Chapter Text
IT WAS AN ALL CONSUMING SENSATION– staring at the wall, brain fuzzy with no thoughts streaming behind your eyes. Leg shaking under the desk as the wind rustled the trees outside the classroom. Paying attention to the final exam before you was nearing impossible when thoughts of him lingering outside your apartment filled your mind.
You looked down at the pedigree before you. The proband was not affected by the disease, but her father was meaning she was likely an obligate carrier. It was an X-linked disease, after all. You couldn't be bothered to do the math that would determine the likelihood of her child being a carrier or being affected based on the population prevalence. You glanced around you, noting the way students across the classroom averted their gaze from the professor at the front of the room. They stared down at their papers or squinted their eyes at the corner of the room, feigning expressions of questioning. The professor’s green eyes scanned across the classroom inquisitively, noting you in the second row staring out the window. Heels clicked and clacked in your direction until her presence was felt entirely still before you.
"Have a question?" She raised an eyebrow at you. You blinked harshly, looking up at the blonde woman before you.
“I–” You gazed at the pedigree on your exam, looking back at the professor. “No.”
Dr. Palmer nodded slowly as she glanced down at your exam.
"Better get to it. Don't want to run out of time." She tapped at the fancy watch that sat on her wrist.
As the professor returned to stand behind the podium, you swallowed, looking down at the paperwork. Your nimble fingers picked up the mechanical pencil and began writing once again. Medical Genetics wasn’t your favorite course, but it came easy to you. The pedigrees, the mutations– pathogenic variations, as the term had recently been coined, Bayesian probability, etc. It was all like a puzzle that needed sorting, and you supposed you liked that- achieving a tangible outcome.
You had your reasons as to why you applied for your master’s degree, but now, it felt like none of those motives meant anything.
It was hard not thinking about Superman. Not thinking of the way he filled your space, the way it was so easy to talk to him, to think about him, to breathe him in. Sometimes it felt like he truly was the whole world. Like there was no one like him. There was nothing but him.
The day you met him remained clear as day in your memories. It was a Saturday, a month back, just around one in the morning. You had just separated from your friends at the bars downtown. It was days before Thanksgiving break, the air chilled and the leaves mostly fallen. As you scrolled through the Uber app, you were reminded of a certain place you once used to love. You drunkenly decided to walk towards the harbour. It was most peaceful when there was nobody around. The sound of the waves crashing on the rocks below, the feel of the breeze making its way through the foliage, the pounding of your heart growing steady.
It was unfortunate that your motor skills would fail you and you’d trip, falling straight into the water. As your arms flailed and your sympathetic nervous system went into overdrive, you were certain death was your next stop in life. There was nobody around to hear your screams, and the water was too choppy for your drunken limbs to guide you back to safety. It was the end, well, that is until the man of steel whisked you back onto the concrete, staring into you with the most concern you’d ever seen in your lifetime. It stirred something in you, seeing the worry behind his blue eyes. Nobody had ever looked at you that way. Like you mattered. Like the loss of your life would mean something.
You took in a shaky breath as you handed your exam in. Leadened feet lead you out of the classroom with no intention of socializing with anybody, your heart racing at the mention of his name between students in the halls.
You hadn’t seen nor heard from Superman in a week and it hurt. It hurt seeing his face splattered across Metropolis, hearing his name between the fleeting gusts of wind, feeling his presence when he was nowhere to be seen. He left such an impact on those around him that no matter where you went, there was no escaping him. He was everywhere and nowhere all at once.
Perhaps you were exaggerating in feeling so hurt over a week of no contact, but the last four weeks had set you up to imagine a lifetime with him. Superman was like nobody you had ever met. No man, most certainly. After that initial save, noting your drunken state, he flew you directly home. And gently, at that. Your head didn’t spin, nor did your stomach churn as he wended through the skyscrapers. He made jokes in light of the situation, his eyes crinkling and his teeth sparkling. You had braved your fear of heights with his big biceps and his gorgeous smile.
You’d find a bottle of NSAIDs, a gatorade, and a note on your windowsill the next day to establish that the previous night’s events were true and real.
Hope these treat you better than my jokes did.
Feel better.
S
He really could have used a calligraphy class. His handwriting resembled chicken scratch, but that didn’t need to be his strong suit when he spent his time saving the world. You obviously raved about it to your friends.
You weren’t certain if you would ever cross paths again, but it wouldn’t hurt to try.
Two days later, with the exhortation from your best friend, you had decided to place a blue sticky note on your windowsill with a paperweight and a mini snicker’s bar.
Thank-you dinner at my place?
This can hold you over until then
Tomorrow, 7pm.
