Work Text:
“‘Is Shane Hollander,” Shane started, while he struggled to peel off the little tape over the rest of the question, “autistic?’ What?”
Ilya held back a laugh at that. This had been a recent topic of conversation in their home as well, but Shane refused to get assessed for it. He believed being diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder would be just another secret to hide for the duration of his career, something that would otherwise add yet another thing to the list of characteristics that people saw about Shane before they saw what a great player he was.
“I’m not autistic. Sorry, I guess?”
“Well-” Ilya tried to interrupt.
“‘Is Shane Hollander gay?’” Shane’s face scrunched up in the cute way that drove Ilya crazy. Ilya burst out laughing at that one, he couldn’t hold it in this time. “Okay, any hockey-related questions in here?” Shane looked at the cameraman hopefully.
“Yes! He is very gay.” Ilya said between laughs.
“Next question… ‘Is Shane Hollander Asian?’ Is this all I am to people? Autistic, gay, and Asian?” Shane frowned.
“No, moya lyubov. You are also my husband!” Shane glared at him.
“Okay, it’s your turn.” Shane gently put the board down on the floor.
“‘Is Ilya Rozanov… bi?’ Bi- what? Bilingual? Bisexual? Either way, the answer is yes.”
“‘What is Ilya Rozanov jersey number?’ 81! After how many goals I scored in my first year as a rookie in the NHL,” Ilya lied.
“No, that’s not true. You only scored-”
“‘Is Ilya Rozanov handsome?’ Yes! The most handsome in the NHL. That is why Shane married me, along with my many amazing qualities.”
“That’s not even what it says. Why are you lying? They can all see you’re lying.” Shane hated it when Ilya broke the rules.
“I do not know what you mean. Next!” Ilya broke the board in two and threw it on the floor.
“‘What team does Shane Hollander play for?’ I play for the Ottawa Centaurs! We have just won our first Stanley Cup, actually.” Shane answered honestly.
“Who is ‘we’? Everyone knows Barrett, Hazy and I won us that cup. You were not involved.” Ilya teased. He loved getting on Shane’s nerves.
“Shut up, you’re such an asshole.” Shane glared at him some more. “‘What does Shane Hollander do in his free time?’ I like to stay in shape, read books about hockey, do some yoga, and spend time at my cottage.” Shane smiled.
“Sorry, I think I just fell asleep hearing you talk about your free time. I, on the other hand, like to party, drive sports cars really fast, and make fun of Shane Hollander. See? I am much more interesting.”
“No one asked you.” Shane grumbled. “‘What does Shane Hollander think about Ilya Rozanov?’ I think he’s a great player. I think he’s done a lot of good for the league and outside of the league, specifically for the Irina Foundation,” Shane thought about his next words carefully, “and I’m very proud of him.”
Ilya couldn’t make fun of that. He cleared his throat. “My turn again, Hollander, you are hogging the questions. ‘What car does Ilya Rozanov drive?’ Which one? I have 2. My easy, safe car is a Mercedes GLE SUV. I take this one out when I need to do groceries or drive on the highway, more of an every day model. I also have a Porsche 911 Turbo S that I drive in the Summers. I love my cars. I used to have more, but I sold them to start the Irina Foundation. Great question! Very fun to answer.”
“‘What is Ilya Rozanov’s dog’s name?’ Anya! Oh, she is such a sweetheart.” Ilya pulled out his phone and started showing pictures of Anya to the camera. In one picture, Anya was asleep by the fireplace in their home. In another, she was chewing on Shane’s jersey while Shane was trying to take it from her. Her tail was blurry, as if in motion, due to her wagging it.
“‘What does Ilya Rozanov think about Shane Hollander?’ I think he is boring.” Shane sighed. God forbid Ilya took anything seriously. He broke this board as well and threw the pieces on top of the last ones.
“‘Who is Shane Hollander dating?’ No one! I’m actually married to the guy next to me, Ilya Rozanov. We’ve been married for a year.”
“And it has been a great year for you. The best of your life because I am in it.” Ilya joked. Shane only smiled.
“‘Why did Shane Hollander go to Ottawa?’ Well-”
“Because Montreal was a bigoted, ungrateful team that did not deserve Shane.” Ilya said nonchalantly, as if what he was stating was merely a fact.
“Rozanov!” Shane complained.
“What? Is true.”
“I moved to Ottawa for a fresh start and to be closer to my husband. I believed in the team then, and I believe in the team now, and I have not looked back. Ottawa is a great team, and I’m lucky to play with such amazing people. Okay, last question for me. ‘Did Shane Hollander win MVP in 2014?’ No, I did not.”
“I did. Was a great night. Unforgettable. I think about it often.” Ilya glanced at Shane from the corner of his eye, and sure enough, Shane was looking down at the floor while his cheeks furiously flushed. He loved the effect he had on his husband, and that night was definitely burned into his mind.
“‘What tattoos does Ilya Rozanov have?’ I have one of a bear for Russia and one of a loon, which is a Canadian bird that sounds like a wolf. Is terrifying, almost as much as a bear.”
Shane laughed at that. “No way you’re comparing a bear to a bird, come on. And you say I’m a coward.”
“Is not funny. How do you know if you hear wolf or bird? Is dangerous.” Ilya said seriously. “Okay, next question. ‘Did Ilya Rozanov date Troy Barrett?’” Ilya couldn’t stop the laugh that escaped his lips. He looked at Shane, who was glaring at him, and laughed even louder. Shane got so jealous so easily.
“No, but he is my type. Hot, good at hockey. Great teammate.”
“Shut up. Just answer the last one.” Shane said, unamused.
“‘Did Ilya Rozanov fall in love with Shane Hollander?... Yes. I did. and I do more and more every day.” Ilya said with an honesty that made Shane’s heart ache. He always found it so endearing when Ilya spoke so earnestly about him, holding nothing back no matter who was around.
“That was our WIRED autocomplete interview.” Shane said to the camera.
“Thank you for watching! Go Centaurs!” Ilya said, with a bright smile that melted Shane’s heart.