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April was never big on Christmas. Getting gifts was fun, she guessed, but she never liked what her relatives got her. Natalie was the only one who really got her. Her parents were always getting her ugly sweaters and shoes and books they thought young girls would like.
Every Christmas picture was her scowling into the camera, surrounded by presents she hated.
It made her sound like a brat but it made her feel like nobody was listening to her, that nobody really got her.
Then she spent her first Christmas with her now-wife Ann. Ann gave her a very rare, signed Neutral Milk Hotel vinyl, and an original poster.
It was the first of many thoughtful gifts from Ann.
The second was their son. Ann had given birth in the middle of the summer, after having an especially bad pregnancy, for a number of reasons.
Despite being born six months before Christmas, Jack was an early Christmas present from Ann. He mostly looked like April, except instead of big brown eyes he had big blue eyes, like Chris.
And despite being genetically connected to April, Ann made him in her body, gave birth to him, and was incredibly attached to their son. They had a special bond that April loved seeing, especially after Ann felt such a disconnect from her pregnant body.
But it also meant Ann could manipulate April using their adorable son.
Ann would walk up, Jack cradled in her arms, and give April a sad little look that April wasn’t aware that Ann could do until they started dating. And then she’d make it sound like both she and Jack need April to do something, despite Jack barely knowing what was going on.
And it worked. April’s cold, dead heart was no match for her adorable wife and son.
And it worked one particular night. Unfortunately.
Ann had been talking about the Pawnee Christmas parade for weeks, and April had made it clear she had no interest in doing it. She had to ride in a float when she was ten and she just remembered it was cold, and long. And stupid. It was so stupid.
“You know, I’d really like to go,” Ann said the night before the parade. “I’ve never been and it’s Jack’s first Christmas…”
“It’s cold and I don’t want our son getting pneumonia.”
“It’s like 40 degrees,” Ann said.
“Frigid.”
Ann rolled her eyes. She then bent down to pick Jack off of the floor. And April braced herself for the inevitable cuteness.
Despite April nor Chris not having really curly hair, Jack had a mop of dark curly hair. It might go away as he got older, but right now April was obsessed with it.
“Mama doesn’t want to go to the Christmas parade, Jacky,” Ann cooed into his ear. “You want to go to the Christmas parade, don’t you?”
Jack gurgled and smiled at Ann. Ann returned the smile.
April wanted to kill her.
“He doesn’t know what he wants. He only knows ‘hungry’ and ‘I pooped.’”
“And ‘I want to go to the Christmas parade,’” Ann placed a big kiss on his cheek, making a big ‘mwah!’ noise, causing their son to laugh.
“It’s really boring, Ann. And Jack is going to want to stand in the cold for 2 hours.”
“It’s literally 2 blocks from our house, we can leave whenever. I just want to see. And I want our first Christmas with him to be extra special.”
“It’s special because he is here,” April said, crossing her arms.
“Yes… but I want it to be super special.” Ann wrapped her arms tighter around Jack, pressing the side of her face against her son’s. He really had picked up mannerisms from Ann. The little lip jutting out, the way his mouth curved down—April called it Ann’s Robert DeNiro face.
Jack turned his head and gave Ann a “kiss” on her cheek. A kiss meant opening his mouth wide and almost biting her cheek. And getting drool all over her face. Ann giggled.
April tightened her arms around herself, trying to be strong, but eventually the cuteness won out.
“I’ll do it for Jack, not you,” April said, taking Jack from Ann’s arms. “Because he’s cuter.”
“I’m not cute?” Ann asked with a pitiful pout.
“Sometimes you are. You aren’t when you’re farting on me in your sleep.”
Ann’s pout dropped into an open-mouthed gape. “April, I do not!”
“You do.”
April then started blowing raspberries into Jack’s face, making him giggle wildly. “That’s what Mommy sounds like.”
Ann kept up her embarrassed charade for a short period of time, unable to keep from smiling after hearing her son’s wild laughter.
“Don’t teach him to laugh at fart jokes,” Ann said with a sigh.
“Too late, Andy’s already done that by doing the ‘pull my finger’ joke.”
“Speaking of which, Andy and his wife and daughter are going to be at the parade too.”
“What’s her name, the baby?” April asked.
