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Anxin has a crush on Xinlong. He's done overthinking and ignoring it. He wants Xinlong to be his and has no problem playing the long game.

He has no doubt Xinlong will come around eventually. The close proximity alone could be enough. Being around someone everyday and even sleeping in the same bed, something is bound to stir up.

It's not like he's throwing himself at Xinlong. He conducts small intimate actions, mostly innocent touches. Pulling Xinlong close to him, holding his hands, making sure he sits close enough that there's no space between their arms or legs. Anxin does it all with a smile plastered on his face, just to make it seem friendlier. He doesn't want to scare Xinlong away so early on.

At the start, Anxin felt his vague plan to get Xinlong to fall for him was working pretty well. Xinlong's always laughing and smiling with him. He also has that naturally protective instinct, so he's constantly shielding and caring for Anxin.

Anxin was (and still is…) being babied, but that's no problem. Their age difference really isn't much, Xinlong will realize that at some point. Anxin believes that will be a turning point, when Xinlong stops forcing himself to see Anxin as a younger brother.

Once that happens, Anxin will step up his efforts. Start flirting in a not-so-serious way more often, just to test the waters. See how or what makes Xinlong flustered. Just thinking about it makes Anxin excited, the image of Xinlong blushing and unable to look at him.

It's a fool proof plan. Xinlong will naturally fall for Anxin while doting on and protecting him. Anxin's sure it would work even if he wasn't so pretty and charming.

Sometimes, Anxin will just stare into Xinlong's eyes. Xinlong tends to be confused by the action, but still lets Anxin look at him for quite a while before turning away when his face is lightly more pink than it was before. It's moments like this that Anxin loves the most. He knows Xinlong is starting to feel it. Anxin is rumbling his heart.

Other times, Xinlong lets Anxin cuddle him to sleep with no complaints. He was a bit flustered the first time Anxin crawled behind and held him. He never mentioned being uncomfortable himself, though when he realized Anxin had no plans of moving away before drifting off he asked, "Are you sure?" Xinlong was obviously referring to his sleep-talking and other weird habits. Anxin just held him tighter and told him to go to sleep.

That moment could've been tremendous progress if in the morning Anxin didn't panic at how Xinlong was facing him. Their chests were pressed together and their legs were tangled. Xinlong's head was under his chin, if he was awake, Xinlong definitely would've heard how loudly Anxin's heart was beating.

It was too much too fast. Anxin wasn't prepared, he hadn't thought of something like that happening so soon. His body felt like it was on fire, he had never felt that way before. He rushed out of bed and calmed himself down by faning his body and pacing around their room.

Maybe the excellerated pace was actually a good sign. Either way, for the most part everything has been going great. He's becoming closer with Xinlong and no one has questioned his intentions yet.

However, to be completely honest, recently, Anxin has felt his progress slipping.

Not necessarily that Xinlong is acting any differently with him, but how he is with someone else. Anxin has been starting to notice just how close Xinlong is with Geonwoo. It makes sense, they worked together a lot during their performance.

He just didn't realize that they are apparently jokingly-but-maybe-not-jokingly-flirting close.

Now, Anxin never expected to be the jealous type. But there's just something about the way Geonwoo is constantly grabbing Xinlong's shoulders, pulling him in, making him laugh.

At first, Anxin understood why he felt as he did. Your crush is having fun with someone else, it's only natural to get a little jealous. But what Anxin is feeling is something beyond that. He feels himself becoming pissed off just from seeing Geonwoo glacing at Xinlong from across the room. Anxin realizes now what it means to have your blood boil.

To be discouraged like this after being so confident— It's such a gut-eating feeling. As if some love-parasite is taking him out from the inside.

It's ridiculous, Xinlong isn't even his. Anxin's not sure if he even has the right to be jealous.

★

For the content they're filming today, they're all sitting on the floor often. Anxin and Xinlong are sat opposite ends from each other. And to Anxin's demise, Geonwoo is right beside Xinlong with an arm around the boy's shoulders.

