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The silence.
That was the worst part.
He could've taken yelling, accusing, Hell, he could've taken them all taking turns beating the shit out of him, but this? This hollow, empty silence? This was Hell.
After it happened, they all said nothing. What could even be said? Everything they felt could've been summed up in the looks that were burned into his mind.
Maybe that's why they all just left. They all just, quietly walked back to their rooms as if it had just been another day...
He'd seen Gangle go into Zooble's room, and heard Ragatha sob once, but none of them spoke. None even gave him a second thought.
He stared at the wall. Hoping with all he could that another hole would open and he'd get another chance to let this all end....
But it never came. And to give his pride SOME credit. That's exactly the punishment he'd choose for someone like himself.
He didn't deserve an easy out. He deserved to lay there, for all eternity, knowing there wasn't a way out. Alone, with no one caring about him.
But for pity's sake, STOP the silence!!!
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He heard shuffling just outside the door. Whispering voices that almost mocked him with the bits of concern he picked up on. Mixed in with angry grumbling. It was a relief when the doorknob turned.
At least he'd had time to think of a quip.
"Geez, can't you wait until a guy's had some sleep before you lynch him?" He sat up, expecting to see Zooble... Only for it to be the last person in the entire circus he'd expected.
He just stood there, unblinking as usual. Looking more than a bit ominous standing in the doorway, only lit from behind by the hallway's lights, if not for the fact he was a giant chess piece
He didn't see anyone else, but he knew they were there, just out of sight.
After a moment, Jax found his words.
"What do you want? What, you win the draw for who gets first crack at me? Bet Zooble's jealous." He rolled over.
"Whatever. Just sat what you gotta, and let's move this along."
He instead heard the door shut softly, and whatever you would call a chess piece moving along the floor.
He walked over to the table in the corner, and after a moment of deliberation, chose one of the three chairs around it.
He drug it next Max' s bed, and sat down. Jax trying hard not to imagine how he looked sitting with a tube body.
There was still no words.
"Look, Grandpa. I'm NOT in the mood!" Jax finally said "So whatever B.S you got in whatever's left of your brain, just spit it-"
"It wasn't your fault..."
Jax froze. He turned his head very slightly.
"....What?" He whispered.
"What happened." Kinger answered. "With the button. It wasn't your fault."
Jax rolled over fully. "....H-How do you...You don't-You SHOULDN'T be able to remember that..."
Kinger shrugged. "It came back to me... You certainly didn't think it was your fault, either."
Jax gave a mirthless chuckle. "What, are you ANOTHER liar?! You actually CAN remember things, you just don't wanna- Why am I even bothering? You probably don't even know what you're saying..."
"He got in your head." Kinger said. "He wanted us to choose to stay, that was the whole point." He chuckled. "You were right all along about it being fake." Then sighed. "Certainly made us look like suckers."
Jax heard the cartoonish, rubbery sound of Kinger's fist clenching.
"He played us all. Knew exactly were to hit us. Even though it was all so obvious. But you saw through it. He had to play dirty with you... So, you shouldn't feel ba-"
Jax finally shot up from his bed.
"Do you not get it, old man?!?!" He growled. "It doesn't matter if he got in my head or not! I still pushed that button, THINKING it would keep us all trapped!"
Kinger tilted his head.
"After all we had done, what he showed me was enough to to think that spending eternity in this candy-colored, 64-bit s*¡¥€ole was a better option! And now....Now it doesn't even matter..." He laid back down, and curled up on his side.
"I did what everyone expected me to, so... Sorry to have NOT disappointed you."
He expected and half-hoped Kinger would leave... But instead, he heard him clear his throat.
"...Jax... Look at me."
Jax just rolled over and gave a weary look.
"Did you push that button on purpose?"
"Does it matter?! Look, I told you-"
"Did you?" Kinger in a far sterner tone.
"What-I?"
"DID YOU?!" Kinger demanded.
"I-I-Yes?! But-No, I didn't-f#!k, I don't KNOW!!!" Jax cried. "I-I don't know..." He took a shaky breath. "I just... I felt...." He looked up at Kinger who's face had mellowed.
"I-I just know no one else would've." Jax said. "B-Because no one else actually WANTS to be here..."
"....Do you want to be here?" Kinger asked.
"Of course I do." Jax said with a pained chuckle. "That's what I tell everyone, right? That nothing bothers me. That everything and everyone in here is just mine to use. How I don't care if any of you....Abstract..." He looked down at his hands.
"I made it easy for him." He said. "I was the one wearing 'God's perfect as@$&le' like a badge all this time. It makes sense he'd use me...He-" He clenched his fists, but sighed.
"He didn't have to do anything to me... Maybe I didn't push the button on purpose but... I sure as hell didn't do much to fight it..."
Kinger just nodded softly. For a moment, neither of them spoke. Kinger looked at the ceiling with a bizarrely serene look in his eyes.
Then he finally lowered his gaze to Jax.
