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Today is Aki’s 22nd birthday. The darkness of night had yet to retreat when we first woke up. He brushed my teeth and I stared at him. His face was so sad. I couldn't keep my eyes up.
We went to the coffee shop together, cloaked under morning darkness and hazy snow. He got a cup of coffee filled to the brim with cream and sugar. He took a loud sip of his coffee and I couldn't help but stare at him a bit. We sat and he relaxed his body as he drank. He pressed the warm coffee to my lips next. I tasted him on the rim.
We went for a nice walk. I tripped and fell and it was hard to pick myself up. The snow was thick and my legs sputtered beneath me to pull my face out of the cold. Aki pulled me to my feet. He laughed a little, eyes tired but bright with life. The sun was beginning to rise. I felt the cold fade as warmth fell upon me from the sky. His eyes lit up with the sunlight streaming, and for a moment he looked happy.
He pressed the water to my lips. I ended my sip by kissing the edge of the bottle. We sat on a bench and I pressed against his shoulder. A breeze blew my flailing sleeves into his lap. I smiled a bit as I took all the warmth he could give me. I didn’t dare look up at his face.
We stopped by a ramen place for lunch. He awkwardly slurped down his noodles while occasionally staring at me. I didn’t eat. I just watched. All I could do was watch. The way he ate like he was starving. All too fascinating. The food I ordered grew cold under my nose. Eventually I took a bite after he was done. I spat it out and we left for the door.
The sun began to set beneath buildings coated with snow. We went and bought a book to read together. I couldn’t turn the pages, and he could barely hold it. But we tried really hard. We made it through the first couple pages of Moby Dick before Aki’s eyes fell on me. He pressed more water to my lips. I drank as deep as I could.
As the orange and deep blue fought in the evening sky, we made our way to a nice bar. Aki said he had been there before. He drank, I drank. He laughed, I laughed. All melted away under beer pressed to my lips by his warm hand. For once, with him, I felt like a human. I felt real. He tugged me by the hollow sleeve and we went away into the blackening sky.
The night blurred under the snowy stars. Somehow we had gotten on a rather high rooftop. I didn’t remember. I couldn’t stop laughing. I didn’t know if Aki had told a joke. It didn’t matter. He came in close. My heart raced. I felt a tear fall. He was so close, holding me like that. I was so cold, but somehow he was so warm. I couldn’t peel my eyes. I couldn’t stop smiling.
He kissed me for what felt like forever. His hand clasped my face. I melted into him. There was nothing else to do. I was all his. And then he crumpled to the ground. His warmth lingered for a second. A breeze blew everything I had left away. I shivered and looked at him. He looked so cold. His eyes had dimmed. Not a tear on his relaxed body. I stared like that for a second. There was nothing else to do.
I laid down beside him. I took the rest of his warmth until there was nothing left for him to give. Until he was hollow and cold and nameless. He had only given me one day. I turned it into a small needle. It fell and the snow swallowed it whole. I couldn’t stand to get it. It was so cold.