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Ever since she left the womb, [Gangle]'s existence was nothing but a never ending series of embarrassments. The first she could remember was peeing all over the floor on her first day of school after being too scared to ask the teacher for the bathroom pass, leading to her being teased each day. Tripping and falling onstage at her eighth grade graduation was another exercise in humiliation. Many of the students laughed, as well as some adults in the audience. The third was in high school, when she was mislead into asking Jackson Park, the hot jock in her chem class, to go on a frozen yogurt and boba date. Mind you, Jackson hadn't even known she existed before that moment. But her mother gave her an esteem-boosting pep talk encouraging her to talk to the tall, handsome boy after finding [Gangle]'s life-like drawings of him.
"You should ask to hang out together. He'd be a fool not to want to know someone as special and beautiful as you." Her mom told her, smiling.
Jackson looked at her in confusion and mild disgust when she had approached him in the hallway. Sure, she was wearing a worn out old hoodie and her hair was pulled into a mildly greasy messy bun but she didn't think she looked that bad. One of his friends had come up from behind, pointed at her and laughed.
"She wants you, bro!"
The next moment of embarrassment was after graduation when Jackson, his bitchy new girlfriend, and his posse came to her register at her fast food job, all snickers and smirks when they ordered. That whole group had gone to good universities after graduation while [Gangle] was stuck serving deep fried slop and drawing cartoon characters in her free time at home. The most recent moment of embarrassment was when she had to tell her parents that due to depression and anxiety she had to drop out of community college, finding it hard to even climb out of bed in the mornings to brush her teeth, let alone go to class and retain any information. Her mother's disappointed look and her father's anger weren't as bad as the shame she had felt. Her father was a Type-A Ivy League graduate and her mother the successful daughter of hardworking immigrants. Kids are meant to be the next step. She was a failure in evolution.
Then came the Circus.
The worst humiliation of all was putting on that headset and getting stuck in a digital hellverse. As much as Caine tried to replicate the real world in his adventures, he could never recreate those random moments of joy in life. One random joy in life was absorbing the beauty of nature. The feeling of sitting outside at the park and catching the glimpse of a butterfly, its colors and design so creatively etched on its wings that you question if the universe is a sentient artist. Instead, the Circus was like a technicolor A.I. drawing. All regurgitated, calculated, and artificial.
Each person was coping with their imprisonment in the uncanny realm in different ways, many of them toxic. Gangle spent most of her time obsessively drawing when she wasn't ruminating. Others took a more aggressive approach.
Gangle remembered when she first met Jax. The tall, lanky purple rabbit had been sarcastic and guarded, but nothing like he was now.
"Hey crybaby." He said, ripping her mask off the minute he brushed past her, walking towards the dining hall, "Too slow." The permanent grin etched on his face reminding her of all the bullies who had laughed at her, mocked her, and made her feel like a freak.
Zooble approached, placing a hand on Gangle's back, glaring at Jax. "Why don't you f[&$#] off, you a[&!@%#!]."
"It's okay, Zooble." Gangle responded quietly. Zooble shook their head, their brows lowered over their eyes.
"No it's not. Every time Jax gets away with treating you like garbage it just makes him feel comfortable doing it again," The abstract figure hissed, "I'm going to put that purple f[&$#]'s head through a wall one day, I swear to God."
"I don't want any more conflict. Not when it seems like everyone's on edge right now." Gangle responded, "I appreciate it, but don't get into a fight with him. If you abstracted I wouldn't know what to do."
Zooble pat Gangle on the back, "Fine. I'll hold off for now. But if he tries anything else today, I can't guarantee my restraint." Gangle smiled at the abstract figure. Zooble was a never ending source of warmth despite their grumpy demeanor. The two sat at the dining room table, side-by-side.
"Ugh, Caine always manages to generate the potato salad with raisins in it. Who the f[&$#] likes that?" Zooble groaned, scraping small black dots away from the mound of white, digitally animated potato chunks.
At that moment a small wet object flew onto Gangle's mask. A wet raisin.
Staring at her across the table with a smug yellow grin was you-know-who, chewing on a chunk of potato.
"Did you just throw something at her? What did I just say, you son of a--" Zooble exclaimed but Gangle held up her hand.
"Zooble, stop!" Gangle exclaimed.
The abstract figure's eyes widened, then they looked back down at their food and silently at.
"It's fine. Please, just keep eating." The ribbon girl insisted.
"Yeah Zoobie, listen to your girlfriend. We wouldn't want you to end up falling to pieces would we?" Jax said, leaning back, arms folded.
"Stop it, Jax. You're being such a jerk right now." Ragatha jumped in from the end of the table, giving the rabbit a disapproving look.
"Oh bite me, Rags." Jax snorted, "you just can't stand I'm not giving you attention for once. No need to be jealous of Crybaby here."
Ragatha sputtered. "I-I don't want your attention! You're always rude to everyone."
