Chapter Text
Kieran Duffy’s first few weeks in the Van Der Linde gang were hell, as simple as that. Each day bled into the other, blurring at the edges. He was exhausted, but he was never given enough peace to sleep. He supposed that this was his punishment from God for everything he’s done wrong in his life. He wished bitterly that his horse had been faster, but she had done her best, old thing. She’d been left up in the mountains after he’d been captured, but Kieran liked to think that she’d made her way back to the rest of the O’Driscoll gang and had somebody to look after her. He was sure that wherever she was, it was better than this.
The ropes had really began to hurt after the first day or so, cutting into his wrists. Kieran had tried in vain to wriggle free of them, but it was no use. His skin was burnt from the relentless assault of the sun day after day, and his throat was scratchy from dehydration. But worst of all, his back ached from being forced in a upright position for so long. He’d been starved, beaten, and treated like scum. But that’s what they all saw him as. Scum. Kieran had tried to tell them, he really had, that he wasn’t an O’Driscoll. Not really, anyway. Sure, he ran with them and carried out whatever orders were barked at him, but he wasn’t really part of the gang. More than anything, he supposed, he was just dead weight to them. He knew that nobody would come to his rescue.
The man who captured him (What was his name again? Albert?) walked past the tree that Kieran was tied to. Kieran tried to speak,
‘A-‘, his voice was croaky from disuse and exhaustion, ‘Water’, he managed. Where Kieran was tied up wasn’t far from where they stored their food. He was able to smell cooking meat. His stomach growled.
The man (No, no, it wasn’t Albert) gave him a scornful look, ‘I ain’t giving you a god damn thing, you little shit’.
Kieran groaned. When was this torment going to end? The man walked off (Arthur! That was it) and Kieran hung his head in misery. The sun had began to set now, thank God, allowing Kieran a brief reprieve from the scorching heat. The way the waning light broke though from behind the leaves of the trees at the edge of the little cliff was awful pretty, but Kieran was in no state to really appreciate it. He wriggled the ropes down the trunk of the tree so that he was able to sit on the ground, something he’d figured out that he was able to do after the first day or so. It wasn’t comfortable in the slightest, but it was better than standing and it stopped his feet from getting too sore.
His ribs still ached from yesterday. The gang had really taken to trying to get information out of him. The main problem with that approach, though, was the fact that he didn’t have information to share in the first place. Of course, when he told them this, they didn’t believe him, so his pleas looked like a mix between loyalty and playing dumb rather than a genuine lack of information. Back with his old gang, they never would have let him in on the big plans anyway. Hell, he never even caught wind of the little ones. He’d never quite fit in with the O’Driscolls. He’d never really fit in anywhere, in all honesty.
He just needed to time it right. Escape. Somehow cut his ropes, steal food and a horse, take off in the middle of the night. But how the hell could he possibly do that without getting his head blown off? Surely, they had people up keeping watch throughout the night, they’d be stupid not to – And how would he even cut the ropes in the first place? There was nothing sharp enough within his incredibly limited reach that could do the job.
Oh, who was he kidding.
He was doomed.
**
Three months later, Kieran was no longer O’Driscoll scum. Well, he was still treated like scum. Just not like an O’Driscoll.
After proving himself on a mission and saving Arthur’s (not Albert’s) life, the gang had decided to go easier on him, reluctantly accepting him as one of their own. At a new camp, Clemens Point, Kieran felt like he had a fresh start, in a way. He was far from that God forsaken tree and felt that a new setting was just what he needed. Really, Kieran was quite happy with this new development that was acceptance from Dutch’s boys. He knew that if he were to go back to the O’Driscoll gang, he’d either be killed by Dutch for running away or by Colm for being a supposed snitch. Besides, he felt that the Van Der Linde gang was an excellent improvement in comparison to the O’Driscolls.
Dutch was warming up to him at the very least. He wasn’t anywhere near being trusted with important information in regards to the gang’s affairs, but that didn’t matter to him. He was just happy that he got to tend to the horses. Kieran saw the way that Dutch treated the others, the way he behaved as though they were all family and rallied the gang members so confidently. He could see why his people were so loyal to him. Kieran found that most of the gang were still hard on him, but there were a few exceptions, like that girl, Tilly. She had a real kind heart and even spared him back at Horseshoe Overlook, bringing him cups of water and such when nobody was around.
But, there was one person that had really caught his eye since relocating to Clemens Point. Mary-Beth Gaskill. Goodness, Kieran felt such a fool around her. She was the prettiest lady he ever did see. He was utterly enchanted by her, the way her hair curled around her face, those sea green eyes – beautiful and tumultuous, her elegance paired with a quiet strength, all of it. He was always too scared to approach her, too shy. Every time he tried, he got tongue tied and made an embarrassment of himself. He knew she wasn’t stupid, always reading those books, she had to have had an excellent mind, too. Intelligent and beautiful. He could blush just thinking about her.
