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The night had begun to dim over, the sun outside of his window setting – as a dark colour brushed over the sky outside – the lights in Dave's room hung low as he sat on his ground, posters on the walls, the sword stands barely holding onto the wall, TV flashing colours behind him, making a static like sound that’d hum in his ear. The same things that made him more manly, well stereotypical manly. The cologne on his desk that he never used, next to a bottle of perfume – Vanilla, his favourite scent. – the exact perfume that his brother hadn't allowed him to get, but he managed to snag without him knowing. He really shouldn't have that thing on display, his brother would get pissed if he saw. Yet his room didn't feel like his. He sat crisscrossed with his legs tangled in wires, The smell of perfume was left in the air as his eyes remained fixated on his phone, like he was waiting for someone to message him. His blonde, silk overgrown hair brushed against the back of his neck and his open window creating a breeze in the room, oh how he loved how his hair had begun to grow, even if it wasn't that long. He knew his brother would make him cut it soon enough, but he’d relish in the feeling of feeling like a girl even if it was for a split moment. Despite how wrong it felt.
He sat on the floor pondering about these feelings he had been having for awhile, the feelings he hated. The feeling that he was someone else, no matter how hard he pushed the feeling down, no matter how hard he tried to hide it, it always lingered in the back of his head. By now, he’d shut his TV off, the static and how loud it had been was beginning to piss him off, it pissed him off more than John Egbert did at times, that stupid ass guy. Sometimes he’d try to be more manly, like his brother suggested. But it never worked because he’d always end up having dreams, dreams he thought were wrong. Dreams where he wore a skirt. And was called Dove. He adored the name, there was just something about it that stood up, sure it was similar to Dave but.. did he care? He loved the name!
Oh it was stupid, so stupid. Stupid to think anyone would ever call him that name, stupid to even think about being a girl. When he knew he was born a male, and that it was a fact set in stone he would always be one, no matter how much he’d dream about being a girl, he would DARE tell anyone how he truly felt.
Expect maybe one person, who was in the trans spectrum themselves.
NO NO NO. WHAT WAS HE EVEN THINKING OF???
He wasnt on any stupid ass fucking trans specturm, he was a man, a man and he knew what he was.
But what if he was?
What if he really was someone else, just stuck inside a body that hadn't belonged to him for awhile by now, but he was too afraid to admit it at times, maybe not just at times, more like ALL the time.
With this realisation of feelings, he only knew one person who he could talk to, they were most definitely going to judge him , but in a teasing way not in a way that she’d be doing it out of spite.
-- turntechGodhead [TG//Dave] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT//Rose] at 20:45 –
TG[Dave]: rose
TG[Dave]: reply whenever can we talk
TT[Rose]: It appears you have messaged me? Oh what do I owe the honour of the dearest and infamous D strider messaging me. Especially at such a late hour. TG[Dave]: fuck off u irritating bitch
TT[Rose]: Now Dave, let's not use such large words, especially for someone like yourself.
TG[Dave]: no this is serious
TG[Dave]: im being serious
TG[Dave]: like i need to talk to u serious#
TT[Rose]: Oh? This feels like a first, my name is tentacleTherapist for a reason though, so speak Dave, or forever hold your tongue.
TG[Dave]: oh god dont make this into a corny ass vent session
TG[Dave]: wait how the fuck did u even know i wanted to talk about feelings
TG[Dave]: nvm
TG[Dave]: idk how to say this without being corny
TT[Rose]: Just say it, who am I to judge, Dave?
TT[Rose]: Plus I only know that you want to talk about feelings because of your strange behaviour lately.
TT[Rose]: Don't think it's gone unnoticed.
TG[Dave]: do u ever
TG[Dave]: like feel like your someone else
TT[Rose]: In what context?
TG[Dave]: any context
TT[Rose]: How. Nice.
TG[Dave]: nb rose
TT[Rose]: Silence.
TT[Rose]: I don’t have much to work with Dave, but I'll give you the rundown of what I've gathered from this.
TT[Rose]: Yes, yes I have Dave.
TT[Rose]: Often I feel like I'm not meant to be in this absurdly girly body.
TT[Rose]: I don't particularly dislike it though.
TT[Rose]: It's just not me, and there's nothing wrong with it.
TT[Rose]: Does that answer your question, Dave? Or is that even your name, you fraud.