"All attention is good attention, Raggie. You ladies can't get enough of me," Jax said confidently. "Doesn't matter if I'm buying you flowers or putting a thumbtack on your chair. You want me to notice you."
"You're completely f[&$#] delusional. What I wouldn't give to finally put you in your place." Zooble growled. Jax's mischievous eyes slid over to Gangle, pinning her in place.
He knows.
The next most embarrassing thing in Gangle's life were her feelings about the purple rabbit who tormented her. As much as she hated how he treated her and the others at the Circus, every time she saw him, her heart fluttered. He was tall, confident, and athletic despite being a cartoon bunny in pink overalls. Despite his harsh personality, there was something intriguing about Jax that he was hiding from everyone. A warm, gooey center. It was apparent when Ribbit had first abstracted. Jax distanced himself from the group and became increasingly prone to mean-spirited behavior. He was hiding a deeper vulnerability that Gangle desperately wanted to see. A vulnerability and connection that felt harder to obtain with each passing day. If anything, Jax had opened up to newbie Pomni more than her. The girl made of ribbons frequently drew his large yellow eyes and sly smile with a softer, manga-like design. She frequently wondered what he had looked like as a human. He had the confidence of someone handsome but a bit arrogant like Jackson Park. Was it possible Jax was Jackson Park? The names were similar, but-- no, it was a silly idea.
Regardless, the feelings she had for Jackson Park were the same ones she had for Jax. Butterflies. And she hated herself for it.
Throughout the dinner regardless of all the times the rabbit made an insulting comment, stuck his tongue out at her, or kicked her under the table, Gangle's heart ached, but her stomach fluttered in excitement.
Zooble might be making things worse between us. Once Jax is comfortable enough to open up, maybe he'll like me better again.
After dinner, Zooble invited Gangle over to draw together and give feedback on each other's work. Gangle enjoyed viewing and critiquing Zooble's drawings, as they were an extremely talented artist.
"It's getting late. We should both get some sleep," Zooble said softly, "unless you want to spend the night here?"
"No, I'm okay. I'll head back to my room. Thanks for a great night." Gangle replied, grabbing her sketchbook.
"Anytime. And like I said, if Jax does any more bullshit feel free to knock on my door." Zooble said. The look in their eye told Gangle they were completely fed up with the rabbit.
"Of course. Sweet dreams, Zooble." The ribbon girl said, heading into the hallway. The florescent colors of the Circus were sometimes uncanny, especially at night.
It looks like someone's going to pop out, like in one of those horror games. She thought, heading to her door. Gangle flipped the light on in her dark room.
"Hey Ribbons."
She jumped at the sight of Jax sitting on her bed, wide grin on his face. He leaned on his skinny purple arm nonchalantly.
"W-What are you doing here?" Gangle asked, her voice shaking. Jax stood up and strolled over. He smugly looked down on her, hands on his hips.
"I can't come visit my best friend and partner? Well, former partner since you ditched me for that mismatched freak."
"What do you want, Jax? Please, I've had a long day and--" She started.
"So has everyone else. Don't act like you're the only one suffering. Jeez, what a narcissist you are." Jax said facetiously, "anyway, I was painfully bored and came to see if you had any light reading. You know, with you being a nerd and all." The rabbit stepped forward, backing Gangle against the wall. "And lo and behold, I found the perfect little art book."
Jax stuck a hand in his pink overalls and pulled out a blue sketchbook. Gangle wanted to abstract right then and there. The phantom heart in her chest pounded. It was high school all over again. She opened her mouth to speak, but the words were paralyzed.
Jax held his smug gaze before his eyes softened, small square pupils grew large. "Most of these pictures are of me, Ribbons."
The smirk on his mouth lost its edge. Placing a hand behind his head, Jax looked down at the book sheepishly. "Didn't realize you liked me so much."
"Uh, yeah. You're pretty expressive." Gangle said softly, heat rising to her face. Why wasn't Jax mocking her?
"That's cool. One of 'em really looks like me." Jax opened the book and flipped to the most recent drawing, which consisted of the rabbit man leaning back confidently on a staircase, "You're pretty talented."
"Thank you. Um, I hope it's okay. To draw you, I mean." Gangle said, smiling. Jax smiled back, a genuine look on his face.
"Sure. As long as I don't look dumb in your little sketches. Let's go for a walk," Jax's eyes darted away nervously then back down at Gangle, "there's, uh, actually something I want to tell you."
Gangle's eyes widened. Could this be another prank? There's no way he wanted to have a serious conversation about anything with her.
Jax noticed her hesitation and beckoned with his hand, saying in a serious tone, "I promise I won't hit you or anything. Okay?"
The ribbon girl nodded and slowly followed Jax out the door into the hallway. Gangle stared at the lean back muscles of the tall rabbit's body. She would give anything to wrap her fabric arms around him as he thrusted into her passionately, grunting in pleasure. Gangle blushed at the stirring in her groin. Jax finally stopped in front of his own room, opening the door wide.