He must have been glaring, because he notices Geonwoo looking at him with an eyebrow raised. Anxin makes sure to make no change in the expression on his face. What Anxin doesn't realize is, that expression he's keeping is dead-panned and he looks extremely pissed off.

After Anxin shifts his gaze away, it was like Geonwoo had a lightblub appear above his head. He chuckles to himself, a mischievous feeling overcoming him. He makes sure to hold Xinlong closer to his chest, not forgetting to look over to Anxin on occasion.

For what felt like hours, Anxin was consistently antsy. He hopes it hasn't been too noticeable. Geonwoo's just been even more touchy with Xinlong than usual. Anxin can't stand seeing Xinlong laughing and so comfortable in someone else's arms.

When the space beside Xinlong opens up, Anxin decides, fuck it, and scoots himself all the way over to Xinlong, who welcomed him. Anxin feels his heartbeat increase when Xinlong touches him. Just a carass to his waist and a pat on his arm. Watch this, Kim Geonwoo.

Anxin lays his head on Xinlong's lap. Xinlong brings his hands to Anxin's forehead, softly rubbing it and running his fingers through Anxin's hair. Anxin closes his eyes, he'd love to fall asleep like this. For a moment he forgets where they are, what they're doing, all the people surrounding them. It's just him and Xinlong.

Then his relaxation is interrupted.

Geonwoo has come back over, saying a bunch of nonsense to Xinlong. Anxin isn't paying attention, Geonwoo's voice is just a bunch of blabbering to him.

Xinlong pats Anxin's head and arm before standing up to follow Geonwoo. Anxin watches as Geonwoo essentially drags Xinlong away. Practically manhandling him.

You're fucking kidding me. Anxin thinks to himself.

Clearly, the cute-younger-friend-act isn't working.

★

Different day different schedule, the same bullshit.

Seriously, what business does Geonwoo have being all over Xinlong like this? It's essentially every single day.

Don't even get Anxin started at how Geonwoo looks at Xinlong. There's some type of mysterious hunger in his eyes

Genuinely, Anxin has the urge to punch him.

It's conflicting. A part of Anxin feels guilty, he has no real reason to have any malicious feelings towards Geonwoo. But if Anxin could rush across the room and shove Geonwoo away from Xinlong with absolutely zero consequences, he would not hesitate to do so.

Anxin actually can't even remember the last time he had a real conversation with Geonwoo. He's had no interest in talking to him since whatever this is started.

Right now, Geonwoo is just the guy stealing his man.

While Anxin is grumbling to himself in a corner, someone comes up to him.

"Young love is so cute." Geonwoo's voice travels from behind. He stays a distance away from Anxin, just far enough that they won't have to speak loudly.

Anxin just looks at him, trying to figure out why he'd come here and say that. It turns into something like a stare-down.

That stupid look on Geonwoo's face just annoys Anxin.

When he realizes it's almost certainly his crush that Geonwoo's referring to, he becomes defensive.

"The fuck are you talking about?" Anxin really didn't intend for it to come out aggressive, he just has so much irritation built up around Geonwoo.

"I think you know exactly what I mean."

Anxin followed Geonwoo's eyes across the room, right to Xinlong.

Anxin makes sure to show no reaction. But, God, he wants Xinlong so badly. He wants to hold Xinlong in his arms, shower him with praises. He wants to be able to look at Xinlong and say, he's mine.

Anxin must have zoned out for a moment. He thinks Geonwoo said something but he didn't process any of it.

Then Geonwoo pats Anxin's back before walking away, "It's unfortunate."

Anxin fails to notice the teasing tone in Geonwoo's voice.

Unfortunate? How is it unfortunate? Anxin's just confused as he watches Geonwoo aproach Xinlong. Geonwoo stands slightly behind Xinlong and wraps an arm around his shoulders.

He sees Xinlong's hand graze over the one Geonwoo has resting on his shoulder. Sees the surprised, shy smile he gives to Geonwoo.

Anxin scoffs as he comes to a realization. Though, denial comes first. There's just no way, right? But he continues to watch as Geonwoo practically eats Xinlong with his eyes. They're dating? Or something? It's impossible, Xinlong would have told him.

