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“Gooooood morning my lucious lackadaisical ladybugs! Today’s adventure is the Wacky Wonderland of Desires! Where each of you get to find exactly what you’ve been wishing for! But, there’s a twist. Each of you have your own wants, but must help one another to achieve them. Good luck my advantageous adventurers!”
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You look around at the striped trees and purple leaves. The blue bushes and pink clouds. It’s childish, but sweet. Like candy. Also like the sugary scent that surrounds you all. The trees are alive with birdsongs.
“Ok, Caine said there was something for all of us, but we need to work together. Do you think there’s a map we could use to find them?” Ragatha says.
Pomni speaks up. “I don’t know, but it looks like there’s an abandoned building over there. Maybe there’s something inside?”
You follow everyone to the building, trailing a little bit behind. You had been avoiding them for a while after your big freak out on the last adventure you had. You swore you saw yourself, your real self in a reflection. But no one believed you. After all the concerned looks you got, you shut up. After the adventure, you sat in your room, concentrating on what you had seen. Your hair, the color of your eyes, your clothes. But now you could barely remember it. You weren’t given a mirror in this new room, forced to only see yourself from your perspective. Your arms and legs and body. Down and down you spiraled until you couldn’t take it anymore. You ran out into the circus, screaming for Caine. But he never appeared. You yelled and yelled until Pomni came over to ask what was wrong. You jerked away from her touch, and she stepped back.
“I need- I need a mirror.” Tears were streaming down your face.
You barely heard her response as she led you to a mirror in the hall. You paused, staring at your reflection. This wasn’t you. This wasn’t your body. Not your face, not your look, not you. You couldn’t even remember your name. How embarrassing.
Pomni, patient as ever, waited. Watching you watch yourself. As soon as you collapsed to the floor, she reached out, but hesitated. Remembering your reaction earlier, she backed off.
“I’ll… be out with the others if you need me.”
And she turned and walked away.
You’re looking in a chest when Ragatha comes up to you. “You know, it’s really nice to have you back.” You pause.
“Yeah… it’s nice to be back.” You supposed. She gives you a light smile and says, “Let me know if you find anything!” You watch her walk away towards Pomni, who had been watching. She awkwardly smiles and gives you a questioning thumbs up. You half-heartedly smile in return.
You knew what your desire was. You’re pretty sure everyone knew. You- wait what’s this?
There’s a bouquet of flowers in a vase on a table under the window. You pull the flowers out, only a key left in the vase. You dump it out into your hand and hold it up to the light. It’s a simple gold key.
“Hey, I found something.” You walk into the main room and hold up a key. Everyone gathers around.
“Thaaank you.” And the key is gone. You turn around, Jax walking away with the key in hand.
“Hey! Give that back-” You stumble after him as he bends down to a chest, swiftly unlocking it and pocketing the key.
“Here you go, damsel. Show everyone what you got.” He tosses a rolled up paper that you awkwardly catch. You glare at him before unrolling it. The map, with obvious names of places like Jax’s Corner and Kinger’s Library. You spot your maze, a little ways northeast from here. There’s Gangle’s Cove and Pomni’s Lodge. Ragatha’s Place and Zooble’s Saloon (who didn’t even come. Again).
“Should we split up or go in groups?” You ask.
“I say we-” Ragatha’s cut off.
“I say we split up.” Jax barges in.
“I.. actually agree.” You hesitantly say. You don’t want anyone watching you be vulnerable again.
“Hah, I knew you’d agree,” he says with a lopsided smile.
“Ok… if you think it’s a good idea y/n.” Ragatha says. You nod. “Well, I’ll take Kinger then.”
Pomni looks between Jax and Gangle. “I’ll go with Jax, so you two can go together.” She gestures to you and Gangle.
“I’d rather go by myself.” Your voice comes out softer than you wanted it to. You glance at Gangle, feeling bad as her smile drops a bit.
“Alright, then I’ll go with Gangle…” She stares down Jax as he gives her a mischievous smirk.
“Don’t worry y/n, I’ll be right there for you” He pats your head and you swat him away.
“Leave me alone Jax, I’m going by myself.” You wrap your arms around your body and follow Gangle out the door.
It’s not a long walk but you have to ignore Jax following you. You had already told him to go away a few times, and even threatened him. He just laughed it off and continued walking by you, his arms casually behind his head.
