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“Are you ready?” Juyeon asks.
Eric bites at his lip, staring out the windshield. The rental car, unfamiliar as it is, feels safer than the house they’re parked at. His childhood home. He squeezes Juyeon’s hand, nervous. “I guess,” he finally says.
Juyeon squeezes back, and his other hand comes up to gently grab Eric’s chin, thumb tugging Eric’s lip from beneath his teeth. “It won’t be so bad.”
“It’s just— This is kind of a stupid idea, isn’t it?”
Juyeon just looks at him with kind, understanding eyes, the way he did when, in a fit of madness, Eric had descended upon him and jammed this idea down his throat until he acquiesced.
Well, actually, that’s not quite what happened. Eric really needs to stop letting Juyeon read to him; it’s causing his imagination to run wild.
What really happened was that he complained to his sister about the rest of their family constantly insisting that he find a partner, and his sister responded with, “You should bring someone home for Christmas, just to really shake things up. What about Juyeon? Mom loves him!” And when he complained to Juyeon about that silly idea— because why would Juyeon pretend to be his boyfriend when he could be at home with his own family?— Juyeon had looked at him with his earnest, pretty eyes and said, “I don’t mind. It will get your family off your back for a while, right? I know it’s been bugging you. Also, I’d love to get to see your mom again.”
Eric, always weak to those eyes, brought up one final protest: “What about your family?”
Juyeon had given him a sad smile that made him regret asking. “My aunt isn’t doing well, so they’re going to visit her. I was just… planning on spending the holidays with you anyway. Or alone, if…”
Eric didn’t have to ask which aunt; there’s only one that Juyeon wouldn’t visit. The one Eric hadn’t met, and had no plans to meet in the future. The one that vehemently refused to have people like them in her house.
How could Eric deny Juyeon a joyful holiday after that? Of course he called his mom and told her he’d be bringing his boyfriend home with him.
Now, after just two weeks of planning how to fool Eric’s family into believing that they’re dating, they’re here at the point of no return. They don’t have to do this; they can just enjoy this time together as friends, without the complicated mess of lies to keep track of.
“What,” Juyeon says, and dread settles in the pit of Eric’s stomach as he realizes that Juyeon isn’t backing down, “you don’t think we can be convincing boyfriends? We’ve been practicing.”
Walking around campus holding hands is nothing compared to this. It’s one thing to convince total strangers that they’re dating and a whole other thing to convince the people Eric grew up with. Fuck, his grandma will probably see right through him, not to mention his mom!
But Juyeon continues with the most blatant of challenges: “If you’re too scared, we don’t have to do it.”
“What? I’m not scared,” Eric says, puffing up, and yes, he knows he’s being baited, but he can’t stop himself from reaching for the door and climbing out of the car. “Of course we’re doing this. Come on, hyung! I’m hungry.”
Juyeon laughs and grabs their bags before joining Eric at the doorstep. “Hey. We just have to be our usual selves, with a few romantic gestures thrown in. It’ll be easy! Stop worrying about it and just have fun, okay?”
Eric wraps his fingers around Juyeon’s bicep and squeezes. “Easy. Yeah.”
The door swings open, and Eric’s mom gasps. “Juyeonie!” she exclaims, clapping her hands delightedly. “Oh, I should have known it’d be you. Who else would be able to tie my hardheaded son down?”
“Mom,” Eric starts to protest, but she’s already pulling them both into a tight hug. He hugs her back just as tight, until she’s groaning and slapping at his arms. As soon as he lets her go, she retaliates by ruffling his hair. “Mom!”
“I’m just so happy to see you. And you’ve brought home the best son-in-law I could have asked for!”
Eric feels the heat rise to his cheeks, and when he glances to the side, he sees Juyeon’s ears turning red. “It’s not— We’ve just— This is really new, Mom. We’re not ready for…” He trails off, his attention stolen by Juyeon’s fingers intertwining with his own.
“It’s okay, baby,” Juyeon says, smiling. The pet name still makes Eric’s heart race, even though Juyeon just picked it up from his own father last year. “Dating is a prelude to marriage, right? Hopefully one day, we’ll get there.”
For a moment, Eric just stares, mouth open as wedding bells echo on the walls of his empty head. And then he gets his shit together. Squeezing Juyeon’s hand tight, he says, “I mean, we’re already living together, and we still decided to date after that.”
Juyeon throws his head back and laughs. “Yeah, we’ve had three fights in the past year over laundry alone, and we still decided to start dating. Guess I just really like you.”
Eric flushes pink once again, and he glances at his mom just to find her with the hugest smile on her face. “What?” he asks, self-conscious. Were they being weird? Out of character? Do they seem like they’re dating or is it obvious they’re just pretending?
But his mom just shakes her head and says, “You two are so cute. Oh, but we shouldn’t just stand out here all day! Come on, boys, let’s get you settled in; I know you had a long flight. Do you want to eat first or sleep?”
Eric’s stomach rumbles, followed by Juyeon’s, and they all laugh. Setting their bags down at the door, they head to the kitchen, where Eric’s mom has laid out multiple dishes, a feast just for them. “Wow,” Juyeon says, staring longingly at the stir fried beef, “this looks great. Thank you so much, Sooyoung-ssi.”
“Aw, no need to be so formal, Juyeonie! You’re dating my son! Just call me Mom.” Eric’s mom pinches Juyeon’s cheek affectionately. As if she wasn’t campaigning for Juyeon to call her Mom before they started dating. Fake dating. Not real dating. But she doesn’t know that part, so, to her, they are dating.
Fuck, Eric doesn’t know how he’s going to make it through the week, much less the entire holiday vacation.
—
After eating, Eric and Juyeon take their bags upstairs to Eric’s old room. It hasn’t changed from the last time he came home, and it’s nothing Juyeon hasn’t seen before. Last time Juyeon visited, though, there was an air mattress set next to the bed, so he had his own place to sleep.
There’s no air mattress now. Of course. There wouldn’t be a need for it if they were dating. Obviously they would sleep in the same bed this time.
“Sorry,” Eric says, “I can sleep on the floor. I just gotta get some extra blankets, and if we lock the door, we can just fix it up before anyone sees—”
“Youngjae-yah.” Juyeon drops his bag and reaches inside for a pair of boxers and an old T-shirt. “It’s fine. Just sleep in the bed.”
“I’m not gonna let you sleep on the floor, hyung.”
With a sigh, Juyeon starts to shed his clothes, and Eric turns towards his own bag, blushing furiously. They change in silence, only the sound of clothes rustling between them. It’s suffocating. Eric has already made Juyeon irritated and the trip has barely started.
But when Eric finally turns back around, Juyeon is pulling back the covers on the bed and climbing in. The mattress creaks under his weight, and he settles in with a sigh. “Get in the bed, Youngjae,” he says.
