Chapter Text
In her dream, she stared out towards the scene that was displayed in front of her. Her parents standing hand-in-hand with her sister as they walked further away from her into the bright light. Her mouth was open, calling out for them to which her cries fell on far ears.
It was futile. She was alone here.
—
Shinobu woke up to an aching headache and weak limbs. It seems that overworking herself has run her ragged once again. Her lips were cracked and dry, no thanks to the arid weather of mid summer. She could already feel the sweat forming all over her body from her back to her chest. The futon’s sheets had her wrapped up tightly like a coiling snake.
The peace was short-lived, she knew that these little moments were very brief when it came to being a Pillar. This tight-schedule life had been her everyday routine since she was fourteen.
Soft fabric of the sheets pooled around her waist when she began to force herself up into a sitting position. Shinobu could already feel the messy strands of hair sticking out of place wildly. There was an ache in her left arm where she had been sleeping on it, her sleep-riddled mindset made her feel terrible this morning.
Her head was lightly throbbing. She grimaced at the thought of having a migraine so early in the day as she bundled her uniform and haori into a ball. Sweat trickled down her back, dampening the back of her sleepwear uncomfortably. Maybe, a cool bath would settle both her headache and the hotness she was suffering from.
The Butterfly Estate was already loud in action, patients complaining to her girls about minor pains or boredom. Footsteps echoing down the hallways and into rooms. Shinobu blinked when she caught a glimpse of Aoi scolding a patient for picking at his stitches. She was honestly glad to have another strict being present in this place or else… she wouldn’t know how long it’d take before she blew a fuse in her temper.
Aoi’s voice was drowned out by another, softer voice. “M-Master..?” Shinobu spun around to face Kanao’s slightly hunched form, taking in the neatness of her adopted younger sister and Tsugako in training. Sometimes, the girl would come to her if she couldn’t come up with something to keep her occupied. It was better than relying on the copper coin… in all honesty.
“Yes, Kanao?” She cocked her head to the side and her lips twitched into a weak smile. Her violet eyes darkened as she fought back the urge to rub her temple to soothe the ache that she felt in her head. Quickly, her voice was strained when she pushed out a few words to Kanao. “Can you do me a favor?”
The girl nodded, her magenta eyes trailing down to the tatami floorboards.
“Well, could you go tend to the patient in the room at the end of the hallway? It’ll be to your left.” Shinobu pointed back behind her and Kanao didn’t hesitate for a second to go walking past her, approaching the closed door at the end of the hallway. Conversations like these were easier to handle when it was just Kanao. She wasn’t a talker, she hardly talked at all unless she really needed to. But, as of recently, Kanao was starting to voice her opinion much more often.
It was wonderful.
Shinobu took a deep breath, refusing to let herself become deeply bothered by her own agony. What was the origin of this migraine? Why now? Was it the weather pressure change? Actually, how bad were the weather changes this year around? It was common that her body reacted to changes in the weather, the atmospheric pressure change played a big role in making her body feel achy, but not as badly as this.
The sound of wings fluttering was faint outside the window in her office, she had made herself sit down in a chair despite the small voice in the back of her mind refusing to sit still. Shinobu looked up from in between her fingers to see En perched outside the window. The crow stared through the glass with beady eyes, twitching her wings. “Lady Kocho! Pillar meeting! Pillar meeting at the Ubuyashiki Mansion!” She cawed loudly, her beak tapping rhythmically against the windowpane.
A meeting..? At this hour? In this weather? She wasn’t even there and yet, the bottom of her eyelid was twitching. “… Thank you, En.” Her voice was strained. The bird bowed before flapping off into the treetops.
Now, it wasn’t because of anything to do with Master Ubuyashiki. He could never do anything wrong. There was… someone Shinobu really would rather not see at this moment. That someone and her did something very reckless on a mission together, that very someone had turned to face her afterwards and said, “this never happened, got it?”
However, she couldn’t just be a no-show, many of her fellow Pillars would show up at her doorstep and demand to know if she was alright. Some of them might even break down the door just to see if she was okay.
Oh well, she just had to try to be mature about it… as best as she could.
—
The estate was mostly empty except for a couple other Pillars who had arrived earlier. Himejima was muttering silent Buddhist prayers under his breath, and Tomioka was absentmindedly biting his fingernails. Shinobu took a quiet breath, trying subtle exercises to push down her migraine. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale-
That would be useless when everyone else started to file in, voices filling the once silent peace. Shinobu’s knuckles turned white from how hard she gripped the fabric of her uniform pants.
