was an ass to him though. And we never even talked again. Not before today.”
“Maybe it’s time you did talk.”
~~
I hadn’t slept very well last night. All my relationship drama the past couple months hadn’t left me much time to think about what that fight with Damien meant about our friendship. We were never super close, but we cared about each other. I knew him pretty well, and I liked being around him, listening to his opinions, making fun of his nerdiness. I felt safe around him, and supported and knowing that I now had lost all of it because of my toxic ex nonetheless, was hurting me and keeping me up.
After the couple hours I managed to sleep I had made a decision. I was gonna make this right, if I couldn’t redeem our friendship, I could at least make our working environment as smooth as possible.
So I walked into the office with purpose, I was gonna find Damien ask him to talk in private and apologise.
“Hey, Angela, could we talk privately for a moment?” I was startled by the same guy that I was thinking about. He gestured towards Ian’s empty office.
I followed but I was thrown off. I was the one supposed to go to him. What did he even want to say to me? Probably that he hates me now.
He closed the glass door and paced the narrow office.
“Look I was an ass, at the party, I was a huge asshat, and I said a lot of things I shouldn’t, it’s not my place to even have an opinion. And I know I left LA after that and we didn’t even see each other, but it was hard thinking you were out there hating me and thinking the worst of me. And I was wrong, clearly I was wrong for all of it, otherwise you wouldn’t be searching for a better apartment with your girlfriend-“
“I’m what?”
He started repeating himself but I didn’t let him
“Damien, I’m not looking for a place with my girlfriend. I’m looking for a place because my ex girlfriend kicked me out.” His mouth was wide open.
“Look I wanted to speak to you as well.” I grasped the opportunity to talk now that he was stunned. “You weren’t wrong at the party. In fact you were mostly right. I couldn’t see back then everything that was wrong in my relationship and I lashed out on you. And I wanted to apologize to you. I acted like a brat-“
“You apologize to me? I’m sorry Angela. For everything. I’m very very sorry..I- jeez I want to say so much.” He cut me off then started rambling and then I had to cut him off too.
“Damien you don’t have to. Anything you said was true. What I said-“
“Was true too. It’s okay, I know I’m not good at relationship stuff and it’s okay that you know that too. Everyone knows.”
“Geez no. Do you really think that? Just because I said so? Damien… just because you’re not actively in a relationship” he interrupts me again
“Can we just not got there right now.” His hand forms a stop sign and I can see it tremble slightly
“I-“
“It’s a heavy conversation, one we don’t have to have especially at the beginning of a shoot day. This was not the point of this.”
“Damien” I stop him this time “we don’t have to talk about it now. But we can later, if you want. If you still consider me a friend.” He looked at me like he was trying to understand if I was being serious. Damien was bad at reading the social cues but he couldn’t really wonder if I’m joking about this.
“Angela…”his voice was soft, I don’t think I’ve heard him like that before. “that’s what I hoped would come from this. That maybe we can be friends again.”
“I know I want to.” Now I felt soft too “You’re a good person Damien, but if I put those thoughts in your head, maybe I’m not good enough a person to be your friend.”
He struggled and thought to himself before he opened his mouth.
“This is complicated but to think you’re not a good enough person is… it’s crazy, Angela.”
“I feel like we’re going in circles here.” And I did, soon our time would be over alone and we would have to go to set. But I didn’t know how to get us out of this situation.
“How about we take it slow?” he suggested “and we build up to being friends? We can be colleagues for now.”
“Then friendly colleagues then friends?” I joked and he smiled at me. It has been a while since I’ve seen him smile.
“Deal” he extended his hand and I shook it.
~~
I felt lighter throughout the day. Damien and I were gonna be fine, little by little but fine. And tonight I’d go home to Spork at my parents and then the day after my father will help me once again look for places. My luck would change I could feel it.
“Ang, where were you in the morning sweetie?” Tommy slid next to me on one of the afternoon shoots for the pit channel.
“Please, tell me Chanse didn’t actually leave you cuz you were running late.”
“No.” I rolled my eyes “That only happened once.” He chuckled the way Tommy always does; he honked.
“I was here. I got caught up on a conversation with Damien that’s why you missed me.” He narrowed his eyes theatrically then in a high tone said “Mmkay.” I looked around. What was weird about me and Damien talking?
“Is he okay? I know he really wanted this week with his mom and sister. And his landlord is a jackass for kicking him out with such little notice.”
“Yeah that was brutal, I’m sure he’ll find time to visit his mom soon.”
