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Julius closes his books with such force that the few heads that still accompany him in the library all whip around. He cringes and mumbles an apology, as he hastily packs all his stuff together.
He needs to get out of here, needs air, needs to see something else than just this library and his books over and over and over again. He knows his subject of studies is one of the hardest there is, but he loves it and mostly he can cope with the stress.
Not right now though. Not when he's been cramming for these upcoming exams for fuck knows how long now and they come closer and closer and Julius still feels so utterly underprepared.
He needs a break. He has to get it off his mind, needs to steer his thoughts away from it completely. For a moment he just walks, in whatever direction feels right, but as soon as he sees it, he knows where he's going. The Rothenbaum. Of course. Where else.
Just that there is no sand right now and Clemens isn't there either. It's a mere memory of the only thing that ever truly made him forget whatever. He dials before even really thinking about it. It rings once, twice, then the phone gets picked up.
"Hey, what's up?"
No long introduction, no nonsense, just straight to the point.
"This is so stupid, but uni is really fucking me over right now and I really, really need to do the furthest thing away from uni right now."
"I'm so sorry for you. But I'm free, what do you want to do, we can do anything you like!"
"Meet me at the ETV?", Julius asks, almost begs.
"You want to play?"
"I need to."
They haven't played in ages, probably actual years at this point. There was a point in his live where Julius never thought that possible. But he chose this way for himself.
Clemens had come watch him play indoors and he had come watch Clemens at German Championships and the Elites in Hamburg. But that's the closest he got to being on the same court as Clemens.
"Okay yeah. I can be there in half an hour, does that work for you?"
"Yeah. That's almost exactly the time it'll take me to walk there. Probably not the worst idea."
"You're at Rothenbaum", Clemens immediately concludes.
"Yeah well I was at the library, but it screwed with my head so badly, I just started walking, found myself here. My body knows what my brain needs, before my brain comes to the very same conclusion", Julius explains
"Beach Volleyball?", Clemens asks.
You shoots through Julius head.
"The love never dies", he opts for in the end. It's only half a lie. Because the love didn't die. Not the one he holds for Clemens.
It's like a sleeper agent in the back of his mind, that gets triggered every now and then. When something reminds him of their time together, when he sees the same model car, that Clemens used to drive when they were still both sponsored by Toyota, when he passes the Rothenbaum on the way to the library or when he catches a glimps of a raisin pastry in the window of a bakery.
Maybe he should pick one up if he passes a bakery that is still open.
They end their phone call, Clemens promises to bring balls with him, Julius luckily has a T-shirt and Shorts with him, foolishly thinking, that he could maybe hit the gym between all the studying, has been carrying them around for some days, but it comes in handy now.
He ends up passing a supermarket which still has an open bakery and he bags the last two raisin pastries. In a way he feels like he has to give back to Clemens, for dealing with him. For being there for him.
At least it doesn't rain. He never was really bothered by the weather, but he knows that Clemens prefers it dry. And Julius wouldn't want to jeopardise Clemens' health.
The walk feels weirdly familiar, the further he goes, the more he recognises, be that from tirelessly trying to find a parking spot or from walking the last few minutes from where the public transport spits him out regularly for his indoor training.
They only have two Beach fields here, but Julius is hopeful, that one might be free, it's late on a random weekday. Actually, it probably wouldn't even be too bad, if there are other people around. That way, they might actually be able to play for real, more than peppering and maybe trying to see if they can take eachother out with their serves.
And there a few people, especially in Hamburg, that would pass up a match against the Clemens Wickler right?
The older man already waits for him when Julius arrives, the little trip to the supermarket prolonging his way. They hug and for a moment Julius just lets himself be held by his friend.
They still see eachother regularly, but going from every day for years to maybe twice a month at max is still an adjustment that still doesn't feel right four years later. Four years, that's how long it has been now, fucking hell.
Hugging Clemens still feels as good as it did back then though and Julius immediately knows that it was the right decision.
He quickly changes next to the courts, doesn't bother to actually go to the changing rooms, just pulls his hoodie off and a T-shirt on and changes out of his jeans into the shorts. Nothing there to see, that Clemens hasn't seen before anyways.
The moment they start their warm up — the same warm up they always used to do — last doubts where eliminated from Julius mind. Feeling the stretch of in his muscles, the sting that used to be so familiar to him and doing it all next to Clemens, it does something to him.
It surprises Julius a little that he still knows the order of exercises. Eventually, they do reach the point though, where Clemens does something else than him.
"Oh yeah, we kinda switched that around", the older man grimaces as if he was sorry that something changed, as if he needed to apologise for moving on.
Julius tries to keep his face positive, at least neutral, because there is nothing Clemens has to apologise for, really it's his own stupid brain, that doesn't like the idea of him moving on. Of changing something that once was so them.