Anxin's mind goes wild with worries and possibilities. Should he confront them? No, Anxin fully believes there's no way they're together, so he'd look like a fool.

After filming, the members do a livestream together. The usual seating that leaves Xinlong and Geonwoo right behind Anxin.

He can see on the iPad screen how Geonwoo holds Xinlong like he owns him. A tight grip, one that causes Xinlong to lean closer to his chest.

The two of them are laughing and looking all cute together, even the comments are mentioning it too. Ridiculous. Anxin has to fight his eyes from rolling to the back of his head.

It takes every muscle of Anxin's body to not turn around. He doesn't even know what he'd do if he did. Stare them down? At this rate, that'd probably just make Geonwoo act even worse. Anxin can already picture him pulling Xinlong onto his lap.

It's as if needles cover him. The tension in Anxin's body is unbearable. It's impossible that it isn't noticeable. He's conscious of it, trying everything he can to relax but every time he finally feels close to relaxation he either sees Geonwoo touch Xinlong again or hears the mumbling of Geonwooo whispering something to Xinlong.

Anxin can't tell if Geonwoo is taunting him or telling him to back off. Well, if Geonwoo wants Anxin to back off, he can say it directly.

Turning around, Anxin places a hand on Xinlong's knee. His excuse to talk to Xinlong is some nonsense about a comment they were all discussing.

Anxin's satisfied just from Xinlong smiling down to him.

★

Anxin honestly thought he was being normal about his crush. But it turns out, he had made it so Xinlong is already his in his mind. The reminder that isn't true is devastating, it makes him feel hopeless. He jumps from feeling as if he's at rock bottom with no way out, to feeling like he will do anything it takes to climb out of the hole he's in.

It'd be more normal to just feel heartbroken, eat some ice cream while moping around. And there definitely is a choking lump in his throat, but the clear dominating feeling Anxin is having is no doubt anger. Jealousy. And nothing is making it go away.

Their flight back to South Korea has just landed. Anxin's behind most of the members as they all walk through the crowd that's come to see them.

As usual, Geonwoo has glued himself to Xinlong's side. Anxin's happy his face his mostly covered, with how tired he is, he definitely wouldn't be able to hide how he's feeling.

For some reason, Anxin decides to torture himself. He watches the two in front of him with darkened eyes. Geonwoo switching from his hand just on one of Xinlong's shoulder to wrapping an arm around them, half-hugging Xinlong and pulling him close.

Then for a moment Geonwoo glaces back. Directly at Anxin. He makes sure to maintain eye contact as he moves his hand down to Xinlong's waist.

Just fucking rubbing it in his face. Unbelievable.

It's like Geonwoo is looking back at him and saying; look at what you don't have.

Anxin realizes this isn't helping at all. He choses to avoid them for the rest of the way back to the dorms. Sangwon is walking the closest to him. He catches up and holds onto Sangwon's arm, just craving some type of comfort.

When they get back to the dorms Anxin is tired and frustrated.

Anxin is quite literally laying in the same bed as Xinlong right now but still can't help but feel fuming with jealousy. His mind keeps replaying the sight of Geonwoo having his hands all over Xinlong. His Xinlong.

Anxin decides to let himself have something tonight. He doesn't have it in him to care at the moment. Rolling over, he slots his body directly behind Xinlong's. He slides an arm under Xinlong's neck and the other hugs Xinlong's chest.

Honestly, Anxin thought Xinlong was asleep by now, but he feels Xinlong's body shifting. For a moment Anxin's heart drops, thinking Xinlong is going to pull away from him. Never touch him again, mumble "we can't do this anymore."

That isn't what happens, Xinlong's arm reaches to the one Anxin has wrapped around his body and pats it, rubbing the back of Anxin's hand with his thumb.

For the first time in awhile, Anxin lets his body truly relax, the built up tension released by Xinlong's touch. There's a smile on Anxin's face as he drifts off. He doesn't even realize that Xinlong's expression mirrors his own.

That ends up being the best Anxin has slept in months.

