Chapter Text
Heroes – David Bowie
We're nothing
And nothing will help us
Maybe we're lying
Then you better not stay
But we could be safer
Just for one day
“I- “Will didn’t know what to choose there were so many options ‘’I don’t know what class to choose… Sorry, I have to think more.’’
‘’Don’t worry! I can help you.’’
Mike passed him the thick book; it was opened on a page with a bard that Dustin was analyzing.
‘’You can be whoever you want to be.’’ then he paused and after corrected ‘’Well Dustin is the bard already, but if you want to be one too, we can figure something out.’’
Will didn’t want to be the bard so he shook his head a bit and passed through the colorful pages. Both Lucas and Dustin were already scribbling their character sheets, a bard and a ranger, they almost immediately knew who they wanted to be. Will was still looking for his game persona.
Mike settled next to him on the sofa.
The basement in the Wheeler’s house was pretty spacious, perfect for meet ups. Previously it was just him and Mike, so they were hanging in either house, but now that the group became bigger, they chose Mike’s house as their base, it was bigger, more comfortable.
On his last birthday Mike received a handbook explaining ‘how to play Dungeons and Dragons’ from Joyce, she apparently noticed it in some bookstore while she was out of Hawkins. Ever since pre school she treated Mike like he was a part of their family so it was just natural that while Will received a new set of crayons he wished for, Mike also got a gift fitted to him. Joye always cherished Mike’s presence.
They were all very pumped to play but, too Will’s dismay, the rest of the boys didn’t want to play the premade characters and first they needed to prepare their own character sheets.
That’s how they got in this situation.
Lucas and Dustin had no problem with picking what suits them, Will admired that, they were sitting in the other corner throwing ideas at each other.
Mike took the handbook from Will.
‘’I think you don’t suit a Rouge.’’
He commented the page that was open.
After that, he took his eyes from the book straight to Will’s face. Suddenly, Will felt as if he had a big knot instead of lungs, that didn’t let him breath properly. Will didn’t even consider a rouge. What if Mike told him he would be good as a rouge? He would play as one if Mike said so.
Mike was examining his face with squinted eyes for a brief moment and then jumped up a bit in his place.
‘’I know exactly who you are.’’
The pages flattered under his touch.
‘’A Cleric, Will the Wise.’’
It was the first time he called him that, which sparked a magic of it’s own.
Magic was a part of Will’s life from that moment on. Trying to avoid it or choose a different identity was useless, it all same back at some point one way or another. His space was always somehow filled with a magical power of sorts.
When he was taken to the upside down, the space left behind him was filled by El. She was always the most magical thing one could imagine, a superhero, a mage.
Mike was always in awe with the fantasy world, the powers and magical figures so no wonder that when El appeared he immediately fell for her charms.
Will would never actually admit it but he felt like he wasn’t fully living his role in the world. Since he was taken, he never fully regained his own identity. If it wasn’t for the upside down, he would be so different, their lives would be easier, their friendships would be different. That November of 1983 changed him in ways no one would really understand. Sometimes he just thinks about if magic is real, he would use all off it to turn back in time. Of course he doesn’t share these thoughts, he isn’t even fully able to admit that sometimes when he thinks of erasing the bad side, he also thinks of the things he could do if El disappeared.
But it’s not possible.
Magic was never truly on his side.
And then Mike was in danger. The Demogorgon charging at him.
Will always thought off the lives he could’ve had if some parts changed, he never truly considered one without Mike Wheeler.
If Mike was thrown in the upside down, he would walk through this hell and back just to bring him back. He would face whatever the world would throw at him just so he wouldn’t have to have a mere thought of a world that doesn’t consist of Mike.
It would lose the sense, the reason.
When the Demogorgon jumped at him a glimpse of losing Mike came through his mind, a thought he wished he would never have.
This glimpse changed him, the magic that Mike woke up deep inside of him all these years ago not only burned deep inside his heart again, it went up in flames and consumed him entirely.
After that it was all a blur.
The power that came over him was almost a muscle memory, automatic, normal, everyday action. But it was not his memory, it was a power from someone else that he used to save his one true treasure in this world. Vecna probably already knew the change that occurred in Will.
He remembers it like a cold river under his skin.
Lethe, a river from the underworld, from which the dead would drink to forget their past lives. Since he heard of it in the literature class, he wished for it to be true, so he could start over, have a fresh start. Now he felt it was real and deep inside him, in his veins, arteries. It flowed through him powerful, but forcing him to forget what he did.