Shayne laughed really loudly then and shook the couch we were all sitting on, causing both me and Tommy to forget our previous conversation and giggle.
~~
A week had passed and our two week shooting block was coming to an end. It was always fun the way we shoot things and it always left me a little blue when it was over and the next day I didn’t have all that adrenaline and fun.
But this time around I was busy enough that I actually needed the shootings to finish so that I could focus on finding an apartment asap. It was now five weeks that I had been homeless and I had been cursing the day I left my beautiful studio apartment to move in with…her.
And the good feeling I have had about finding my new place has now evaporated. There must be a place for me somewhere in LA.
Courtney was once again the person listening to my troubles and whining while we were sipping our coffee and waiting for Spencer to prepare everything.
“By the way, is Shayne not supposed to come in today?”
“No, he is. He’ll come with Damien a little later though.”
“Oh is he still staying with you guys?”
“Yees, the poor guy has been looking but can’t find anything. He’s looking for something a little bigger than you do, he wants the space for the studio but it’s the same situation as yours. And he has the kitties at a cat hotel so he’s rushing.”
“Oof I don’t think I could do that to Spork, he’s barely alive as it is. I don’t think he could make it at a hotel. Thank god for my parents”
“Hey, so can I be nosey for a minute?” I narrowed my eyes.
“Is this about Damien?”
“Yes.”they purred.
I nodded so they would go ahead.
“So are you guys okay? After… you know, the party?”
“I mean we’re not enemies. We don’t hate each other. But we’re not the same as we were.” It had been weighing in on me so I decided to share with Courtney.
“We spoke, and I think I hurt him a lot more than he did me,” they nodded but let me speak “and we said that we would slowly go back to being friends, but it’s awkward now. We had a games video the other day, and I was so occupied on not being competitive with him, I’m pretty sure I destroyed the whole atmosphere.”
“You always say that and you’re perfect.”
“That’s…not true. You just love me. But back to the point, I don’t know how to act around him. And the thing is… we were never that close to begin with but I could be myself around him, now I’m afraid to hurt him.”
“Oh, Ang. You sweetheart. I think you two just need time, and maybe a hangout session or two with other people.”
“We can arrange a game night at home while he stays there so you two can find your footings”
“Will he want to though? And won’t it be awkward?” I bit the cuticle on my finger.
“Let me ask him.” My eyes must have doubled in size because they quickly added “discreetly, of course” and I nodded.
Courtney’s phone rang then and they quickly answered and stood up to talk more privately.
“Hey, Ang.” The always smiley Trevor greeted me while he made his way towards me.
“Hey, Trev!” I smiled back “I thought you weren’t coming in today.”
“I wasn’t supposed to but Shayne needed a last minute sub in and I was available.”
“Is everything okay?”
Courtney came back then “you’re already here?”she addressed Trevor “wow you’re quick. Shayne just told me you were coming in.”
“Is he okay?” I asked again.
“Yes, they have a bit of an apartment hunting emergency with Damien and they need a couple more hours.”
“Hopefully they found something.” Trev had his fingers crossed and I nodded.
We got more news at lunch when both boys entered the room Shayne with his arms raised and heading straight towards Courtney, and Damien half a step behind him less excited than his best friend. Ian and Anthony were also sitting at Courtney’s table while I was on the one next to them with Tommy and Chanse.
“We did it!” Shayne yelled, not as loudly as he can, but loud enough for an average person, and wrapped his arms around his seated wife. They laughed and before they could, ask Ian beat them to it.
“You found a place?”
“Yes.” Both men answered and Shayne silently communicated to Damien that he should be the one to share.
“So one of the producers I’ve worked with called me this morning giving me the heads up about an apartment nearby that’s gonna be in the market like…tomorrow. And we went to check it out. It’s a good apartment newly remodelled in a not that old building.”
“Tell them about the kitchen.”
“It has an aisle.” he smiled and all his eyes shined. “It’s big it’s clean, it’s okay to move in right away,” he took a dramatic breath and a frown formed on his face “…but it’s pricey.”
“Oh.” Tommy was disappointed. Both tables were listening on Damien’s news, so I didn’t feel like eavesdropping.
“So you didn’t get it?”
“No, I closed the deal.” He rubbed his forehead.
“Wait what?” Courtney broke free of Shayne’s arms.
“So, we were about to leave this amazing place because it was not affordable alone,” Shayne picked up the story where Damien left it “And I haven’t lived with a roommate for over five years.”
“Then he got on his phone saw his cats on the screensaver and turned back around and rented that big-ass beautiful apartment.”
