Work Text:
October 2014
Hey, so, I know we're broken up, I promise I'm not trying to make anything harder on you, but, I, uh, I had to tell you this.
You remember that woman who was horrible to you for no reason when I made you spill those stupid canape things the night we- The night we met at that fundraiser?
So, I had to go to this dinner last night and there were like five thousand speeches which is kind of normal but also every single person there wanted to die, and halfway through some really long speech the guy talking paused and there was this huge, massive, richter scale fart and the whole room of bored rich assholes all turned to look and it was her, the woman who was horrible to you!
You don't have to reply to this. I'm really not trying to do anything, I just couldn't not tell you, I mean, it's cosmic justice, right? Anyway. I hope grad school is going well and- Yeah. I hope you're well? Thank you. Bye.
January 2015
I can't believe you found my cufflinks! Thank you so much, oh my god, thank you. They came in the mail today. Thank you. Thank you.
Sorry. I hope it's okay for me to call? I promise I'm not going to keep doing it, I just had to say thank you and also look okay I know this is weird but, uh, do you remember where you got those banana socks for me because I've kind of worn through them but I- Sorry. No. That was stupid. You don't have to answer that, I just wanted to say thanks for the cufflinks, they were my dad's so, you know.
Thank you.
February 2015
Holy shit, thank you! You really didn't have to do that. I love them. The socks, I mean. Obviously the socks. Sorry. Shit.
June 2015
Uh. Is this weird? Sorry. I just. I saw this painting by that artist you like, that Van Wyck guy, and I couldn't stop thinking about how- No, it is weird. It is. Okay. But you remember the one picture that looked like the inside of a store? You said it would go great in the living room and then I freaked out and nearly had a panic attack. That one. This was like that, but it was kind of more than that? The same idea - the inside of a room, all kind of blurry and bright - but more abstract and at the same time more real because of that?
I don't know. I kept thinking you'd know how to talk about it. Like there must be some sort of art term for it and you'd take one look and be all, yeah, of course, the Mozart technique, but I was just looking at it like, huh duh paint pretty.
Sorry. Shit. I'm not drunk-drunk, I promise. I just saw the painting and then I went to a bar and now I'm calling you from outside a gay bar in Barcelona because I don't want to hook up with anyone and- Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Look, forget I left this message, okay?
October 2015
Hey, okay, this is weird, but I didn't want you to find out some other way. I went to the Kingfisher last night. I didn't do anything, just had a beer, watched the game, but, you know. It was, uh, it was cool.
Your friend Kyle was there. He didn't say anything, honestly I don't think he even recognised me, but it was nice to see someone from your stories in the flesh.
Anyway. It was a lot, I don't have to tell you it was a lot, but I'm glad I did it. You were right. It's a nice place. Lowkey. I could see myself going back there maybe.
November 2015
I am going to kill Ilya fucking Rozanov with God as my fucking witness fuck. He's such an asshole. Such an asshole. He was on me the whole fucking game all, Isn't it time to retire, old man? and Your knees must be more metal than bone now, yes? like I don't care but also the whole fucking game, oh my god.
January 2016
Thank you so much for the socks, I can't believe you're still sending them, I love them, I- Thank you.
Can I send you something back? Would that be okay? I don't want to make it weird. I just, you really don't know how much better I skate when I'm wearing those socks, it's, if our coach knew the difference they made he'd send you a fruit basket himself.
I was thinking maybe if there's something you want for your kitchen or something I could get that for you? Nothing big, I'm not trying to be That Guy or anything, but if there's like a pan or a blender or a, I don't know, special knife you've been thinking about getting? I don't know. Only if you want.
February 2016
Woooooooooo! I heard some genius passed his quals! That's amazing you're amazing woooooooooo!
[Noise from background]
Kyle says hi!
[Noise from background]
No, he knows I come here. I told him.
[Pause, noise from background fades]
Sorry, I'm outside now. I wasn't checking up on you, I promise, I just kind of come here sometimes now, it's nice, it helps me relax. And Kyle knew who I was so I told him you'd recommended the bar and- Yeah. Anyway, he said you'd passed your quals and I know they're a big deal and I just wanted to let you know that I'm so happy for you and you're amazing and I always knew you'd crush it. Yeah.
May 2016
Listen. I'm not speculating. But. You know fucking God's Gift To Canada Shane Hollander The Goodest Boy? He's always been kind of weird about Ilya Rozanov, and, like, he's a weird guy, that's okay, no judgement, at least he doesn't make it anyone else's problem, but. Okay.
No. I'm being a dick. Sorry. I shouldn't have had that last beer.
November 2016
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I thought for sure I had enough to last me through to Christmas, but then I got this gross toe thing and I bled all over- You don't need to know that. But thank you. You know you don't have to do this, right? Like, I'm so grateful, don't get me wrong, but I don't want you to feel like I'm- like it's some kind of obligation or something.
January 2017
Don't freak out, but I did the thing.
Sorry. Of course you're not going to freak out. It's me. I'm freaking out. Oh, god, Kip, I'm freaking out so much but I did it, I did the You Can Play spot. Everyone was Very Nice and Very Professional and it was all speaking as an ally and shit, but I did it.
Fuck.
It was fine. It went fine. It will be fine. I was just thinking all these people depend on me, I can't let them down, but then there are all these other people who in another world could depend on me and I'm letting them down right now, and I know, I know, it's not like that, but what if there's some kid out there who's thinking of quitting hockey and they just need some overpaid dumbass on skates to say it's okay to be who you are, and maybe I could be that overpaid dumbass, you know?
It's fine. No one asked anything, they were all just so happy to have me there, and I said all the right things, and I play for New York, you know, it's not like fucking North Carolina or somewhere.
So I did it. I did the thing. Fuck.
March 2017
I sent you some new blades for your blender. The website says to replace them every 18 months and I know you've only had it 14 months but I figured maybe you get a lot of use out of it and it can't hurt to replace them sooner right?
May 2017
Hey. So. I know this is unfair. We broke up. We broke up years ago. You've moved on.
But if there's a chance - if there's a chance of a chance - that you'll take me back, you should know I'm ready to do it. I'm ready to come out.
I mean. I'm going to come out whether or not you'll take me back, but, shit, okay.
Okay.
Look.
I've never stopped loving you. I've never stopped wanting to be with you. I've never stopped wanting to grow old with you. And I had to tell you because. Because I had to tell you. That's it. I love you. Call me?