Even at Horseshoe Overlook, he’d noticed her. Of course, he hadn’t truly come to appreciate her until he’d been ingratiated into the group, but even from the start, he’d seen her there, across camp. She always had her nose in a book, and when she wasn’t reading, she was laughing with the girls or smiling in that radiant way. Of course, back then none of the girls really came near him, besides that Tilly. But Mary-Beth had always been the loveliest in his eyes.
He spent most of his days stealing glances at her from across the camp. He was never quite brave enough to venture over and talk to her. He wanted to get it right, make a real good impression. That said, he was well aware of the fact that she knew he was a former O’Driscoll, but he hoped that in all her goodness she’d set that aside and be willing to pursue a friendship with him.
One day, Kieran plucked up the courage to approach her. He’d debated it in his mind all day, but he simply couldn’t ignore it any longer. He had to say something – if he didn’t, his silent torment would go on for who knows how long, and Mary-Beth wasn’t going to remain unmarried forever. He wanted the best for her, but if he waited too long, he may never have the chance to tell her how he felt at all. No, he needed to act. He needed to be courageous.
It was a lovely afternoon, the sun shone through the trees above, casting the camp in a delicate, dappled light. Mary-Beth was sat in the shade, a book in her lap. She was completely immersed in her reading material, leaning back against a tree with a blanket on the grass under her, unaware of his presence. Kieran cleared his throat.
‘Uh… hi’,
She looked up at him, those sea green eyes making his heart lurch. ‘Hi’, she said.
‘Uhm-‘, Kieran cleared his throat again. He felt terribly nervous as he always did when talking to her. He knew Mary-Beth was real sharp, and he didn’t want to give her the impression that he was dumb as rocks. He wanted to woo her, all gentleman like, but he couldn’t do that if she thought he was too dull to keep up with her in all her shining bright brilliance. ‘What are you reading?’, he said.
‘Oh-‘, She glanced down at her book, ‘Uh- ‘Wuthering Heights’’.
‘What’s it about?’, he shifted his weight nervously. He’d never gotten this far before! He felt his heart pounding in his chest.
‘A girl. In England. She’s in love with her childhood friend but uh- she can’t be with him’.
‘Why not?’, Kieran ventured.
‘It would take too long to explain. I’m not finished it yet'.
‘Oh’. That was that then.
Mary-Beth went back to her book for a moment, before sighing and looking back up at him, ‘I’m- I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be so short with you’.
‘It’s okay’, He smiled a little.
‘I can tell you some more about it. If you’d like’, she offered him a little smile.
Kieran’s heart soared, he opened his mouth to speak but stopped himself – he couldn’t be too eager and scare her off. No, no. Gentleman. He needed to be a gentleman. He schooled his expression to be one of calm interest rather than ecstatic enthusiasm, ‘Very much so, miss’, he said. He took a seat next to her in the shade, making sure he didn’t sit too close. He needed to be a gentleman. She deserved a gentleman.
‘So’, She began, ‘The book starts with a man named Mr. Lockwood, and it’s fascinating because the story is being told to him as well as the reader. The narrator is actually a woman named Nelly Dean, and…’
Kieran cherished every second of their conversation. He really enjoyed hearing her talk about something she was passionate about, it was the way she lit up and became so animated out of nowhere – it was sweet. He’d thought the book sounded a little strange, but he was more than happy even having the chance to talk to her. It had gone so much better than he’d thought and he felt himself gain a renewed sense of confidence. Maybe he should take up reading? He was never much one for a book, but maybe if he started to read, they could have something to discuss. Common ground. He wasn’t sure how interested she was in horses, but he was sure he could bring up the subject, if he continued his friendship with her.
‘…but young Cathy Linton is desperate to visit the Heights now that her tiny world limited to the ground of the Grange has been expanded’.
Mary-Beth stopped. Kieran prompted, ‘What happens next?’. Although the book sounded a little odd, he found that he was genuinely invested in the story. It was much more dramatic and dark that he’d expected of the elegant and beautiful Mary-Beth, but then again, one should never judge a book by it’s cover – an appropriate saying for the situation.
‘Oh, I haven’t gotten that far yet’, Mary-Beth said, shrugging, ‘But it’s real interesting, isn’t it?’.
‘Oh, absolutely’, said Kieran. ‘It’s not like any book I’ve ever read before’.
‘I’m not surprised’, Mary-Beth said. After a moment, she flushed, ‘I only meant that- When Wuthering Heights was published, it faced quite a bit of criticism. It is an unusual book, I mean. I don’t mean to give the impression that I think you’re-‘, She trailed off, clearly embarrassed.
‘I ain’t offended miss, you’re too kind to say such a thing’, Kieran blushed, but he was speaking truthfully.
‘Well, you’re very sweet Mr. Duffy’, she smiled.
Kieran blushed even more. She was incredible. Enchanting. Wonderful. The most exquisite human being he ever had the honour of meeting. Goodness, there really was no hope for him now. Kieran cherished the way she smiled at him. After the hell he’d been through, the torment and the pain and the loneliness, meeting her felt like a reprieve. It felt like it was all leading up to something that was finally good, something that gave him space to breathe. Something he’d needed more than he’d ever realised.