“Is there room for a roommate?” Anthony asked
“Yes” Shayne continued being encouraging and optimistic “there are three bedrooms. And Damien can afford to pay for the two.”
Ian pursed his lips at the Italian man. And truth be told I was a little jealous, I’ve been looking for over a month and haven’t found something. Although, Damien’s situation isn’t ideal either. Who knows with which weirdo he’s gonna have to live with?
“If you had pets you’d understand. My girls are at a hotel and I don’t know how they’re treating them, or if they’re gonna stay healthy? Do you know how common illnesses are at pet hotels?”
“So long story short, Damien’s gonna get the air mattress from our place and sleep at an empty apartment with his cats tonight.”
“A single dad who works two jobs ..” Chanse mumbled chuckle and people laughed.
“So success??” Courtney shrugged in question.
“If I find a non- creepy roommate then yes.”
“Well, duh you got your roommate problem solved already.” Tommy spoke for the first time
“I do?” Damien raised an eyebrow.
“Duh! Angela”
I’m sorry WHAT? I’m pretty sure I got whiplash from how quick I turned to Tommy who had a stupid grin on and was still looking at Damien.
It hadn’t even cross my mind this was such a crazy idea how could he even think that? I felt my brain quickly loading a lot of reasons why this was a bad idea, the commute wouldn’t work, the dog and cats wouldn’t live harmoniously together, I couldn’t handle the skeleton Damien was living with, I wasn’t looking for a place like the one Damien described, my mom wouldn’t let me live with a man I was not married with, anything could work, anything but the last one.
Ian, Anthony and some other people that I couldn’t focus enough to identify were agreeing, saying it was an ideal situation, killing two birds with one stone.
“The Italians won’t be homeless anymore.” I was pretty sure it was Noah’s bad joke. I felt Chanse’s hand squeeze hard at my knee. I instinctively looked at him, as he was silently asking me if I needed an out, I just stared at him wide eyed.
“Oh please let the girl see the place first, learn which neighbourhood it’s in.” Courtney’s voice was heard above everyone else’s and I was so grateful.
“And maybe I’m not ready for her to leave me yet, huh Tommy?”
“Maybe, Damien wants another gamer, it was such a fun time when we lived together. We had double the games.”
“Shayne, I’d say you were welcome to live with him again, but I’ve gotten way too used to you.”
“Ooh, he smiled “you say the sweetest things to me, Court”
“No, but seriously where’s the place?” Ian completely missing the master distraction technique at play brought back the subject.
Damien took a moment to answer and when he did I wanted to slap myself.
It was at a perfect location for me. It would be a short ride from there to here or to starkid rehearsals and it was a neighbourhood I knew and loved. I had searched for places there but I had no luck.
Ian pointed that out, we had discussed previously what place I was looking for and my experience searching, and the caring guy he was he remembered.
They continued asking questions and everything fit, this was the perfect place, the perfect situation, if only I hadn’t fucked up our friendship this would be perfect.
“Seriously you guys, you should consider it.”
I felt myself bursting my need to hide the awkwardness with me and Damien and to run away from this situation was quickly becoming bigger than I could handle
“It actually sounds perfect”
Was that me? Did those words leave my mouth?
Oh fuck it was me
“Right?” Tommy smiled at me “you both are night owls, you both work a lot, you’re gonna be great roommates. Don’t you think Damien?”
I couldn’t look at him, but I had to. He seemed as stressed as I was. “Yeah, it could work, but the dog, I don’t know if the cats are gonna be okay with that.”
Oh right I had all those reasons loading to use as an excuse
“And my mom won’t let me live with a man before I’m married”
“What?” Chanse was quicker than everyone but everyone had the same expression of confusion and amusement?
MY STUPID BRAIN
I know for a fact your mom knows you used to live with your ex girlfriend?” Shayne comments
“It’s different.” I played it cool.
“And that you’re bi.” Courtney added while counting two fingers.
“Guys, I’m telling you it’s different.” I tried to wave it off.
“And since when do you listen to what your mom tells you to do little miss rebel?” Anthony added and Courtney added a third finger to the count.
“You won’t get it.” I need someone to pull me by the hair to save me from drowning right now. “I’m okay living with Damien but I’m just mentioning it”
Why did I have to use the most ridiculous reason I thought of, the only one that didn’t make any sense?
“In another subject Damien and Shayne, mostly Shayne Emily might kill you. They had to change the Reddit video to the last shoot and Trev was at the challenge pit that happened first thing in the morning.” Shayne winced audibly “so you better both go on set and talk it out.”
Courtney Miller is a bigger hero than anyone can comprehend.