And his feet finally touch the sand again. He immediately burries them a little into it just to really feel it. It feels like breathing suddenly got easier.
There are other people there, six to be precise, who currently play three against three, crucially missing two more players to fill the other court too.
Clemens and Julius say hello, but the other men barely pay attention to them, greeting back, but not taking a second look at them.
They start by just peppering a bit, giving Julius some feeling back, sand and indoor floor does make a difference after all and Clemens has to correct fewer and fewer of his balls that don't fall quite like Julius would like.
Then they try setting for eachother. Momentarily they both question whether or not they actually ever played together, so wonky are the sets, but they adapt frighteningly quickly.
Clemens assumes Julius can jump as high as he did back then and Julius assumes Clemens still takes his sets like he did back then. But Clemens hasn't taken sets that way in years. Nils does it differently, Clemens explains eventually. Not in any way worse, just different.
They could've just talked about the way they want the ball, but they kind of just assumed it still comes naturally. It does eventually. But the start is bumpy.
In a way, they take so much between them for granted. Take it as a stable of their relationship, without really having thought about it, done anything like it for a long while.
Like when Julius calls, Clemens shows. Julius would've come too, if Clemens had asked him. That's what friends are for right? That he decided to call Clemens above everyone else, yes that means something, but he just started to so blissfully not think, that he won't start now.
That's material for when he lays in bed tonight and stares up at the ceiling as if it has an answer for him. Julius has asked that ceiling many things before. It rarely answers.
They end up approaching the little group again when they appear to take a break. This time Clemens gets recognised.
"Hey, you're Clemens Wickler aren't you?"
"Yup, we were wondering, if we could maybe steal two of you away for a game?"
"Sure thing, who can say about themselves that they played against Clemens Wickler after all? That's not your current team partner though, is it?", one of the men says and tilts his head to the side ever so slightly to take Julius in.
He is about to introduce himself, but one of the other men is quicker.
"No stupid, that's his old Partner. Julius Thole, right?"
"Correct again", Julius affirms. It still weirdly surprises him when he gets recognised all these years later. As if he doesn't have the same vice champion of the world medalist, that Clemens owns too.
"Never thought I'd see Thole/Wickler play again, we were there back in 2019."
It's weird, having someone talk about their team like it's an institution, something to remember, when to them it really is just they themselves.
The men barely ask anything further, Julius isn't particularly keen on diving into the whole topic of why he quit, he's here to forget that after all so that works out for him.
They can't nearly play at a level they used to, but most points they don't make are due to their error, not their opponents attacks. Blocking the ball, hearing the crunch of it hitting the ground sounds angelic to him. It used to be his favourite sound, maybe it still is. He's yet to find something that compares.
Most prevalent to him though, is how much he gets to touch Clemens. How much he apparently used to touch Clemens. All the high fives, the hugs, they need a little warming back up to eachother at first, but at the end he's petting the older man on the head again and getting an ass slap for a good block.
God he has missed this.
Not just the playing, but also to be so close to Clemens. The realisation what that means hits him like a freight train. They see eachother regularly enough, they do stuff that normal people do, just that they hug to say hello and then again to say goodbye. And for friends that should be enough. It isn't for Julius.
He gets so wrapped up in that thought, that uni is literally the last thing in his mind right now. So he traded one all consuming thing for another, fun! At least this is easier solvable. He's always been pretty straight to the point and he doesn't see sense in stopping now.
They end up playing a little tournament style, semifinal, then a final and a game to determine who comes third. They win with ease, but it's still fun.
All of them pretty much pack it together after that. It was fun, but they are all pretty exhausted and in dire need of a shower. Julius tries to dust off some of the sand from himself and finds it not budging one bit.
He'll pick sand out of his hair, clothes and little nooks and crevasse of his body for the next few days. The thought makes him grin.
He stops Clemens right after the gate, by holding onto his arm, his hand, like he had done so many times before.
"Thank you", he says, making sure to look his friend into the eyes.
"Anytime", Clemens smiles up at him and Julius knows he means it.
There is a beat of silence, both of them just looking at eachother, studying the other person's face. It comes apparent in the way Clemens thumb is moving over the back of Julius' hand right now, in the way his eyes look up at him, searching, but also asking, the same look he knows to be mirrored in his own eyes.
They move in simultaneously, neither would actually be able to explain why, why now, why in this exact moment, why after all that time.
When they part after a few seconds that feel like Julius' new favourite forever, neither really knows what to say.
So Julius just blurts out the first thing that comes to his mind: "I brought you raisin pastries."
And then Clemens kisses him again. It's sweeter than all the glazed sugar in the world could ever be.