After their talk, it was all Kieran could think about. He’d done it! Actually getting to talk to her, she was just as wonderful as he knew she’d be. She spoke so intelligently and clearly thought deeply about the novels that she read, really picking them apart in her mind rather than just reading them in a very surface level way. She’d really impressed him, and now that he’d taken that first step, he hoped beyond hope that their friendship would be able to develop and flourish.
**
A week or so later, Kieran found himself sat in the shade by the water, chatting to Mary-Beth again, and this time she had a new a book. He’d seen her on her own and took the opportunity to strike up another conversation, feeling emboldened after the success of their first chat.
‘So… the painting gets older… and he stays young forever?’, Kieran said slowly.
‘Exactly’, Mary-Beth snapped the book shut, part way through describing the plot of her latest choice of novel to him, ‘Normally I’m not much for such overt horror but I couldn’t resist, I’ve heard so much about it’, Mary-Beth smiled a little sheepishly.
‘What’s it called again?’,
‘’The Picture of Dorian Grey’. It’s really very interesting. It’s quite far from my usual choice of novel but I don’t mind being a little adventurous with my reading’,
‘Yeah’, Kieran grinned, giddy in her presence. ‘And uh- That other one, Withering Heights, how did it end?’.
‘Wuthering Heights’, she corrected gently, ‘and it ends with Cathy Linton and Hareton restoring the Heights after Heathcliff’s reign of terror. I’d say it was a happy ending’.
‘That’s nice. The rest of the book sounds so…’
‘Morbid. I know, so many deaths’, she said.
‘Yeah. A lot of death’, He laughed a little. He never took her for someone that would enjoy such dark reading material, but it didn’t bother him too much. He liked that she was a little unusual in that regard.
‘Oh’, She tutted, ‘I’m sure I’m boring you to death’.
‘Not at all!’, Kieran said quickly, ‘I love- Uh- I like hearing about your books. I don’t read much, so it’s… yeah…’, he trailed off, heat rising in his cheeks.
‘You can borrow some of mine, if you like,’ She smiled, ‘What sort of things do you like? I’m sure I’ll have something that’ll appeal to you’. Mary-Beth paused, ‘Well- most of them are romances, but you never know’, she flushed a little.
‘I like horses’, Kieran said before he could stop himself.
‘Horses’, Mary-Beth said slowly, ‘I uh… Don’t think I have any books on horses, actually’.
‘That’s okay’, He smiled a little, ‘Why don’t you just umm… pick something that you think is nice? An easy read, I guess’.
‘I’ll take a look later, then. See what I have’, she smiled.
**
Kieran spent days labouring over the book that Mary-Beth had lent him. It was interesting – set in England, which he hadn’t quite expected. He found it a little hard to follow at parts, but he was able to manage. It was a romance, of course, which she had warned him of, but he didn’t mind. ‘Emma’, it was called. It wouldn’t have been his personal choice, but he was more than happy to give it a try for Mary-Beth’s sake.
Kieran approached Mary-Beth that morning, book in hand and beaming. ‘I finished your book, miss’.
She lit up at the sound of his words, ‘Really? What did you think?’. She stood from where she was sat on her bedroll, smoothing down the skirts of her dress.
‘It was good’, he handed the book back to her, ‘I think it lost me a little in parts, but I didn’t hate it’,
‘Well, that’s a good start’, She smiled, ‘I’ll have to find you something you’ll definitely love, I’m just rather wretched that I don’t immediately have anything on hand’.
‘Don’t worry, miss’, He blushed, ‘You don’t need to go to such trouble, though I appreciate it very much’.
There was a lull in the conversation. Kieran felt his heart in his throat; he wanted to keep talking to her but didn’t know what else to say.
‘Um-‘, He cleared his throat, ‘We should go riding some time. You know- Uh- Horses. You have a horse, don’t you?’
‘Uhh-‘ She blinked at him,
‘Sorry, maybe that’s-‘
‘No, no’, She cut him off, ‘It sounds like a nice idea. We should’.
Kieran’s heart was in his throat, ‘Good. That’s good! I’ve uh-‘, He wrung his hands, ‘I’ve got- Something I have to do. Actually. Yeah. See you later’.
He walked off hurriedly.
Kieran sat on his bedroll mulling over their conversation. He was glad she’d agreed. If she didn’t have a horse of her own, she could borrow someone else’s if he asked nice enough. Perhaps one of the girls would be willing to lend a horse for the afternoon? Maybe Karen? He’d have to see.
Either way, he wanted more than anything for this to work out. She’d shared part of her world with him, and now it was his turn. He didn’t want to overwhelm her, but he didn’t want to hide his true self from her either. Kieran had a lot to think about.
Mary-Beth was a wonderful lady and if he had even a fraction of a chance with her, that was good enough for him.
But only time would tell.