Work Text:
Location: Disney’s All-Star Movies Resort – Exterior Hallway, Mighty Ducks Wing
Time: 8:15 AM, Saturday, December 20, 2025
The humid Florida morning air was already thick with the smell of pool chlorine and the lingering scent of processed syrup. Frank, Charlie, Mac, and Dee were sprawled across the blue industrial carpet of the exterior hallway, having been locked out of their room since 3:00 AM when the "Key War" ended in a stalemate of mutual incompetence.
Charlie was currently using a discarded Mickey-shaped waffle box as a pillow, while Frank had managed to nest inside a pile of damp towels he’d swiped from a nearby cleaning cart.
The silence was broken by the sharp click-clack of high heels. Cerie Xerox, looking effortlessly stunning in a breezy floral dress and oversized sunglasses, stepped out of Room 4204. She checked her reflection in her phone, completely ignoring the four disheveled people waking up at her feet.
"Good morning, subjects!" a voice boomed from the shadows of the ice machine alcove.
Dennis Reynolds stepped out, looking suspiciously refreshed. He was wearing a crisp polo shirt and held a single MagicBand+ like a royal scepter.
"Dennis? You let us sleep in the hallway like animals!" Mac yelped, scrambling to his feet while trying to brush carpet lint off his "I'm with Stupid" t-shirt. He squinted, his left eye swollen and bruised—a massive, colorful black eye that looked like it had been delivered by a professional. "I think a lizard crawled into my ear! My equilibrium is completely off!"
"Oh, hello Dennis!" Cerie chirped, giving him a vacant smile. "Are your friends homeless? That’s so retro. I’m going to meet a guy named The Duck Lord at the AbracadaBar. He says he’s the 'Lucifer,' but honestly, I just like his hat."
As Cerie sashayed toward the elevators, Dennis turned back to the Gang, his eyes wide and unblinking. "Why are you all looking at me with such... such poverty in your eyes? It’s a beautiful day! The sun is shining, the Mouse is watching, and I am in total control of our itinerary!"
"Control?!" Dee screeched, her hair a bird's nest of tangles. "You stole the only key, Dennis! We spent the night listening to the guy in the next room have a quiet mental breakdown while we froze in the draft!"
"Why are you so mean?" Charlie whined, still clutching his waffle box. "I had a dream that a giant duck was judging me, Dennis! A giant, silent, hockey-playing duck!"
Dennis sighed, a terrifyingly calm smile spreading across his face. "You want to know why I took the key? You want to know why I let you 'nap' in the corridor of a value-tier resort?" He leaned in close. "Because last night was a disaster. And you’re going to tell me exactly how you managed to ruin our first night in the Magic Kingdom."
"It wasn't our fault!" Frank barked, emerging from his towel nest. "It started with the churro stand and the guy in the trench coat!"
Dennis tilted his head, staring at Mac’s black eye. "And how did that happen, Mac? Did you walk into a turnstile?"
"I was blindsided, Dennis!" Mac shouted. "I was protecting the innocent! Tell him, Charlie! Tell him how I was a hero!"
******
Location: Magic Kingdom – Main Street / Tomorrowland
Time: [Mac’s Memory of Last Night]
In Mac’s mind, the Disney "snoap" falling on Main Street looks like ash in a war zone. He is wearing a tactical duster over his "I'm with Stupid" shirt, and he moves with the grace of a ninja.
"Stay behind me, kids!" Mac bellows in his memory. He is surrounded by a "squad" consisting of Stan Flute, Wolf Tobin, Gene Belcher, Bart Simpson, Steve Smith, and Stewie Griffin. "The perimeter is compromised! We’ve got high-level hostiles everywhere!"
In the background, Dash can be seen standing on a trash can, belting out the chorus of Fairytale of New York, his voice providing the gritty soundtrack to Mac’s "heroism." Near the Main Street Popcorn Company, Tracy Jordan is gesturing wildly at Jason Voorhees, who is standing perfectly still with a machete that looks suspiciously like a prop.
"See that clown near the Plaza Ice Cream Parlor?" Mac tells the kids, pointing at The Joker, who is calmly reading a park map and trying to figure out if his MagicBand+ is waterproof. "That’s a classic Tier-One threat. I’m going to perform an ocular patdown. If I don't come back, tell my mom I died for the Mouse."
Mac strides up to the Joker, his hands hovering over his "holsters." He stares intensely at the clown's eyes.
"I've cleared you for entry, clown," Mac says, his voice a low growl. "But I'm watching you. One wrong move and—"
The Joker doesn't even look up from his map. He simply delivers a lightning-fast, casual right hook that connects squarely with Mac’s left eye.
CRACK.
[Back to Reality: All-Star Movies Hallway]
Mac winced, touching his swollen, purple eye. "And that's when I realized he was using a high-level psychological distraction technique, Dennis! I absorbed the impact to prevent the shockwave from hitting Stewie and Bart! I took the hit for the team!"