Not even two hours later would the note be gone and replaced with another stating:
I’m not me when I’m hungry?
See you then :)
S
Butterflies exploded throughout your stomach. You couldn’t help the whimsy spin as you crossed your apartment and immediately called your best friend. You spent the rest of the evening cleaning and tidying. Removing hair from your shower drain (just in case), and scraping at the random stain on your bedside table (again… you never know…). When Tuesday came, and you found Superman seated on your couch after class, your heart nearly exploded. And he knew it, for sure, because he smirked at the sight of your shocked expression.
He spent the first fifteen minutes looking at all your trinkets. From the random tiny ceramic frog that you thrifted, to the assortment of pictures that adorned your walls. Drawings and doodles from friends, photographs of family, postcards you had picked up from your travels. His fingers trailed across your bookshelf, as he saw the assortment of classics to modern romantic fantasy. He giggled to himself at that, and you couldn’t help the blush staining your face. His eyes lit up at the magazine with his face on the cover that sat on your coffee table. He picked it up and pointed to himself, his face pure light as he mouthed the words, “Me?” You shook your head at him, hiding behind your hands.
It wouldn’t be the last time he teased you so.
Three days later, after a spectacular conversation over a home cooked meal and getting to know each other's favorites and pet peeves, would you find yourself having a brief coffee-walk through Centennial Park at 5 in the morning. It wasn’t your ideal time, but knowing it would allow for some privacy, you couldn’t reject his offer. The only people around were a handful of runners and a few homeless people sleeping nearby.
You may have been throwing slightly interview-y questions in his direction, but he answered them all with grace and honesty.
“Do you ever feel lonely? I mean… I imagine it’s incredibly difficult to have to keep yourself hidden all the time. Your identity, your home, your friends, your family… if you have one?” You stared at him, head tilted in search for an answer behind his eyes.
He nodded slowly. “To answer your first question, yes. It’s exhausting, to be frank. Being alone yet surrounded all the time. Being loved, yet not in the way that truly matters. It’s worth the sacrifice, but sometimes I wonder… if showing my whole self would be like biting the hand that feeds me. Like taking the very love people give me and turning it against them because what if, once they saw all of me, they couldn’t love me anymore? If I showed them I was human, in a way, it would cause more hurt than good.” He exhaled, his shoulders slouching forward. It was strange seeing this god-like figure before you in such a state. You weren't sure if now was the time to say anything as he veered off towards a bench and you followed behind, taking a sip of your latte. So you waited. You watched him carefully as you sat beside him. Leaving enough space that would be deemed appropriate. You took note of the way he stared off into the skyline, which was slowly turning pink. He peered over at you, smiling softly as he took a sip from his black coffee.
“To answer your second question, I do have a family. They’re not horribly far, but far enough for me to miss them. I would tell you more, but then I’d have to kill ya.” He winked as the corner of his mouth lifted.
You laughed at his stupid joke, shaking your head as you smacked his arm. “You’re so stupid.”
Wear a nice dress
See you tonight
S
p.s. cute snoopy pjs
Stated his latest note. You brought it with you to class, reading it over and over again until it was your turn to present. What was he planning and when had he seen you in your pjs? Your cheeks flushed. The thought of him watching you at night was enough for you to embarrass yourself in front of your peers, but to trip over your words during a presentation because you could have sworn you saw him fly past the window was just… way too much. When the evening came, he admitted to having flown by every possible room in your school just to see if he could find you as you were presenting your last project. Perhaps it was true that boys would bully their crushes when they were starting to like them, you just couldn’t believe you were the one Superman had his sights on.
“Where are we going?” You questioned as he flew through the skies of the city that never slept. You could sense the smile growing over his lips as his breath warmed the side of your face. He had placed a paisley scarf around your eyes with the intent of surprising you.
“I can’t tell you. You just have to trust me.”
You groaned, and a sudden screech emitted past your lips as he played around, acting as if he was going to drop you. Your arms tightened around him, your body tensing. He chuckled in response, shaking his head. “I love when you do that.”
“You’re so mean!” You joked, shaking your head.
"I'm not mean, I'm playful." You were certain he had a cheeky grin on his face. The type that made his dimples pop.
The city below was a blur of lights, each window glowing like a star that had fallen to earth. The hum of traffic and the faint wail of sirens blended together, but above it all drifted something unexpected: jazz. A trumpet’s mellow cry carried on the night breeze, punctuated by the steady brush of drums, the rhythm floating up from an open club several blocks away.
Superman landed lightly on a rooftop, his cape settling around him like a red curtain as you removed the scarf. You were still catching your breath from the sudden flight, your hair mussed from the wind, when he straightened and glanced toward the music. A smile tugged at his mouth, quiet and mischievous, almost boyish. He was always so suave.