“Okay,” is the only answer Eric can give. Hesitantly, he gets on the other side of the bed and slips in. There’s enough room that they don’t have to touch, but he can still feel the heat of Juyeon’s body, his slow breaths shifting the blanket.
Juyeon turns to face him, so he turns his head as well. The light of the afternoon sun is dimmed by the closed curtains at the window, but Juyeon’s eyes still shine with affection. “Isn’t it better?” he asks. “To sleep here with me rather than on the floor?”
Eric rolls his eyes with a small laugh and nods. This stubborn ass, he always has to be right. Eric will give it to him this time; he dreaded sleeping on the floor and how much it would fuck up his back, after all.
—
It isn’t better. Eric should have slept on the floor.
When Eric awakens, he doesn’t register everything immediately. His bleary eyes blink open, and he realizes that he’s rolled onto his side, away from the window. On his bedside table sits his old alarm clock, still working, bright red numbers blurring together. He’s in his parents’ house then, on vacation. There are no deadlines, no classes he needs to attend, and he’s free to go back to sleep. He’s warm and tired, eyes closing once again, wrapped up in a comfortable weight that settles him, makes him feel safe.
He shifts his legs and finds that he can’t move them, twisted in the blankets as they are. With a sigh, he lifts his arm to attempt to detangle himself without having to open his eyes or wake up further.
His hand brushes against an arm wrapped around his waist, and suddenly, he is wide awake.
Everything hits Eric all at once. He came home with Juyeon. They’re pretending to date. Juyeon insisted on sharing the bed to keep up the pretense.
One thing about Juyeon is, he’s very clingy in his sleep. Eric has seen him contort his body around pillows or even just bunched up blankets, anything he can wrap his limbs around. People, of course, would be no exception to this, but Eric wasn’t thinking of that when he got in bed, and he’s sure Juyeon wasn’t either. Now, with Juyeon’s arms wrapped around him, hands gripping his sides, leg pushed between his own, face buried in the nape of his neck, he freezes in place, unsure what to do.
Eric wiggles, and Juyeon’s limbs tighten around him, his leg twisting around Eric’s. He tries to pull himself out and ends up pressed flush against Juyeon’s chest. So that won’t work.
“Hyung,” he tries, quietly. It’s late morning, now that he can see the clock, but he doesn’t want to disturb anyone. He doesn’t even want to disturb Juyeon; he just can’t stay like this. It sets his heart fluttering, makes him hope for something he can’t have. “Hyung, wake up.”
Juyeon groans, his lips grazing the back of Eric’s neck. “What,” he says, voice muffled.
Flushing red, Eric squirms in his grasp. “I need to get up, hyung.”
“No.” Juyeon rolls further onto him and presses him into the mattress with a deep sigh. “Back to sleep.”
This is ridiculous. Eric changes his mind; he doesn’t care if he disturbs Juyeon anymore. “Juyeon-hyung! Let me up!” With a battlecry, he reaches behind him and smacks Juyeon on his side.
Startled, Juyeon lets go, rolling onto his back. “What? You hit me,” he says, pouting.
Eric pushes himself up with a frustrated sigh. He can’t untangle his leg from Juyeon’s, so he just slides out of bed and onto the floor. “You wouldn’t let go! It’s only fair.”
“I don’t think it’s fair,” Juyeon says, but his eyes are already closing once again. “You’re comfy, baby….”
“Okay, hyung.” With red cheeks, Eric rushes to the bathroom and closes the door behind himself. He clearly did not think this plan through if just a bit of cuddling gets him flustered like this! He has to get it together. He can’t act so shy in front of his family.
When he makes it downstairs after washing up, his mom and his sister are watching TV in the living room. “Morning,” he says, trying to act like everything is normal.
“Eric,” Janelle calls out, grinning mischievously. “How was your night with your boyfriend?”
Eric closes his eyes and musters up the correct response. He completely forgot that his sister is an asshole and wouldn’t make this whole fake dating thing easy for him. “It was fine.”
“Oh, I’m sure it was more than fine. When I came home, I went to get you two for dinner and found you very, very comfortable.”
As if that wasn’t embarrassing enough, Eric’s mom turns towards him and says, “That reminds me. Youngjae-yah, come sit. I wanted to have this conversation with both of you…?”
“Juyeonie is still sleeping.” Eric joins his mom on the couch, shooting a nasty look towards his sister on the other sofa. “I can tell him after?”
His mom looks disappointed, but continues on. “Well, I just wanted to set a few ground rules while you’re here. You know your dad works long hours, so I’d really appreciate it if you could keep quiet at night so he can rest. But I also understand that you and your boyfriend are… adults, with needs, so—”
“Oh my god,” Eric says as the realization of what this conversation is truly about hits him. His mom is giving him a sex talk! In front of his sister, who is absolutely laughing her ass off at him!
“— I just want to make sure that you remember that there are other people in this house. And remember to use protection! Me and your dad, we went ahead and stocked your room with a few items, just in case. If it’s too soon for marriage, it’s definitely too soon for a baby!”
Eric puts his head in his hands, rubbing at his eyes as if that will help him forget this entire conversation. “Mom, I don’t think you need to worry about Juyeon getting me pregnant.”
“Um, what?”
The three of them turn towards the stairs, where Juyeon stands on the second to last step, frozen. He’s thrown on some pants, thankfully, but his clothes are still rumpled, his hair sticking up in every direction. He clearly just rolled out of bed before coming down. “Juyeonie-oppa,” Janelle exclaims, that stupid, shit-eating grin plastered on her face. She ignores Eric’s glare to wave Juyeon over. “Come, sit! We were just discussing house rules for everyone to follow.”
Juyeon is clearly wondering how that pertains to getting Eric pregnant, and the confused look on his face is so cute that Eric can’t help but giggle. He glances between the three of them before taking a seat next to Eric, easily slipping his hand into Eric’s, as if it’s something they do all the time. Which is good, because they need it to seem like they do it all the time. “What’s happening?” he asks quietly, his lips grazing Eric’s ear.
Eric sighs and turns towards Juyeon. “You just walked in on the worst conversation—”
“We just want to make sure that you two are having safe sex,” his mom says.
“Ah.” Juyeon, slowly but surely, turns beet red, smiling in embarrassment. “We, uh, weren’t planning on, um—”
Eric’s mom reaches over to put her hand on Juyeon’s shoulder, with a serious expression on her face. “Sometimes, these things happen unplanned. It’s better to be prepared.”
“Yes, Mom,” Juyeon says, and he looks like he desperately wants to leave.
So Eric has to save them both from this conversation, apparently. “Mom, me and Juyeonie-hyung were gonna meet up with some friends in a bit. Did you have anything planned for today?”
“No,” his mom says, “just tomorrow, of course! As long as you’re home for your birthday.”
His birthday… Yeah, this is going to be the most stressful birthday he’s ever had.
—
Miles points and laughs at Eric as soon as Eric and Juyeon slide into his booth inside the diner. “Dude, how do you get yourself into these situations?”