TG[Dave]: sorta
TT[Rose]: Why are you asking me in particular though?
TG[Dave]: I guess whatever I tell you, i feel like i can trust you
TT[Rose]: Keep talking. TG[Dave]: so like
TG[Dave]: i keep having these dreams lol. Where im a girl and that stuff
TG[Dave]: stupid i know dont comment rose
TT[Rose]: I didnt think it was stupid. In fact it's interesting to me.
TG[Dave]: god this is embarrassing
TG[Dave]: and for awhile i've been thinking about it
TG[Dave]:like what if i am Dove??
TT[Rose]: Who’s Dove?
TG[Dave]: me from my dreams but not my dreamself
TG[Dave]: and ive like tried to hide it but
TG[Dave]: hell i even stole vanilla fucking perfume from a store and im actively hiding it from bro
TT[Rose]: Alright, Dove. Are you asking ME how my trans experience is?
TG[Dave]: no im not a fucking trans person
TT[Rose]: But your still asking me how I felt before transitioning.
TG[Dave]: yeah
TT[Rose]: Fine. Fine I will tell you, but this conversation has to be quick because I can actively hear my mother pouring cocktails.
TT[Rose]: Before I transitioned, I merely just didn't feel myself. People called me a girl, I truly just didn't like it.
TT[Rose]:And the stuff I had previously mentioned, at times I just felt like I was in the wrong body.
TT[Rose]: Being trans isn't just being male or female.
TT[Rose]: It's about being yourself.
TT[Rose]: Now can YOU try to do that?
TG[Dave]: I mean
TG[Dave]: i guess
TT[Rose]: Now, tell me. What’s your preferred name?
TG[Dave]: god this is corny
TG[Dove] Dove, its sick as fuck.
TT[Rose]: Alright, Dove.
TT[Rose]: I really need to teach you some ladylike manners.
TG[Dove] much appreciated
TT[Rose]: I’ll text you later, we can talk in more detail once your slow brain comprehends this all, and once i distance myself from my drunken mother.
-- tentacleTherapist [TT] finished pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 21:04 –
Dove was just sat there, the same position as before, on the ground, her body felt physically frozen from what she had just told Rose. The window was still open, letting in a cool, gentle autumn breeze as the sky outside had become a dark pitch black that was as dark as the void itself, the odd few stars glimmering outside in the sky, standing out in the darkness, it was mesmerising. Her legs still tangled in wires as she hadn't moved a literal inch due to shock. The perfume on his desk, expect now she now was itching to wear it - like the world would end if she didn't wear it there and then - she wanted to spray it everywhere, for the sweet sugary scent to be smelt in her room, her soft golden locks that now didn't just seem like overgrown hair to her, it felt feminine and she wanted to hate it, she felt like she should hate it, but yet deep down she loved it, lived it like her long and flowy eyelashes that everyone made fun for looking girly, the eyelashes her brother mocked her for, the ones she wanted to cut off because of the mockery and bullying she received for them , she now loved them.
Maybe these features weren't all that bad? Maybe they were just hinting at something that was always there just buried deep down inside of her, inside a chamber of her heart she hadn't let anyone see inside of.
Or maybe the realisation hadn't hit her yet, maybe she was still just completely and utterly flabbergasted for the fact she had just told someone about her true feelings, that she didn't feel like a guy. Sure the person she told was her own cousin. But they had their own experience with things like that, and they told Dave.
Rose understood better than anyone else would, sure they didn't always have constantly sappy emotionful conversations, but the odd time they did. And those conversations? None of them brought up things mentioned in it ever again.
And that short conversation had changed Dove's perspective on so, so many things. It changed how she felt about expressing herself, because right now? She wanted to shout out to the whole world how she felt, she wanted to shout that she was a girl, proudly. But at the same time she just wanted to forget about it all, to bury these stupid feelings deep down inside of her, just so she wouldn't have to bother getting the backlash or get bullied for wanting to be a girl.
Despite the initial shock, she.. Surprisingly liked the idea of being called Dove, Dove liked the meaning of new beginnings, because this was a new beginning for her.
An opportunity for her to be herself.
She turned her TV back on, despite the static on it before. She no longer cared because the TV was hers, she couldn't turn it off forever.
And right now?
She wanted the TV on full brightness.