The only thing he could truly picture from that moment is a look on Mike’s face, truly enigmatic for him. Was he scary?
Trying to remember that moment Will realized it was now an entirely different one. His eyes were closed, he was laying somewhere, it wasn’t raining. His head was killing him and he still smelt the smell of iron. Apart from iron he could smell something he could recognize always, everywhere, since he was eleven.
Mike’s room was always warmer than the other spaces in Wheeler’s house. He never opened the windows so the space always smelt like him and was warm and sometimes it was hard to catch a full breath. Mrs. Wheeler was always screaming to open the window while they were playing DnD so Mike would run to his room and back during some important moments and they would have to update him,
It's been a while since Will was here, they were usually spending time in the basement, during the year that Hawkins was shut down he was also sleeping downstairs.
Slowly the realization hit and he opened his eyes, he was in fact laying in the bed that was certainly not his own, and he certainly shouldn’t lay awake so long in there. He sprung up a bit too fast for how much his head was spinning already. Standing up wasn’t easy but he managed to catch some kind of balance. He would rather fall than stay a minute longer laying down in that bed.
He felt his face burning, flushed as if he was on a walk in the middle of cold winter.
Where is everyone? Why is he suddenly in the house?
He was just standing for a few minutes propping up on the table, thinking, doubting, fearing. He was afraid that at the exact moment he would come out of that room the world would collapse again. Someone would meet him on the other side saying that everyone is dead, caught be the Demogorgons, killed by Vecna, that Mike run away from him after he saw Will using Vecna’s powers.
Once again, he wished to forget, to erase it all but the closest thing to Lethe was under his skin, he couldn’t reach that deep down.
But the memories were vivid, real, graphic even, Vecna took care of that. Demogorgons taking the children, going after his friends, all because Will showed Vecna his true potential. The words still echoed in his brain with all the images from that night.
He took a deep breath.
Opening the door was the hardest, his hands shaking, his body trembling. A screech.
He headed towards the stairs hearing the kettle heating up water in the kitchen, good, at least one person was alive enough to use the kitchen.
First stair.
‘’I was so scared, frozen in place.’’ Mike’s voice echoed through the house, a weight on Will’s heart fell and he immediately felt lighter;
Second stair.
‘’I know darling, you all shouldn’t go through all of this at such a young age.’’ His mom was always so caring, treating all of his friends like her own, sometimes she was too protective but at times like these he remembers she is in fact usually right
Third and fourth stair.
The water got loud, he heard his mom’s steps, and then it turned off.
‘’… poor Will, he was horrifying’’ oh.
He was again frozen in place.
Mike thought Will was horrifying. After all it was pretty predictable, he was using a power he didn’t understand, that actually belonged to a psycho wizard obsessed with destroying them.
He took a deep breath and went down the stairs, trying not to listen anymore to what wasn’t his to hear.
After he managed to reach the entry to the kitchen his mom almost dropped the mug she was holding. He managed to reach her in time to hold her hands in place. She immediately passed Mike the mug to mike standing behind her and caught Will in one of her signature hugs, full of love and care, stronger than any words she could say. Will of course hugged her back.
‘’Oh darling, how are you feeling? Are you cold? Do you want be to bring you something?’’ she started rambling, from which Will deduced she was actually okay
Mike stood behind the holding what appeared to be tea. His face seemed a bit absent, no actual thoughts to be figured out from his expression, but certainly there were many.
‘’I’m okay mom.’’ He reassured ‘’Please, tell me though, where is everyone?’’ He pulled back, looked around, listening for someone else in the house.
Joyce looked back at Mike.
‘’Umm... The children…” Will already knew’ ‘’They were…”
‘’Taken. Yeah, I know, he showed me.’’ He said looking down
A moment of cold silence lasted for a moment.
‘’What about Robin? Murray and Lucas?’’ Mike looked at him like he was questioning something.
‘’Oh, they are okay.’’ Joyce looked at him with somewhat a concern on her face ‘’Do you perhaps remember what happened?’’
Will averted his eyes to not look her in the eyes, moreover to not look Mike in the eyes. His hand almost automatically got under his nose but the blood wasn’t there. He heard a muted sound and his veins again felt a bit Lethe like. No. He can’t let this unleash again.
‘’I remember, some of it.’’ a quick look at Mike’s eyes and back to his bare feet back again
Joyce caressed his cheek, and made him take the previously almost spilled tea. It didn’t burn, good, he wasn’t possessed yet.