Like Eric ends up fake-dating all of his friends regularly. “Shut the fuck up,” he says, flicking Miles off. “Seriously, don’t talk too loud. I don’t need anything getting back to my family.” He doesn’t bother looking at the menu, already sure of his order, but he turns to Juyeon and flips a page, pointing out the dishes he thinks Juyeon would like.
“I mean, it’s not like you have to try hard anyway.” When Eric shoots him a warning look, Miles throws his hands up. “What, I’m just saying! You two look good together, you know. Like you just fit.”
Eric flushes pink. That’s what his friends on campus told him too, Kevin and Jacob hyping him up, Sunwoo and Haknyeon cheering him on. But if multiple people say it, would that convince Juyeon to see him in a different light, to give him a real chance? He sneaks a glance over at his fake boyfriend, only to find him looking right back at him.
Juyeon smiles and says, “Because we’re close.”
Miles raises an eyebrow, and Eric knows exactly what he’s thinking. We’re close, but no one tells us that we look good together. Miles and Eric grew up together; they know everything about each other. But they don’t snuggle up to each other like Juyeon and Eric do. Eric can’t recall a single moment, even when he thought he was a straight girl, that anyone ever thought he and Miles would make a good couple.
(Maybe because Miles was so very obviously not into him. And maybe that was because he’s always known that Eric was just one of the guys. Or maybe Eric was just that unappealing. He’ll have to ask, one day.)
—
The next morning, Eric lays in bed, wrapped up in Juyeon’s arms, thinking about all of the decisions he’s made in his life to end up at this point. He’s twenty-two now, a semester away from graduating, and here he is, agonizing over whether to bring something up to his very close friend. Something that, in the long run, won’t mean anything, but currently has his stomach cramping in anxiety.
You know, Miles had said yesterday, when Juyeon left them alone for a few minutes, you’re not showing enough PDA. Maybe this is fine for other people, but for you? You’re disgustingly clingy, man.
Fuck that guy. He seriously exists just to make Eric suffer, and when Eric had told him that, all he did was grin.
Juyeon shifts, tightens his grip on Eric for a brief moment. His eyes flutter open delicately, and when his gaze lands on Eric, he smiles. “Youngjae-yah,” he says warmly, voice gravely from sleep, “happy birthday.”
Eric swallows hard. Did Juyeon have to be so pretty while waking up? It makes it difficult for Eric to focus. “Thanks, Juyeonie-hyung.” Instead of bringing up his current concern, he sits up, Juyeon’s arms slipping from around his shoulders. “It’s early; you can go back to sleep.”
“No, no,” Juyeon sits up as well and rubs his eyes, “it’s your birthday, I need to get up. I have something planned for you.”
That makes Eric pause. He knows his family planned to do dinner at a nice restaurant, as they always do, so he had been wondering what they were doing for the rest of the day. But Juyeon planned it? “Did you tell Mom that we’re going to be out?”
Juyeon nods, still trying to wake himself up. “Just one hint,” he says. “Wear your running clothes.”
They get ready fairly quickly, once Juyeon manages to drag himself out of bed. Eric ends up finishing before Juyeon and sits in his desk chair, tapping his foot impatiently while he waits. He’s excited for whatever Juyeon’s planned— surely it’s not just a simple trip to the gym?— but he’s also nervous. He has to bring this up, and he has to do it now.
He lets the feeling build, biting his lip, his entire leg bouncing, until Juyeon comes over and puts his hand on Eric’s knee. “Relax. We’re not running late,” Juyeon says, smiling reassuringly. Gently, he grabs Eric’s hand and pulls him up, changes his grip and tugs him out the door.
But Eric can’t hold it in anymore. “Hey,” he says, stopping in the middle of the hallway. His grip on Juyeon’s hand keeps Juyeon from going too far, and he tugs him closer when the other turns around to face him. “Do you think it’s weird that we don’t… that we don’t, uh, kiss?”
Juyeon frowns and moves even closer, to keep their voices from being overheard. “Not really. There are plenty of couples that keep that stuff private, you know?”
Yeah, Eric knows that. But he also knows what he would do if he was really dating Juyeon, and it’s exactly what Miles said. It’s that he would kiss him right here and now, no matter who might see him. He would kiss Juyeon whenever he thought he was cute, or any time Juyeon complimented him, or if Juyeon even sort of looked like he might want to be kissed. It’s not that it’s weird in general; it’s just weird for him. “Sure,” is what he ends up saying, because he doesn’t want to get into all of that. He’s not trying to force Juyeon to kiss him if Juyeon’s not willing to go that far, after all.
They don’t move though. They stay huddled close together in the hall, and Eric tries to hide how shy he’s becoming at the intense look on Juyeon’s face. It’s like Juyeon can see right through him, knows exactly what he’s thinking, how much Eric wants. “You don’t sound sure,” Juyeon says, and he glances at Eric’s mouth for a second, just long enough to set Eric’s heart racing. “You think we need to kiss to be convincing?”
“Yes.” Eric’s voice cracks embarrassingly. He clears his throat with flushed cheeks, avoiding Juyeon’s eyes. “Um, yeah, I think… I think it’ll be suspicious if we don’t. But if you…”
There’s a pause as Juyeon waits for Eric to finish, but Eric can’t say it. He doesn’t want to know if Juyeon doesn’t want to kiss him. He wants it to stay ambiguous, to be able to fantasize about Juyeon wanting him back. If Juyeon makes it clear that he’s not interested, Eric doesn’t know how he’d survive the rest of this trip.
After a bit, Juyeon hums, nodding as if he’s decided something. “Okay,” he says, and Eric looks up in time to see Juyeon lean in.
And then Juyeon kisses him.
Juyeon’s lips slide against his own, soft and warm and gentle. Eric can’t help but sigh, in relief, in pleasure, before kissing him back, rising up on his toes to reach him better. Every thought empties out of his mind except for this, the way Juyeon’s chest feels beneath his palms, the way Juyeon’s hands settle at his waist, the way Juyeon’s lips part as he deepens the kiss. It’s mesmerizing, it’s addicting, and Eric doesn’t ever want to stop. He can’t bring himself to do it. He’ll stop if Juyeon stops, he tells himself. Surely, Juyeon will stop.
But Juyeon tightens his grip and pulls Eric closer, until they’re pressed against each other from chest to thigh. His tongue traces the seam of Eric’s mouth, encouraging him to open up, meeting him halfway as Eric slides his tongue against Juyeon’s. Heat builds between them as they pant into each other’s mouths, only pulling away briefly for air before coming back together. Juyeon’s hands move from Eric’s waist to his back, palms dragging up Eric’s spine, and they push him impossibly closer.
