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They were not that close in the beginning of their careers. Even now they found themselves being awkward. But it wasn’t an awkward moment like when you meet someone for the first time and don’t know what to talk about. They just knew each other so long that they knew everything and nothing at all.
It’s something that comes up when they’re together with the members for a shooting. Why aren’t they as close? The members would point it, how Donghae would get awkward and shy when he partnered up with him. Both of them are close to Hyukjae, yet they only seem to hangout outside of schedules when it’s his birthday or when Leeteuk drags them to a golf tournament. It’s not like they hate each other, they just never pursued anything outside of super junior. Shindong, being a good hyung, makes it his goal to get closer with him.
—
They’re in the practice room one morning, everyone’s focused. It's a month before the next concert. They feel energized. This energy gives him a boost to ask Donghae to get a meal with him. Donghae hesitates, glances down to the floor for a second too long, but he agrees. He thinks about how this is the first time in a while he’s gone out with hyung one on one.
It takes both of them some time to open up. Shindong has a habit of checking his phone too often. Donghae mentions his mother briefly, mostly spends time talking about how busy their schedule is. It’s awkward, nothing memorable happens, but they’re getting somewhere.
It doesn’t seem to do anything really, but it eases them. There’s one less barrier to cross.
-
They’re in the practice room again, everyone’s taking a break. The concert was great, everyone’s getting ready to start the overseas section of the tour. Shindong remembers something Donghae mentioned at a concert recently, he’s been dealing with back pain. It's not much, but he brings him an ice pack and a bottle of water. Asks him if he’s okay.
Donghae was surprised. He tells him he’s taking care of himself, thanks him. It doesn’t seem like much, nothing worth remembering, but that’s why Donghae remembers it.
-
It's after the concert, everyone’s proud that they managed to finish the show with no major mistakes. The whole team goes out to eat. Donghae comes and sits next to him. Close enough that their shoulders touch. He feels less tension between them. Donghae mentions how he’s been taking care of himself, what he’s been up to. It feels easier.
Donghae starts telling him jokes, he laughs. Shindong was always made to be the funny one, but he finds himself thinking Donghae’s funnier. He likes the way his eyes crinkle. Or how he leans in when something's too funny.
—
Backstage, Heechul's ready to get called onto the stage with the other members when he looks at Shindong, tells him, “You two have been getting closer lately eh?”
Shindong doesn’t know what to say. Have they really?
“I’m still working on it.” He says
Heechul just snickers at him and lets it go. The members wouldn’t care. They might be a bit surprised due to his reserved nature, but there were always periods when members got closer or drifted apart.
—
It happens one night. It’s late and the schedule took longer than expected. Everyone’s getting ready to leave. Donghae looks tired. He’s not with the members telling a stupid joke or talking with the managers. He’s sitting alone, and even then he would be leaning against someone. Not tonight. Shindong goes up to him, concern showing on his face, “have you eaten?” he asks.
“No, I haven’t, It’s too late anyways” Donghae forces a smile.
“Who cares about that, you worked hard today and you need to take care of yourself.” He reprimands him.
They find themselves in a convenience store. He feels bad that they had to drag their manager at such a late hour but Shindong knows Donghae won’t eat anything when he gets home. Donghae insists on getting a protein shake and calling it a day. But Shindong knows that isn’t real food. Shindong grabs ramen. He doesn't say anything, he shares it with him.
“Sorry,” Donghae says.
“It’s fine,” Shindong replies, “I was hungry anyways.”
They don’t talk about anything important. Donghae tells a bad story. But it’s okay that’s just how he is. The night air is cool, the store's fluorescent lights too strong.
When they stand to leave, Donghae waits for Shindong without asking. It feels like something small settling into place. They don’t know how things will be between them going into the future. But it’s worth everything. They don’t ask for a lot, just forever.