“Y’know, I’m quite interested to see how your maze turns out. Whether it's a bush maze I can push you into or a plastic maze I can throw you through.” You purse your lips and stay silent. “But there has to be a mirror somewhere in there. Oh! Maybe it’s your prize. Maybe you’ll get to see exactly what you look like.”
“Shut up, Jax. I don’t want to hear it.”
“Oh, but this is so fun.”
“Don’t you have your own place to go? Like a store or something?”
“Yeah, I got a corner. But I’d much rather see this go down.”
You curse him as your maze comes into view. Are you fucking kidding me.
A mirror maze. Of course it was. You watch yourself walk up to it, your body the same as ever.
“Jax, I-” You look around but he’s gone. You scoff, acting like you don’t care that he left you at the worst moment. Quietly, you step into the maze. You look left. There’s you. You look right. Hey, there’s you too. You look up. The ceiling’s a mirror too? You look down. Yep, that’s a mirror. At least you look the same in every one.
You go forward, then being forced to go right, then left. It’s you. It’s you at every turn. The same body, the same face.
“Hello?” Yep, the same voice too. You go left, then right, then right, left, right- what was that?
You step back and look at your reflection. You have a hat? You reach up to grab it but there’s nothing there. You shake your head and go on.
Left and right and back and left and- what? This mirror shows you blue. You step closer, examining yourself. Nothing is different except your color. You look down. No, still you.
Forward and- your eyes are red? No, that’s not right. There’s no way to check though. You lean closer, your eyes turning blue and red, kind of like Pomni’s. But that’s not how they are, are they? You need someone to check, but there’s no one around.
Right and right and right and- dead end. There’s Kinger. Kinger? You go up to the glass, studying your reflection. You look down. Wait… that’s not right either. You look at your arms, a completely different color. You look up. There’s Zooble. All their mismatched parts. You look down. What the hell? You look down. Yeah, that’s Zooble. You’re Zooble. Hesitantly you reach up and try to pull your arm out.
Pop!
There’s your arm. In your hand. Your arm in your hand. You drop it and run, panicking. You’re Jax, you’re pink, you’re rainbow, you’re a cat, you’re a human, you’re a- human?
You run back. No, that’s not a human. That’s just you.
“I swear I saw-” Gangle says. You look around, calling out.
“Gangle?” Gangle says. What? You speak again, her voice coming from your mouth. You yell, Ragatha’s cheery tone taking over and muffling it to a quiet shout. You speak, and you speak, and you speak and it’s never you. Eventually you don’t even recognize the voice anymore.
You are not you.
You run, crashing into a mirror, shattering it to bits. You stare at the wreckage. Pomni stares back at you. So does Caine. And an NPC. And you run, run so fast that you ignore every time your shoulder catches a corner. You yell again, your voice distorted. It’s glitchy and low.
You look in your reflection. You’re Gangle, you’re Zooble, you’re Caine.
You look right. You’re Pomni and Jax.
You look left. You’re Kinger.
You run, all your reflections running with you, changing shapes and colors and sizes. You scream, a dozen different voices spilling from your lips. You look down as you run, your torso green with yellow spots, your arm orange, your other arm a candy cane.
Tears are streaming down your face and you wail. This is not you. Who are you? If you’re not you, what are you? You’re everyone but yourself. You’re no one. A mismatched thing with pieces of different people.
You scream and run and everything flashes before you. You feel dizzy, your throat sore from screaming. Do you even have a throat? Do you have a voice at all? You cry out, barely any sound escaping.
You gasp for air as you continue, finally reaching a big room. It’s all mirrors, and every single reflection is everything but you. There’s a pedestal, holding a hand mirror.
You’re sobbing, as you dash to the mirror, desperate to find you. This has to be the mirror, right?
You pick it up. And there’s… nothing. You turn the mirror around, the back black velvet. You turn it back around, the sight of nothing facing you.You throw the wretched mirror ahead of you, shattering the mirror wall. And there’s nothing behind it but darkness. You rush and grab the mirror again, throwing it at the closest wall, smashing the glass. You pick it up and break the next one and the next. You throw it at the floor, but it doesn’t crack.
An NPC body moves with yours. Not even a person. Not even sentient.
You’re shaking. You cry out, collapsing to the floor and screaming and screaming. You strike the floor again and again, finally getting the glass to crack- then break. You’re on your hands and knees and shakily lie down, curling up into a ball and crying like a child.