Arousal pools in Eric’s core. They should stop; they don’t need to go this far, they won’t kiss like this in front of Eric’s family. But as soon as that thought enters his brain, it dissipates with the swipe of Juyeon’s tongue and the press of Juyeon’s hips. He can’t reason with himself. He doesn’t know why they would ever stop when it feels this good. His fingers curl into Juyeon’s shirt, desperate to keep him close, a small noise escaping his throat as Juyeon’s fingers slip into his hair.
There’s a sigh, and it almost doesn’t register in Eric’s brain as someone else until a deep, exasperated voice calls out, “Eric.”
Eric startles and bites Juyeon’s tongue. As Juyeon pulls away and holds his hand over his mouth in pain, Eric hastily wipes at his own mouth and whirls around. “Dad! Hi!”
Eric’s father gives him an unimpressed look, glancing around pointedly at the hallway. “You know you have a room, right? With a functioning door for privacy?”
That look always makes Eric feel like a little girl again, being scolded about his grades, his friends, boys… Chastised, ashamed, Eric looks at his feet. “Yes, sorry. We were just… leaving.”
His dad lets out a short laugh of disbelief. “Didn’t look like leaving to me! But okay, I’ll let you leave. Just make sure you do that in the bedroom.” He turns to leave, then turns back around. “Oh, by the way. Happy birthday, son. I love you,” he says, and just hearing the words makes Eric feel a little better.
“Thanks, Dad, I love you too.” As soon as his dad goes back into his own room, Eric turns around and reaches for Juyeon. “I am so sorry, hyung,” he says, pulling him closer to look at his mouth. God, there’s no way Juyeon would ever let him kiss him again after this! “Is it bleeding?”
“Not anymore.” Cheeks flushed red, Juyeon tries to duck out of Eric’s grip. “It’s okay, Youngjae. It’s not that bad.”
“It is that bad! I can’t believe I bit you.” Eric’s hands hover over Juyeon’s face, but he realizes quickly that there’s not anything that he can do. It’s not like he can bandage Juyeon’s tongue after all. Dejected, he wraps his arms around Juyeon’s waist and pulls him in for a hug. “I’m sorry…”
Juyeon laughs a little, hugging him back. “I said it’s okay. Let’s just… be a little more prepared for someone to walk in on us.”
Right. Because that’s the whole point. They need to get caught to convince his family that they’re dating, that this is real. They should be kissing in front of the others, just not like that. It was definitely enough to convince his father, at least, but something a little more chaste would probably have worked just the same.
“Now I know you’re into biting,” Juyeon says casually, as if that’s a normal thing to say.
Eric feels his face heat up, and he pushes at Juyeon’s shoulders. “That doesn’t— I’m— Oh my god, let’s go.”
Juyeon pinches Eric’s red cheek before ushering him down the stairs, out the front door, and into Eric’s mom’s car.
It takes a bit for Eric to figure out where they’re going, and it’s not until they arrive at the recreation center that he realizes what they’re doing. He watches in disbelief as Juyeon pulls out a duffle bag from the backseat. “There’s no way,” he says, but Juyeon just grins and tugs him along.
On the baseball field, Eric’s friends from middle school jump up from the benches and yell, “Happy birthday!”
Tears immediately spring to Eric’s eyes, and he covers his face to hide them. “Oh my god, this is crazy….”
“Aw, you’re such a baby,” one of them says, and they all rush forth to put their arms around him. He can’t help but laugh as they shove him around, a different pair of arms around him every minute.
Miles is there too, pulling Eric into his side and squeezing tight. “It wasn’t easy getting them all here, you know? Not everyone comes home for the holidays anymore. But your little boyfriend kept pestering me about it, so… here we are. Everyone that’s still cool agreed to come for a quick baseball game.”
Eric looks over the shoulder of one of his friends, past the cluster of people surrounding him, to find Juyeon standing off to the side, giving them space. The moment their eyes meet, the fond expression on Juyeon’s face softens further into a sweet smile. He can’t help but smile back, a little flustered, heart racing from just one look.
How is it possible that he’s fallen even harder? How can he love one person this much? It feels like it’s going to burst out of him, all of this affection building in his chest.
“All of this is his gift to you,” Miles says. “For my gift though, I’m gonna give you some advice. Pay attention to the way Juyeon looks at you, the way he treats you, all of that. And then fucking ask him out for real, dingus.”
Eric tries to follow that advice.
Only Miles is in the loop about the whole fake dating thing; it’s easier to keep a secret when less people know it, after all. That means Eric and Juyeon have to keep up their charade. So while they tease each other playfully, as they always have when there’s a game involved, they also hold hands and snuggle up to each other. Eric leans his head on Juyeon’s shoulder, Juyeon tucks stray strands of hair behind Eric’s ear, etc.
At some point, Eric ends up in Juyeon’s lap. He sits with his legs to the side, his face buried in the side of Juyeon’s neck, seeking warmth for his cold nose. He feels Juyeon laugh, the sound reverberating through his chest, and he thinks he wants to make Juyeon laugh for the rest of his life. If Juyeon will allow it. If Juyeon will let him stick around.
Sighing, he looks up at Juyeon, staring at his jawline, his hair curling around his ear, the hook of his nose, the curve of his lips. He should be watching the game, at least so he knows when it’s his turn to go out on the field, but… he’s allowed to stare at his fake-boyfriend. It makes him look like a lovesick fool without giving him away as an actual lovesick fool.
After a moment, Juyeon realizes that Eric is staring and looks back with a raised eyebrow. What’s up? his face says. Something wrong? When Eric shakes his head, his expression softens, his lips curling up into a smile. “Nothing?” he murmurs. “Just looking, baby?”
Eric hums and leans up to kiss him.
It’s short; he’s conscious, this time, of where he is, who’s around him. He doesn’t need to start making out with Juyeon in front of all his friends. But he relishes the way Juyeon answers without hesitation, the delicate press of their lips. He pulls away, sighing contentedly, and his eyes open to the sight of Juyeon looking…
Dazed. Delighted. Desperate for more.
Eric blinks, and the expression on Juyeon’s face melts into an embarrassed smile as Eric’s friends giggle at them. He clears his throat and pulls further away, embarrassed himself. “Sorry,” he says, just quiet enough for only Juyeon to hear, but Juyeon shakes his head and leans down to kiss him again.
—
They keep it up through the rest of the day, both with Eric’s friends and later with Eric’s parents. It gets… Eric doesn’t want to say easier, because his heart still races, and he’s still analyzing Juyeon’s face after each kiss, wondering if he feels just as flustered, just as enamored. There’s still a complicated mess of feelings swirling in his chest throughout every moment of this stupid fake-dating scheme they’re conducting.
But they don’t falter. On Eric’s end, maybe it’s because this is all he’s ever wanted since the moment he met Juyeon, and he’s taking this opportunity to enjoy it while he can. He doesn’t know about Juyeon though.
By the time they get back to Eric’s room, Eric is exhausted. But—
Juyeon pauses in digging through his suitcase when he notices Eric rummaging through the bedside drawers. “What are you looking for?”
