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I’ll have a blue Christmas without you
I’ll be so blue just thinking about you
Elvis crooned, casting his melancholy through the closed windows out onto the front porch. Waverly rested her head against the cold wood, doing her best not to give into the sorrow of the lyrics.
“What the hell is this? Blue Christmas my ass! Bulshar is dead and we are here to stay, baby!” Wynonna shouted from the living room. The music stopped. A moment of silence.
Then:
Have a holly jolly, Christmas!
It’s the best time of the year!
“Wynonna, can we please listen to at least one song all the way through?” Nicole argued followed by scuffling and a thud.
“Police brutality! Police brutality! Give that back!”
“I barely touched you, you’re fine. I’m in charge of the music now.”
A faint smile pulled at Waverly’s lips at the familiar bickering. She should be happy, shouldn’t she? She was here, safe and sound, with her family on Christmas Eve. Nicole didn’t have to work this year. Although, her cheeks flushed as memories from Christmas Eves past flashed through her mind. Oh, to be young and head-over-heels in love again. To be reckless and brave.
She sighed, taking a long sip of her spiked hot chocolate. God, she was so so tired of being brave. What she would give to be a child again. To not have to worry about life and death and all the in between. To not have to be the Angel, to not have had to name a Shield. To dream about a partner who would travel the world with her. To be…free.
She looked up at the starless, moonlit sky. She closed her eyes letting the soft glow wash over her. Like clockwork the nagging voice in her head started: Where do angels go when they died? Where would she go? Where had Julian gone? Doc had gone to hell and back. But he had been human, or at least human once. Did angels get an afterlife?
Parasitic thoughts that wouldn’t let her go. And the one person who could answer? Gone.
Gone who knows where and never coming back.
A star flashed across the sky and Waverly jumped to her feet, her cocoa splashing out of the cup.Of all the times she’d spent staring up at the sky, she’d never seen a shooting star. She slammed her eyelids shut.
“Star light, star bright, First star I see tonight; I wish I may, I wish I might, Have the wish I wish tonight. The twinkling star winks back at me, A silent promise, can it be? I close my eyes and whisper low, A secret wish, the wind will blow Across the sky, to realms afar, Carrying my wish, a shooting star.” The old rhyme flowing out of her mouth sheltered in puffs of cold breath to fill the empty porch. Universe tell me Julian is free. I wish that, wherever he is, he is happy.
Waverly took a deep breath of cold night air and opened her eyes, wiping away the tears that had managed to fall. She was not a stupid person. She did not believe in wishes on stars. She didn’t believe in the Universe answering divine questions on cold Canadian nights.
But she could hope.
Waverly turned towards the creaking front door, smiling a smile reserved only for the woman coming out to meet her.
“I was wondering where you’d gotten off too,” Nicole said, wrapping her arms around Waverly and kissing her head.
Waverly snuggled into the comfort of her fiance’s embrace, breathing in the scent that made her feel safe. Vanilla dipped donuts and now, the underlying hint of whiskey. Waverly giggled softly. Nicole was slowly but surely becoming a true Earp.
Nicole Haught-Earp.
Nicole Earp-Haught.
Whichever she went with, it sounded beautiful to Waverly’s ears every time she whispered it into the mirror.
Nicole pulled back and tipped Waverly’s chin, forcing Waverly to look up at her.
Waverly’s breath caught. Would she ever get over the endless depths of adoration that swept her off her feet whenever she looked into Nicole’s eyes?
“Baby, have you been crying?” Nicole asked, wiping a traitorous tear from Waverly’s cheek.
Waverly pulled her chin out of Nicole’s hand and wiped away any remaining tears, “It’s nothing. Just thinking about everyone who should be here. Damn Elvis and his Blue Christmas.”
She pushed off of the railing, trailing her hand down Nicole’s arm to Nicole’s hand and leading the red-head back towards the house.
“I know, baby, it’s a hard year,” Nicole replied, squeezing Waverly’s hand.
It was a hard year. But it was almost over. They were almost to their future. The warmth of the house swallowed her, cocooning her in its embrace. She felt exhausted. Her feet were cinder blocks, scraping across the floor.
“I think I’m going to go to bed,” Waverly whispered, letting Nicole’s hand drop and heading towards the stairs that led to their room. “Goodnight, I’ll see when you come up.”
“What? No! We still have a movie to watch!” Wynonna called from the couch, sitting up and glaring at Waverly.
Waverly ignored her, trusting Nicole to field Wynonna. She couldn’t do it. Not tonight.
*********
Birds. Birds everywhere.
Waverly spun slow, taking in all the colors and sizes of the birds.
