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Sometimes, Russia would think of herself of how far she has fallen.
It doesn't matter how high of a pedestal she put herself on, it was a matter of fact that she is never what she claims herself to be.
Now that she thought about it, when was the last time she was ever truly herself?
The world is an unjust place, all that will come is an inevitable effect of her attempts of surviving in this play. Is it inevitable, though, does she really not have a way to prevent what would soon happen?
What sort of question was that? Of course she didn't. Even if she did do that, the end result would not deem her efforts well and she'll be excommunicated from her own mind.
What did it ever mean to her, her relationships, when she would uselessly watch it be foiled?
She's an old woman, she's made many relations with different people in her life. Acquaintances, colleagues, adversaries, friends, family. Family. Family?
Acquaintances, she can name many examples. Such as the humans she's come to meet and greet every day. Her colleagues were her own kind, they themselves could be her adversaries. Most of the time, they were.
She could consider Veliky Novgorod to be her oldest friend. Staraya Ladoga a close contender.
Kiev is hers too. Was. Not is. The one she found herself comfortable with had died long ago. That was the state, not the city.
But family? She has family, yes, but has it ever meant anything to anyone but herself and them?
What does family mean to someone like her?
She's related to many of her colleagues. That she knows, dare she says she's the most informed when it comes to their familial relations with one another. So the word family might mean something more close to her.
Like Tver.
And Turaŭ. And Upper Oka. And Moscow. And Halych. And Vladimir. And Volyn. And Polotsk. And Izborsk. And Beloozero. And Pskov.
And Novgorod.
Why did she do that his own? Why did you kill her? She was innocent and you killed her! She was human and you—
Was it sin for her to say that she misses her principalities? Back then, it was so simple. Perhaps she could call her colleagues back then as a sense of family. As much as they quarelled.
But that was family, wasn't it? Strife happens every now and then. No, it wasn't. Family doesn't go to war against each other.
Did her lefthand, Kiev, ever hate her? Before the victory of Moscow against Tver. Before Lithuania.
He probably did. She calls him a past friend of hers, but she conquered his city and made his capital as her own. Why wouldn't he hate her for that.
But her children?
She can be a good mother. That was a fact, if you were to ever ask any of them how their childhood was, they'd likely say it was the best time of their life. Unlike their colleagues, who were probably enslaved as a child.
Maybe that's why Russia liked them more when they were younger. Because she couldn't find herself to hurt them the way she did back then, and now.
Maybe those who have died have moved on. But not those alive with something to represent.
She sees him, Arey Iraklyevich. She sees Tver.
He's dead and she sees him. She killed him and she sees him. She finds it understandable if he still hates her. Even in death or life, one's hatred usually simmers.
She sees how he knows what would happen to his family.
If anyone were to know how she lived her life, they would deem that family means nothing to someone like her. Which was false. Because everything she does was done for what she wishes to stay unharmed.
But why would they ever care? When has her own personal relationships ever been factored in by The Principalities? Why would they care? They don't, and she's seen that many times. They don't ever care about what Personifications believe.
Russia is a selfish person.
Which is funny when you realise that Personifications—especially countries—have no right to be selfish. Is it possible for her to ever be selfish, to forget about her duties just once?
No! Because she's Russia. She is All of Russia and she will be Russia for until she dies permanently. And when is that? No time soon. There won't ever be a time for her to appreciate her own family, would there?
Maybe all of them had forgiven her a long time ago. Maybe she's the one who can't forgive herself. What a funny thought. They would not have ever forgiven her.
It's odd how family only ever looks prevalent whenever they're dead. Why does it always end this way? Why does she always bring ruin to what she finds important?
Tver is staring at her. He doesn't seem to realise that she can see him staring at her.
Family means a lot to her. She just doesn't show that to anyone. The Principalities wouldn't let that.
One day she'll forgive herself for not acting.
That day is not today.