They didn’t really talk much about the Mac Z. His mom led him to the table and made him drink the tea so he would warm himself up, even though the house was already hot. Mike was most probably uncomfortable, going back and forth, acting as if he was doing something important.
‘’Murray and Robin found Lucas, right after the mess. They all reached out to us a few hours before, when they said they are going to check out the Mac Z. They led the remaining children and their teacher out, leading them so they don’t see… the soldiers.’’ She explained in a shortcut. ‘’Lucas and Murray are still explaining to the parents the mess, so that they don’t cause panic, a fire I suppose Robin is about to do the squawk about it.’’
It's good, well, it isn’t but at least it’s not the end of the world. Oh, wait.
‘’Mom, how did I get here? Did you carry me?’’
‘’Mike did.” A flush came to his cheeks rapidly ‘’The bastard wizard threw me hard, I sprained my ankle and I think I might have a relocated arm’’ she sighed
‘’Oh, do you need any help?’’ he immediately asked but she just laughed and made a hand gesture meaning she lived through worse
It’s good to see her still see him as her son, after all the times he lost himself, the only trait of his that he knew he would truly never lose was being her son, Johnatan’s little brother.
‘’Did they reach out from the upside down yet?’’
A look of doubt came through her face as if she only just now was reminded that they were still there. Well, it was now the more normal thing, more than a half of their family in a different dimension, than him using the powers of the realm’s evil wizard.
She sighed deeply and hid her face in her hands, the only thing Will could do was giving her a hug.
‘’El is with them.’’ He managed ‘’She is a superhero, she will protect them, as always.’’ As always, her magic was more than Will could ever give even now with a power of (kinda) his own;
‘’She is.’’ Joyce said through tears. ‘’What would we do without her, my daughter.’’
‘’Yeah’’ He looked up holding his breath deep in his lungs
They both needed a break, a moment to forget, but it’s not easy to achieve something as big as forgetting, Will learned it since he was small. He always found calm in music, in doing something else, having so many incentives around that he almost didn’t have the space for any other thought. No evil wizards or beautiful paladins managed to appear in his thoughts.
He made his mom take a nap on the sofa, his own legs still trembling. He found an old cassette in the basement, he left it there to have at sleepovers, when being so close to Mike was too much to let him sleep. He put on the music and T-Rex playing in the background he got to cleaning the kitchen.
His brain was chaos but burdened enough to not think so much about where did Mike eventually disappear too. Instead, he was just hearing the song with the echo of ‘’ Will, he was horrifying’’ in the background, some thoughts can’t be turned down that easily.
He cleaned the grout in the kitchen, it was clearly cleaned with pain, some blood still remaining there. Will knew how hard it is to almost lose a part of his family, saying his goodbyes everyday in the upside down and he wouldn’t wish that upon anyone, especially the Wheelers who gave him his second home. The cleaning was the most he could do to help.
‘’Will’’ this time it wasn’t in his head
Mike was back from the void he disappeared to some time ago.
‘’I took a bath.’’ A pause; ‘’Do you want one too? It can make you less cold.’’
‘’I’m not cold.’’ He answered quickly averting the eye contact
If he shows too much, if they talk too much, Mike will see this horrifying side of him again and then he will truly see how in his life Will is the super villain always having ulterior motives with him and El the superhero that always stops him from jumping into wrong situations. Mike thought he was horrifying already, it’s enough to avoid him, make sure he won’t see that side of Will ever again. The float of the river needs to be tamed.
‘’The water always calms me down you know.’’ He started again ‘’In the summer I sometimes go to the pool… with mom. She says it’s only natural. You should try it.’’
Will didn’t bare a world, a hum even. What if a voice in his head says the water is burning?
The door opened loudly with a familiar thud.
Will headed towards it going past Mike, all power in trying not to touch him accidentally even a brush of a finger would break him in half now.
There in the door stood Murray and Lucas.
‘’Hello there little Merlin’’ Murray exclaimed with his usual loudness and obnoxiousness ‘’I hope y’all are not virgin Marys because we are fully and thoroughly fucked!’’
Well, that’s nice, why now?
‘’Do you remember the weird black ash falling from the sky last summer?’’ asked Luces, he was clearly out of breath, his eyes constantly moving ‘’It’s back. The families close to the Mac Z are asking if there was a fire. We had to come up with some bomb trials or other stupid shit. But if a demo eats their dog or their child there won’t be that many excuses.’’
‘’What do you mean the ash is back…?’’ Mike’s voice came from behind him
‘’The upside down is spilling into our world.’’
