Chapter Text
“I love you.” He confesses, a singular tear rolling down his cheek as a smile forms on his lips.
The man before him shakes his head, tears glistening in his eyes as well as his lips tremble. “Don’t do this, Cas.” He begs, inhaling sharply when his shoulder is held by a blood soaked hand.
“Goodbye, Dean.”
And just like that, Dean Winchester is pushed out of the way of a dark entity before it consumes the angel that he taught to love.
The darkness pulls away then, disappearing as quickly as it came and leaving the man behind.
He looks around, still struggling to understand what happened in the past few moments. He looks down as his phone buzzes, letting it drop before he covers his face. He lets a few sobs go, mourning what could have been.
No. Castiel loved him. He-he loved him and that’s why he’s dead. No.
Dean trembles, getting onto his feet with a grunt before he takes a shaky step forward.
“No.” He chokes, looking around as his heart races. “No! Cas! Cas, come back! Please!” He cries, panting softly as he shivers. “Please! Cas, I love you too! Do you hear me?! I love you! I’ve always loved you!” He sobs now, sinking to his knees as he trembles violently.
“I love you, Castiel. Of course I love you…” He chokes, covering his face before he screams.
“C-Cas. Why didn’t I tell you?” Dean murmurs, his eyes shimmering with more tears as his phone keeps buzzing on the floor.
“I should’ve told you. I should’ve t-told you e-every day.”
He winces, his hand moving to his shoulder now as he grips the handprint tightly.
Maybe if he does that, the angel will return to him. Maybe he just vanished for the time being, but he is listening to his prayers!
“Cas. Castiel. Please, I’m here. I’m right here, Cas. I know you love me now and…and I doubt that even heaven comprehends why, but I’m here. I’m here for you, Castiel. I love you too, you beautiful dumbass. I love you…” He cries, heaving in deep breaths before he gulps down another sob.
“I’m…sorry, Cas. I love you, man. I love my sunshine…” He chokes out.
Dean shakes his head, sniffling a little as his mind flashes.
All of the memories.
Everything.
He turns around, shivering a bit as he kneels down and picks up his phone.
He can face this later.
Right now, he needs to be strong for his brother and Jack.
“Hello?” Dean chokes out, trying his best not to sound like he’s been sobbing for the past twenty minutes.
Sam sighs in relief on the other end, a shaky laugh leaving him. “Holy sh-shit, Dean. I-I thought Chuck got to you when you weren’t picking up.” He admits.
The older hunter gulps, his hand massaging his shoulder before he shakes his head. “N-nope…all good.” He lies, blinking back more tears before he breathes out.
The younger hunter nods, sniffling a little. “Sorry…I was just so worried. Jack and I are close to the meeting spot for plan A with all of the hunters. You-you think you and Cas could meet us here soon?”
Dean winces at the mention of his lost angel, nodding his head softly before he sniffles. “Y-yeah…we’ll uh…we’ll be there soon.” He replies, hanging up a moment later before he runs his hand down his face.
Right.
He’s gotta get back to saving the world.
He leaves the room, shivering as he uses the wall for support, his hand still squeezing his shoulder as he leaves the bunker and climbs into Baby.
“Alright, Baby…let’s go.” He hums, starting the engine before he starts the drive to Sam and Jack.
On the way there he doesn’t listen to music.
He doesn’t do anything but stare and drive because everything reminds him of what he lost.
Who he lost.
However, something is off.
There aren’t any cars on the road.
No people in the parks he passes.
Nothing.
It’s all just…gone.
Dean speeds up at that, his foot pressing down on the gas pedal as his heart pounds in his ears.
This can’t be good.
He pulls up to where Sam said to meet, getting out of the car before he gulps.
His brother sighs, running his hand through his hair. “Dean, did you see anyone on your way here? Anyone at all?”
The older hunter shakes his head, taking a breath. “No. I didn’t see anyone. Just-just you two.”
Jack furrows his brow, tilting his head a bit when he realizes that someone very important is missing.
“Dean? Where’s Cas?” He asks innocently, his eyes filling with worry when he immediately sees the shift in the man’s expression and body language.
