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The night wind was cold, biting at Usopp even through the thick blanket he had wrapped around his shoulders. He could go inside to the safety of the cabin, but then he’d miss his favourite part.
Brook stood on the quarterdeck, his long, slender figure only just barely catching the light of the moon. He was on watch again tonight, and just as the rest of the crew had finally settled into sleep, he would again bring out his violin, and so, so softly, play melodies that Usopp had never heard from him before.
They might be songs that Brook was still working on – Usopp also hated people seeing his works in progress – but they also might be songs that nobody else was ever supposed to hear. Usopp was being selfish, greedy even, sneaking out to listen to him, but the allure was too strong.
In the dead of night, with darkness all around them, Usopp could let Brook’s music wash over him; fill up his mind until there was no room left for loud, terrifying thoughts, and for once, he could relax.
The final phrase still lingering the air, Brook lowered his violin with a sigh. He enjoyed taking the night watches for the solitude – he still wasn’t used to being around so many people, despite craving just that for decades – but it never took long for the solitude to catch up to him. He had tasks to perform, tasks that normally one did while chatting away to one’s crew, and the scattered mess on the main deck only reminded him of everyone who was supposed to be there.
A sudden noise broke through his thoughts, and Brook spun around to look for the source.
There, on the main deck, having apparently just tripped over the long blanket he had wrapped around him, was Usopp.
Concern soon gave way to worry. How long had he been out here? And why?
“Ah! Brook! Uhhh hi!” Usopp scrambled awkwardly to his feet. “I was just uhh, getting some fresh air!”
“How long have you been out here?” Brook asked, slowly descending to meet Usopp.
“Ehh,” Usopp looked like he was going to shrug, but his shoulders merely deflated instead. “A while.”
Usopp had wanted to lie. He’s told worse lies to people he had known longer. He just...couldn’t. Not with his mind so clear, not when it was just him and Brook, not when Brook looked so earnest.
“Ah.” Brook’s answer was short, but the weight on that one sound struck Usopp square in the chest. He continued to walk towards Usopp, though Usopp couldn’t begin to guess why.
“I really like what you were playing!” Usopp blurted out. Anything he said at this point was certain to make the situation worse, so he might as well go for broke. “It feels...”
Brook stopped in his tracks.
“It feels...?”
Whatever bravado Usopp had managed to pull together was gone. Brook seemed interested in his answer now, and nothing was more terrifying than expectations.
If Usopp said the right thing, maybe this would all blow over? If Brook thought he was appreciating his music...
“It feels very soulful!” Usopp said confidently, puffing out his chest. Surely that would please Brook.
“Ah.” That same sound, followed by that same feeling. “I suppose it is.”
“Wait wait wait-” Usopp held up his hands. That was the wrong answer. He needed the right answer. What could he say-
“Usopp,” Brook was standing in front of him now, “If you have to think that hard on it, I’m afraid I’m not interested in your response.”
“It felt lonely.” The words spilled from Usopp’s mouth without thinking. His mind was clear again as he looked up at Brook – if he ignored the existential fear that had suddenly come over him. He needed to stop. He needed to not put words to whatever it was that stretched and tumbled around his chest every time he listened to Brook play those midnight songs. “The kind of lonely you feel when you’re surrounded by people you’re supposed to be close to. And it’s scary.”
“Oh. Indeed.” Brook dropped down to sit on the deck, leaning back to look at the stars. “They’re songs I wrote when I was drifting...or parts of songs at least. I suppose you could say I was surrounded by those I was meant to be close to.”
“I mean,” Usopp took a step back, “I was just saying stuff...you don’t need to take it seriously...I don’t know what I’m talking a-”
“Usopp,” Brook tugged on Usopp’s hand, pulling down Usopp to sit next to him. “There’s no correct answer for what a piece of music is about. Although, I can’t say I’m unfamiliar with the feeling you described.”
“Really?” Usopp turned to look up at Brook. “I mean, you spent so long alone...” his hands balled up into fists, the fear from before getting stronger by the second, “You never thought once about betraying your friends, or abandoning everything...How can you be scared now?”