"....So what now?"
"What? What do you mean, 'what now'?"
"What are you going to do now?" Kinger asked. "Are you just going to stay here for the rest of your life?"
Jax laughed dryly.
"Have you NOT been paying attention, old man?!" He asked. "What choice do we have? Hell, I'm betting Caine decides to fry our brains now. Leave us all as vegetables and wait for the next batch of suckers to put on the headsets!"
"The others don't think so." Kinger said. "And I think I-"
"The others..." Jax repeated dismissively. "Thought things were 'coming back to you' because you must've forgotten that I PUSHED THE BUTTON THAT WOULD TRAP US ALL HERE!!!" Jax got up and stood over Kinger.
"They will NEVER trust me again, and I can't even BLAME them! They finally saw me as the very price of f©®€¡ing s@&t I always wanted them to see me as! Bet Zooble's happy they don't have to pretend around me anymore!" He put his hands on Kinger's shoulders.
"They're ALL probably glad that they don't have to waste their time with me anymore, and for ONCE I'm glad too! I just...I..." He clenched his teeth, as if trying to force out what he wanted to say.
"....Tell them to just give up on me...It's what I deserve...It's what an absolute scumbag like me deserves..."
He stood there... Not even bothering to hide the tears welling up in his eyes...
...And then he felt Kinger put a hand on his shoulder.
"Jax... No one's given up on you."
Jax couldn't even bring himself to respond.
"...Pomni wouldn't have asked me to talk to you if they did."
Jax's eyes piped open.
"What?"
"She didn't give up on you." Kinger said. "Neither has Ragatha." He tossed his head. "Gangle and Zooble needed some convincing, but... They all agreed... Leaving anyone behind now means Caine wins. He gets away with his lies and we AREN'T going to take that. Don't forget, YOU were the one who called him out. We wouldn't know what we do if it weren't for you. We NEED that. We need YOU."
Jax looked around the room, as if trying to physically find his words.
"Wha-What on earth can I do?" He asked. "What can ANY of us do. We now know for certain there's no exit, and on the tiny chance there IS,, Caine sure as hell won't let us get near it."
"Whatever happens, we do it together." Kinger said. "Caine can't be ALL powerful, or he wouldn't have even have let us learn what we did. There's weaknesses in his logic, and I'm not sure yet, but I think there are some things he's overlooked... We just have to keep our heads and stay together."
Jax almost buckled trying to stand.
"What if....What if we get out... And it turns out I did something bad? Like, REALLY bad as a human?"
Kinger stood from his chair, and leveled his eyes with Jax.
"You think you're the only person who's done something wrong?" He asked. "Something they're not ready to face?" He looked at the ground. "Whatever it is... Running from it won't last. Better to greet it on your own terms than let this... Illusion bring it to light for you."
Jax looked away. Kinger turned, and started for the door.
"I can at least tell the others you're alright... They were worried about you."
"...How do you do it?" Jax finally said in disbelief. "After seeing so much. Your wife, your friends, being stuck in here for so long... How do you stay alive?"
Kinger gave him an aside glance. "Because I saw how many others were trying their best to stay alive. And I knew if I gave up, I wouldn't just be giving up on myself, but to everyone I cared about..."
"....And even now... Know there might not be an exit?"
Kinger gave a small, dry chuckle.
"Jax. Now that I know what I do, my head has never been more clear. And now, there is only ONE thought going through it that is enough to make me want to tear this place down to its constitute pixels to find a way out."
Jax gave a half-hearted smile. "Mind sharing what it is? I could use it."
Kinger turned and held out his hand.
"I don't care what happens to me anymore." He said. "...Let's just get our girls out of here."
Jax recoiled a bit... He looked at Kingers hand...
And for the first time in a very long time, a wide, yellow grin spread across his face...
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When the door opened, he was met by four faces of varying concern.
"Geez!" He said. "Who died?"
"Jax." Ragatha asked. "Are you...Okay?"
"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" Jax replied. "Listening to gramps in there go on is enough to remind anyone life can't possibly get worse."
"Don't think for ONE go©®#mn SECOND we're forgetting about what you pulled!" Zooble said. "The only reason we're even talking to you is because of Pomni."
Jax looked down to see the jester looking up at him defiantly.
"So, you signed me up for this stupid, impromptu therapy session, huh?" He asked. "Get your digital brownie points for helping the bad guy?"
Pomni just grinned and shook her head.
"Nope... Because I know you don't really want to spend the rest of your life wallowing in self pity."
"Oh, and what do I really want?" Jax asked. "Friendship?"
Pomni shook her head again. "You wanna prove to Caine that trying to take your spot as the biggest pain in the a&@ in the circus is a BAD idea..."
Jax glared down at her... Before grinning.
"You know me too well, shortstuff."
Gangle whispered to Kinger. "What really happened in there?"
Kinger held up a finger to were his lips would be.
"Sorry... Can't say I remember enough to tell you."