★

Recently, Anxin's been confused. Unfortunately, Geonwoo is still all over Xinlong, so whatever they have is still going. The weird part is, Geonwoo's been quite touchy with the other members too. Most specifically, Sangwon. Geonwoo touches him even more intimately than he does with Xinlong, to the point Anxin can't help but make a weird face and look away whenever he's a witness. Or, you could say, a victim.

But it's not like Geonwoo is doing this out of Xinlong's sight. Xinlong witnesses it 90% of the time and visually, has no care in the world. Xinlong doesn't seem like the type to get jealous, or at least he wouldn't let anyone know about it.

Absolute insanity for Geonwoo to be playing with Xinlong like this. Anxin will admit, messing with him is more reasonable, who wouldn't be annoyed at the teenager trying to steal their boyfriend?

Except Xinlong and Geonwoo are not boyfriends. Anxin refuses to accept that.

Anxin's tired of this. Geonwoo goes around shoving his relationship with Xinlong in his face, while also feeling up another man everyday. So he's not even serious about Xinlong? It's making Anxin even angier than before. If Geonwoo is going to have Xinlong, he could at least fucking acknowledge how lucky he is.

Anxin really can't take it anymore. The moment he catches Geonwoo alone he confronts him.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

There's better ways he could have started this, something more civil. But he didn't feel Geonwoo deserved civility.

In response, Geonwoo just raises an eyebrow at him, more out of curiosity than annoyance. Anxin's like an angry kitten.

Anxin takes a deep breath before speaking, he isn't sure if it's to calm himself down or because he realized he forgot to breathe for a moment.

"You two have something going on. I get it. You don't have rub it in." He begins, intentionally vague.

Despite choosing confrontation, Anxin doesn't actually have the courage to say exactly what it is he feels. He tries to organize all his thoughts and lands on this next line, he feels it covers anything important.

"I'll let you have him, but don't lead him on."

Anxin tries his best to sound stern, keeping any other emotion locked away. Though, unintentionally, he ended up sounding dejected.

And Geonwoo has the nerve to laugh.

He pats Anxin's shoulder, like some kind of life coach or counselor.

"Anxin, you're really cute when you're upset."

Anxin thinks he's seeing red.

Anxin's no homewrecker, but Geonwoo is really making him reconsider that. He'd just be so much better. He'd be painstakingly loyal. Wouldn't even glance at anyone else.

But Xinlong is clearly happy. He's never pushing Geonwoo away or appearing upset with him. And no matter how much Anxin yearns for Xinlong, he knows that's all he actually wants. For Xinlong to be happy.

★

That night Anxin can't help but fall asleep to the image of Xinlong and Geonwoo together. There's no doubt Geonwoo would be the dominant one.

Anxin's own mind haunts him with the thought of Geonwoo pinning Xinlong against a wall when no ones looking. Xinlong melting into the touch as he lets Geonwoo do whatever he wants.

What if one day he walks in their room to see Geonwoo hovering over Xinlong on their bed? Geonwoo pinning Xinlong's hands above his head, his lips on Xinlong's neck, their hips grinding together. Geonwoo would probably be eager, impatiently stuffing his hands up Xinlong's shirt. He'd probably be rough, touching every part of Xinlong's body to make him squirm and beg for more.

Anxin grabs his pillow and silently screams into it.

Fuck, is that really what Xinlong's into? There's no way. Anxin can't see it. Xinlong with Geonwoo, something is just off.

It should be him instead. Anxin tells himself they would look better together. He thinks of pictures they've taken together, pictures taken of them. Anxin feels like it's easy for them to appear as a couple, different but still similar enough for people to see them as a pair.

Xinlong's arm fits well wrapped around Anxin's waist and Anxin feels at home whenever he's spooning Xinlong. It feels right.

If Anxin's mind will torture himself with obscenities, they might as well be ones he will enjoy.

Anxin thinks about how Xinlong would be with him. Without much thought put into it, Xinlong seems like a basic, cold, dominant type. He has a masculine presence, one that can easily lead.

But Anxin can't see him like that, not in bed at least. He knows him better than that. Xinlong would be gentle, slow, he'd ask for reassurance. Xinlong isn't the type to command. He'd ask his partner what they want, which in theory would include allowing them to do whatever they want to him.

