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“Even if a rainy day is the perfect weather for Su Muyu, Changhe still wants him to walk under the dazzling sun.”
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Seeing Su Muyu wearing his beautiful white blue attire reminds Changhe of how beautiful Nan'an city during spring, clouds floating freely adorning the blue sky, while the air was bracing and the scent of osmanthus lingers. Su Muyu always looks out of place in the Dark River, yet in Nan'an, this place is where Su Muyu truly belongs, freely living the life he had always wanted.
On the contrary, Changhe feels like he doesn't belong to this city. Walking under the gleaming sun with Su Muyu is pleasant, everything seems like a pipe dream to him and he feels improper to have such wishful thinking.
After watching Su Muyu from afar he had finally decided to leave without telling the latter, to let the one he cherishes the most to live a fulfilling life, far from danger and prejudice. Changhe will go to the Yellow Springs pawnshop alone to unveil and obtain what's inside Dark River's secret stash. As the patriarch, he still has to finish what he had started, bringing Dark River to reach the shore. After all, the road is still long and Su Muyu doesn't need to sacrifice more for him or for Dark River.
The howling wind is starting to greet the trees, forcing its branches to dance along. Changhe was about to leave when a familiar voice called his name.
Changhe knows that voice by heart, he doesn't need to turn around to know to whom that warm voice belongs. Su Muyu is standing in front of him with his usual calm look yet Changhe can sense worry behind that act.
"Su Muyu... What are you doing here? Did you just buy something?"
Changhe awkwardly tried to ask about mundane stuff, concealing his gloomy face with his usual nonchalant demeanor. "I just bought osmanthus cake for shényī, do you want to go to our house to try it too?"
Our house, that phrase sounds odd. Did Su Muyu mean his house with him or his house with shényī? Su Changhe tries to brush that silly thought away. The moment he bought Su Muyu a house in Nan'an he already decided to let Su Muyu do anything he pleased with that house. It's his home now, it doesn't matter who he wants to live with. So Su Changhe smiles earnestly. Before the silence grows deeper he answers Su Muyu’s question, saying that he can't go because has something to do. He decides to leave immediately yet when he was about to turn around and bid goodbye, Su Muyu suddenly grabbed his hand. Changhe can't quite read Su Muyu's expression right now. He just stares at Su Muyu with a puzzled look, waiting for the latter to say something.
"Changhe, do you want to go without me?" Su Muyu's eyes always hide tangled emotions, he may look calm and composed yet when he stares at those eyes, there's sorrow and longing concealed deep. Changhe often lost in that intricate stare, just like this moment.
"I thought you're here to see me and to invite me to go with you? I was waiting." There's a hint of sadness in Su Muyu’s voice, Changhe is not sure, maybe he was just imagining things. Changhe feels as if his heart is being squished. He indeed comes here to look for Su Muyu at first after sending that letter. He did tell Su Muyu he needs to go to Yellow Springs pawn shop with him but after seeing Su Muyu smiles happily doing his daily routines, Changhe can't bring himself to intervene, to break these peaceful days Su Muyu has long sought for.
Actually Changhe never expected Su Muyu to stay in Dark River the night he finally seized the Dormant Dragon Sword. Su Muyu's earnest words and eagerness to help him and Dark River bewildered Changhe. It was truly exhilarating to hear Su Muyu saying that he will stay and calm the storm with him, yet Changhe knows deep down it will also shatter Su Muyu's dream. After they're done dealing with Dark River’s turmoil, Su Muyu was so eager to check the house Changhe had bought for him in Nan'an and decided to stay there to help Shényī establish her new clinic.
Changhe really hesitated for a long time, thinking maybe the decision of agreeing Su Muyu to stay and help him was wrong. After watching him for several days his resolve of letting Su Muyu go even though it was against his will, strengthened.
"Changhe.. We've promised to bring light to Dark River together. Have you already forgotten about that?"
How could Changhe forget about all of that? To Changhe, the words Su Muyu uttered that night sound like a love declaration. In Changhe’s head, he was picturing how Su Muyu is willingly letting go of his dream for his sake but that's just his own wishful thought. He knows Su Muyu was doing this for the sake of the Dark River's disciples, after all he always thinks of them as his family.