Her eyes landed onto Kanroji who sat across from her, the Love Pillar’s bright eyes lit up with excitement. “Hi, Shinobu!” Her voice was high-pitched and squeaky, her braids waving around with her bouncy movements. She meant well. But, that voice was grating on her sensitive ears.
“Hello, Ms. Kanroji, how’s your day going?” Shinobu murmured lowly. She hoped that the meeting would start soon. The faster it started, the sooner it would be over and she could escape this noisy room. Her eyes skimmed over the other woman’s face, taking in the small bandages on her rosy cheeks. Wounds from the most recent battle in one of the swordsmith villages. She and Tokito encountered a couple of UpperRank demons there, they were able to defeat them with the help of Tanjiro and Nezuko Kamado.
The pink-haired woman squealed joyfully at the question before she started to go on and on about her endeavors. She woke up, made herself pancakes slathered in honey, and went out to have tea with Iguro. Her cheeks burned red with fluster as she recalled the moment with the man. However, that name sent an unpleasant shiver down Shinobu’s spine.
Iguro.
Shinobu felt a pang of nausea fill her head at the thought of the Serpent Pillar. Kanroji was head over heels for that man, and she had no idea what he and Shinobu had done a couple of weeks ago. It made her feel guilty. Just as guilty as the look on Iguro’s face when he looked at her afterwards.
What a fool she was to be so vulnerable. She didn’t deserve to look Kanroji in the eyes, she deserved a better friend. No. She couldn’t think like that. The Love Pillar would never say or think those things about her. Shinobu sighed. She had to be mature about what happened, she had to face it like an adult.
Shinobu turned her head and she caught herself meeting Tomioka’s eyes. Those deep blue irises stared at her, as if trying to read her mind. His pupils dilated idly and she couldn’t piece together if he was trying to say something or not. What was he thinking? He always thought, he never said what he thought, and that was irritating.
“Excuse us for being late.” A sharp voice broke the eye contact. Iguro and Shinazugawa, who gruffly muttered an apology, followed each other into the room. The Serpent Pillar refused to look in her direction like she was poison. Rude. That man was beyond immaturity, how could he just not acknowledge what had happened between them?
“-I will be filling in for Master Ubuyashiki,” The beautiful figure that sat before them was none other than Lady Amane Ubuyashiki, the Master’s devoted wife. She was accompanied by two of their daughters who sat on both sides of her silently. “His condition has become worse and he will no longer be able to appear before the rest of you.” She and the two daughters bowed down, their foreheads touching the tatami floorboards. “We apologize.” The gathered Pillars didn’t know what to make of it. The tension in the room was thick.
The meeting went on. Shinobu did not listen in. Something about the ‘mark’ or whatever, Tokito was remembering when he first felt the change. His core temperature had risen to a fatal point along with his heartbeat. That was concerning. “Those… those are fatal symptoms…” Shinobu put her finger on her chin and tried to think hard.
Unlocking the ‘mark’ made your body overheat and your heart race faster. Then, came a darker truth behind the ‘mark’, it put a strain on the body so dangerously that it was an unescapable death. Nobody knew what to make of it. It wasn’t like you could argue against the inevitable. The conversation shifted over to the topic of Pillar training. Shinobu felt the prior atmosphere still lingering like a cloud, the faces of her comrades were twisted into cold and pitiful expressions. Kanroji and Tokito were so young, this world was just that cruel.
Despite the unease in the room, the Pillars were still paying attention to the words spoken.
During this discussion, she kept stealing glances at Iguro from the back. The way his eyes hardly left Lady Amane. He had looked back at Tokito and Kanroji once, however, the second his dual-colored eyes landed on her, they flinched away like he saw a disturbing sight. Shinobu couldn’t take being ignored like this.
Finally, Amane and her children had taken their leave, leaving the Pillars to discuss their upcoming training with the younger slayers. The Insect Pillar didn’t once join the conversation. She wouldn’t train. What good could they learn from her anyway? The art of medicine?
“Now that Lady Amane has left the room, I’ll be taking off. Excuse me.” Tomioka murmured, standing up. He was refusing to look back at his comrades who turned to face him. Some stared at him with concern, others glared daggers into his back. A low growl erupted from Shinazugawa’s throat and a few veins popped in the man’s scarred face.
“Where do you think you’re going? Nobody here excused you.” The Wind Pillar scowled. “We still need to talk about what our respective roles will be for training.”