With flushed cheeks, Eric pulls out multiple boxes of condoms. “I— I was just thinking that… maybe we should open one of these? To pretend we’ve used it.”
Juyeon laughs, though his cheeks are also turning pink. “We don’t have to do that,” he says, walking closer to look at the options. “Wow, they got so many….”
“Well, it’s my birthday, so I think, maybe, we’d have sex? If we were dating,” Eric adds quickly, unnecessarily.
“Sure.” Juyeon plucks one of the boxes out of Eric’s hand. “But there’s a lot we can do without needing to use one of these.” Still, even as he says that, he opens the box and fishes out a condom, ripping it open with his teeth. “Do you really think your parents are gonna check this?”
Yes. Eric knows that his mom will go through and check his room to tidy up and replenish things, like tissue. It was really annoying growing up, knowing that she would go through his things with no regard for his privacy. As long as he kept things clean, though, she wouldn’t have anything to go through. “Just… throw the wrapper on the floor and the condom in the trash. I’ll throw out the trash in the morning.”
He’s trying really hard not to think about the things they could do without a condom. Why would Juyeon say that? Now he has to shake off images of the two of them wrapped up together.
They get ready for bed in silence, leaving Eric to his wildly running thoughts, and soon, they’re climbing in bed together, the mattress creaking beneath their weight. The sound sparks an idea in Eric’s brain, but he hesitates to say anything about it. How far can he go before Juyeon gets fed up with his shenanigans? There’s no way Juyeon won’t be mad at him after this.
Juyeon turns on his side and rests a hand on Eric’s arm. “What’s wrong?” he asks, because even if Eric wasn’t being completely obvious, he’d still know.
With a sigh, Eric looks up at the ceiling as he speaks, too afraid to look Juyeon in the eye. “Do you think we should… make noise?”
There’s a moment of silence as Juyeon turns that over in his head, and every second is agonizing. “What, uh…,” he sounds a little nervous himself, clearing his throat, “what kind of sounds?”
“I don’t know, Juyeon! The bed is really loud; wouldn’t it be weird if we were completely silent?”
“Oh.” Juyeon breathes a small sigh of relief. “Oh, you mean like that.”
Eric flushes red and says, “I’m not fake-moaning or anything. We don’t… We don’t need to go that far. But maybe like, jumping on the bed or something?”
“Youngjae, if I jump on this bed, it’ll break.” Juyeon sits up and bounces, listening to the squeaking of the mattress. “I know what we can do!”
Eric is opening his mouth to ask when Juyeon suddenly rolls on top of him, mischievous grin curling his lips, and he lets out a loud, “Hah!” when Juyeon’s fingers find his sides and dig in. He tries to wiggle out of Juyeon’s grasp, kicking his feet, tugging at Juyeon’s arms, but there’s no escape. He laughs breathlessly and shoves at Juyeon’s shoulders. “You— What—!”
“Shh,” Juyeon says, like it’s easy for Eric to stop laughing when Juyeon is tickling him.
Still, Eric holds one hand over his mouth, his other hand sneaking into Juyeon’s sleeve and brushing against his armpit. When Juyeon squeaks and pulls back, Eric pushes forward, flipping their positions. It’s his turn to tickle Juyeon now, going for every weak spot he can think of as Juyeon squirms and giggles beneath him.
“Ah, wait!” Juyeon gasps out. He pulls Eric close in an attempt to stop him, then pushes him away when that doesn’t work. “Wait, wait!”
“Yeah, not so fun when you’re on the receiving end, huh?”
“Youngjae, baby—” Juyeon cuts himself off with a breathless laugh. “Oh, wait, it’s too much, I’m gonna—”
Eric stops immediately— if Juyeon pees in his bed, he’ll have to kill him and then himself— but Juyeon, instead of laying back and catching his breath, springs up and grabs Eric’s wrists. “Fuck,” he shouts and starts kicking his feet.
They wrestle for a bit, legs wrapping around each other, hands flailing, until eventually, Juyeon sags on top of Eric, breathing heavily. “Okay,” he says, “you win. How do you still have so much energy? We played an entire baseball game this morning.”
Eric, who was on the verge of giving in himself, laughs triumphantly. “That was so long ago, hyung! Of course I still have energy.” With that energy, he flips them over, lifting himself up with his hands on Juyeon’s chest. “See?”
“Yeah, I see, baby.” Juyeon gives him a fond smile, reaching up to pinch Eric’s cheek. “You know what else I see? That, according to your little clock here, it’s time to go to bed.”
Sighing dramatically, Eric lays his head down on Juyeon’s chest and settles in. “Fine. But only because I just know my mom is gonna drag me out to go shopping tomorrow.”
“You…” Juyeon rests a hand on Eric’s back, tentatively, like he wants to keep Eric in place but doesn’t want to force him. “You want to sleep like this?”
“We’ll just end up like this anyway,” Eric says nonchalantly, though his heart races in his chest as he looks up at Juyeon. “Might as well, right?”
Juyeon seems… pleased. A little nervous. Incredibly indulgent. “Right…. Let’s get some rest then.”
It takes a long while for Eric to fall asleep, playing Juyeon’s expressions in his mind on repeat, overthinking, overanalyzing, overeverything. He needs more than this to make a decision. He needs to push a little harder.
—
The next morning, Eric does, in fact, get dragged out of the house for some last-minute Christmas shopping. He’s still half-asleep as he stands at the door, waiting with his sister as Juyeon helps their mom search for her purse. Seeing an opportunity, Janelle punches him in the arm and says, “I don’t know what the hell you two were doing last night, but I had to wear headphones to go to sleep, so thanks for that.”
“Noona. Come on. Obviously, we were having sex.”
She sends him a sidelong glance, like she’s not sure if he’s telling the truth or not, and if he can convince his sister that he had sex with Juyeon when she knows they’re not dating, that means he’s doing a good job. “You… No, you’re full of shit. I saw the way he looked at you earlier; there’s no way.”
“What does that mean?” Eric demands. This is the second person mentioning the way Juyeon looks at him. “How was he looking?”
“Like he would do anything you asked of him, but your stupid ass hasn’t asked yet,” Janelle says, exasperated. “This was fun while it lasted, but I need you two to get your shit together already.”
Before she can say anything more, before Eric can question what she’s already said, their mom swings out from the kitchen, triumphantly holding her purse up. “Sorry, kids. I found my purse but couldn’t find my wallet! Thankfully, my favorite child Juyeonie was here, since my other children are bums who would rather stand around than help their poor mother.”
“Eh, Juyeon-oppa had it,” Janelle says, while Juyeon flushes at being called the favorite. “We would have gotten in the way.”
“Is that so.” Their mom pinches both of their cheeks in punishment, earning twin groans from them. “Maybe I should take back your presents…?”
“Oh, Mom,” Eric bats his eyelashes, “you know me and noona are terrible at finding things, we really would have gotten in the way! Juyeonie-hyung is so much better at it, right?”
