Chapter Text
My eyes flutter open, the cold air banging against my bare chest.
"Ugh..." I moan, my heart pounding with confusion and fear as I sit up, scanning my bedroom until my eyes land on the boy I barely recognize in my bed.
I shove my hair out of my eyes and just stare at my wrists. They burn. I wish I could hide them, or just disappear for a minute.
I feel sick thinking about last night. I said too much. I let him see too much. God, why am I like this?
And between it all, I let my guard down…
Matthias shuffles, yawns, and lifts his head, a spot of drool under his tired face.
”Good morning, gorgeous…” he mumbles, a playful glimmer in his tired eyes. He lets his gaze linger on me a moment longer before glancing down to my hidden arms.
His usually gentle eyes turn stern as he looks back up at me.
“I was meaning to talk to you about that, Yohei,” he states, not asking to discuss, demanding.
I swallow hard, and he sits up in front of me, criss-cross with warm eyes as he searches my eyes for any understanding of what he is about to say.
I press my head into the bed frame, bracing for it. He’s gonna say something. They always do. I screwed up again. My eyes sting and I just want it to be over.
He places a small, lingering kiss on my forehead, his fingers trailing through my hair as he tucks it behind my ear, letting his hand rest there for a heartbeat longer.
”Yohei… I love you so much, and I care…”
Tears fill my eyes as he keeps talking, but my ears stop listening while he tells me the only words I’ve ever wanted to hear.
”Is that why you’ve been stealing my jacket lately?” he teases softly, his fingers tracing my scars like lines in paper, his lips curling into a mischievous smile.
I nod, still hiccuping from crying. My face feels gross and I can’t stop shaking.
“Hey, hey, hey, bunny… you know I can’t stay mad at you, especially when you give me that look.” He whispers with a soft, flirtatious smile, gently wiping the tears from my face with his thumb lingering a little longer than necessary
”Do you mind going to Hirose with me?” He asks softly in a way that almost sounds like a favor.
I just sort of hug myself and look away, pretending not to care, but when he gives me his jacket, I grab it fast, like maybe it’ll help me hold myself together.
Matthias slides the coat over my shoulders, his hands lingering at my waist. “Let’s get you bundled up. I can’t have the others seeing too much of what’s mine.”
After a few quick seconds, he grabs my hand and helps me out of bed. He keeps my hand close as he opens the door, and we walk down the hallway. I lean against him as we near the door of the medical bay.
“I just want him to see if your wrist is cleaned okay?” he says in that soft voice that makes everyone try not to smile.
I just mumble, “yeah,” and stare at my knees. My throat feels tight. I hope he doesn’t notice.
Matthias turns the doorknob and leads us inside. Hirose chats with Denden and Isoda, with a cup of coffee in their hand, as he arranges Meditation by symptoms.
”Ah, Ninomiya, Matthias, I wasn’t expecting anyone this early in the morning… What can I help you with?” Hirose says cheerfully
”C-Could we discuss something privately?” He asks quietly.
”Ah-! Uhm, yeah, of course!” Hirose sings “Both of you, out.” He demands
Once the door clicks, Hirose walks over and flips the sign “KNOCK BEFORE ENTERING,” and he locks the door.
Fine, doc…” A flash of worry appeared on Mion’s face, and they walked away before I could say anything.
”Which of you is being bothered?” He asks
Matthias points at me, “I just need you to see if a few scars are cleaned correctly…” He says matter-of-factly
”Of course, where are they exactly so I can take a look?” He asks me.
I look down and pick at my sleeve. “They’re… on my arm.” My voice is so quiet I almost can’t hear it myself.
Matthias cradles my wrist in his hand, and I gasp, trembling as he leans in to whisper, his breath warm, “Nobody’s going to be mad at you, bunny…” The words, fragile and gentle, make my breath hitch.
”U-Uhm… M-My arm…” I mumble
”O-Oh! Uhm, is it?…” Hirose trails off as I nod and wipe my watery eyes.
”Can I lift up your sleeves?” Matthias asks softly
I nod subtly enough for him to smile.
The linen slides up my arm, and the cold air bangs against my already sensitive wrists.
Hirose gags but keeps a professional mask, “L-Let me see if they are cleaned properly…”
After a few uncomfortable seconds, “E-Everything looks good, I-If you ever need someone to talk to… me and Matthias are always here,” Hirose mumbles.
”There isn’t anything else I can do for now… if anything happens during the healing process, don’t hesitate to come back.” He says as cheerfully as he can, as he unlocks the door and Denden and Isoda float back inside.
”You okay, Yohei?” They ask genuinely concerned,
” Yeah… just had a rough stomach ache!” I say as I smile, and Matthias grabs my hand as he heads toward the door.
”See ya Isoda!” I say cheerfully as Matthias shuts the door behind us.
”Are you hungry, bunny?” Matthias asks me with tired eyes,
“Nah, just tired,” I say, but my voice is weird and shaky. I rub my eyes, hoping he’ll drop it.
After a few minutes of us talking about everything except for what just happened, we reach my room, I grab my keys, and turn the knob.
The cold arm brushes past us as we walk inside, and I lock the door behind us.
Matthias goes over to the bed, fluffs two pillows, and grabs a hairbrush. He strokes it through a few times until he asks.
”Can I brush your hair?” he asks with his eyes full of wonder.
“You got stars in your eyes again,” I try to joke, but my smile’s only a little bit real. I sit on the bed and turn away, hoping he doesn’t see that I’m about to cry.
He brushes it through my colorful head.
After a few minutes of playful chatter, I can barely keep my eyes open,
”You wanna take a nap?” He asks kindly with a gentle smile.
”Mhm…” I mumble, and he finishes brushing and puts it down on my nightstand as he turns off my lamp, leaving only the dim glow of my lava lamp.
He places a small kiss on my forehead as he brushes the hair out of my face.
He hugs me and I just kind of melt. I want to say something, but nothing comes out, so I just stay there, hoping it’s enough.
I sniff and try to hold it back, but the tears just sort of show up anyway. I wipe my face with my sleeve, feeling stupid
” I love you…” He mumbles as he lies down facing me while I hold one of the stupid little yuki usagi things as he nuzzles his nose into my neck, and I doze off surrounded by warmth.