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The three words were spoken softly to him. Always with such care. Always with meaning.
The first time he'd been too startled ro react, accepting them in the quiet darkness of the bedroom.
It was easier from Parker. The two of them were so similar in some ways that he knew that she meant it. He knew that she never said things she didn't mean.
Alec though, that was harder. He said it with such reverence. Like it was obvious. Sincere. And Eliot wanted so hard to believe him. But there was such a goodness in Alec that it was more difficult to accept those three words. Said simply. Said like it was as easy and natural as breathing.
It wasn't that Eliot didn't want it. If he was being really honest with himself, he wanted it more than almost anything else. No, it was more like he didn't feel that he deserved it. After all he'd done. All the people he'd hurt. All the innocent blood on his hands… how could he possibly deserve the love of someone as good and kind as Alec Hardison. For goodness sake, Hardison had told them that when he was young he'd hacked into the bank of Iceland to pay off his nana's medical bills. He was made for the job they did now. He did their job because it was who he was. Eliot wanted be try to put balance back into the world. To protect people who were being hurt. But also because he wanted to be a better person.
Wanted to be the kind of person who could deserve the love of the two people he cared about more than anyone in the world.
Some days he feels closer to it. Wakes up and feels like he belongs there, with his head on Alec's chest and Parker pressed against his back. Other times it feels more alien. Like one day they'll realise he's a fraud and doesn't belong with them at all.
Tonight it was just Eliot and Hardison. Parker was away, helping out one of the other teams. They'd offered to go with her but she seemed like she was looking forward to some quality vent time. They had a hacker and hitter, but had called on her for the help of a good thief. The best thief.
They'd eaten together and then Hardison had gone off to his computers, hunched over his keyboard in a way that always made Eliot worry about the long term health of his spine. The bottle of orange soda next to him was almost completely gone. Eliot shook his head slightly and went to the fridge, fetching a fresh one and cracking it open before he replaced the lid and placed it on the desk beside the old one.
"Thanks," Hardison said without looking up, typing a few more strokes in deep focus. It was only when Eliot started to move away that he stopped and reached out with one hand, taking Eliot's before he could move away. He looked up at him and smiled, warm and genuine, "Hey. I love you."
Eliot stopped. And for once he couldn't stop the single word that slipped from his lips, "Why?"
Hardison tilted his head to one side, his expression falling, "Eliot, are you okay? What's going on?"
Eliot blinked, "I- It's not…" he hesitated, "Just… why?"
"You… want to know why people might love you?" Hardison pushed his chair back and turned to face him properly, tugging him in slightly so that he moved closer.
"No." Eliot looked down at him, resting his free hand lightly on the back of his neck, "I want to know why you do. Why someone so good as you would love someone like me."
"I… don't know." Hardison admitted softly, continuing quickly as he saw Eliot's face fall, "No, I mean like, I've never really stopped to think about the why before. I was just enjoying that I did."
"Oh," Eliot considered this. He wasn't sure what answer he'd been expecting but it wasn't that.
"I guess… look, I was a cocky asshole when we first met. I can admit that. There's been a lot of growth over the years."
"Got that right," Eliot retorted, but there was no heat in the remark. On the contrary, there was a warmth that back then there would never have been.
Hardison laughed, "Yeah. But you… I know you called yourself Eliot Spencer but it always felt like it was an alias. Like you were using the public opinion of who Eliot Spencer was to cover who you really are. But the more we got to know you, the more you thawed and let us get to know you… the more I liked what I saw. Not just the hard exterior that could take a throw a punch but… the warm guy beneath who wanted to belong just the same as the rest of us did. That wanted to be the protector. And just like the feelings I've got for Parker, when it came to loving you, I was powerless to resist."
"Oh," Eliot said again. But it was softer this time. He was smiling slightly.
"Yeah. And I think that I can talk for Parker as well as myself when I say that I guess the answer is… I love you because I have to. There's no one reason why, just everything. The way you want to make up for the things in your past. The way you want to be a better man that you were yesterday when I already think you're one of the best men I've ever known."
"I thought I've loved people before. But it's never lasted. I didn't want to let you in but you and Parker wormed your way in and I don't ever want to let you go." Eliot admitted softly. He stepped in between Hardison's legs, leaning down to kiss him gently.
"We're not going anywhere," Hardison vowed. "No matter how far we have to travel or whenever we end up doing jobs on opposites sides of the world, it doesn't matter. Because I don't know how I'd live my life without you in it any more. Hell, I don't know how I lived before you. It's like the day I met you and Parker everything really started."
"For me too," Eliot's voice was barely above a whisper.
And he meant it. He'd been doing the job and damn good at it before then. And knowing Toby and discovering how to create had helped. But meeting the team was when he's really started to live again instead of just survive. They did good. And they had each other.
Eliot felt something loosen in his chest. A tightness that he'd become so accustomed to that he hadn't even realised it was there any more until it was gone. He could breathe again, possibly for the first time since Hardison had first said those three tiny words that held so much meaning. And now he knew. He knew he was safe to feel it.
"I love you too," He said.
Hardison smiled. He knew. He'd known. But to hear Eliot finally be able to say it made him grin so hard it felt like his face might split in two.
"Yeah, yeah," Eliot stepped back, swatting his shoulder affectionately as Hardison continued to grin at him, "How much longer are you going to be working here?"
Hardison glanced at the screens, "Maybe half an hour."
"I'll come get you if you don't resurface by then," Eliot promised, "We can watch a movie. I'll even let you choose."
"Like you would dare argue with my superior music taste," Hardison was still grinning as he turned back to the computer properly and downed the last of his open bottle of orange soda.
"Whatever you say," Eliot took the now empty bottle and headed back to the kitchen. He looked around the small space and dropped the bottle into the recycling before he started to get out what he'd need to make popcorn exactly how Hardison liked it. The evenings weren't the same without Parker. He thought about calling her. Telling her that he loved her too. But he decided against it. Tonight was for him and Hardison. When she was home, he'd tell her. He'd take every opportunity he could get to tell both of them.
In their line of work, tomorrow wasn't always certain. But he trusted that the crew she was working with would keep Parker safe. And no doubt that's what Hardison was up to too. So he did what he could. Kept his promise to take care of them until his dying day. He looked after them by feeding Hardison. By making sure he rested. Making sure he slept. That way Hardison could keep an eye on their girl until she was home safe. Until Eliot could tell her that he loved her. The three of them were a unit now. Unable to be prised apart. Entwined with each other forever.
Eliot smiled into the empty kitchen. He was at peace.
He was loved.