Shinobu’s eyes flicked from between the two men. The pauses of silence were filled in by the low rainfall outside. She got a bad feeling about how this conversation would go. Their personalities did not work together at all. Tomioka had a bad habit of speaking in such a low tone that it sounded almost condescending, even if he truly did not mean it like that.
“I’ll leave that up to the six of you, as for me, it doesn’t concern me.” Oh, no.
However, this time, it wasn’t Shinazugawa who spoke. It was Iguro. “What do you mean ‘doesn’t concern you’? Have you forgotten that you are also a Pillar? Or, you’re buffing, trying to get ahead on training to manifest the mark.” He narrowed his eyes, the bandages around his mouth moving with his words. Kaburamaru, Iguro’s faithful snake, hissed lowly in annoyance much like his master. “Nonetheless, you’re needed here.”
Tomioka didn’t say anything, his body stiff and tense. He began to walk towards the door which earned a worried noise from Kanroji.
Shinazugawa jumped up with his fists ready and clenched. “Hey, you! Get back here!” His words fell on deaf ears as the Water Pillar didn’t even spare a quick glance back.
“Mr. Tomioka, please explain yourself.” Shinobu hurriedly said, her eyebrows knitted together into a frustrated expression. “We cannot dismiss this without reason.” She could feel Iguro’s eyes on her and she felt her certainty wavering.
Tomioka paused for second before a blue iris met her violet irises. “It’s just that I’m not like the rest of you.” This was something he said plenty of times before, and every time, it was vague and nobody could understand what he meant by that.
Shinazugawa didn’t care to understand. He snarled angrily. “You said the same thing before, didn’t you, Tomioka? You lookin’ down on us right now?” The Wind Pillar looked like he was seconds away from lunging at him with violent intent. A crack of thunder trembled the building, a tension much like the one in this room.
“P-please, don’t fight!” Kanroji stuttered, lifting her hands up in concern.
The Water Pillar took a deep breath before he continued to walk towards the door. Here it goes. Shinazugawa yelled and quickly walked towards him, hand outstretched with veins popping in every part of his body. “Get back here!”
“No! No! Don’t! Stop!” Kanroji’s green eyes widened and she tried to get in between the two men.
Himejima hummed lowly before he clapped his hands together, the strength of it shaking the room like an earthquake. His prayer beads rattled under his large palms. Shinobu had forgotten all about her headache, she still felt the trembles underneath her legs. The Stone Pillar didn’t bother facing the men who had stopped. “Sit down.”
Tomioka had left and that left the Pillars with the decisions they had to make with limited time. Shinobu drowned out their words as she looked outside at the downpour, leaves on the trees trembled in the wind.
Finally, the Pillars were taking their leave. The Insect Pillar only made it just past the first step of the porch when she saw Iguro fixing his haori sleeve.
“Iguro.” She called out, approaching him with no hesitation. The man stiffened and he looked at her with a sharp gaze. Kaburamaru’s beady, red eyes dilated with interest.
“What do you want, Kocho?” Iguro grumbled, rolling down his sleeve and smoothing the crumpled fabric.
Shinobu paused for a second, debating on what she should say without it sounding too blunt. “We need to talk about our last mission and what exactly happened.” She firmly stated.
“We will not be discussing what happened, it never did happen.” He shook his head, taking a step back from her like she was a threat. Kaburamaru flicked his tongue in confusion. There was a glint of unease in his eyes, his limbs were stiff, was he that nervous?
“Iguro-“ Shinobu started, her voice dropping into a frustrated tone now that her migraine began to creep up again. This stubborn man. He was going to drive her mad. She reached to grasp his arm, but stopped, he wouldn’t appreciate her touching him now. If he wasn’t going to be mature about this, she would have to take things into her own hands.
The Serpent Pillar didn’t say anything else, his eyes were still narrowed at her. Shinobu heard herself growl and that startled her. “We will talk about this, whether you like it or not.” She grabbed his left arm, watching as he tensed up quickly.
“Let go of me, Kocho, what’s wrong with you?” Iguro pushed her hand away with a little more force than necessary. She yelped in pain when her forearm hit her in the chest, that felt incredibly tender to the touch. A flash of regret was visible in his gaze before it was hidden away behind a cold front. “Just… not now. I’ve got training, as do you too.”
Shinobu scoffed. “I’m not training this time.” She crossed her arms over her chest, slowly as to not worsen the sensitivity. The Serpent Pillar raised an eyebrow.