"You got punched by a tourist in a purple suit, Mac," Dennis said, his voice flat. "You didn't 'absorb' anything except a fist."
"I was a shield!" Mac insisted. "And while I was down, I saw Dee trying to climb into a private SUV like a total stalker!"
"I was making a connection!" Dee shrieked. "I was networking with the elite!"
******
Location: Magic Kingdom – Main Street, U.S.A. / Grand Floridian Portico
Time: [Dee’s Memory of Last Night]
In Dee’s mind, the humid Orlando night is transformed into a high-fashion, high-stakes gala. She is wearing a shimmering, designer evening gown (which is actually just her damp hotel bathrobe cinched with a stolen Grand Floridian belt) and glowing with an ethereal radiance.
"Tony! My darling!" Dee calls out in her memory, sashaying toward Tony Stark, who is leaning against a sleek black SUV.
In this version, Tony Stark, who was played by the handsome Robert Downey Jr., turns slowly while removing his aviators and gasps. "Dee? Deandra? Is that really you? My god, you're the most stunning woman in this park. I was just telling Natasha Romanoff that we needed a new leader for the Avengers, someone with... wings."
"Oh, Tony," Dee coos, batting her eyelashes as John Constantine leans against a nearby pillar, looking impressed. "I’m just a simple girl with a dream."
"You're a legend," Tony insists, while Deadpool somersaults into the frame, holding a boom mic.
"Cut! Print it!" Deadpool shouts, looking directly at the camera. "We've got the romantic lead of the century! Sorry, Pepper Potts, there's a new 'Bird' in town! And I'm not just saying that because she's technically an avian hybrid in the real world!"
In the background, the atmosphere is electric. Pigeon is perched on a lamppost, aggressively tearing into a Mickey & Co. character shirt while staring at Madison and Zoe, who are sharing a quiet, glowing kiss on a nearby bench. Dash can be heard in the distance, his voice soaring as he sings, "The boys of the NYPD choir were singing 'Galway Bay'..."
"I was networking, Dennis!" Dee insists in her memory. "I was one signature away from a three-picture deal!"
[Back to Reality: All-Star Movies Hallway]
"Signature?" Dennis asks, looking at the black eye Mac is still nursing. "Dee, you were found by security attempting to climb into the trunk of a Stark-Industries vehicle. You were screeching like a wounded seagull while a woman in a black tactical suit threatened to 'neutralize' you if you touched the paint job."
"She was jealous!" Dee shrieks, her hair matted with humidity. "She saw the chemistry! Tony wanted me! He told me I was 'vibrant'!"
"He told you that you were a 'vibrant security risk' and to stay fifty feet away from the arc reactor!" Frank barks, clutching a damp towel. "And you didn't even see the treasure! You were too busy stalking the tin-man while me and Charlie were meeting the real power in this park!"
"Oh, the clown?" Charlie asks, his eyes wide. "He's my new best friend! He's like a cartoon, Dennis! A big, silent, honking cartoon!"
******
Location: Magic Kingdom – The Utilidors (Underground)
Time: [Frank & Charlie’s Memory of Last Night]
In Charlie’s mind, the world has shifted into a vibrant, bouncy 1980s Saturday morning cartoon. The colors are neon-bright, the edges of the walls are hand-drawn, and every time someone walks, there’s a whimsical boing sound effect.
"Look at this place, Frank!" Cartoon-Charlie squeals, his eyes turning into giant spinning hearts. "It’s like a sewer, but for fancy people!"
They are deep in the Utilidors, the secret tunnels beneath the park. Frank, looking like a squat, animated troll with a giant sack labeled 'LOOT,' is wrestling with Grunkle Stan (who is also a cartoon) over a glowing gold Mickey-shaped door handle they ripped off a wall.
"Mine! It’s my treasure, you old goat!" Frank barks, his head turning into a literal steam whistle.
"I saw it first, Reynolds! This is going in the Mystery Shack gift shop for five hundred percent markup!" Grunkle Stan shouts back, his cane extending like a spring to bop Frank on the head.
While they fight, Pennywise—now a goofy, bright-colored cartoon clown with a polka-dot suit—pops out of a sewer grate. He tries to open his mouth to show rows of teeth, but instead, a bunch of festive holiday sausages and "I'm Celebrating!" buttons spill out.
"I'm going to eat your fear, Charlie!" the clown says, but his voice sounds like a slide whistle.
"You want fear? I'll show you fear!" Charlie laughs, pulling a bucket of "trash juice" out of nowhere and splashing the clown. "Wanna go find the rats? I bet the Disney rats are huge! They probably wear little shoes!"
Pennywise blinks, his eyes turning into spinning X's. "Rats? In shoes? That’s... that’s actually delightful! Let's be best friends!" The two skip down the hallway, leaving a trail of glitter and discarded churro wrappers.
