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Do you truly love him so much that you would do anything for him?
"That's a funny question. Of course I would!"
Even sacrifice your own chance at life?
"If it meant he got to grow up."
Humans are strange creatures...
There were many things the Entity had bore witness to in its long lifetime. The fear of death, the desperation to defy mortality, the willingness to use others as tools... There was kindness too, it guessed, but in much less frequency. A truly, fully willing sacrifice was not something many humans were willing to make.
The tiny being laid with his stomach to the ground, feet kicking back and forth in the air and staring down into the pit with wide, shining eyes. Whether or not the child could see what lay in the dark was not something it considered. If they could, it didn't seem to matter. The child came back each day anyways, always with some new request and an equally satisfying offering. This was all that mattered.
The boy spoke fondly of his twin, who each wish seemed to come back to. A book he wanted to read, a toy he'd off handedly called cute, a model of the planets, a child's telescope... The boy never seemed to think of using the entity's power for himself. Even trying to nudge him in that direction, asking what he wanted rather than what he would like for someone else, proved useless. Almost as though he couldn't process the idea of having wants or needs. It was almost selfless.
If I grant you this wish, there is no exchange. You cannot take it back, no matter what situation you may end up in.
"That's okay. Mama and papa will finally be happy! And then Amane can go out and play and run around and learn to climb trees and-"
A shuffling above the boy's head made him stop and lower his voice again.
"And everything will be okay. Please I wish for Amane to get better."
Your wish shall be granted, Yugi, Tsukasa. Do not forget your promise.
- ☆ -
His feet dangled into the hole in the floor of the playroom and Tsukasa stared down at his fate. It was for Amane. He could do anything for Amane, even live an eternal nightmare entertaining and being used by a God. He promised he would make Amane better, and this was the cost. You had to pay people when they did something for you. He learned that lesson well.
From the hall, Tsukasa could hear his parents laughing. It was the happiest this house had ever sounded. Today was also the warmest it had ever been, even though it was so chilly outside. The house finally felt like home.
Something turned in his stomach and Tsukasa closed his eyes tight as he waited for it to pass. It stung. He hoped it would stay like this. He was sure it would. Amane would make it feel like a home no matter what. This was what needed to happen. It was what was always going to happen.
Tsukasa regretted asking Amane to take care of his bear. He could really use something to hug right now.
The four-year-old boy took a deep breath and curled his fingers around the edge of the hole as he braced himself to push off. Things were going to be okay. Amane was going to live a long, happy, healthy life. God had promised him this.
He wondered how cold the water would be when it rushed to greet him
- ☆ -
There was no way to keep track of time in the pit. There were clocks and all of them ticked and chimed, but none of them told the same hour or minute. Daylight didn't reach here. If he looked out the window, Tsukasa would either see pure black or the ocean. It was likely that time didn't exist here.
He flopped back against the floor, back hitting the tatami with a thump. He realized a while ago that things like this, running into corners and hitting the walls or floor, had stopped hurting. He'd done it so often with the ever changing landscape that it no longer phased him. He didn't even react if he bled. God would just fix it anyways.
Tsukasa wondered what Amane was up to. He wondered if he was doing well at school, if he was having fun with the friends he could make, if he got the chance to play soccer like he wanted. Maybe it had been a long time and he got married and had kids of his own. Maybe he looked like Papa now. Thinking about it made him smile.
Tsukasa was bored, maybe even a little scared still, and definitely lonely, but if Amane was alive...
That was all that mattered right?
That was all that ever mattered.
- ☆ -
From one endless loop to another. Days that all felt the same and never really ended. Another place he couldn't leave no matter how hard he tried. Another place where he was alone, even with "people" to fill out the cast. Nothing he did would change the end of the day. Tsukasa was glad that he didn't feel pain anymore.
The wooden floor was uncomfortable at the best of times but he was used to it by now. There was something almost comforting in the hardness of it. It balanced the weight of his brother on his hips as he looked over him, knife glinting in the sunset coming through the window. Tsukasa used to find it beautiful and terrifying, but it seemed dull now.
Amane choked on a sob and, almost as though he was being pulled along by invisible strings, Tsukasa reached up to wipe a string of tears away from his cheek. The scream that tore through his twin's throat made him flinch. He was always so loud. That wasn't something he'd been able to get used to.
"Don't you dare touch me!"
Right.
"How dare you act like you're my sibling?"
Of course.
"You're nothing but a monster!"
He knew that all too well.
"I hate you!"
Its okay.
"Just...! Die already! Give them back!"
The knife plunged into Tsukasa's chest and he felt relief wash over him. Another day's loop was almost done.
Day number 18,250...?
- ☆ -
It wasn't fair.
Fifty years. Fifty years of waiting patiently, reliving the way he died who knows how many times, calling and calling and calling. Fifty years of begging for his brother to came save him.
Fifty.
Damn.
Years.
And still nothing has changed. There shouldn't have been any hope left in Tsukasa. If he wanted to see him, if he would have been happy to see him, then nothing would have stopped Amane from coming to him. It was so clear. He came whenever that girl called for him. He came even when she didn't call. The slightest hint of danger and ther he was, brandishing the same knife he'd plunged into Tsukasa while denouncing him.