Eric’s mom purses her lips, and then she gives in. “Well… I guess he did find it quicker than any of us would have… Anyway, we should go. We’re already running late!”
Eric grins at the glare Janelle sends him. They both know their mom is weak to the baby of the family. He uses that knowledge for good, mostly.
He turns to Juyeon and pulls him aside while his mom puts on her shoes. “Are you sure you’ll be okay by yourself? I can tell Mom that I need to stay,” he says quietly.
“It’s fine, baby.” Juyeon reaches up to tug Eric’s beanie over his ears and adjust his coat. “I can finish reading my book. And your mom left plenty of food in the fridge for when I get hungry.”
“Okay.” Eric puts his hands on Juyeon’s shoulders, steadying himself as he reaches up on his toes to kiss him, gentle and sweet. It’s not as short as he meant it to be, but he can’t help lingering for a bit, savoring the moment. When he pulls away, he searches Juyeon’s face.
Is this the look his sister was talking about? Is that really longing in Juyeon’s eyes, or is he choosing to see what he wants to see? Would Juyeon actually do whatever he asked?
He hesitates, then kisses Juyeon once more. “I’ll see you later, hyung,” he says, and he reluctantly pulls away, watches Juyeon’s hands slip from his coat. As much as he wants to figure this out, it will just have to wait until evening.
“You two are so cute,” his mom says, when they’re in the car. “I can really tell how much you two like each other. Gosh, you’ll help me pick out a good gift for him, won’t you?”
Eric nods, turning towards the window to hide his expression. He really hopes that Juyeon likes him as much as everyone seems to think he does. Because he really, really likes Juyeon, and he’s got a plan forming in his head that might ruin everything.
—
After hours of shopping, lunch, then more shopping, Eric is exhausted. How is it more tiring to carry a bunch of bags around the mall than it is to play baseball? He doesn’t know, but he’s pretty much ready to go to bed by the time they get home.
About halfway through dinner, he remembers his plan, and all thoughts of sleeping leave his mind.
He stays up for a bit longer, helping his mom wrap presents, trying to work out the nervous energy lingering in his body with mindless busywork. He can’t help thinking about the trajectory of his relationship with Juyeon though, wondering if he’s doing the right thing, hoping he doesn’t end up pushing him away by pushing him too far. A sigh escapes him as he spirals.
“Youngjae-yah.” Eric’s mom puts her hand on his for a moment before getting back to work. “What’s wrong, baby?”
Eric bites his lip and tries to figure out how to word his thoughts without revealing the full truth. There’s no point dodging the question; his mom can be stubborn if she thinks something is bothering her children. “I just feel like… maybe me and Juyeon are moving too fast? Like he’s just along for the ride but only because I forced him to go on the ride in the first place. Is that a good analogy? I don’t know. I just… I don’t want him to leave.”
His mom hums as she curls a ribbon with the edge of her scissors and reaches over to grab a decorative label. To Juyeon, she writes. Love, Mom. “I don’t think that’s something you have to worry about, honey. That boy looks at you like you hold the moon and the stars. You know what I think?” She sets aside the present and picks up a box and a roll of wrapping paper. “I think you aren’t giving Juyeonie enough credit. Everything that you think you’re pushing him on or forcing him to do, I think he wouldn’t do it if he didn’t really want to. He has a soft spot for you, absolutely, but you wouldn’t be able to drag him to, let’s say, golfing. You’re overthinking it, Youngjae-yah.”
The way Juyeon looks at him…. Maybe he is overthinking it a little. “Thanks, Mom. I think you’re right.”
When Eric makes it up to his room, Juyeon is already settled in, reading his book. He looks up and immediately sets his book aside, his full attention on Eric. “Ready for bed?” he asks.
“Well…,” Eric rubs the back of his neck, a bit hesitant at just springing it on Juyeon as soon as he walks through the door, “I was thinking that maybe we could, uh….”
“You want to do it again.” Juyeon lowers his voice and adds, “Fake sex.”
With pink cheeks, Eric nods. Since Juyeon is getting right to the point, he might as well just go for it. “Um, yes, but also, uh, my neck is kinda sensitive? So when I was younger, I would, you know, come home with marks sometimes….”
Juyeon glances down at Eric’s neck. His gaze makes Eric shiver. “You want me to leave marks on your neck,” he says, almost questioningly.
“Yeah…. Unless that’s too weird. Because, you know, we’ve done a lot so far, and they’re pretty convinced already, so maybe they wouldn’t get suspicious at this point, because we’ve already done so much—”
“Baby,” Juyeon interrupts Eric’s— frankly mortifying— rambling. “I didn’t say no.”
“Oh.” Eric stands in the middle of the room, stumped. Juyeon didn’t say no? “You don’t mind?”
“I don’t mind. Come here.”
It takes a moment for the words to process in Eric’s mind, but once it does, he lurches over towards the bed and places a knee on the creaky mattress. His mind races. Does Juyeon want to do this, or is he just going along with it because he doesn’t mind? “Um, how do you want to…?”
Juyeon pulls the covers back a little further and pats the bed. “Why don’t you lay down and get comfortable?”
Obedient, Eric gets in and settles down on his back, his heart beating so hard, it feels like it’s about to burst. He startles when Juyeon simply rolls on top of him and cages him in with his hands and knees. “Should we…?” he starts, but then he shakes his head. “Nevermind.” He doesn’t want to push his luck by asking for a kiss too. That has nothing to do with fooling his parents when they’re in the privacy of Eric’s room.
Juyeon raises an eyebrow but doesn’t pry, just leans down to bury his face in Eric’s neck. “This okay?” he asks, and when Eric nods, he presses his lips to Eric’s skin. “Here?”
“Maybe… a little lower.” Eric’s nerves already feel alight with anticipation. He brings a hand up to curl his fingers in Juyeon’s shirt, a sigh escaping him as Juyeon kisses his neck again. “Yeah, right there is fine.”
With a hum that vibrates deliciously against Eric’s throat, Juyeon gets to work. He starts off gentle, parting his lips and wetting Eric’s skin, placing slow, sweet kisses on Eric’s neck. It’s barely enough to turn Eric’s skin red, but he does it until Eric fully relaxes beneath him, until Eric is sighing with every breath.
The moment Juyeon starts to suck at his skin, Eric whimpers. They both freeze in place at the sound, and then Juyeon pulls back to say, “Wow, your neck really is sensitive.” He just barely manages to dodge Eric’s knee coming up to dig into his side, laughing. “What, you said it first!”
“That doesn’t mean you get to make fun of me for it!”
“I’m not making fun of you.” Before Eric can even begin to question what he means by that, Juyeon adds, “Wanna continue?”
Eric closes his mouth, opens it again. “Yes,” he says, and so Juyeon leans back down to kiss his neck again.