Dean gulps, looking down before he grips his shoulder. “He…he saved me and…gave his life to do it.” He rasps, meeting their eyes as he spits it out. “Cas is dead.”
Sam’s eyes widen, his heart clenching in his chest before he gulps. “Dean-“ He starts, wincing as his brother cuts him off.
“We…we just gotta get back to the bunker so we can…figure this out.” He stutters, shaking his head as his baby brother begins apologizing.
“Dean I’m sorry I-I should’ve just let you kill Chuck then and there and-and-“ Sam stops when he sees his brother’s shoulders tense a bit, a sigh leaving him before he nods. “Ok…the bunker.”
Dean climbs into the car along with the angelic child and his baby brother, his fingers gripping the wheel tightly as he takes deep breaths.
He doesn’t say anything the whole ride back, parking in the garage when they arrive back at the bunker before he walks down the stairs and to the kitchen.
He grabs a bottle of whiskey, popping off the cork before he gulps down a little more than one liter, slamming the thing down before he releases a breath he didn’t realize he’s been holding.
Sam walks into the room, wincing at the sight of his brother before he sits down at the table, watching as the older hunter follows. “Dean…? Can we talk?”
Dean sighs, scrubbing his hand down his face before he nods. “Shoot.” He almost dares, taking another long drink before he sighs again, staring at his brother with a broken expression like never before.
The younger hunter inhales, looking at him sadly before he sighs. “Dean, you weren’t answering my calls. You said Cas gave his life to save you, but you aren’t filling us in on all of the gaps.” He starts, tearing up now.
“Please. Just tell me what happened. Be honest with me.” He begs.
The older hunter looks into his brother’s eyes, a soft sigh escaping him before he looks down at the amber liquid still in the bottle.
“Cas and I were…wrong about Billie. I was wrong. She went to kill me and then…then Cas summoned the empty and killed her and himself.” He mumbles, shaking as he grips the bottle tighter.
“And…? Dean, I’ve never seen you so broken. Please, just talk to me…” Sam pleads, reaching across before he squeezes his brother’s hand.
Dean looks into his brother’s puppy-dog eyes, gulping a bit before he lets it out. “And he told me he loved me.”
The younger hunter’s eyes widen, his brow furrowing before he gulps. “Oh.” He murmurs, looking at his brother before he notes something.
His brother is holding back.
“But…what about you?”
Dean gulps down the lump in his throat, sniffling as tears roll down his cheeks. “I-I just stood there. But what’s worse is…I love him too, Sammy.” He finally admits, looking his brother in the eye again. “And he’ll never know.”
And that’s when the floodgates open.
Not a second later a sob escapes the elder Winchester, his hands covering his face as he shakes his head. “I should’ve told him that I-I love him. I’ve loved him every day of my life. Oh man, Sammy…” He cries, shaking his head as he grips his hair.
Sam watches his brother, his heart breaking as he listens to his confession.
He always thought there was something there but he never knew that they reciprocated one another’s feelings.
What’s worse though is, neither of them knew they loved each other the same way all along.
He stands up then, walking to his brother’s side before he kneels down and pulls him into a hug.
He’s expecting his big brother to resist or pull away but he doesn’t, he just clings to him like his life depends on it.
“Oh Sammy…I love him…” Dean cries, feeling himself being helped to his feet then as he’s taken along to his room.
“I love him…oh, Cas…I love him…” He sobs, feeling himself being laid down before he feels his boots being taken off.
“N-no…Sammy we can’t-not for me. We can’t take a break. We-e gotta get Chuck.” He coughs, trying to sit up now.
Grieving or not, he’s gotta fix his mistakes.
Sam sighs a bit, laying him back down before he covers him with a blanket. “We will figure everything out, soon, Dean. But right now, you need time to grieve.” He mumbles, watching as his brother’s body sinks into the cushions.
Dean looks at his baby brother, whimpering softly before his eyes start to shut, sleepiness tugging at him as a few more tears escape his eyes.
“I love him…I love Cas…” He mumbles, finally letting his eyes shut completely before he passes out.
The real world right now is too much.
Too painful.
Maybe he will see a better future for them in his dreams.
Better yet, maybe he will see his angel which is all the future he really wants.