Chapter Text
Mike and I sit on his bed. He’s reading a comic book while I draw, David Bowie playing on his record player. I hear the opening riff of my favorite song, moonage daydream, and change my grip on my pencil to pretend its a microphone. Me and Mike both stop what we’re doing to sing
“I’M AN ALLIGATOR. IM A MAMA PAPA COMING FOR YOUUU” we sing the rest of the intro and then go back to what we were doing humming along. A moment later I go to sharpen my pencil and realize my sharpener fell on the floor when I started singing. I look around and don’t see it so I sit on the floor and look under the bed. I grab my sharpener and go to stand back up when something catches my eye, a cassette that says “for will” on it and an overflowing box of letters. I debate asking about it because I don’t want to seem like I was snooping but it has my name on it and I want to know why.
“Hey, Mike?”
“Yeah?” he says, looking up from his comic book.
“what’s this?” I ask grabbing the cassette and turning it in my hand. mike climes from his bed and sits next to me on the floor, our knees just touching. He grabs the cassette from me and hesitates like he’s trying to find the words.
“I- How do I… explain.”
“Can I… Listen to it? while you think of a way to explain it” I suggest bursting with curiosity. Mike hesitates again but then nods in agreement. I grab his cassette player, put the cassette in and press play, pausing the record as I walk by. I hear the intro of heroes begin playing as I sit back down next to Mike who’s pulling the box of letters out from under his bed.
“Have you figured out a way to explain it yet?”
“Kind of, okay, do you remember when we went to the roller rink in California?”
“Yeah?”
“Well I was gonna give you that cassette because it was your birthday but I wasn’t sure when because the airport didn’t feel right and then everything happened with Angela so it felt like a bad time and then you gave me that painting el paid you for and I just never gave it to you”
“Oh… So what’s with the box?”
“You said that day that I didn’t even try to call or talk to you and that’s true but not completely. I wrote all these letters but I never sent them because…”
“Because?”
“Because I was dating el and I didn’t want to hurt her”
“What does dating el have to do with talking to me?” The only explanation I can come up with is that he likes me but that’s stupid because why would he like me that’s just me thinking what I want to think not what he actually means. He hesitates for a few seconds and wouldn’t it be nice by the beach boys begins to play and I entertain the thought for just another moment.
“Because I didn’t really want to be talking to her all the time… I wanted to be talking to *you*. And I never sent the letters cause we hadn’t talked about it and I didn’t know if you wanted to talk to me.”
“Mike, you’re my best friend of course I wanted to talk to you.” I try to deflect because he can’t mean what he’s saying. He can’t be answering the prayer I’ve had since we were 12. I can’t forget that I’m not normal, that I’m weird, wrong, a freak. I move slightly away from us to make sure we aren’t touching in fear that I may be making him uncomfortable by assuming what he means.
Mike places his hand over mine before I can pull it away from him. “Will, I don’t- ugh why is this so hard? I didn’t want to be your best friend. I wanted to…”
“You don’t want to be my best friend, what do you want then?” He CANT mean what I think, can he? I think about pulling my hand away but I decide to stay still and look at his face for any indication of what he could mean.
His eyes look scared and almost on the verge of tears but not quite. He looks like he’s debating crying or smiling, like he’s waiting to see what I do first.
“Look, I wasn’t happy with el. Yeah she’s great and all but she’s not the one for me and I’m not who she needs. She was right back then, I couldn’t even tell her that I loved her. Because I didn’t, not like that.” He moves his hand and grabs one of the unsent letters. I grab it and scan it with my eyes. Two things catch my eye, the beginning of it “dear will” and the sign off at the end “love Mike.”
“When me and el broke up she told me she knew who I really wanted and to shoot my shot. For the longest time I was terrified of what you’d think because I don’t want to ruin what we have for what my heart tells me we could have. So I continued to write these even with you living downstairs. It made me forget for a while and let me pretend things are different than they are.”
“So you..?” Does this really mean what I think it does?
“The person I really wanted to talk to, to love was you.” I look at his face, he’s smiling but not looking at me, he’s looking at our hands. I follow his gaze and move my hand to not just be touching his but holding it and give it a gentle squeeze before looking back at his face. He’s looking at me now. “And when I talked to El she said she thought you might like me back. And I wanted to tell you but I didn’t wanna lose you or ruin our friendship if she was wrong.”
“Mike…”
“Shit. Will I’m sorry. I didn’t wanna make you un-“
“Mike, Mike stop. You didn’t make me uncomfortable you *don’t* make me uncomfortable. Do you remember when you asked me to be friends on the swing, or when you said we’d go crazy together, or when I kept seeing the mind flayer and you were always the first to my side? You’ve always been there for every thing I’ve gone through why would I be uncomfortable with the first person who ever made me comfortable?”
“Will, what are you saying?”
“I’m saying that I’ve been in love with you since we were 12 and I’m tired of acting like I’m not just for what? Your stupid homophobic dad? This stupid town? I don’t care, Mike, I love you.”
“So like… what does this mean?” I hesitate weighing the impact the question I so badly want to ask will have on both of us and our friendship for the rest of our lives.
“Michael Theodore wheeler, do you want to be my boyfriend?” I finally ask.
“I… I think I would like that.” He says. His voice sounds like he also understands the weight but is willing to take the risk. *every breath you take starts playing in the background from the cassette*
Mike squeezes my hand in reassurance that it will work out and we make eye contact. I smile and he returns it, we hug and it feels *right* I smile into his neck and ask
“Can I read the letters?” He pulls back, nods, and grabs the box. The letters all have dates on them so we read them chronologically. We read them until Mrs. Wheeler calls us down for dinner.
After dinner we sit on Mike’s bed reading his letters until he falls asleep on my shoulder. I finish the one we were reading, fold it back closed and place it safely on his nightstand. I kiss his forehead and decide to sleep in his bed for the night rather than risk waking him up going back to the basement.