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Dear Will,
It’s been 2 weeks since you left but it feels more like 2 years. How’s Highschool for you? Well I hate it actually. It’s so weird to go around classes knowing you're not there. I miss you.
I always think you're there and that I’ll see you at lunch like I always do, but it never happens. I get why you moved to Lenora but I want you back. I can’t even call you! Your mom is always so busy on the line I can’t even talk to you, so I guess we have to send letters now. I just want to hear your voice.
Well some news for the party is that we made another friend. His name is Eddie and we joined another party. I’m so sorry for ignoring you last Summer. I was just trying to be normal.
When you come back we’re going to play the longest DND game ever. I’ll make the best campaign for you and we will go back to playing the games we always did. But if your mom ever lets you come back here, which she should, I think you and Eddie would get along. You would probably be intimidated with him but as soon as he sees how passionate you are in DND I bet he will love you. Like I do.
Nancy is a senior now and she's going to move away soon to college. I think she’s trying to contact Johnathon still. So how is Johnathan? She will probably want to know. It’s kind of weird thinking that our siblings are dating, don’t you think? She misses him. Like I miss you.
I hope your days at Lenora are better than my days. People still bully us, specifically the basketball guys. I think Lucas wants to become one of them. I don’t understand him. If you were here you would know exactly what to do. Because you're always so amazing. Please come back.
Dustin and Lucas miss you too and are still trying to contact you. Dustin kept getting fed up with me that I kept complaining that I couldn’t talk to you. Well I just wanted to let you know that everyone here misses you because Hawkins is never the same without you. At least for me.
I want you to be happy over at Lenora. I hope you guys are ok after everything that happened at the mall. What am I saying at this point of course you guys are not ok. With Hopper and everything. I’m truly sorry. But I don’t want to talk about sad things in my letter. El has sent me letters that you guys are ok and that you guys have made more friends there. I hope you don’t replace me.
You're my very best friend and I value you so much. I hope you have found more peace than Max has. After you left and Billy died she has been more distant. Her and Lucas broke up. It’s weird that they aren’t together. She hasn’t been talking to us either. She doesn’t have any friends. I’m kind of concerned about her. I’m concerned about you too.
I’m probably not going to send this letter. I have spilt too many of my feelings in this. So if this is never going to be found by you I want to tell you many things. I miss you and I hope you come back. I’m worried you will be bullied at Lenora. I’m worried that you will replace me and not want to talk to me again. I’m worried that you’re going to find a girlfriend. Are we still best friends?
~ Love, Mike
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Dear Mike,
How’s Hawkins? I’ve gotten some updates about you through El’s letters. I’m sure you wouldn’t want to know that so don’t be mad at her. I mean you haven’t even called me and it’s been like 2 months. And two days and 3 hours and 2 minutes since I last saw your beautiful face.
I'm not mad at you really. I’m just kind of confused right now. Since you sent El so many letters I thought you would send me some too or at least call. You know she can’t call but you do know you can still call me right? I want to hear your voice.
I get that she’s your girlfriend and everything but I’m your best friend. At least I hope you didn’t replace me with someone else. I haven’t been making friends here really but at least no one knows me. It’s like a fresh slate that’s been erased for me. No one knows who I am so I don’t get bullied over here. I hope you guys aren’t getting bullied more over there. I’m worried for you.
How’s Dustin and Lucas? They haven’t really called me either. Have you guys moved on to another party? If you have, I'm fine with that. I mean it was my choice in the first place to not find another one. I’m not fine with it, please don’t replace me.
I heard through one of your letters through El that Max and Lucas broke up. I thought they would last forever like you and El. I heard Max wasn’t doing as well with her brother dead and all. Please check in on her for me. I’m not really close to her but I hope she’s ok. Lucas too I know he really loves Max he must be hurting as well. Max and Lucas always seemed so forever. I thought we were too.
Johnathan is worried about Nancy. They’re both seniors now but I guess long distance is hard. I mean you're doing long distance with my sister anyways. I understand why you're dating her. She's really nice. We’ve gotten much closer now. I see her as a sister. I hope you guys last forever. No I don’t.
How’s Holly? She was so cute the last time I saw her. You should teach her how to play DND soon. She seems like she would enjoy it unlike Nancy. It’s funny that she’s the only blonde Wheeler in your family. Tell her I’ll teach her how to draw when I come back. I want to come back and see you.
I heard from El we might visit you or you might visit us during Spring break. That seems so long from now. I would ask you to update me, but El gets a letter from you everyday, so she can update me on that. I’m not mad or anything that you haven’t written or called. I understand you're busy and everything. Please call.
I probably won’t send this letter. I’ve spilled many of my secrets to you. I have another one. I can’t even write it to you though. Not even if you're not going to receive this letter. I want you to know how much you are in my thoughts. Probably more than you should be. Please visit or call or write. Anything. I want to hear your voice in my head or actually hear your voice. I miss clouds. I miss you.