Where had they had come from?
She reached out her hand and smiled when a chunky, technicolor bird landed on her hand.
“Aren’t you beautiful.”
“Rolieiro-de-peito-lilás (Coracias caudatus). My favorite.”
Waverly spun towards the voice, the bird taking flight from her hand.
“Julian,” She breathed through the lump in her throat.
“Waverly.”
She blinked and he was in front of her, his arms wrapping her in a tight hug, his chin resting on the top of her head.
“I never got a chance to say, how beautiful you grew up to be,” He mummered into her hair.
She laughed, tasting tears, “It’s the smile and wave.”
He took a step back, holding her at arms length, “It is your heart.”
Waverly closed her eyes and let herself give in to the jumble of emotions battling for control. He pulled her close again and she cried into his chest for a while.
“Where is this? How are you here?” She asked eventually, stepping back from his embrace.
“I wish I may, I wish I might…” He started with a mischievous sing-song voice, before answering, “I called in a favor. I heard you needed me. You needed some answers. Our time was cut way too short. I’ll only have tonight, but I’ll do my best to answer as much as I can.”
Her dad was here. He’d come back for her. Her mind spun with everything she wanted to know.
“How much time do we have?”
“Until you wake up,” Julian said, he pulled an old-fashioned pocket watch out of his pocket and flipped it open. “I would start asking.”
Waverly’s heart ached. She had this time. That was it. Twenty minutes in real life and a night in her dreams with her father, yet six long years with Ward Earp. What cruel jokes the universe liked to play.
“Do angels get an afterlife?”
Julian smiled and nodded, “We return home. Wherever that home may be. We just can’t leave again. Your home will be with me. And your Nicole and Wynonna. An Angel never goes far from their Shield or their Champion.”
She couldn’t have pictured an eternity without the people she loved. She wanted to ask about Doc and Alice and Jeremy. About everyone.
As if reading her mind, Julian continued, “The others, their choices determine where they go. If they follow you and your heart, they will follow you home.”
Relief flooded her body. She would do her best to keep her family together. Forever. Now it was time for the question that haunted her the most.
“Why did you go?”
“Ward pushed me out of the triangle. I’d already left my post, and I wasn’t allowed to leave the triangle. When I crossed over the boundary, I lost all my memory. I woke up in Los Angeles of all places. I always felt a pull to come back, but it was slow going.”Julian closed his eyes and swallowed hard. His voice dropped to a shallow whisper, “I regret everyday not being there to watch you grow up.”
The pocket watch in Julian’s hand glowed. He frowned. “Our time is nearing its end.”
Julian took her hands in his turning them over, as if searching for something, frowning at her bare hands.
“Where is our ring?”
Waverly pulled her hands back, hiding them behind herself, cheeks burning with guilt. She had given away the one thing her father had given her before leaving this world.
“I gave it to Nicole, when I proposed,” Waverly said, avoiding Julian’s eyes, praying that he would not leave their final meeting angry.
He smiled, “A fitting place for paradise to rest.”
Waverly grinned, “If only paradise was prettier. Did you design it?”
Julian laughed and nodded his head, “It was the style of the time. What would you like it look like? I have a few favors left.”
Waverly paused, she knew exactly what she would want it to look like, but couldn’t capture the words.
Julian dropped her hands and reached them up to her temples, he placed his forehead against hers, “Picture it. I will see if you want me to see.”
Waverly closed her eyes and pictured her perfect ring for Nicole. Julian stepped back and nodded, “Anything for my daughter.”
The watch glowed brighter.
“You can’t go. I need you,” Waverly begged, grabbing his hand and squeezing it tight. Desperate to keep him with her forever. She couldn’t get him back just to lose him again.
“I have to,” Julian said, a gold tear streaking down his cheek, “I won’t be able to meet again with you like this but look for me. And tell your Nicole to always trust her gut.”
******************
Waverly opened her eyes to Nicole sleeping peacefully next to her on their bed. She gently reached for Nicole’s left hand, searching for her father’s ring. The same black stone on a wide silver band stared back at her.
Her heart sunk. It’d been a dream. Just a dream.
Swallowing her disappointment, Waverly climbed out of bed, careful not to wake her sleeping fiance. She made her tea and slipped past Wynonna sleeping on the couch, Doc passed out on the chair opposite of her. The TV still on and playing Christmas movies on repeat.
She walked out onto the front porch, pulled her blanket around herself and stared out across the snow covered yard.
A chunky, technicolor bird landed on the porch railing right in front of her.
Waverly smiled.
“Rolieiro-de-peito-lilás. Merry Christmas, Dad.”