“I was afraid then, and I’m afraid now,” Brook shrugged, apparently now busying himself with tuning his violin, or de-tuning it, given how little attention he seemed to currently be giving towards his instrument.
“Ha...and you’re still...you...” The constant fear and overwhelming emotions was starting to make Usopp tired, he rested his head on Brook’s shoulder without thinking. “Guess that makes me the coward as usual.”
“Hardly,” Brook countered, “You’ve managed to hang on to your friends far better than I have.”
Brook had waited until Usopp fell asleep, then put him somewhere comfortable and returned to his duties.
He hadn’t thought much about their conversation, until a few days later when he was on watch again.
This time, he kept an ear out to see if Usopp would reappear. He feared that perhaps being found out would make Usopp no longer want to come listen, but it seemed to make him bolder instead.
Usopp was now climbing right up to the quarterdeck to listen to him, and staying and talking for the entire watch. Not only that, but he seemed to be sticking closer to Brook during the day as well.
Brook liked the company, even if he didn’t quite understand it. After all, how much comfort could one dead man really provide?
Usopp’s new routine with Brook had brought him some peace, but in other ways he had only gotten worse. He could feel so at ease when he was with Brook but in every other moment he was almost overwhelmed with fear. The thought of losing Brook, of betraying him somehow or being found out – for what he didn’t know – plagued him at even the smallest prompting. Brook so much as laughing with someone else gave Usopp a twisting pain in his stomach.
Was this the price of finding someone like Brook? And what did “someone like Brook” mean?
He admired Brook, that was pretty obvious. He admired how he was able to survive the very thing Usopp feared the most, and Brook’s dedication to Laboon made Usopp feel as though they had always been connected in some way.
Aside from that, Usopp felt oddly comfortable with Brook. He could let his guard down a little; there was a sort of nagging feeling that maybe, Brook would stick by him no matter what he did.
But that just caused Usopp to worry more once they were apart. He would lie to Brook eventually. Perhaps he already has been. Brook would find out that he was a fraud – in some way – and even if he kept smiling...that wasn’t fair to him. In fact it wasn’t fair to Brook at all that Usopp had even gotten this attached to him. It would only end badly. Usopp was probably being a bad person from the start, and Brook was only entertaining him...
“Usopp~” Brook’s clear voice rung in Usopp’s ears. “I require your assistance~”
“C-coming!” Usopp scrambled up to the crow’s nest where Brook was shouting from. Suddenly every negative thought had disappeared, replaced only with excitement, and an eagerness to please.
Brook stood in the otherwise empty crow’s nest with a bizarre contraption at his feet.
“I purchased this at the last island,” he explained, “I believe it’s an instrument but I also believe it may be broken, could you take a look?”
“Sure!” Usopp had no idea what he was doing, but Brook didn’t need to know that.
Ah, there it is. He was lying now. Or at least pretending. He should stop. He should tell Brook that he has no idea what this thing is and could very well break it.
“I knew you could assist,” Brook said breathily, “I was concerned that Franky might not have a light enough touch, and his artistic flair isn’t exactly suited for this type of work.”
Oh.
Warmth swelled in Usopp’s chest. He was needed, wanted. He was being praised.
He still had no idea what he was doing.
But Brook could never, ever know that.
“Don’t you worry,” Usopp grinned, “I’ll have this baby fixed up in no time!”
An hour passed and Usopp had made no progress. Whatever this was made no sense. He was pretty sure he figured out the mechanism for making a sound, but the other gears and levers and pipes seemed almost entirely unrelated. Was this even meant to be operated by a human?
“How’s it coming?” Brook returned to the crow’s nest with tea for two.
“G-great!” Usopp smiled, “I think I’ve almost got it working!”
“Oh marvellous,” Brook took a sip of his tea. “Would you care to join me? I’m sure you could use a break.”
“Ahaha,” Usopp gave an over-exaggerated laugh, “The great Usopp doesn’t need breaks. Just wait right there while I work my magic!”
“Ah,” Brook said softly, “I suppose your tea will get cold then.”
Everything in Usopp’s head ground to a halt.
He had messed up.