~ Love, your cleric, Will
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Dear Will,
It’s been 6 months since you left. I’m visiting you tomorrow. I’m so glad I get to see you soon. I’m so excited. I picked El some flowers in Hawkins to give her something to remember. They’re purple and yellow. I would’ve given you blue and yellow.
Do you think she will like them? I know I won’t be able to really send this letter to you but I guess this is me preparing for what I want to tell you. We haven’t really talked much. I mean we’ve called a couple times but it’s been 6 months. Why haven’t you reached out? Are we not best friends anymore?
El has updated me on your life events. She told me more that you guys were fitting in and no one was giving you guys trouble. She told me you hold yourself in your room painting something. She told me that she thinks you are interested in someone else. Is this true? Please don’t say it is.
I hope we get to spend more time together when I see you next. I haven’t seen you in so long I’ve been so depraved. I want to see the painting you may or may not have made for a girl. I just want to see you. Maybe even more than El.
I think Johnathan and Nancy are having problems. She keeps complaining to this guy Fred I think? I forgot his name but they do newspapers and stuff for our school. It’s pretty cool actually. But I think when we meet up tomorrow we should plan on how to get them back together. Because God forbid Steve swoops in and steals her. I like him but we would be like brothers if Nancy and Johnathan married you know. I don’t want to be brothers with you, that’s weird.
How is Johnathan doing without Nancy? Don’t tell him or Nancy this but I think they’re kinda cute. Also Max is becoming more and more distant from us. I hope she is ok. I don’t know much about her life but I feel bad for her. I miss her witty remarks sometimes no matter how much they annoyed me. I want her back in the party again. I want you back.
Lucas joined the basketball team and me and Dustin fully support him, but we still are confused now that he wants to join those mouth breathers. I mean Lucas still is nice to us and everything he hasn’t left us to fend for ourselves. Yet. I doubt he will but I’m still worried that if he becomes popular we won’t be friends. Then Dustin would be like my only friend in Hawkins. You would know what to do. Come back.
Eddie is still really nice but he got mad that Lucas left the DND game to play for the final basketball game. Lucas wanted us to come with him but Eddie didn’t want us too. I feel like Lucas is trying to distance himself from us and I don’t know what to do. High school is coming so fast and I just wish that we were all together again like we used to be. Nothing is the same without you.
Anyways I’m so happy I get to see you tomorrow and as like last time I know I won’t be able to send this letter to you, so I’ll tell you more things. I’m scared. I can’t say ‘I love you’ to El. And I think it has something to do with you. Every time I try to get the words out I see your face and my mouth just shuts up. I don’t know what to do and what these feelings are. I hope to find the answers when I see you, but I’m too scared to talk to you about this. You're my best friend. Yeah friends.
~ Love, Mike
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Dear Mike,
It’s been 6 months since I’ve seen you. But you’re visiting us today. I’m so excited and so is El. Obviously since she’s your girlfriend. I have a painting I really want to show you. It has a dragon and all four of us with you at the center. Because I need you.
But it’s been 6 months Mike. You haven’t really called. Only maybe 3 times over 6 months. I thought we were best friends. If something I did bothered you then you could’ve told me about it. I’m not 10 anymore. You can tell me what’s wrong. I'm not going to break. So why haven’t you called or written a letter? Did you run out of stamps? Did you forget the phone number? Or just forgot about me completely?
I mean you haven’t said anything about my birthday. No one has. I think everyone forgot. But I bet you remembered. You always remember my birthdays no matter where I am. You always give the best gifts too. I’m so excited to see what you might give me. I will be excited either way. Because it’s from you. And it’s the only gift I will receive today.
I don’t get why everyone forgot my birthday. I mean we remembered Johnthan’s and everyone else but not me? Maybe I’m not that important or not worth celebrating. I mean I caused all this mess in the first place so I don’t deserve anything? But I at least thought of Johnathan to remember. He never forgets my birthday. He marks my birthday down for a week straight. He’s been doing that since we were kids. You're the only one who gets me.
I hope you are having a good time in Hawkins. It’s been interesting here without you. My life isn’t the same without your complaining and whining about school or people. It’s not the same without seeing you geek out about a new story you made for our DND game. It’s not the same without you only telling me some secrets about the campaign you made up, that if the others knew they would kill you. I miss when I was your special person.
I’ve worked so hard on your painting and I wanted to give it to you for your birthday, but I couldn’t wait. El has been asking me about who the painting is for but I don’t want to reveal it to be her boyfriend. She thinks it’s for a girl and that I have a crush on someone. She’s right, I love you.
As you might know, obviously this letter will not be sent. I just wanted to get out my feelings. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I have nothing better to say to you that can make up for this. I love you.