He'd be so easy to make weak, Anxin realizes.

While his brain and body would melt just from having Xinlong on top of him, Anxin imagines himself hovering above Xinlong and it feels as if his entire being short-circuits.

He hadn't thought about it before, what positions they would take if they were actually together. Anxin just assumed Xinlong's preference wouldn't be receiving, he's someone that likes caring, giving things to other people.

Now that Anxin realizes his previous assumption is very likely wrong, his mind goes wild. He can't stop the dirty scenes from coming. Xinlong flat on his back, whimpering from Anxin's touch. He'd finally be able to praise Xinlong in a way he can't reject it. Anxin would shower him in compliments as he kissed every inch of Xinlong's body.

Fuck. He's hard.

Anxin crawls out of bed and trudges to the bathroom.

He takes care of himself while his gut is buried by lust and shame. He just imagined foreplay with a man that is— might, be taken; with his friend that sleeps less than five feet away from him every night.

He wasn't too satisfied even after finishing.

★

The hopeless feeling in Anxin has officially taken over. He's given up on pampering Xinlong, he's tired of flashing his doe eyes and seeing Xinlong blushing just to see him with Geonwoo a few minutes later. Whether Anxin's done just for now or for good, he isn't sure. He doesn't exactly want to give up, but when you feel as if you're constantly getting pushed back, it's difficult.

Anxin decides he needs to avoid Xinlong for a bit. Which isn't the easiest thing to do when he sleeps beside him every night, but Anxin's made it work for the most part. He's been going to sleep either early or late. Making sure to fall asleep before Xinlong comes in their room or only go in after Xinlong has definitely fallen asleep.

Anxin didn't expect it to hurt so much, needing to let Xinlong go. Maybe it's because of how much he had deluded himself into believing Xinlong was already his. How could he be so close but still out of reach? Maybe Anxin misread just how solid his position in Xinlong's life is. Nothing will change.

He no longer pays attention to whatever it is Geonwoo's doing with Xinlong. It's just self-torture at this point if he does. He's not angry or annoyed anymore, only feels his heart swelling.

For their content, Anxin's able to hold his composure if Xinlong isn't too close. He doesn't exactly want to ignore Xinlong, but he really thinks it will be necessary for a short time. Xinlong shouldn't notice, they still end up in each other's presence often.

Today is just like any other filming they have, but they need to divide into pairs. Anxin walks towards Sangwon and Sanghyeon, not caring who he's with as long as it's not Xinlong. Even Geonwoo would be better.

Anxin didn't notice, but Xinlong had immediately looked for him.

★

All this moping around has tired Anxin out. It's like weights are attached to all his limbs.

Xinlong was bound to notice at some point, it's too big of a contrast to randomly not be around him 24/7 anymore. Anxin just didn't think Xinlong would confront him so soon.

Anxin was just laying in bed, trying to fall asleep. He could feel Xinlong's eyes on him from behind. He tried to ignore it, ignore Xinlong. His mind isn't cleared enough yet.

Xinlong can tell that Anxin is on edge, and that he's not actually asleep yet. All Anxin can do is brace himself for whatever Xinlong says.

"Anxin, what's wrong?" Xinlong speaks quietly, cautiously.

Anxin thinks if he should just not react, still having hope he can fool Xinlong into thinking he's asleep. But then Xinlong puts a hand on his shoulder.

"You don't want to talk about it." Anxin dismisses. But Xinlong doesn't back down.

"Anxin, you can tell me anything."

What should he even say? I'm agonizingly jealous of your maybe-boyfriend? Anxin doesn't want to do this, he climbs out of bed.

His heart races as he hears shuffling behind him. Xinlong follows and grabs Anxin by the wrist.

"Talk to me."

Xinlong's always so sweet. His voice is like honey, the hold he has on Anxin is weak, he doesn't actually want to force Anxin to talk. Anxin could break away easily if he tried.

Xinlong caresses Anxin's hand in way that's almost sympathetic, as if it's an apology for pushing him.

Anxin's heart races. Can he really do this? Now of all times?