“Antonia, but Andy calls her Toni. She’s named after his favorite Colts coach.”
April rolled her eyes and smiled. “Of course he did.”
“And I’d like to point out that Andy is bringing his two month old baby, so I think a six month old one can handle a little cold,” Ann said, some smugness creeping in.
Jack shoved his fist in his mouth, drooling on it. He swung his head back, almost hitting April in the chin.
“Yeah, well, Andy isn’t always the most sensible person,” April, trying to avoid her son’s skull.
“But Beth is sensible, so,” Ann said, like she’d won this weird argument. “Jack, sweetie, don’t hit your mama.”
Ann put her hand on the back of Jack’s head.
“It’ll be fun, I promise,” she said.
“It better be or…” April covered Jack’s ear with one hand and her chest. “No more sex.”
Ann gasped, hand on her mouth, and obviously knew April was lying. She’d never give up sex with Ann.
The next night, they got bundled up. Ann had gotten them matching sweaters for the three of them, but they’d be covered up by their coats so they couldn’t really show them off.
They did attempt a selfie before they left. Jack would not stay still so every picture with him was blurry. Ann and April did take one together, though, and they did look pretty cute, April would say. Ann’s smile was big, her eyes so much brighter than when she was pregnant.
Motherhood suited her, just not being pregnant. Even though she looked very hot pregnant.
Ann planted a big kiss on April’s cheek right before they left.
“Thank you for doing this,” she said.
April shrugged, doing her best to seem nonchalant. “You’re welcome.”
But the big smile on Ann’s face potentially made it all worth it. And made it almost impossible to appear non-chalant.
It was cold as they stepped out, a chill biting the tip of April’s nose. Cold air touched her earlobes, which couldn’t be covered by her hat. She tried pulling her scarf up higher.
She pushed down complaints as she saw Ann grinning as she pushed the stroller down the street. She was doing this for Ann, her wife, whom she loved very much. The younger version of April would gripe about how cold she was, how her ears hurt…
They got to where the parade was going by. Andy saw them and saved them over.
“Hey guys!” He said. “Hey Jack, little dude!”
He squeezed Jack’s cheeks together, making the baby cackle, fully. Andy beamed.
“He looks like you, Ann,” Andy said. “He has your smile.”
“I mean that’s not…” Ann started to say, but April nudged her.
“He does, doesn’t he? Just like his mommy,” April said, flashing Ann a soft glance.
Ann smiled back, very similarly to Jack.
Andy’s baby was bundled in her stroller. As Ann and April peered down at her, she blinked slowly at the two women, before flashing them a gummy smile.
Ann gushed next to April. “Oh… she’s precious.”
April felt something deep within her, something primal, maternal… something very irritating that she should not be feeling with a six month old baby. And she suspected Ann was feeling the same way. The curse of them ovulating at the same time.
“Ann, we have a baby who needs all of our attention, and you had an awful time being pregnant, remember?”
“Nope. That pesky instinct made me forget, look how cute she is… remember when Jack was that teeny?”
April avoided looking at Toni. “Yes, and remember how tired we were? We barely slept and I kind of wanted to kill you.”
Ann just smiled goofily at the baby before April was able to get her to refocus onto their own baby, who was looking all over, taking in the crowds and noises.
“He’s overwhelmed, we should go,” April said, feeling overwhelmed.
Ann smiled with a little tilted smile. “You’ll be okay.”
April’s wife wrapped an arm around April’s, holding her close. It did help a little bit, having Ann’s body heat against her. It grounded April.
Soon the parade began. It was standard parade fare, fire trucks, bands, local businesses. As a particularly loud and bright fire truck came by, Ann flinched into April, tucking one ear against April’s shoulder.
“Are you okay?” April asked.
“I forgot that I hate flashing lights, and the noise is a lot…”
“Don’t you hear sirens all the time?”
“Ambulances, and I’m usually inside the hospital. I don’t like the fire trucks blasting their horns. Plus they’re so fucking bright,” Ann mumbled, turning her face into April’s arm.
“Aww, is your ‘tism acting up?” April teased.
April had been diagnosed as Autistic years ago, and since she started dating Ann, suspected the other woman was also Autistic. Spending extended periods of time with Ann made it more and more clear. But Ann wasn’t ready to admit it yet.