I can’t make out a point where I distinctly knew when I first fell in love with you. It’s all blurred together in a line because you’ve always been a constant in my life. Even when we were fighting I’ve always loved every part of you. Even the part that doesn’t love me back.
I’m sorry for feeling this towards you. I mean your my sister's boyfriend! For crying out loud I would do anything to erase these feelings. I know I’m going to hell. At least that’s what kids at school say. Well not directly to me because they don’t know but just in general. They say that if you are a homosexual then you're going to hell. I don’t want to go to hell.
I don’t want you to return these feelings. That will be a mistake. You love El. El loves you. It’s very simple for me to understand. But like I always do I can never listen. I really wish that this didn’t happen.
I mean my dad and all the bullies had called me what I really was for my whole life. I’m sorry that you defended me when everyone around us was right about me. They were right about me Mike, I’m disgusting and should go to hell.
~Love, your Cleric, Will
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Dear Mike,
It’s been 18 months since I’ve returned to Hawkins and it’s been the best months of my life. Not even the bullying got to me as much as it used to because you were there. You were always there for me. Even if you forgot my birthday you made it up to me. You’ve always been great like that.
I’m not going to sugarcoat this letter, like I did to the rest. There is going to be no crossing out because I’ll give you the plain truth for what it really is. I’m a coward. And I will take the easy way out. Yes I’m ashamed but I don’t care.
If me dying is what it takes for no one to get more hurt because of me, then so be it. I’m not doing this to be a hero, I’m doing this because I will not see anyone else hurt because of my own actions. I will not let him torment anyone else.
Well I guess this is it for me Mike. So you're getting to the real Will. The Will that you might hate after this letter. I hope you don’t rip this letter up. Because I want you to tell people who the real Will was like.
The real Will is gay. I was ashamed of who I was for most of my life. Even before I really knew that I was gay, I still had this lingering feeling that everyone was right. But as I’m going to face death right now, I don’t feel ashamed. Loving you has been one of the purest and best things that has ever happened to me.
Maybe the part of me who loves you is talking but you have made my happiest moments. And with that you have also made some of my saddest moments. But that’s what it’s like to love someone so much. I bet you can relate to this about El. So I hope you don’t get too mad at me.
I wanted to talk about El with you as well. I left her and all of our friends and my family a letter. But most of those letters don’t show the real Will that I’m writing to you about. I wanted her to know how deeply sorry I am. She will blame herself for me not living some of my happiest moments, but I have.
With you whether platonic or romantic everything I’ve done with you has made me happy. Everything you do makes me happy. I know that you will shoulder some guilt like El but I never wanted to be a home wrecker, and your feelings are as simple as anything. I’m the selfish one in this situation. I want you to know I don’t blame any of you.
As you read this you may know I am dead. The self-hatred part of myself says that you will move on. The realistic part of myself knows you won’t. You're the leader of our group and you will shoulder the blame of not being able to protect me. I know that. But whatever choices I made today were mine and mine alone. You had no part in any of this. No matter what, just know that I died peacefully with you in my mind.
You know how people talk about their seven minutes of replaying their favorite memories? I know you will be mine. I never told you this but when I was unlocking my powers, I was replaying memories of us. Those were my happiest memories.
I want to tell you so much but I don’t have enough time. Like I said before, I am a coward. That’s why I’ve chosen to write letters instead of telling you myself the feelings I harbor for you. If I was braver I would not give myself to Vecna. Because I would be willing to fight with you guys to the very end. But I won’t let you get hurt.
I want you to know that I forgive you for everything. Everything about the girls that Summer and everything you have said to me. All of those fights seem so miniscule to the problems I’m facing right now.
I will not lie, some of our fights have been the saddest moments of my life for me, but none of it was your fault. Like I said before they were because of the amount of love I have for you. I don’t know why people say my love is a sin and cruel, because this is the purest I have ever felt. I could repent for an eternity and still never be forgiven because I can’t wash this out of me. I can't wash you out of my system.
I know one of my friends who's like me. I don’t view them as disgusting or something that’s wrong. But maybe it’s because I’m the exact same. I hope my letter finds you well and you don’t try looking for any trace of me. But even so, some part of me does. Some selfish part of me wants you to be destroyed from me dying.
But that’s not what I want you to do. I want you to move on with El. I want you guys to get married and have kids. I want you to teach them how to play DND. I want you to grow old with everyone. Even if it’s not with me.
Michael Wheeler I love you. I have loved you since I was 4 and you asked me to be your friend, and I think I will forever love you. As you read this I may already be in hell like those people always talk about.
If I am, I guess I will never see you again. And that’s the thing that truly scares me the most. Because I’m truly, deeply, and madly in love with you. As I’m running out of time I will say the words I’ve longed to say to your face for years. I love you Mike Wheeler.
~Love, your cleric, Will