He knows Xinlong won't let him out of this. If Anxin resists so much that Xinlong lets him go, Xinlong would distance himself to give Anxin space. It may be weeks before they really speak again.

Turning around, he's met with Xinlong looking at him with those eyes, the ones that always cause Anxin's heart to skip a beat and think there's a chance Xinlong feels the same.

He tries to think of any other excuse for how he's been acting but nothing comes to mind.

Xinlong's still waiting for him. Anxin mentally complains about how paitient Xinlong is. It's only making Anxin even more drawn to him.

At least if Anxin did decide to blurt out his feelings in this moment, he knows Xinlong would let him down easy. He’d do everything he can to make it not awkward, he's just too kind not to.

But Anxin doesn't think he's ready to be let down easy. So he chooses to be vague. He can admit his jealousy without directly revealing his crush.

"What do you like about him so much?”

Anxin looks down as he speaks, it's the only way he can actually get the words to come out. His gaze is drawn to Xinlong's hand holding his.

"What? Who do you mean?"

Xinlong still looks at Anxin despite the eye contact not being returned. He holds Anxin's hand a little tighter.

Anxin groans, all his emotions piling up. He wiggles around as if he wants to get away but only holds onto Xinlong's hand tighter.

He stills himself, taking a deep breath before speaking, the name feeling like a forbidden word on his tongue.

"Geonwoo." Anxin's still looking down.

"Geonwoo…? He's a good hyung… I don't understand what you're saying?"

Anxin finally looks at him. He examines Xinlong's expression, genuine confusion, slightly nervous. He doesn't sense the anxiousness someone hiding a relationship would have. Anxin is sure that now, Xinlong definitely would have told him.

With that shot of assurance filling him, Anxin finishes the rest of the conversation in his mind and moves on to what he really wants to know.

"There's nothing going on between you two?" Anxin leans in close as he interogates Xinlong.

"I- not that I know of?" Xinlong's clearly shocked and his voice goes high in the most adorable way. His eyes went wide and he took a step back.

He really has been oblivious this whole time.

Suddenly, Anxin feels as if he's on cloud 9. He steps closer to Xinlong. Their room is dark, but Anxin thinks he can see a blush forming on Xinlong's face.

"So I've been holding back for no reason?"

Anxin didn't stop moving closer until Xinlong's legs were against their bed. He still holds onto Xinlong's hand.

Xinlong looks as if a literal question mark has appeared above his head. He lets out a few sounds of confusion, eh? huh?

Anxin laughs, finding him cute. He wants to just push Xinlong down on their bed so Xinlong can understand what he means. But he doesn't, he's patient, he has self control. He pats Xinlong's head and tells him Goodnight.

★

Anxin has resumed his plan ten fold and is yet to be confronted by Xinlong.

He's skipped what was originally months or maybe even years. He keeps Xinlong close to him every second he can. Anxin often does small acts of service, things Xinlong would normally be the one doing. How flustered Xinlong gets whenever Anxin does something like that is addicting. He loves seeing Xinlong's mind physically stop for a second because of how intimate Anxin is acting.

They've been getting some odd looks from the other members but Anxin couldn't care less.

He's making Xinlong his.

A part of Anxin is still confused though, because even if there isn't actually anything between Xinlong and Geonwoo, Geonwoo still treats Xinlong like that. Does he also have a crush on Xinlong? And he's just been trying to get Anxin to give up?

Either way, it doesn't matter. Anxin knows he has won.

Their schedule today has been nothing out of the ordinary. Anxin doesn't even care much when he sees Geonwoo and Xinlong joking around together. There may be just a hint of jealousy in him, but nothing crazy. Anxin knows he has no need to feel that way anymore.

In his new found high, Anxin laughs at how dramatic his past self had been. He has matured a lot the past few weeks.

Anxin watches from afar, Geonwoo holding Sangwon unnecessarily close while the two of them talk to Xinlong.

When Geonwoo notices Anxin staring, he jumps a bit. Startled, almost as if he was reminded of something. He switches to hold Xinlong at his side, not failing to check for Anxin's reaction.