The irony would have been funny if it didn't make him want to throw up.
As he forced himself to sit back up, Tsukasa caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and felt another wave rush over him. Nearly a carbon copy of Amane, as he had always been, sans the freckles and...
Tsukasa wondered if he could suffer a second death and have it stick. Even in death he was fake.
Perhaps you should ask your little... assistant... for the bandages?
"She won't give them to me... Says it would be bad for me."
Tsukas pressed the palms of his hands into his eyes and squeezed them shut as tight as he could. He tried to control his breathing and ignore the sour feelings swirling in his stomach.
Hmmm. You could always break the mirror. You would not have to see it this way, at the very least.
Tsukasa hummed back and curled himself back up as he waited for it all to pass. He reminded himself that even if Amane wasn't happy to see him, even if he preferred some random girl to his brother, even if he was despised and reviled and unwanted by the person who meant the most to him, he wasnt alone. Maybe they didn't really care about him either, but Sakura and Natsuhiko were there. They were waiting for him. They would welcome him back to the Broadcast room. They would welcome him back home.
He just needed to cry it out first.
- ☆ -
"You never looked for me. I waited for you for so long... I feel like I've lived more than a hundred years waiting for you, and you've never looked for me once. I've called, I've pleaded, I've prayed..."
Tsukasa dropped his chin to his arms as he leaned on the railing and stared out into the night. The lights of the town twinkle and he couldn't help but be mesmerized by how it looked so much the same and the Kamome in his memory and yet nothing like it at the same time. Another thing to make him feel out of place. Was anything going to make him feel like he belonged?
"Sakura says that a yorishiro is supposed to be the most precious thing to you so you don't go off the rails. So you protect it. She's lying though, isn't she?"
He let out a bitter laugh, dipping down so his face buried into his arms. He can feel his nails digging into his skin. He can feel the marks its going to leave, the blood that wants to drip out from the impressions. Every part of him wished he could feel pain again.
"I mean, if it were true then I wouldn't be here. You hate me. You always have. Did you want to torture me so badly that you dragged me across the shore with you?"
"I..."
"Why am I here, Amane? Everything I do and have done is for you, so why...?"
Tsukasa wasn't expecting an answer. He wasn't expecting to cry, either, but he wasnt about to fight the tears rolling down his face as he tried to keep himself together. He felt sick again. It was probably a good thing that he didn't need to breathe anymore.
Something brushed against the bare skin of his arm and a sudden, gentle weight settled over him. Fingertips barely grazed the edges of his cheeks and Tsukasa broke. His canines bit into his bottom lip and he squeezed his eyes shut as tight as he could while he held back a screaming sob. The cloak around him nearly felt like a hug. If he tried, he could almost imagine Amane was really hugging him. Almost.
"I'm sorry..."
"...Of course you are."
- ☆ -
"I think I was always doomed to be broken."
"...You're not broken."
"But I am. I was born like... this... and all I do is hurt people. Mom and Dad couldn't love me. No matter how the past was changed. I... Something is just wrong with me."
"None of that has anything to do with you. You didn't... You shouldn't have had to..."
"Its okay, Ama-"
"No! Its not! They should have loved you! They shouldn't have made you think you had to earn it by dying. I shouldn't have made you-"
"You were three."
"You were too!"
...
"I'm sorry. That I did that to you. I never hated you. I just... I wanted to be with you. I didn't want to be stuck in bed all the time. I wanted to be able to go outside. Play with other kids. I wanted to breathe easy and just... enjoy having you as my... my sibling."
"You can say it. Its not a dirty word."
"But its not what you are."
"Its what I was."
"...I wanted to spend time with my sister without having everyone worrying about me. It wasn't fair for me to make it your problem that I was sick."
"We were just kids, Amane. You couldn't have recognized that."
"Our parents could have. They could have... I don't know. They could have seen you there. Paid a little more attention. I shouldn't have been like their only child."
...
"Mom had... so many chances to stop me, didnt she? I used to crawl under the house. The hole was right under the kitchen. And I was such a loud kid."
"You still are."
"Oh, shut up."
"...She had to have heard you at least once, right?"
"Yeah... She would give me a strange look when I came back in but she never said anything. Not about staying out of the crawl space or talking to strangers or... Anything. She just... looked through me. Like I wasnt even there. I think she hated me even before..."
"I don't think she hated you..."
"She had to have. I don't... I don't think I could handle it if she didn't. Because then she just didn't care. Not caring one way or the other is so much worse than hating me."
"...I'm sorry."
"I know. I know you are."
"...Can you say it again?"
"Say what?"
"You know. So I can tell you properly. I never... I never told you the right way. I want to do it. At least once."
...
"Amane, do you love me?"
"I do love you, Tsukasa. Now and then and even when you're gone."
"More than the stars?"
"More than the moon."
- ☆ -
Amane sat there and watched as his twin, his brother, slowly disappeared and the ache of a fiffty year long search weighed down on him. He wished he could join him, but he knew it wasnt his time yet. There was still guilt to deal with, sins to atone for and he looked forward to the next time he'd see Tsukasa.
Amane would make sure to welcome him home.