Everyone looked straight at Will, this time he could exactly point what was the feeling behind Mike’s eyes – dread, fear, deep and paralyzing.
Murray and Lucas, cursing under their noses said they have to listen to the squawk now. Lucas started setting up the radio while Murray went to wake up Joyce. Meanwhile they both stood in the living room silent only them and the air in the room. Mike’s eyes were drifting to the door window; the ash didn’t reach this side of Hawkins still but they both knew it’s true.
‘’I could use a hot bath, now that I think of it.’’ He broke the silence. Mike is the doer, he has to act on things, help, that’s how he manages his struggles, the moment the boy’s mind switches to action mode can be clearly seen on his face;
‘’Oh yes, of course.’’ He immediately says ‘’I will set one for you. Do you need fresh clothes? Mom... well mom didn’t do the washing this week so you can take something that’s mine. I will give you a shirt.’’
He was always like that, locking in only when he is needed, when he is saving someone. El was always the one deemed a superhero but Mike was the hero in Will’s books.
They went upstairs in silence, Will trying not to disturb the sacred state of helping. They heard noise from downstairs.
‘’Hello my amazing listeners here is Rockin Robin!’’
Good thing she is safe and sound, even very sound. Will started to treasure his friendship with Robin these past few days. She seemed to get him so well so effortlessly, it was a relief, a breath of fresh air. Hanging out with the boys was always good, playing DnD relaxed him, but it wasn’t the same. Robin knew the part of him he thought he would always keep hidden somewhere deep inside his heart.
This small but important part of him was always buried so deep under all this shame and trauma. Every look from Mike, every kiss between him and El, made it just hide deeper in his heart, slowly breaking it from the inside. Mike said it is not his fault Will doesn’t like girls, Will still remembers that like it was yesterday. If only he knew the truth.
Robin unpacked this burdening feeling that he carried since childhood so easily. He realized that he finally didn’t feel completely alone, this trouble wasn’t only of his. Even a story as stupid as about Tammy the sucky singer Thompson made him a bit less alone.
Loosing Robin after finally unpacking something that was deep inside him for so long would be a great loss, not a one that Will could make today, not after she gave him hope he could find peace of his own one day.
‘’Dear duckies of mine do not fear! The ash you see from the sky should not bother you. There was a small fire in the woods during the night, a birdy - “a loud squawk followed by a whistle is heard”- told me it’s just testing some safety precautions by the military. Beware! Even though it looks like dark snow, it is certainly NOT! Do not try to eat the sky dust, meanwhile my personal friend Freddie will tell you about biting some… Let’s hear it, Freddie!’’
The water started flowing as the characteristic beat flowed from the radio. Will stood still on the hall looking at Mike going around the bathroom, checking the temperature, getting fresh towels. He was in a trance going around, left the bathroom and went right into his room, the water still quietly flowing.
‘’Do you want long sleeves or short sleeves’’ he asked seemingly eager, but will knew that he was just acting on a goal ‘’Uh, why are you standing like that?
‘’I just don’t want to intrude without asking, you know? I didn’t spend much time here for a while.’’
‘’You are not intruding.’’ His words sounded genuine;
‘’I’m just not used to… this, anymore. We spend less time together.’’
‘’Will, you’ve lived in this house for a year, you can enter my room, you can wear my t-shirt. It’s not that deep, we are friends. It’s okay’’ he said on one breath
If only he knew it was that deep.
Mike threw a shirt and a sweater at Will and went back into the bathroom.
‘’Fuck!’’
When Will entered after his feet were immediately all wet from the water on the floor. Mike already turned off the water and they both fell to the floor with towels gathering the water both repeating their sorries and voiding each other’s eyes. The water felt untamed for a moment but together they managed to make the floor clean.
‘’Thank you’’
‘’You’re always welcome in my room.’’
Mike closed the door leaving.
Will was facing the bath the entire time trying to not reveal his face red with blush. The bathroom was still comfortable even though still a mess after the attack. He didn’t want to admit it in front of himself but he really needed that bath, a moment of rest after all the mess, an act of normalness. He threw his shirt in the corner of the toilet and flushed his face with cold water.
‘’Oh, my sorry!’’ Mike stood in the door again raising his head up almost theatrically
‘’Um’’ a stutter ‘’Do you need something?’’
Mike looked down at him again and immediately back up.