In the background, the "Adult Animation Kids" (Bart, Stewie, Gene, and the South Park boys) are seen in a hand-drawn style, successfully hot-wiring a Main Street Trolley. Pigeon flies past, his animated beak stuffed with a Mickey Mouse shirt, muttering about "The sanctity of the medium."
Farther down the hall, Alastor and Mr. Gold are seen as high-definition silhouettes, still arguing over a massive, glowing scroll that keeps changing size.
[Back to Reality: All-Star Movies Hallway]
"And then the clown gave me a balloon made of actual dreams, Dennis!" Charlie exclaims, gesturing wildly. "He’s a good guy! He just needs a hug and some better dental insurance!"
Dennis stares at Charlie, then at Frank, who is still clutching a literal piece of plumbing he thinks is gold. "Charlie, you were huffing the industrial cleaning fluid in the maintenance closet. You weren't in a cartoon. You were in a chemical-induced coma while a serial killer in a clown suit stood over you, looking confused because you kept trying to offer him 'rat-on-a-stick'."
"He liked it!" Charlie insists. "He honked his horn! That means he liked it!"
"He honked because he wanted you to get out of the way of the trash compactor!" Dennis screams. "None of you did anything right! Now, let me tell you what actually happened."
******
Location: Disney’s All-Star Movies Resort – Hallway/Room 4202
Time: 8:45 AM, Saturday, December 20, 2025
Dennis Reynolds stood in the center of the hallway, his posture perfect, his expression one of terrifying clarity. "Enough! I have listened to your fairy tales, your 'action' movies, and your drug-induced hallucinations. Now, you will listen to the truth. You will listen to the Golden God."
[The Reality of Last Night]
The scene shifts to a cold, objective reality. There is no war zone, no high-fashion gala, and no cartoon logic. There is only a crowded, humid theme park at night.
Dennis watched with a look of pure disdain as the night unfolded. He watched Mac walk up to a very bored Joker, deliver a "tough guy" speech, and get knocked unconscious with a single, effortless punch. He watched Dee get physically removed from the Grand Floridian portico by a bored Vought security guard while she screamed about "Tony’s love." He watched Frank and Charlie wander into a maintenance closet, where they proceeded to pass out on top of a pile of industrial-grade bleach.
"You were all distractions," Dennis purred in the flashback. "The noise. The static. While you were making fools of yourselves, I was working. I saw a young woman, a vessel of beauty and vapidity (Cerie), wandering the BoardWalk. She was looking for a 'Golden God.' Naturally, I obliged."
Dennis had spent the night manipulating Cerie Xerox, convincing her that he was a billionaire consultant for the Mouse. He had successfully lured her back to the hotel area, using her as a shield to bypass the security check-point where the stolen MagicBand+ watch would have set off an alarm.
"I have the watch, I have the room, and I have the power," Dennis sneered. "I am the director! You are merely the puppets!"
[Back to Reality: All-Star Movies Hallway]
Suddenly, the door to Room 4203 flew open. Louise Belcher stood there in her pink bunny-eared hat, her arms crossed. Her eyes were hard, and her voice was a terrifyingly calm whisper.
"Hey. Listen up, you weirdos," Louise said, looking Dennis directly in the eye. "My dad is finally asleep. If I hear one more word about 'Golden Gods' or 'poverty eyes,' I am going to make sure your MagicBand+ experiences a 'catastrophic system failure' involving a toilet and a firecracker. Capisce?"
The Gang froze. Dennis looked at Louise, and for the first time in his life, he saw a reflection of himself. The same manipulative spark. The same sociopathic drive for control. He felt a rare, unsettling sensation: Respect.
"My apologies, little warrior," Dennis whispered, offering a shallow bow. "We shall retreat."
He ushered the stunned Gang into Room 4202 and slammed the door.
"See?" Dennis hissed, turning to the group. "That is how you lead. Now, give me the watch. It’s time to—"
"Uh, Dennis?" Mac asked, looking at his empty wrist. "I thought you had it."
"I gave it to you when we were in the hallway!" Dennis screamed. "Where is the watch?!"
"I don't have it!" Dee yelled. "Check Frank's sack!"
[Cut To: The Contemporary Resort – Room 7105]
Time: 9:00 AM
On the balcony overlooking the Seven Seas Lagoon, Dr. Doofenshmirtz was cackling as a glowing purple ray emanated from his latest invention: The Wrist-Asset-Collection-inator.
Dozens of MagicBand+ devices—including the one stolen by the Gang—were flying through the air like metallic birds, snapping onto a giant magnetic board on his balcony.
"Look, Perry the Platypus! It’s working!" Doofenshmirtz cheered as a platypus in a fedora looked on in frustration. "I have collected all the watches! Now, the tourists will be late for their dinner reservations, and I will be the only one who knows what time it is! I will be the King of Punctuality in the Tri-State Area... of Orlando!"
[Back to All-Star Movies]
"DAAAAAAANNIIIIIIIIIS!" Mac, Charlie, and Frank screamed in unison as they realized they were now truly stranded in a Value Resort with no money and no way to enter the parks.