"Su Muyu.. how can i forget all of that, it's just that...." Changhe struggles to form the correct way to tell Su Muyu about this whole thing. He just doesn't know how to explain everything to Su Muyu. It will make him lay his own feelings bare, the endearment he has concealed for so long, deceiving himself by saying Su Muyu is just his very good brother, his family and nothing more.
"So you want to do this all alone?" There is no judgement in Su Muyu's tone, just understanding. He still didn't let go of Changhe's hand. Changhe suddenly felt overly aware of how warm Su Muyu’s palm is compared to his own hand.
"Su Muyu, I know you want to help me but I can do this by myself. You can live peacefully here, why bother to keep on living in Dark River? I will be fine, I will restrain myself not to let my ambition hurt Dark River’s disciples." Changhe just bluntly says all those words, trying to read through Su Muyu's expression as he speaks.
"Changhe I trust you.. but why? Why can't we go together?" Su Muyu’s voice was cracking a bit just like the moment after Changhe bid goodbye to him that night, lacing with restrained anger and lament.
"Because I want you to live a happy life Su Muyu. To live the life you've been dreaming about for years. For you to have the best of everything. You finally can live freely. I will keep my promise. You don't need to sacrifice your happiness and freedom anymore.” Changhe tries to reason with Su Muyu. He truly doesn't want Su Muyu to be stuck in such life again, even though perhaps in the future Dark River might finally be able to walk under sunlight. It will take a long time to achieve the dream. Changhe knows how kindhearted Su Muyu is, he can't really turn a blind eye on this matter but Changhe wants to insist as well.
"So you think I will be happy living here alone?" The breeze is brushing the strand of Su Muyu’s hair, covering his eyes for a while, hiding his repressed emotion deeper before Changhe can see how teary his eyes are.
"Yes! Why not? You can travel freely to any place you want, enjoying every beautiful scenery, drinking the finest wine and even trying many new cuisines. You can freely cook every dish you wanted to make before. And what do you mean alone? you have shényī to accompany you."
Changhe’s voice was trembling, he did mean all of his words, yet he can't deny how hurtful it was to say those words and leave Su Muyu. The thought of Su Muyu agreeing to this flashes before Changhe’s eyes, it is bitter sweet. To love is to let go and if it means Su Muyu can be happy, Changhe will give up everything. He will walk away and make sure Su Muyu only walks on the flowery paths. He will pave many ways to give Su Muyu the chance to do everything he wants in this life.
"Then what about you? You think I can live happily without you? Changhe... you're so dumb." Su Muyu finally lets go of Changhe’s hands, walking forward to close the gap between the two of them. The sun above them is dazzling and Changhe feels Su Muyu’s breath mingle with his. As Su Muyu’s soft lips touch his, Changhe feels time is slowing down and he is floating. The kiss was brief yet like the rain wetting the soil it leaves a deep trace that lasts longer. In a moment of daze, Su Muyu continues talking.
"Do you still not understand by now? I really meant it when I said I will be with you. I will be with you in every step you take. I was happily coming here because it's the house you bought for me. As for Shényī, she is always just my friend. Do I really need to explain everything to you?" Su Muyu sounds annoyed yet he says every word with endearment.
Changhe feels a bit shy after hearing Su Muyu's confession. He mutters “of course” silently to answer Su Muyu’s question.
"So don't ever think of leaving me. I will look for you even when you go far away. Even to the farthest place, you will be bound by me."
Changhe feels dizzy hearing all of that, never in 20 years of him knowing Su Muyu he dares to imagine Su Muyu will reciprocate whatever feeling is blooming inside his chest. Changhe nods silently to hide his teary eyes before crushing his body to hug Su Muyu. Su Muyu just complied and let Changhe hug him.
Nan'an city is truly a sight to behold, it is lively yet peaceful during day and night, with calm and warm breeze greeting everyone stepping in town and lanterns adorning every corner when the night comes. Even the ripple of the river here brings comfort to those who seek solace. After that confession, Changhe feels so giddy, he holds Su Muyu’s hands the whole day. To love is to let go, well that's what some people say, but Su Muyu won't, he will never let go of Su Changhe.