The shards turn every color and you shut your eyes, trying to scream but only a hoarse cry comes out. It’s glitchy, the cry sharp but childish.
You still hold the hand mirror, gripping it so hard that your knuckles turn white. And everything goes silent. You let your body relax as sobs wrack through it. You heard a voice start up in the distance, but you don’t care. For all you know, it’s yours just echoing from another you.
You lay in the shattered glass, silently weeping. If you’re not you, then who are you? You can’t be nobody. But you feel like nobody. After all, the hand mirror showed you that you were nothing. Maybe you are nothing. This place isn’t real anyways, so why would you be? No one cares about how real you feel. Even if the mirrors did show the body you’re used to, it still wouldn’t feel like you. Nothing feels like you.
You hear a familiar voice come closer. You hear them call out your name. But you don’t care.
“Y/N! Where are- what the hell?-”
You throw the mirror, the frame striking the person in the head and a loud curse follows. You scramble to your feet, holding out your hands.
“Don’t!- Don’t come- come near me.” You wipe away the tears clouding your vision, finding a familiar purple rabbit in front of you.
“Y/n what the hell is this?-”
“Get out.” Your voice is soft but harsh.
“What happ-”
“GET OUT.” You heave a breath of air. “Go away.”
He’s silent. The only thing that can be heard is your heavy breathing. You wipe away your tears again.
“Who am I?”
“What?” His voice sounds judgemental.
“Who am I?”
“Who cares, now what happened?”
“Jax.” He stares at you as you shakily breathe. “Who am I?”
“You’re you.”
“No, I’m not. Look at me.” You look down. Your reflection is… you. Your eyes and your body and your posture.
“Listen, I don’t know what’s wrong with you, but the adventure’s over.”
You turn. “Go away.”
“Y/n, c’mon, it’s not that deep let’s just-”
“You don’t understand.” He opens his mouth to speak but you cut him off. “You don’t understand! What it’s like… to not be you.”
He scoffs, almost offended. “Nobody is themselves in this place. Nothing is real, so who cares?”
“I care. I want to be real.”
He sighs, annoyed. I hear him stepping through the glass. “Yeah, yeah, but even if you were real, so what? Nothing in life is serious enough for you to lose your mind.”
“You’re wrong.” His hand gently touches your shoulder. You glance at his feet, unwilling to look him in the eye. Tears still come down your face but they’re nowhere near as violent as they were before.
“Listen, you’re you. No matter what you look like, or what body you have, you’re still you. You get to decide who you are at the end of the day.”
You stare up at him. “Even if it’s not real?”
“Maybe this body isn’t real but who says you’re not?”
Everything is quiet. You glance down, slowly nodding.
He hesitates for a long moment before turning you to face him and pulling you into his chest. You immediately wrap your arms around him, feeling the texture of his overalls and the softness of his fur. He smells oddly good? You’ve never gotten close enough to smell him but it’s soft and comforting, the exact opposite of what you expected.
You don’t know how long you two sit there, but eventually he pulls away.
He clears his throat. “If anyone knows about this, you’re dead. Now c’mon.” He offers his hand to you and you take it, grasping it firmly. You look around the room one last time, taking in the millions of billions of shards of glass, the wrecked pedestal, the unbroken hand mirror. You can feel the tiny cuts the glass gave you, but your digital body quickly heals them.
He guides you through the maze, allowing you to witness the path of destruction you created. It made it relatively easy to find the entrance. As soon as you do though, he drops your hand. Of course he wouldn't want anyone else seeing you two holding hands.
You make your way back to the others, all of them excitedly talking about what their place had. Apparently Kinger’s was a butterfly pavilion and Ragatha’s library had all her favorite childhood stories. You didn’t pay too much attention though.
Caine appears and brings you all back to the circus.
“So, what did you all think of my wonderful adventure? I thought personalization would be perfect!”
A few people talk about it but you just immediately head back to your room.
Poof! He’s right in front of you.
“Ah, y/n! What did you think of your maze? I knew about your obsession with mirrors and thought I’d give you a hundred!”
You glare at him. “Don’t ever do that again.”
“Why not? Did the mirrors not make you happy?”
You rush away, catching Pomni out of the corner of your eye. She had a concerned look on her face, but you didn’t stop long enough to do anything about it.
You get to your room and flop down on your bed. You consider going back and asking Caine for your own mirror, just for security. But it wouldn't even matter what you saw in the mirror, because in the end, you're still you.