“What’s this?” You asked, clutching your arms around yourself in the night chill.
He didn’t answer right away. Instead, he offered his hand, palm open and steady. “Dance with me.”
Your laugh came out incredulous, half-broken by nerves. “Here? On a roof?”
“Why not?” His eyes glimmered, that impossible blue softened by the city lights. “The music’s already here, and I promise not to let you fall.”
You hesitated, then placed your hand in his. Warmth spread through your fingertips as he pulled you closer. One hand at your waist, the other guiding yours, he swayed you gently into the rhythm. The rooftop became a dance floor, the stars your chandelier, the city your orchestra pit. You tripped over your own feet once, muttering an apology, but he only chuckled, catching you with effortless grace.
“You’re beautiful” he murmured, his voice a low harmony to the distant trumpet.
Butterflies grazed your stomach lining, your heart pumping just slightly faster. Could this be real? You craned your neck to look up at him, failing to realize your body was now suspended in the air alongside his.
“So are you,” You admitted honestly.
The corner of his lip lifted, his eyes crinkling softly as he looked at you.
And so you were, turning slowly beneath the sky, your heart syncing with the beat, with his, with the impossible, magical sound of a city night where Superman had chosen to stop everything… just to dance with you. It made you want to cry, deep down, but you knew better than to ruin this moment with your sappy thoughts and feelings. You knew better than to scare him away, especially after your heart had started whispering sweet melodies about him. Your mind scattered constantly because he had found a home there.
“If only things had been different, and I had been born a different person…I could have danced with you in the middle of that crowd.” He said quietly, his words warming your temple.
“I like you just the way you are. On this rooftop especially,” You murmured, pulling back to glance at him. Superman’s eyes sparkled with something, something you felt so privileged to see so closely.
The night ended with a bottle of champagne, and a tender kiss on the cheek.
The last two weeks had been so magical, you couldn’t have imagined how much better it could become until the night you had your first kiss.
Superman’s apartment was smaller than you’d imagined. Bookshelves lined the walls, mugs crowded the sink, and the pillows sat perfectly on the couch. It was sterile, no evidence of life, utterly inhuman in a way that made your chest ache. You wandered toward the window, looking out at the glittering city lights below. It was the second week of December, and the city had been freshly decorated for the holidays. Whispers of red and white lighting adorning the skyscrapers, assortments of deer and other shapes below glowing ever so unnaturally.
“You really don’t sleep, do you?” You asked, glancing over your shoulder at him.
He shrugged, running a hand through his hair. “Sometimes. Not much.” His lips quivered into a half-smile. “Guess I have too much on my mind.”
It was difficult trying to imagine the things that roamed through his head as you looked down onto the chaos below. You couldn’t tell what was a quick mugging compared to friends joking around. The way cars drove by carelessly, honking left and right as music littered the air. Everybody looked so small, like mini figures on one of those play mat rugs of a city you’d see in a kindergarten class.
“Saving the world will do that to you,” Your voice was softer than your words.
He chuckled, but the sound faded quickly, his gaze dropping as he leaned against one of the stools in his perfectly tidy kitchen “It’s not just that,” he admitted, quieter now. “Sometimes it feels like no matter what I do, I’ll always be a little apart from everyone else. Like I’m only ever giving pieces of myself away, but never the whole thing.”
Your heart tightened at the vulnerability in his tone. You stepped closer, close enough to see the faint crease between his brows. “Hey…” you whispered, reaching out before you even realized it, your fingers brushing his arm. “You don’t have to give me pieces. You can just… be.”
He looked at you then, really looked. And for the first time since you’d met him, he didn’t seem like Superman. He just seemed like a man who wanted to be seen. To be heard. To be held. To be touched. The heaviness of the moment engulfing you. You could still smell the little bit of red wine that lingered in his breath.
Despite the stress of the day, which you had heard of through social media since he refused to talk about it, he had chosen to cook you dinner. A beautiful medium steak with mashed potatoes and chimichurri. He had chosen your favorite red wine to drink, which you had so briefly brought up in conversation on a previous… Date? If you could call it that... You wanted to call it that.
Superman leaned forward, his gaze trailing between your eyes and your lips. It wasn’t like you to be so forward, but you leaned toward him and kissed him.
Gosh, you kissed him! Your eyes widened in realization. What could you possibly be thinki– and then he kissed you back. Superman’s hands reached up toward your neck, softly pushing your hair behind your shoulders. His hands rested on either side of your neck as his lips slowly danced with yours and you melted into the kiss. Minutes went by as his thumb caressed your cheek, your lips moved in sync, his tongue lightly grazed yours. When he pulled back to look at you, you could have sworn you died, went to heaven, and resurrected. His lips began to inch upwards, a smile adorning his face as he chuckled, biting his lip.