“You’re not? Why?”
“I suppose there’s nothing for me to teach.” The tension in her body relaxed briefly before returning. Iguro was purposefully changing the subject. “Don’t change the subject, Iguro.”
The man scowled like he hadn’t just been caught red-handed. “I’m not-“ Kaburamaru’s gaze shifted between the two, he could sense his master’s turmoil.
Shinobu almost laughed at that. “You are, I’m trying to talk to you about that mission. You’re changing the subject.” She brought a hand up to wipe away the raindrops rolling down her face like tears.
“I’ve got places to be, goodbye, Kocho.” Iguro was one fast man and he vanished as quickly as he said it. The Insect Pillar was left with her lonesome self, glaring at the spot he once stood.
“Damn you, you painfully stubborn man.” She bit her tongue before another string of curses could slip out. How could he? Shinobu always told herself that things like this shouldn’t bother her. This did and her chest hurt, not from sensitivity, but from the rejection.
She heard a creak from the porch, turning around to see Tomioka’s figure watching her from the cover of the porch. He hadn’t left? “You’re still here? I thought you left.”
“What’s going on between you and Iguro?” He asked bluntly. Great, he had probably heard everything between them. “You two had a mission together?”
Shinobu sighed in defeat. “It’s nothing. Iguro’s just being Iguro.” She shrugged off the remaining irritation in her shoulders. Tomioka wasn’t too convinced by her words, eyes narrowing like a wild cat watching a mouse.
“No… he usually doesn’t talk down to you. Did you two fight? If so, I can try to talk to him, he shouldn’t be speaking to you like that.” At those last words, Tomioka actually frowned like he was mad.
“No, no… I appreciate that, but please don’t go and start something with him.” Shinobu quickly waved her hands and forced a smile onto her face. It was almost ironic that Tomioka assumed that she and Iguro had fought, when it was the complete opposite. They had sex. That’s what happened.
The Water Pillar looked puzzled and opened his mouth before stopping completely. Shinobu took that opportunity to wave him a goodbye, vanishing into the downpour like Iguro did to her.
—
The clouds in the sky had mostly abated, letting the Sun shine after hours of rain. Shinobu sat back in the chair of her office as she stared up at the painting on her wall. It was a beautiful image of a woman wearing a beautiful kimono, her face relaxed. Next to her was a man, presumably her husband, and a small child clinging to her hips. A family.
“Don’t join the Corps, it’s dangerous for you two. Why don’t you live your lives like normal girls? Find yourself a loving husband and settle down in a place you can call home.”
Himejima had told her and Kanae that a long time ago. The two of them were young, their parents had just been killed by a demon. Shinobu remembered how stubborn and angry she was as a child. She was the embodiment of immaturity, it made her feel ashamed of herself.
Kanae had told her something similar… as she bled to death in her arms. Her voice was broken and her eyes were devoid of their usual spark. Shinobu couldn’t help but think of the painting as a form of torment. A family is what Himejima and Kanae told her to envision instead of fighting for her life in the Corps. Why couldn’t she just listen for once?
A pang of nausea started to creep up in Shinobu’s stomach, she gagged as she threw herself towards the trash can, bile spilling out of her mouth. What had gotten into her? She couldn’t piece together her sickness, grabbing a medical book from one of the shelves in the room.
Migraines. Sensitivity to the chest. Nausea. Overheating.
She flipped to a page where she could find the symptoms she had listed. The words she read were blocked out when her index finger landed on the sentence before her.
’Hot flashes, migraines, nausea, and tenderness may be directly linked to such conditions such as influenza or pregnancy.’
Pregnancy. It couldn’t be that… right..? Shinobu’s breath was fast and unsteady as she read more and more. She flipped to the page where she found the direct information of pregnancy.
No, no, no. This wasn’t real. This couldn’t be happening. Why was this happening? Shinobu was so sure that with the wisteria flowing in her veins that it was a contraceptive, the poison surely should’ve been strong enough to destroy any viable sperm. More bile rose in her throat and she forced herself over the trash can again to let it out.
She sat on the ground, leaning back against the shelf with the open book in her lap. Her eyes were brimming with tears as her legs trembled. “Fuck…” If Iguro didn’t already hate her then, he’ll certainly hate her now. Maybe, if she formed a remedy with herbs and tea, it’ll destroy the cells before they develop into a fetus.
God, what has she done to herself now?