Somehow, he had managed to disappoint Brook even while doing his best not to. He should have known it was inevitable-
“Here you go,” Brook bent down to where Usopp was working, placing a tea cup and saucer on a small stool he had brought over, “Now you can drink it as you work. I look forward to sharing another cup with you once you’ve finished.”
Usopp was still frozen. This was all very strange. Brook wasn’t disappointed anymore. Or maybe he was but he was pretending he wasn’t. Why didn’t he care? Shouldn’t he care? Shouldn’t he be more annoyed at Usopp? He was very annoying as a person after all. He kept encroaching on Brook’s private time. This was wrong. It was so, so, so wrong.
“This is hopeless,” Usopp said suddenly, jumping to his feet. “I can’t fix this. I have no idea how it’s supposed to work. I don’t know why you asked me to waste my time on this.”
The last part wasn’t supposed to be there. But it was. It had to be, or else Brook might still tolerate him.
“I see...” Brook looked down at what Usopp was working on with a sigh, “I do apologise for wasting your time, but the invitation to join me for tea is still open.”
Usopp stared. How.
“But if you’re tired you’re free to go of course.”
“No,” Usopp shook his head, holding back tears he didn’t understand, “I’ll stay.”
Usopp considered not leaving his bed when he heard Brook start to play that night. Everything had gone smoothly in crow’s nest somehow...but he still felt uneasy, like he was on borrowed time. Maybe if he simply spent less time with Brook, he could delay whatever disaster he was convinced was inevitable.
The music was calling to him though, and before he knew it he was out on the main deck, watching Brook.
“I was worried you weren’t going to show up,” Brook said softly, pausing his playing but not turning to face Usopp.
“So was I,” Usopp shrugged, shuffling his way towards Brook. “Sorry I was weird earlier...”
“You weren’t.” Brook said nothing more as he continued to play, as though what he had said required no further explanation.
Thankfully, whatever spiral Usopp was about to spin into was cut short by whatever it was Brook had started to play. It wasn’t like his usual songs – Usopp was certain this wasn’t the kind of thing you wrote to soothe yourself while stranded on a boat with your dead friends – it was more chaotic, like a fraying consciousness struggling to hold itself together. Exactly how Usopp had been feeling.
Why was Brook doing this? Why was Brook letting him cling to him? Why couldn’t Brook see everything that was wrong with him?
Usopp was terrified again, but he couldn’t stop staring at Brook, and listening. He was captivated, despite the screeching in his head telling him to run away and stop this all before it blew up in his face.
As soon as Brook finished his song, Usopp kissed him.
Waves against the ship.
Ship creaking against the waves.
Wind, cloth and rope tugging at each other in an endless struggle.
Somehow the rhythm of Brook’s music carried on in silence. Somehow Usopp felt warm lips on his. Somehow, this was okay.
“It’s been a long time since my playing has earned me one of those,” Brook quipped as Usopp stumbled back, still in a daze.
“Yeah...well...” Usopp had no way of explaining himself. He wasn’t even sure what Brook’s reaction meant. “It wasn’t just ‘cause of your playing.”
“I’m well aware,” Brook leaned against the taffrail, gesturing for Usopp to join him. “Your recent behaviour wasn’t lost on me. Although I daresay you could do better.”
“Huh?” Brook’s final comment snapped Usopp out of his stupor. “No I couldn’t. No way. You’re like...you’re everything.”
Usopp thought he saw Brook wince for a moment, but it was quickly replaced with a smile.
“That’s very kind of you, but I’ll settle for simply being enough.”
“Well you’re obviously enough,” Usopp grumbled, still standing opposite Brook, arms folded tightly across his chest in an attempt to hide how he was shaking. “So...what now?”
“Whatever you wish,” Brook said casually, “I’m happy to continue with things as they are, but if you’d to do anything differ-”
“No this is fine!” Usopp blurted out, “I mean...I guess maybe the same but then I kiss you sometimes...”
“That sounds lovely,” Brook replied. “I look forward to it.”
The situation was starting to get concerning, in Brook’s opinion. He wanted to be there for Usopp, and support him, but he was worried that whatever crush Usopp had on him was starting to get out of hand.