"Come on." He nodded inside the room, prompting her to go inside. Gangle looked around at the baby pink colors of the room. The set up was completely at odds with Jax's edgy persona and masculine energy.
The rabbit sat on his bed and pat on a spot next to himself. Gangle slowly sat down.
"Well, It's hard to admit this, but.....Ribbons, I miss you. A lot." He sighed, "it was tough seeing you hang around Zooble instead of me. And I know why. Sometimes my jokes go a bit too far. Still, I realized something."
"Realized something?" Gangle repeated, her black eyes staring into him.
"Yeah. About you. Well, honestly, something about me too," Jax said, eyes averted from Gangle, "you've always been special to me. And seeing those drawings of me made me understand that I haven't been totally honest about...." the rabbit paused, "about how I truly feel about you."
Does he actually like me?
Gangle's heart pounded again at the idea of Jax confessing an attraction to her. Or God forbid, love.
"Sometimes boys pick on you because they want your attention." She had remembered her mother saying about the kids who picked on her in grade school, "because they like you."
Maybe Jax was like those boys. Horrible to her because they couldn't deal with their feelings for her. She actually felt like a narcissist thinking of it that way but there was no other explanation for Jax's strange behavior. Maybe he needed encouragement. Some vulnerability from her in exchange for some vulnerability from him.
"I feel the same way, Jax. Truly. I really like you." Gangle said, "A lot."
"You're handsome. And funny. And so much deeper than anyone around here realizes."
Jax stared at her blankly, his pupils going wide. Gangle smiled, scooting closer. Out of all the embarrassments in her life, at last, one ended on a high note. Jackson Park, eat your heart out. She finally got the cool guy and--
"--God you're so easy."
Gangle frowned, looking up at the rabbit. His pupils were still large, but a dangerous smirk spread on his face.
Oh no.
"You know how I truly feel about you? I think you're an embarrassing little freak," Jax cackled, "God, you're pathetic! And you know what's worse? Is that you ever thought I'd want to f[$%&] you."
Gangle stuttered, a lump forming in her throat. A tear threatened to fall from her mask. How could this have gone so wrong?
"How delusional can you be? And the creep drawings? As flattering as they are to my ego, I don't want you to go full bunny-boiler on me. Especially with that one of me in that stupid maid outfit. Ugh."
Gangle began to breathe hard, a tear dropped from her eye. Images of Jackson Park and his friends laughing at her flashed through her mind.
"I hope this was a valuable lesson for you, Ribbons. Let a guy finish talking before you make assumptions. Otherwise you make an ass out of yourself." Jax stood up, walking over to the door, still laughing. He held it open.
"Now get out. I hope you enjoyed the bit of exercise walking down here."
Trembling, Gangle stood, her eyes glued to the carpet as she got up from the bed and walked over to the door. The ribbon girl yelped as she tripped over a purple foot, landing mask first on the hallway carpet. Jax snickered, pulling his foot back.
"And take your stupid sketches with you." He threw the artbook out in the hallway and slammed the door, loose papers flying out onto the hallway floor. Gangle sniffled, gathering the loose pages into the book, and walking back to her room. Jax was right. She was delusional. How could she think someone who bullied her so much would ever like her?
How could she think anyone would like her?
Zooble was only spending time with her because they wanted someone to commiserate with about their situation and shoot the shit about art. If they were in the real world, Zooble would never look her way and probably hanging out with cool bartender or tattoo artist friends at a nightclub while Gangle was the nerd in her bedroom reading manga. The others didn't really bond with her. She wasn't Caine's favorite human either. Gangle was just there, both in the Circus and in real life. Someone who wasn't really liked. Tolerated at best. Disliked at worst. Her mom was wrong. Jackson Park wouldn't want to get to know her and neither would Jax.
Gangle curled into a fetal position on her bed, hugging herself as the tears flowed. She wouldn't fall into a depression again like in her community college days. She refused to as it was dangerous in a place where hopelessness presented the possibility of digital death. Gangle decided she would cry that night and then take action in finding a comedy mask the next morning.
And soon morning came.
The ribbon girl slid out of bed before she knew Jax would be awake and headed for the hallway. Zooble usually had a spare comedy mask in their room. As she walked to Zooble's room, Gangle heard a strange noise from the far end of the hallway. She walked closer slowly, realizing this was close to Jax's room.
"Ungh, ungh."
It was a male voice moaning from behind Jax's door. The sound was unmistakable. A man masturbating.
Then she heard it. What sounded like "Oh, Ribbons."
An involuntary smile spread on Gangle's face. Jax was masturbating. Jax was masturbating and possibly thinking of her. Gangle imagined the angry blush that would be on the arrogant rabbit's face if he realized what she could hear.
"Is that... Jax?" A voice was behind her. Gangle turned to see Ragatha, a wide-eyed expression on her face.
"I think so." The ribbon girl said, "he should keep it down." She suppressed a giggle.
"I know. How embarrassing." Ragatha scoffed, shaking her head and walking away.
Gangle smiled. For once, embarrassment wouldn't only be reserved for her.
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