When their eyes meet, Anxin realizes that it's not Xinlong that Geonwoo's been fucking with, it's him. Geonwoo noticed how Anxin feels and decided to up the skinship with Xinlong just to piss him off. And well, it fucking worked.

Anxin isn't sure if he should yell at Geonwoo or thank him. The price of going crazy for a few weeks isn't much when the result has gotten him even closer to Xinlong.

However, in this moment, with Geonwoo's arm around Xinlong's waist, Anxin knows exactly what he wants to do.

It's as if he's been possessed by desire. The second Anxin knows the cameras are off he stomps over to them. He grabs Xinlong's hand and pulls him away from Geonwoo. For just a moment, Geonwoo's shocked, but his expression softens to a smile.

Anxin doesn't actually want to cause a scene, he looks around to make sure none of the staff or other members are paying too much attention to them.

He looks directly at Geonwoo and says what he's been wanting to for months.

"He's mine."

Geonwoo puts his arms up in defeat, fondly laughing at the two boys.

Xinlong looks to Anxin with wide eyes, his face completely red paired with a growing smile.

Anxin drags Xinlong off to somewhere private. Though once they're alone, his mind blanks. He has no plan past this. He just wanted to make it known that Xinlong is his.

The silence is deafening. Anxin stands in front of Xinlong with his hands politely locked in front of his body. He looks at Xinlong, waiting for him to do something, as if it's his fault they're here.

Xinlong raises an eyebrow as he notices Anxin's awkward composure. He laughs, bringing an hand to stroke Anxin's arm in comfort.

He looks at Anxin with dreamy eyes and a small smirk,

"I'm yours?"

Anxin's jaw drops. None of his fantasies could have prepared him for the real thing. His oblivious Xinlong, who isn't actually that clueless, looking at him as if he's inviting him to come closer.

His mouth keeps opening and closing as he tries to find what to say. He finally has Xinlong in front of him and he's freezing up.

Pathetic.

There's a million thoughts rushing through Anxin's mind. Any coherent sentence he thinks of is interrupted by him thinking of how good Xinlong looks.

Xinlong's smile only grows as he waits for Anxin to calm down.

"You- You knew?" Is all Anxin manages to say.

Xinlong softly exhales as he smiles.

"I wasn't sure… but you are always looking at me like that." Xinlong's faces visibly blushes as the words leave his mouth, he had to look away for a second.

Anxin almost scoffs. What a crazy thing to say when Xinlong is always staring into his soul with those caring eyes.

"Like what?" Anxin asks, trying his best to act cool.

"Like… you're going to eat me or something."

The end of the sentence becomes slightly mumbled as Xinlong gets shy. He peeks to Anxin for his reaction.

Anxin feels as if his heart stops. Has he been that obvious?

Anxin has to think of what say again. You have the same look… I can't help it… Or, Will you let me? Fuck, that's too much.

He contemplates so long Xinlong starts laughing.

"Anxin." His tone becomes more serious.

He tugs at the sleeve of Anxin's shirt, his eyes starry and eager.

As Xinlong slowly steps closer, Anxin realizes what's happening. His first instinct is to brace himself, but he quickly becomes impatient.

He closes his eyes and dives into Xinlong. He moves quickly until their lips are just centimeters apart, then he connects them slowly.

Xinlong fully grabs Anxin's arm and his other hand rests on Anxin's waist, pulling him closer. Anxin's hands make their way to Xinlong's shoulders.

Neither of them truly know what they're doing, they just know what they want. With Xinlong's lips on his, Anxin's never felt so warm. It's a soft feeling, one that reaches deep into Anxin's heart. Being able to express his adoration with such an intimate action makes his mind fuzzy.

Xinlong wants him just as badly. He tilts head a bit more, allowing the kiss to deepen. Anxin comes even closer. Anxin didn't realize what he was doing, but Xinlong ends up with his back against the wall. He relaxes against it, letting Anxin take lead.

Anxin's still unsure, not able to think straight. He just does whatever comes to mind, which ends up being to lightly suck on Xinlong's bottom lip.

