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an ending

Notes:

so basically i was brainstorming how the podcast will end and the whole "letting go" thing lately nagged at me
so here ya go :D heres an idea
p.s. i had a rough day, dont judge me

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

"Let go Arthur." John pleaded. 

 

"No!"

 

"You have to let me go." he repeated patiently, running his thumb on Arthur's face. 

 

"No. I won't let you." Arthur said between grinded teeth. He pressed down on John's shoulders, so hard it ached. "I won't let you do this to yourself, I won't let you go."

 

"Listen, Arthu-"

 

"No you listen." The certainty in his voice made John shiver. "We have survived things, worse than this, and all we did, we did together." Arthur leaned closer. John could feel the warmth of his breath on his face.

 

He savoured the feeling.

 

Arthur's voice echoed in his head. 

 

The brightness of his eyes blurred his sight. 

 

Surrounding them, were hundreds, thousands of golden rays of glimmer, intertwined with their bodies, hands and hairstrands, floating, tightening around them every passing moment, pulling at their limbs. 

 

John never imagined death. 

 

It was always a bizzare concept for him.

 

As an undying god, he ever understood what it meant to end. 

 

He always struggled to picture it, to capture it, to think about it, but each time to no avail. 

 

Yet at that moment, 

 

as he felt Arthur's nose brush gently against his,

 

as he felt his body fall apart, bit by bit, 

 

at that moment, 

 

he learned what it meant to end.

 

And he would tell you this, it wasn't a pleasing feeling.

 

He would do anything, he thought, anything to make this moment last longer. 

 

He would make earth and sky meet, he would give away his hands, his eyes, his heart, his body. 

 

He would die, he thought, to make this last longer. 

 

but it wouldn't.

 

It would just end.

 

"We'll figure out a way." Arthur assured, and a deeply rooted fear bloomed in John's heart. "I'll- I'll figure it out, okay? There has to be something, there has t-" 

 

"ENOUGH!"

 

John shouted.

 

Arthut went quiet. 

 

The whole world went quiet. 

 

Time stopped.

 

The world stopped.

 

It was listening in keenly, waiting to hear what he had to say.

 

John choked. 

 

Swallowed it.

 

Brought his hands up to show them, and they were coming off, crippling to dust and fading away before him.

 

John saw realization make its way to Arthur's eyes, leaving them devoid of hope.

 

"There is no saving this." He stated, like it was a fact the whole world knew. Water boils at 100 degrees. The Earth revolves around the Sun. There is no saving me.

 

And Arthur for all his arrogence, knew better than not to surrender to logic.

 

They stayed like that for a couple of seconds, Arthur holding John's dying hands in his, and breathed.

 

It was at that very moment, that John understood the concept of time fully. 

 

He felt every second leaving him, as the hourglass of his body poured away. 

 

He was running out of time. 

 

"Arthur I-"

"I just wanted to-"

 

Silence. 

 

They both chuckled. 

 

"You go first."

 

"No you say it, you deserve to."

 

John took in a shaky breath,"I wanted to say, that I'm-" He swalloed a lump. "I'm glad you opened that book." Arthur laughed. John smiled. "I'm glad I met you, Arthur." He spoke, but couldn't feel the words on his lips. "Every moment I spent with you, every place I went to with you, every word you said to me, meant more to me than anything this world ever had to offer." He smiled, black glistening tears running down his cheeks.

 

"I'm glad we took that train to New York." Arthur chucked, "I never let you watch that movie." John beamed brighter.

 

"I'm glad we stayed in that house in Addison." 

 

"Ah we were supposed to go out for dinner!" 

 

"You were supposed to learn how to dance."

 

"Do you think it would be too late if i tried that after this?"

 

"It's never too late to learn how to dance."

 

"I'll try it then." 

 

"Promise?" 

 

Arthur squeezed John's hands. 

 

John's heart fluttered. 

 

"Promise."

 

John's breath hitched, he took in some air "I'm glad I got to listen to you play the piano. I'm glad I got to know Faroe." 

 

Arthur sobbed. 

 

John felt his stomach twist.

 

"I'm glad you gave me your eyes." 

 

John brought Arthur's hands to his lips, pressed a kiss on the knuckles. He heard Arthur take a sharp breath in, and john squeezed, putting his forehead on it. 

 

"I'm glad I got to describe the world to you."

 

Arthur tugged.

 

He tugged at John's hand and crashed his body against himself, or, whatever was left of it.

 

He pulled John's waist, and clutched at the back of his neck, grabbing his floating hair. 

 

John could feel his sobs against his chest. 

 

Arthur drowned him in kisses. Held his face in his palms and kissed his hair, then his forehead, then his eyes, then his cheeks.

 

Then his lips.

 

John savoured it. 

 

He savoured every bit of it.

 

He didn't know how long it lasted. 

 

Seconds, minutes, hours, days.

 

Maybe even less than a moment.

 

He didn't know.

 

He couldn't know.

 

All he knew right now, was that he felt happier than he ever had. 

 

He just wished it could last longer. 

 

"Don't leave me." Arthur cried, holding him tighter, ignoring the parts of him that fell away. "Please don't leave me John. I- I have no one- I have no one left, you're all I have."

 

"You have Faroe."

 

"She's gone."

 

"She's here."

 

"No, she's not."

 

"She's always here, and I'll be too."

 

Arthur weeped, clutching at John's shoulders, his forehead against his chest.

 

"What do I do after this?"

 

"You go to a nice cafe and have the loveliest meal of your life, then you find a dance partner and imagine he is me, and you'll dance together until you can't feel your feet anymore." 

 

Arthur laughed against his chest. 

 

John felt his heart fall apart.

 

"Then you go to the movies and watch the movie for me," he went to caress his hair, but noticed his hand was gone. "Can you do that for me?" 

 

Arthur sobbed.

 

"Arthur."

 

"Yes."

 

"Will you do that for me?"

 

"Yes." 

 

"Good, good." John said, his fingers in Arthur's curls. "Did I ever tell you how pretty you are?"

 

Arthur looked up.

 

John kissed him.

 

Arthur closed his eyes.

 

John rested his forehead against his. 

 

"I love you, Arthur."

 

"I love you too, John."

Notes:

tell me what you thought, or dont, i dunno