‘’I didn’t give you pants. Sorry.’’ Door slamming right after him
He didn’t bath long; he didn’t like the quiet and didn’t bring a radio. Breathing in the hot thick air brought him comfort since the mind flayer left, it was a reminder of some kind of freedom, his body being only his own. Sometimes he was just sitting next to the oven while baking or the boiler just for some comfort and reassurance. Especially now Will needed the heat as a proof of him still being himself, at least in the way that he was always taught to be.
The quiet brought back the memory, Demogorgons, Vecna, the connection, river under his skin. He felt his thought slipping into doubts and fears. Right then he left the bath in need to silence it all, doing anything but sitting still made a noise in his brain helping in cutting the thoughts off. Instead, he focused on dressing up in Mike’s clothes, he might fear whatever power came over him but he was glad it helped him save this person that he cherished so much. He felt so stupid, this whole situation so trivial in the scheme of it all, feeling so giddy dressing up in a stupid blue striped shirt. He felt almost caressed dressed up in all these clothes all of them a bit too long on him, it was this that really made him calm for a moment.
Will entered the room, just a few steps though.
‘’Thank you for the bath.’’
‘’No problem, man.’’ Mike went up to him patting his shoulder with a slight grin ‘’Let’s go back down.’’
The Clash playing a bit quieter than Freddy. Lucas wasn’t there to be found, Joyce and Murray were sitting at the table in a silence, a heavy one.
‘’Lucas?’’
‘’He went to see that red head of his’’ Murray explained
Silence again. His mom patted the chair next to hers showing the boys they should sit down, they obeyed as always. Quietly she made them tea, for Mike his preferred raspberry one, she remembered since childhood that he only drank this one kind. Everyone felt a talk looming over them, even Murray went quiet for that moment, drinking what appeared to be a coffee brewed on tea.
‘’So little Merlin…’’ Murray was certainly never subtle ‘’Your beautiful mother here-’’
Joyce gave him one of her sharp looks.
‘’I mean, your mom, explained what happened last night.’’
‘’Yeah, I told Murray about your, umm, situation.’’
‘’We thought it would be good to discuss it with professionals first…’’
‘’But there is no connection!’’
The professionals… Hop, El, they would know how to tame this, get rid of it. Everyone that would have an idea how to help is unreachable, this new curse, unpredictable, able to unleash at all times troubles him and there isn’t even his brother around to calm him down, Johnatan always helped him at times like these.
‘’Darling, we are afraid that the military had cameras there.’’
‘’Ya know, the technology that is hidden from us is so advanced, the cameras, they send the signal to the FBI, CIA, they all know everything! Hawkins is like the focus now! The Russians, the different holes with other worlds in the ground, zombie boys with powers – they research it a l l .’’
A big knot tying in his stomach felt like it was gradually growing faster and faster with every breath he took. Powers? They call this power? This is a curse, a burden, slowly closing every door that he opened in the past few days.
‘’Sweetheart’’ he noticed he was shaking the moment that his mom took his hand and the trembling stopped a bit ‘’Over everything else we want you to be safe.’’
‘’We need to lock ya up little Merlin.’’
‘’Murray! You’re stressing him.’’ Mom looked deep in his eyes and explained slowly ‘’Murray needs a few days outside the barricade to make sure you are safe, if they come for you, we want to hide you in Hop’s cabin. God knows what they would do to you and I will never allow anyone to take my son ever again. Do you get what I’m saying?’’
Will got everything. He felt heavy weight coming over him. Alone, in the woods, him and his thoughts left to themselves, what if his thoughts and emotions explode and the curse unleashes again, the rivers in his veins making him forget the possible destruction and danger he might cause.
‘’Alone?’’ He looked up;
Will’s breathing got heavy, suddenly taking air in the lungs became hard. He tried counting, calming himself by distraction. One, two, three him alone in the woods, four, five, six Vecna talking to him in the night…
‘’Well, your mom has to be here control, the situation.’’ Murray explained looking at Joyce, seven, eight, nine, no one to help him manage his own thoughts ‘’I need my connection here, unless ya tall stick boy would be in contact with - ‘’
‘’I can come with Will.’’ Everyone looked straight at Mike ‘’That way Ms Byers can monitor Hawkins, partner with Murray as always and Will isn’t alone, yeah? Everyone safe and satisfied. No one suspects a teenager roaming around the woods is doing anything worse than any other teenager.’’
Murray looked a bit surprised but after that on his face appeared agreement and indifference
‘’Suits me I don’t care what ya two bromance there in the woods, I just need someone updating from here.’’
Will’s panic got mixed with extreme shame, embarrassment.
‘’Will? Are you okay with Mike staying with you?’’