Xinlong gasps and fights the urge to lean into it. He didn’t mean for this to go so far right now. He makes sure to grab Anxin's hand before slowly pushing him away. Anxin whines, sneaking in a few quick kisses before pulling back.

"We can't do this here."

They're both breathing heavily. Xinlong sees Anxin's disappointed expression and brings up his other hand to hold Anxin's face.

Anxin wants to complain, to go in for more, but remembers where they are. The staff and members are probably looking for them by now.

Anxin just nods, his heart feeling as if it's about to burst out of his chest. How is he supposed to stop after that?

Then Xinlong pulls Anxin into a hug, resting his chin on Anxin's shoulder. He holds him tight, rubbing his hands along Anxin's back. Anxin melts into it. He always feels at home in Xinlong's arms.

As they walk out Xinlong pats Anxin's shoulder, stepping closer so his mouth is near Anxin's ear.

"Later." He speaks lowly, almost a whisper.

When Anxin looks at him in excitement, Xinlong awkwardly looks away with a growing, shy smile on his face.

Anxin feels as if he could jump out of his body. He does little spin and rushes back to Xinlong, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

Tonight will be fun.

★

A few nights later, when they're already an established couple, Xinlong notices Anxin acting a bit weirder than usual. There's clearly something on his mind. To sort of soften the confrontation, Xinlong spoons Anxin before asking him about it.

"It's nothing. I'm just thinking too much." Anxin grabs Xinlong's hands that lay against his chest.

Xinlong sighs, "You can tell me."

He presses a kiss to Anxin's shoulder, thinking smothering him with affection might get him to let the frustration out.

"No. You'll laugh." Anxin tries to brush it off as he leans into Xinlong's touch.

"I promise I won't." Though Xinlong is already smiling as he speaks. It's out of fondness, he finds Anxin adorable.

Xinlong props himself up with one arm so he can see Anxin's face clearly.

Anxin turns to make eye contact and for a few moments he's thinking about it. But he ends up curling away, crossing his arms. He still hugs Xinlong's arm to his chest as his face blushes.

"You will."

Xinlong lets out a few weird sounds of frustration, a mixture of a sigh, a laugh, and a whine. He leans down to rest his forehead against the side of Anxin's face, kissing his cheek.

"Just tell me Anxin."

A loud exhale leaves Anxin. He sits up, a very serious expression on his face.

He eyes his boyfriend, who's now holding his upper body up by his forearms. Suddenly, Anxin is distracted by Xinlong's bare chest and bedroom eyes.

Anxin snaps out of it when Xinlong sits up in front of him, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder.

A playful scream leaves Anxin's mouth as he prepares himself. He rocks around, covering his face, all to calm his nerves.

Then the stern expression returns to his face.

"Did you and Geonwoo plan all that to get me worked up?"

Xinlong closes his eyes, fighting a smile. When he openes his eyes, he looks directly at Anxin's.

"Anxin, I promise I had no idea. It was all Geonwoo."

Immediately, Anxin falls back in relief. The thought of it had been haunting him.

"But…" Xinlong starts, hesitantly.

Anxin shoots up, a fire ignited in his eyes.

"What."

Somehow he's more serious than before, it almost scares Xinlong for a second. Xinlong grabs one of Anxin's hands with both of his.

"I was trying to give you hints… I didn't realize you were getting jealous though." He spoke slowly, softly, fidgeting with Anxin's fingers.

"Are you serious?"

"Yes." Xinlong looks to Anxin with those doe eyes again.

There's a pause, Anxin trying to find what to say next.

"Well then you fucking suck at it." He grumbles, turning his back to Xinlong as he gets comfortable on their bed.

Despite the slight (false) hostility, Xinlong notices the invitation and slots himself against Anxin's back. He holds Anxin close, softly touching his face and caressing his forehead.

"Maybe you're just oblivious. Stuck in your own head too much." Xinlong speaks so sweetly Anxin doesn't even register the teasing, it felt like another set of advice.

"Not more oblivious than you." Anxin mutters, still shifting into a comfortable position.

Xinlong lets him have the last word, his only response is a kiss to the back of Anxin's head.