The thing is, it feels too good. Eric’s small whimpers get louder, his breathing erratic, as Juyeon sucks a monster of a hickey into his neck, takes the skin between his teeth and bites down just enough to have Eric squirming beneath him. It takes all of Eric’s willpower not to moan out Juyeon’s name, chanting in his mind, That would be weird, that would be super weird. He does his best to keep quiet, so that he’s just loud enough for someone passing by to hear, but not enough that he’s disturbing anyone who might be sleeping. The perfect balance.
Juyeon ruins that as soon as he moves to another spot on Eric’s neck, sucking hard without warning.
Eric slaps a hand over his mouth in a futile attempt to muffle his loud groan. “Fuck,” he breathes out.
“Youngjae-yah,” Juyeon pulls back to put his lips against Eric’s ear, murmuring, “why don’t you bite me too? Don’t you like biting?”
Slanderous. Eric never admitted to that. But he only hesitates for a moment before tugging Juyeon’s shirt collar aside and sinking his teeth in. It draws a grunt out of Juyeon, so Eric stays there, muffling himself with Juyeon’s shoulder, hands clinging desperately to his back, fingers curled into the fabric of his shirt.
He doesn’t know how much time passes while Juyeon leaves mark after mark. He doesn’t know when—or if— he should tell him to stop either. He wants it to keep going, wants Juyeon to want this, to want him—
Juyeon presses his hips to Eric, and Eric gasps at the feeling, teeth unlatching from Juyeon’s shoulder. As if he’s been burnt, Juyeon pulls away and flings himself to the other side of the bed. “Fuck,” he says, breathing heavily, eyes wide, panicked. Eric’s heart sinks. “Fuck, sorry, Eric. I didn’t mean— I’m sorry.”
And then he jumps off the bed and runs to the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind him.
—
Eric doesn’t know whether Juyeon ever came back to bed. He had tried staying up, and though his anxiety threatened to keep him from sleeping, he wore himself out after a couple of hours and fell asleep alone. By the time he woke up, Juyeon was already downstairs, helping Eric’s mother with cooking. There’s no space at all for them to talk, even if Juyeon was willing to.
Which he clearly isn’t, judging from the fact that he doesn’t even look up when Eric greets them at the doorway.
Eric’s mom glances between them and gives Eric a questioning look, but Eric shakes his head. He doesn’t even know what he’d say to her. Awkwardly, he steps around them to fix himself a bowl of cereal and escape back to the living room.
Janelle is sprawled on the couch, searching for something on the TV, so Eric takes the loveseat. As soon as he sits, his sister points at him and says, “What’s up with that.”
Eric raises a hand to his neck, self-conscious. Juyeon did a number on him before he bolted. “Nothing. Besides the fact that I may have run him off for good, I guess.”
“Not possible.” She presses aggressively at the remote with one hand and bites into her apple with the other. “Have you tried talking to him?”
“Wow, noona, you know what? I hadn’t thought of that. Let me go in the kitchen right now—”
“Alright, I get it. There’s always later. We’ve got a shit ton of wine and nowhere to be,” she says. “Oh, here it is. My playlist!”
Christmas music starts to play, and he and his sister finish up their breakfast quickly before filing into the kitchen, where their mom puts them to work. They always spend most of Christmas Eve helping out with preparations for Christmas dinner, so they take their usual places, preparing dumplings and soups, cookies and pies. As the hosts for the Christmas gathering, they always make the bulk of the dinner, while the rest of the family brings in a few supplemental dishes.
They mostly work in silence, with Eric and Juyeon on opposite sides of the kitchen. If Eric could just get close to him, maybe he could nudge him, at least get him to acknowledge him… but they don’t move. The atmosphere in the kitchen feels tense and unnatural, awkward to work in. Eventually, Eric’s mom sends them both to the grocery store for a few things she forgot to grab.
Eric thinks it’s an excuse to get them together in an enclosed space so they can talk their shit out like grown adults, but that’s just a guess. Still, he doesn’t waste the opportunity, making sure Juyeon is settled in the car and unable to escape before speaking. “What’s up with you?” he asks, as soon as he’s on the road. “You won’t even look at me.”
Juyeon sighs and tugs nervously at his fingers, silently staring out the windshield for so long that Eric almost says something to prompt him to speak. “I’m sorry.”
“What are you sorry for?”
“I—,” Juyeon’s voice comes out weak, and he clears his throat, “I went too far.”
“Hyung…” Eric taps his fingers on the wheel, trying to think of a way to say what he needs to. “I don’t want you to just go along with this if it makes you uncomfortable. We don’t have to do any of this.”
Juyeon huffs out a laugh. “We’re in a little too deep to quit now.” When Eric frowns, he backtracks. “It doesn’t make me uncomfortable, Youngjae. I agreed to everything. I just… Last night, I only meant to leave marks on you, not… anything else. So I freaked out, and then I felt a little embarrassed for doing all of that. And guilty. And stupid.”
“Running away from me was a little stupid,” Eric agrees, and then he laughs as Juyeon pinches his arm. “What, you said it! Look, just so we’re clear, I want to keep doing this. So that means we need to talk if one of us does something that makes the other uncomfortable. But so far, nothing like that has happened, okay?”
From the corner of his eye, Eric sees Juyeon nod. “I want to keep doing this too,” he says quietly.
Eric can’t help but breathe a sigh of relief. Not only has he not ruined his relationship with Juyeon— yet— but also he doesn’t have to go up to his parents and tell them that actually this was all fake and they’re just bros! That would have been dreadful. “Okay, good. Then kiss me when we get to the grocery store, and again while we’re inside.”
“In case your family happens to be in there?” Juyeon asks.
No, because I want you to kiss me. “Yeah. You never know; my aunt shops there all the time.”
Juyeon hums in agreement, and he does, in fact, kiss Eric in the parking lot, and again in the produce section, smiling in satisfaction when he manages to catch Eric by surprise.
—
The rest of Christmas Eve goes off without a hitch. Eric and Juyeon come home giggling about a terrible joke Juyeon made in the car, and Eric’s mom pats both of their heads in approval. Halfway through the day, Eric’s father comes home and helps with the last bit of preparations as well, singing along to the Christmas music, occasionally pulling Eric’s mother into an impromptu dance that has everyone clinging to the counters just so they don’t get hit by flailing limbs. The dour mood from the morning is completely forgotten by the afternoon, and by evening, they’re piling into the living room with bellies full of good food— samples of what they’ll be eating tomorrow for Christmas dinner.
Eric’s father breaks out the bourbon, and Eric’s sister places a few bottles of wine on the coffee table. “We’re not going to be drinking that much,” Eric says, but Juyeon raises an eyebrow and pours them all a glass.
They put on Christmas movies to run in the background, and then Eric pulls out what they’ve gathered here for: dominoes. “Alright, Juyeonie-hyung, I have to warn you. You’re about to witness how a family breaks down, because we’re about to play Bones.”