“I hope that wasn’t too much…” You shook your head you apologized.
He mimicked your movement, shaking his head. “No, no. That was… perfectly timed.”
You laughed, your eyes crinkling. Superman’s smile widened as his thumb now caressed your crow’s feet.
“I love the way you smile.” He spoke softly, inspecting the minuscule details of your face.
In the past, such an act would have felt like torture, like you were being dissected, but this day it felt like you were the prettiest girl he had ever seen. It was an entirely new experience influencing you to have grace with yourself, to appreciate yourself in way you never had before.
Suddenly, the two of you were entirely infatuated and intoxicated. Every moment he could get away, he’d come flying straight to you.
Meet me in the alley behind the coffee shop.
You are beautiful.
S
You’d smile as a post-it note found its way inside your filofax while you were away in the bathroom. He was making studying incredibly difficult, but how much more worth it could be to be distracted when it meant getting away to kiss Superman? You tiptoed through the alleyway, making sure nobody else had seen you turn in search of the man of the hour. A pair of hands pulled you behind a column, giggles echoing throughout the leaky, wet cardboard filled space, as your hands landed on his chest. He leaned down to kiss you, a smile planted on his face as his lips met yours. You hit his chest gently, shaking your head.
“I’m trying to study, I have four finals next week!” You laughed as he kissed along your jawline.
“I can’t help myself. You are just so beautiful in that cashmere turtleneck smiling at the baristas and sticking your tongue into your cheek as you focus! I need to kiss you!” He exclaimed. His head dipped towards your neck. "I need to smell you!" He let out a moan as he took in your favorite perfume. A gift from your mother.
You laughed loudly, the sensation of his lips now planting quick playful pecks on your neck tickling you.
“I’m just being me! I’m trying to focus!” You whisper-shouted.
“Well, you’re not exactly making it easy to keep my composure while you’re just being you!” He teased.
“Oh, so this is me being distracting?” You glanced down at the red scarf wrapped around your neck, the cream sweatpants under your sweater, and the sheepskin boots on your feet. You turned back to look up at him, his hands now wrapped around your waist. He nodded excitedly, biting his plump bottom lip.
“Very.” His voice dipped lower, the teasing fading as his hand came to rest lightly at your hip. “You have no idea.”
The world seemed to slow. Your laughter faded, replaced by the quiet thrum of your pulse in your ears. His face was so close now, his breath brushing across your skin, his eyes fixed on yours with a question he didn’t need to speak aloud. You nodded, just the faintest tilt of your chin, and that was all it took. His lips found yours carefully, almost reverently, a kiss so gentle it felt like he was memorizing it. Unhurried. Certain. His hand lifted from your hip, resting softly on your cheek. Neither of you could move as your lips moved slowly together.
"I love how smart you are. It's so..." His eyes glimmered as his brain thought of the right word. "Sexy."
That drew a laugh out of you, one you quickly bit back as heat rose in your cheeks. Sexy in a turtleneck was news to you. You wrapped your arms around his neck, smiling widely as you looked up at him and those bright blue eyes. "Yeah, what can I say? I'm sort of a genius."
Superman chuckled, nodding before dipping his head down to kiss you.
Towards the end of that week, when he wasn't fighting crime, your time with him was spent with his calloused hands massaging your feet as he quizzed you for your finals. Shared laughter and intermittent kisses between hot cocoa sips and flash cards. Holiday music and movies playing in the background. Pine candles, snow flurries, and fairy lights creating ambiance. On your windowsill a surprise holiday latte, a warm chocolate croissant, flowers, and a note on the day you told him he had to stay away, no matter what, so you could focus completely.
you’re so cute when you’re frustrated with your white board.
please never stop scrunching your nose like that.
S
p.s. I think I’m falling in love with you.
You squealed at the last sentence, jumping on your bed as you held the note dearly onto your chest until you fell on your back. Your feet kicked above you, your eyes rereading the note over and over and over.
"I love you too," You whispered.
A loud giggle spilled from your lips as you rolled over and off the bed. You couldn't help but tape the sticky note onto your vanity, placing a kiss on your fingers and then pressing them to his chicken scratch handwriting. This was unlike anything you had ever experienced before. Like literal sunshine and rainbows. You yelled at your Alexa to play your favorite happy-girl song as you leaped into your bathroom to take a shower. Despite the feel good thoughts ruminating throughout your whole body as you had rolled around in your duvet... There was this lingering feeling in your gut that if you were to lose him you would lose it all. You wouldn’t be ready for what was to come the week of your finals, just prior to Christmas.