“No, it’s just so loud and bright,” Ann whined.
“Now who’s the complainer,” April said.
Ann made a noise like she was going to complain more, but a cooing noise below them made them both look.
Jack was leaning forward in his stroller, eyes transfixed on the truck, then a particularly flashy float. The baby slapped his hands on the tray of his stroller, making soft little noises.
“He really likes this,” April said.
“He does.” Ann kneeled down beside their son. “Jacky, is this so fun? Look at that float, there’s a Grinch on it.”
Jack pointed, his mouth moving.
April watched her son and wife, both of them grinning, Ann’s discomfort forgotten. April pulled her phone out and took a few pictures and a video of Ann and Jack enjoying the parade. The absolute joy on her son’s face, the absolute joy on her wife’s face because of the glee from their son.
Another weird emotion bubbled up in April’s belly, then her chest. It was the same feeling as when she met her son for the first time, his large, April-like eyes staring up at her. When she saw Ann post-birth, that cliched glow evident on Ann’s face.
It was love, but something else as well. It was deep. It made April want to kiss and hug her family, cling to them, protect them.
And she wanted to see them smile like that all the time.
“You okay?” Ann’s voice asked below her.
“Yeah…”
“I can see tears in your eyes,” Ann said.
“The bright lights are making my eyes water, and the cold air…” April wiped her eyes.
“Hm-mm. Do you want to go?”
April shook her head. “No, let’s stay.”
And they did, the whole two hours. April had to pee and she was determined to stay until the end. Jack was too happy for her to deny him.
By the end, though, she was tired, cold, her legs hurt, and had to pee. But she didn’t complain about any of that.
She simply said, “alright, let’s head home.”
Jack passed out on their walk back. Ann pushed the stroller while April walked right next to her, arms looped. They walked in silence, a nice comfortable silence.
When they got back, Ann went to put Jack to bed while April used the bathroom and took a hot shower. When she came out—in her cozy clothes—she met Ann in Jack’s room, merely to look over the sleeping boy.
“He’s so sweet,” Ann sighed. “I hope he stays sweet.”
“If he’s anything like you, he will be,” April said softly.
Ann didn’t say anything. When April looked over Ann was pressing her lips together tightly, tears lining her eyes.
“April…”
April cringed. “Don’t…”
“If he’s anything like you…” Ann wrapped an arm around April’s waist, nuzzling her nose into April’s cheek. “He’ll be so sweet.”
“I’m not sweet, I’m a monster, a demon,” April murmured.
But Ann didn’t believe that, and April was believing that less and less as she got older. If someone like Ann liked April…
“He’s going to be a great little guy,” Ann said. “The coolest.”
“He better be,” April joked.
After Ann got into her pajamas they cuddled up on the couch to watch Home Alone. Ann laid her head in April’s lap, while April stroked her soft hair.
“This movie is like torture porn,” Ann mumbled when they got to the scenes where the burglars were in the house.
“It is, this kid is an evil genius. I hope if we left Jack alone he could lay out a plan like this,” April said.
“Hm, I’d be so proud,” Ann yawned.
April tucked Ann’s hair behind her ear and Ann smiled sleepily up at April.
“I love you so much, and you’re such a good mama,” Ann said.
April tried ignoring that feeling again, until it felt like it was going to burst out of her.
“I love you too and… I’d be open to having another baby, in the future,” April said, now avoiding Ann’s eye.
“Oh, yeah?”
“If you’re okay with it, I’d carry the baby because you had such a hard time. Even though pregnancy is freaky.”
Ann reached up and put her hand on April’s cheek.
“You’re not a demon, you’re an angel.”
April’s cheeks burned hot. “Shut up, I’m a demon…”
“Okay, April.”
Ann’s hand lingered on April’s cheek for a moment longer before she let her arm drop. Her cheek snuggled into April’s leg, getting more comfortable and April resumed stroking Ann’s hair.
The movie was about to end when Ann’s breath became slow and even. April’s leg was going numb from the dead weight of Ann’s head on it, but April didn’t care. Her hand didn’t leave Ann’s hair.
She put on a Christmas horror movie, a really gory one, and fell asleep to that, sitting upright, with her wife drooling on her lap. And her awesome son sleeping comfortably upstairs.