“Oh, don’t scare him,” Eric’s mom says. “We’re not that bad.”
Janelle nods from behind her, mouthing, Yeah, we are, so Juyeon laughs and says, “It’s okay. I’ll just watch.”
They get down on the floor around the coffee table, Juyeon offering up his lap for Eric to sit in— an offer that Eric takes, of course. It doesn’t take long for them to settle into the game. Eric tries his best to explain the rules, but even though Juyeon nods his head, he doesn’t seem to be paying much attention, and soon, Eric is distracted by the competition.
Juyeon keeps his arms wrapped around Eric, holding him close, only letting go to drink his wine. Occasionally, he’ll feed Eric a piece of chocolate or the fruit tray that’s been set out, but otherwise, he just watches and laughs along with whoever is shittalking. He’s warm though, and comfortable, and the more Eric drinks, the more he sinks into Juyeon’s embrace.
It’s good. It’s fun. At some point, Juyeon leans his head down onto Eric’s shoulder. When Eric stops accusing his dad of cheating and turns to look at Juyeon, he’s staring right back. His cheeks are flushed from the alcohol, but his eyes are bright and clear, watching him with an almost overwhelming fondness, and his mouth curls up into a sweet smile, like he’s just glad to be here, like this is all he’s ever wanted, like—
Oh.
Eric gets it now.
With bated breath, he brings a hand up to gently hold Juyeon’s jaw, watches as Juyeon leans into the touch and closes his eyes in satisfaction, like a cat being pet. It’s the perfect moment to kiss him, so he does, just a small, chaste kiss for the family. For himself.
Juyeon blinks his eyes open and tightens his grip on Eric’s waist. His lips part, and, for a moment, he looks like he’s going to kiss Eric again. At the last second, he regains some clarity, pulls back with an embarrassed chuckle. “Um, I think it’s your turn,” he says quietly.
Eric turns back around to find his family watching them. “Alright, show’s over,” he says, and they all laugh. He sets his thoughts aside for now and focuses on the game in front of him.
Eventually, after two games of Bones in which Eric’s father won, some karaoke, and a few rounds of Slaps (similar to Speed, but much more painful, if Eric’s reddened hands have anything to say about it), the winner contentious in every match because Eric’s sister is a sore loser, Eric’s mom decides that it’s time for bed. “Santa can’t bring in the gifts if we’re all still awake down here,” she says, as if the presents aren’t already under the Christmas tree. But they all know what she means.
She wakes their father up and leads him to bed, and the rest of them clean up and follow suit, trudging up the stairs carefully. Eric is a little wobbly, but Juyeon presses a hand to his back, steadying him from behind. As soon as they make it to Eric’s room, Eric closes the door and leaps at Juyeon.
“Whoa,” Juyeon laughs and holds him close, “what’s up? Had a little too much?”
Eric shakes his head. He had a few glasses of wine, sure, but he spaced them out well. Not at all too drunk, but just tipsy enough to embolden him a little. “Just happy.”
Juyeon’s lips curl upwards in the most beautiful smile, eyes crinkling, cheeks pink. “Yeah?” he asks.
“Yeah.”
And then, in the privacy of Eric’s room, with no one around to see them, no one that they need to fool, Eric kisses Juyeon.
—
It’s early. Eric can tell without even opening his eyes, because his head still throbs from last night’s wine. His hangovers never last long, so hopefully, it’ll be gone by the time he decides to get up. He snuggles forward, into the warmth of the person wrapped around him, bare skin sliding against bare skin.
Oh, yeah. Last night.
Awareness slowly creeps into Eric’s mind, until he knows he won’t be able to fall back asleep. He sighs as he opens his eyes, but nothing can bring down his mood, as he replays the memory of last night with a bright smile on his face. It was amazing, everything Eric’s ever dreamed of and more. The way Juyeon looked at him, like he was precious, someone worth cherishing and holding and loving, makes Eric’s heart race just thinking about it.
Slowly, he presses a reverent kiss to the perfect skin in front of him, Juyeon’s collarbone. There’s a bite mark there, and he giggles and kisses it again. He feels so… giddy. And he has a right to be, with the man of his dreams in his arms, almost belonging to him.
Almost.
Juyeon stirs in his grip, pulling Eric impossibly closer, nuzzling his face into Eric’s hair. He lets out a content sigh and relaxes once again.
“Good morning,” Eric says, voice still deep and raspy from sleep. “Merry Christmas.”
Juyeon hums sleepily and says, “Merry Christmas.” And then he freezes.
Eric watches Juyeon’s Adam's apple bob as he swallows hard, catches the way Juyeon’s shoulders tense just before he starts to pull away. “Juyeon-hyung?”
“Youngjae,” Juyeon breathes out. “God, Youngjae, I’m— I don’t know what— If you want to just… forget about last night, or pretend it never happened—”
“I don’t.”
“— we can just— Um, what?”
Eric bites his lip, heart threatening to burst out of his chest. “I don’t want to forget. And I don’t want to pretend it never happened,” he says.
Juyeon’s breath hitches, eyes widening. “You—” His voice cracks, and he clears his throat. “What… what do you want then?”
Juyeon looks so hopeful, so helplessly earnest, that Eric can’t help but laugh. “Juyeonie-hyung! Isn’t it obvious by now?”
“No,” Juyeon says, but he’s starting to smile too, unable to keep it in. “I think you need to spell it out for me.”
Eric sighs dramatically and scoots closer, reaching up to hold Juyeon’s jaw, pulling him in. “I want you, Juyeon. I want you to be my boyfriend, for real this time. I want to kiss you and cuddle you whenever I want. I want you to spoil me rotten, and I want you to get jealous of any guy that flirts with me, and I want you to look at me like you are now for the rest of our lives.”
“Hm, I suppose those demands are easy enough to follow,” Juyeon says, leaning in a little further, just enough that their lips brush together with every movement. “Then, as your boyfriend— officially, this time— is this okay?”
Eric smiles, thinking about last night and how often Juyeon had asked him that same question. “How many times do I have to say yes before you’ll start doing what you want?”
Juyeon’s eyes crinkle, and Eric can practically taste the smile on his lips. “At the very least, one more time.” And then his eyes fall shut, his lips press sweetly against Eric’s, his fingers running through Eric’s hair.
It’s perfect. The best Christmas present Eric could have ever gotten.
—
(Later, after they’ve had their fun but before they head downstairs, Juyeon tugs Eric close with a shy smile. “It’s a little different now, isn’t it? You’re introducing me as your boyfriend to the rest of your family, and it’s real, baby. We’re real,” he says in wonder, like it’s only now hitting him that they’re actually dating.
Eric doesn’t blame him for that. It’s still sinking in for him.
“Juyeon-ah, it’ll be fine. You’ve already met them before, and they already love you. All you have to do is convince them that you’re my boyfriend.”
Juyeon smiles and says, “I think I can do that.”)