He wasn’t simply joining him on night watch or spending his spare time joining Brook for tea anymore. It was as though his every waking moment was dedicated either to being with Brook or figuring out how to rework whatever it was he was doing to include Brook.
What had seemed like a fun, casual fling was turning into anything but, and Brook couldn’t help but blame himself. After all, the signs were there, he was just wilfully ignoring them...out of his own loneliness probably. He liked Usopp a lot, and enjoyed his company, but that didn’t give him license to indulge Usopp’s whims.
Besides, Usopp could do better, and eventually he would figure that out. Even before then, he’d almost certainly get bored or fed up, and then it would be Brook left heartbroken.
Because he was in love, despite his insistence otherwise.
“Where exactly is this going?” Brook spoke calmly, resolutely. It would be best if this conversation was short.
Usopp looked up in confusion. He had been resting his head against Brook’s shoulder, humming a tune that Brook had recently played. “You mean the Sunny?”
“No, Usopp, I mean what’s happening between us.”
“Oh...” Usopp scrunched up his face as he thought. “I don’t know. Can’t we just find out as we go?”
“Unusual for you,” Brook sighed, “Normally you have everything planned years in advance.”
“You’re hard to plan for...” Usopp mumbled, sounding genuinely annoyed.
He was being cute. That made this so much harder.
“I suppose I am,” Brook chuckled, then cleared his throat. “But I’ve also been growing rather fond of you...”
“I’d hope so...” Usopp was fully pouting now.
“And I fear that you may be growing too fond of me.”
“What’s that mean?” Usopp was looking at him again, the pout fading from his face.
“I have no choice,” Brook stood up, “As the elder here, to put a stop to this.”
“What!?” Usopp sprung too his feet. “And what do you mean elder? You’re not that old.”
“I am,” Brook smiled sadly, “And you are a charming, handsome young man who would be better off exploring your interests with people who are alive, with skin.”
“You’re making no sense,” Usopp crossed his arms angrily, “What does having skin have to do with anything?”
“A lot,” Brook sighed, “At some point you will wish for someone who is not a skeleton, who is not old, who is not...me. Besides, your behaviour lately...I do not think it’s healthy.”
“Nothing I do is healthy!” Usopp suddenly exploded, throwing his hands into the air. “Everything about me is messed up! All I can do is...figure out how to keep going another day or week or month without killing myself or running away. It’s easier with friends. And it’s even easier with you! I don’t care if it’s not healthy!”
“You should,” Brook frowned, “You shouldn’t be spending so much time with me.”
“Ok, I’ll spend less time with you, is that what you want? I won’t follow you around like a pathetic lost puppy.”
“You don’t have to say it li-”
“But that’s how I’ve been acting right? That’s what you’re saying is unhealthy?”
“Well yes, but-”
“So I’ll stop doing that,” tears were starting to well in Usopp’s eyes, despite the anger shaking his voice, “I’ll stop doing that and you won’t leave!”
“It’s not that simple,” Brook shook his head, “That would only be painful for you. It’s better to do a clean-”
“No!” Usopp’s whole body was shaking. “Stop trying to leave me!”
“I’m not-” Brook took a deep breath. He didn’t want to scare Usopp, he simply wanted him to understand that this wouldn’t end well..., “I just want you to be free...You haven’t even been in love yet and you’re already tying yourself down to someone like me.”
“I have been in love! That’s why I know that I love you too!”
Silence hung between them.
Usopp wasn’t supposed to say that. Now Brook could feel tears in his eyes.
“And stop with this ‘someone like me’ stuff. There’s nothing wrong with you! I don’t care if you’re a hundred years old and a corpse now and I won’t suddenly start caring one day like you think I will.”
The tears refused to stay in Brook’s eyes.
He should be putting his foot down. He should be leaving regardless of what Usopp was saying. He should be doing anything that wasn’t what he was about to do right now.
Brook pulled Usopp into a tight hug.
“Fine, this is fine,” he murmured, “But please don’t neglect yourself, or others. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be with you forever, so you have time.”
Usopp was sure he didn’t hear Brook correctly. And if he did, it was probably a lie to make him feel better. But, he figured Brook was allowed to lie to him this once, and he’d give him the courtesy of believing him.