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Hyukjae spent many days of his youth in the dance room. He knew what he wanted to be. An idol. It wasn’t easy and he knew he was going to have to make many sacrifices for it but it was worth it. He couldn’t imagine a life without the stage lights, fan screams, the members, and most importantly, Donghae.
He remembers how they met, they were both scrawny teenagers. Lost in the big city, the only thing they were certain of was debuting. They were like two magnets. Attached at the hip almost immediately. It was less scary to navigate the industry with someone by his side.
Love was never on the table. There were long nights where he would go back to the dorms well past midnight, his free days spent resting up or practicing even more. He couldn’t imagine maintaining a relationship knowing he prioritized being an idol first. Sure, he had his fair share of hookups, but there were no strings attached. No commitment.
Donghae never really spoke about his relationships. But he always made sure to voice his desire of getting married and having children. Hyukjae gave up that idea for a while and learned to accept it. Donghae never stopped hoping for it.
There were nights where he told his worries about the future to Donghae. Donghae understood him, he wanted to debut just as badly, if not even more. He also agreed with him, to some degree, about their lack of relationships. Donghae just knew him, even if didn’t agree with everything. They were total opposites in some ways.
Still, it was nice to have someone like Donghae. That’s why he felt so much relief, excitement, crashing all over him at once when he was told he was going to debut side by side with Donghae.
Debuting was hard. Getting their first win was amazing, he remembers that night. Everyone was crying, hugging, relieved. He remembered going up to Donghae, he thought of him. How much they sacrificed to get here.
Even as the years went by, Super Junior made a name for themselves, became respected in the idol industry, Hyukjae still didn’t chase a relationship. But it was no longer out of prioritizing being an Idol, he had started putting Donghae first. He was the first person he would call, the first person he would think of, and the first person he would eventually start a company with.
Time passed by like a blur. When Super Junior wasn’t performing, it was him and Donghae. D&E. They were already best friends, but there was something about sharing hotels, only the two of them, or being on a plane together, none of the members bothering them, that really changed things.
It started with soft glances, getting bolder on stage, the slight caresses of their fingertips when they were performing. It was everything they did, it just felt different. In a good way.
Hyukjae didn’t know when it started. Maybe when he stopped going out so much. Wasn’t seeking to spend the night with someone or going to the club. Donghae would come over, they would order take out, talk. It wasn’t anything new. But he was craving it.
The conversation was brought up again. They were well into their careers that fans wouldn’t mind if they decided to settle down.
“I don’t really think much of it anymore. I’m okay how I am right now. I see Sora and Mom whenever I can. As long as you’re by my side, I don’t really need anyone else." He told Donghae one night. It was a matter of fact. He didn’t want to put Donghae in an awkward situation, but he had to tell him how he felt.
Donghae was surprised at first. Pursuing something more with his best friend, who was a man. He couldn’t grasp it at first. But slowly, he came to love him too. They didn’t put a label on their relationship. They were just Hyukjae and Donghae.
Donghae had his own vices. He would struggle some days. Would become avoidant. He would start doubting himself. There were things they had to work on.
Hyukjae didn’t rush into anything. Let time play its course. When Donghae was ready, he would be here waiting for him. He knows they’re both trying their best.
When Donghae tells him one day,
“let’s start a company together”
He’s surprised. Donghae loved SM. He practically grew up in the practice room. But this was just one step forward. He was letting go of the past. Forming a new path. For both of them. Donghae was getting better at accepting himself.
When they signed those papers. CEO Lee Hyukjae and CEO Lee Donghae, it felt more than just signing papers to become owners of a company. They were making a promise to each other. There was commitment, from both of them.
They haven’t talked about the future. It’s still true, there is still no time for a proper relationship. It seems like every day they’re getting on a plane or performing somewhere. But there’s soft glances, quick kisses, unspoken promises of the future. When this is all said and done, he knows he’ll have Donghae by his side. When they’re done, he’ll be Hyukjae and not Eunhyuk the idol. And Donghae will be his.